/|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| / |$$$$$By Professor TaXi Tennmeg$$$$$| | | | | | §§§§§The Former TZA Presents§§§§§ | | | | | | *****THE PRANKSTERZ COOKBOOK***** | | | | | | Version 5.8 | | | | | | Copyright 2001 | | | | | | Taggerboy Literature | | | | | | | | | | | | | | /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/ | / / |/ / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Disclaimer: As usual, it's not my fault if you get into trouble. Table of Contents: 1.Doors 2.Mail 3.Camping 4.Showers 5.Toilets 6.Food and Restaurants 7.Dorms for when you are in College 8.Classrooms 9. Tapes and Movies 10.Misc 11.Computers 12.New Student/Employee 13.Phone 14.Appliances 15.Sleeping 16.Pyro 17.Cars 18.School 19.Phones 20.Thank-Yous 1. Doors Balance a nearly full bucket of water against someone's door at night. When they open it the next morning it will fall and flood their room. Even better against elevator doors. Remove someone's doorknob and reinstall it with the lock on the inside. Works best if the victim is in the room and the door is locked and you have his/her keys. If the victim has a recessed door, fill the area flush with the wall (perhaps with drywall) and paint to match the wall. Victim returns to a wall where the door used to be. Place clear tape across the outside of a door from top to bottom. Frequently people will run into it especially if they are in a hurry. If the door is metal and has a metal frame, weld the person into (or out of) their room. Can be done to the hinges as well if there is no metal door. Steal a person's door. Leave a trail of clues as to where to find it. Have them running all over the place trying to find it and have them end up somewhere near where they started. (Like in the next room) Jam so many pennies between the door and the doorframe that the person cannot turn the doorknob to get out. Even better if the pennies are superglued in place to prevent removal. Also you may wish to put Vaseline on the inside doorknob to prevent them from being able to turn the knob. Place "Bang-Snaps" in precarious positions on a door so that they will drop and explode when the door is opened. (Such as balanced on the doorknob) Brick up the entrances to a building at night before anyone arrives. Reverse the peephole on people's door. Allows for some interesting spying since very few people actually check this part of the door. 2. Mail Send in subscriptions to embarrassing magazines in the victim's name. Make sure to check "Bill Me". Send off a request in the victim's name to numerous foreign postage stamp bureaus requesting ordering information, to be put on mailing lists, etc. The response is quite astounding. Get change of address cards from the post office and change the victim's address to someplace like Argentina. 3. Camping Bury someone's hatchet or ax in a tree about 20 feet off the ground and in plain sight. Snipe Hunts. 'Nuff Said. Spray someone's tent with some aerosol based bug spray. This will erode the waterproofing of the tent. 4. Showers Urinate in a person's shampoo. Put Nair or some other hair removal chemical in a person's shampoo or conditioner. You may need to distract the person for a moment to let the stuff take a better hold. Fill the showerhead with dry temper paint, onion salt, Easter egg pellets or the like. Lifesavers are great since they dissolve and then reform on the victim. The victim will feel sticky afterwards and of course the solution to that is to take another shower... On a cubicle where the door reaches the floor, seal the door shut and fill the cubicle with water. You may wish to introduce marine life. Flush toilets while a person showers. The more toilets the better. Swipe a person's cloths while they are showering. Put them in an embarrassing place such as the showers for people of the opposite sex. Glue the lids to people's shampoo shut. They get all wet and then realize they can't wash their hair. 5. Toilets Place clear cellophane over the toilet bowl but under the seat. Works best at parties where a large percentage of the people are drunk. Place a small tube in one of the water holes with the other end pointed outward at the victim. When flushed results in an impromptu shower. Flush waterproofed cherry bombs or M-80's down public toilets. Explosives in Port-O-Potty's can be fun too. Place Vaseline (or some other reasonably clear gel) on the seat at night. Listen for the screams. ICY-HOT or Atomic Balm is even better. Also put the stuff on the toilet paper. Shoe Polish of the appropriate color on the seat. Place several packages of "Knox" (clear gelatin) in the toilet of someone who will not be around for several days. Looks like water and is harder to detect than the cellophane on the lid. For a more instant effect, there is a substance available at most magic supply stores called anhydrous sodium poly-acrylate which holds up to 300 times its weight in water. Doesn't take much to turn a toilet solid or someone's drink, or... Rig an outhouse to have some explosive buried in the hole, and the trigger to the toilet seat. The victim will have a great time trying to clean that off. Place a candle a little below the seat and off to the side. Methane lights up quite nicely. When someone is peeing in a urinal, push them into the urinal. 6.Food and Restaurants Convince the person that they have eaten a piece of food that has been soiled by some bodily function. Have fake "evidence" (or real evidence if you really are cruel) to back up your claim such as pictures. Give your name as Pupupu to a maitre-de. When he calls you to your table you will hear, "Pu-pu-pu Party of four..." Same thing but give your name as Connie Lingus, Dick Hertz, Harry Colon, etc. Freeze glasses to trays in the cafeteria. This can be accomplished by smearing the bottom of the glass with honey and sticking it firmly to the tray. Next fill the glass with ice, water and salt to lower the temperature. After a few minutes the honey should be frozen to both the tray and the glass. Glue glasses in a cafeteria to the bottom of a table. Dribble glass. Need I say more? Put pure crystallized caffeine in someone's coffeepot. This will make expresso look like milk. Get some of the tracer pills that turn urine blue (or some other interesting color) Crush and slip it into some food. The victim will be peeing blue for 2-3 days afterwards though the pills themselves are just dye and are completely harmless. Bake brownies or cookies and substitute Ex-Lax for part of the chocolate. Use some chocolate to keep the taste right. Rig the lid of salt shakers to fail when used, resulting in a veritable salt lick on the victim's food. 7. Dorms for when you are in College Fill an accordion folder with shaving cream, insert under someone's door and stomp on it, which will send large amounts of shaving cream into their room without ever opening the door. Also can be done with a fine powder (Talcum powder works nicely) in a bag with a hole in the bottom. Slip the open end under the door, stick a hair dryer in the hole and the room gets a nice sugar coating. Flood the floor of a room and open the window during a very cold night when the occupants won't be returning for a while. Also good in public bathrooms. Purchase several hundred crickets from the local pet store and release them everywhere. (And I do mean everywhere) Crickets are quite noisy and should result in a few sleepless nights. Take a dump into a small cup and place it in the most hard-to-find/get-at place in someone's room. They'll tear their room apart looking for the smell. (No, I don't do these things!) Place raw eggs under the person's pillow or comforter or somewhere else that is bulky enough that the eggs won't be noticed until after they have been crushed. This is lots of fun to clean up after... Fill a person's room while they are out with massive quantities of crumpled up newspaper. This takes a fair bit of planning; a lot of paper and a small room but can have good results. Remove doors on your hall and swap them with other doors from around the hall. Cover a person's door with butcher paper and fill the space between the door and the wall with confetti, peanuts, etc. Attach a remote control to the fire alarm in a room and set it off from a safe distance. Watch the victim(s) panic. When the panic subsides, do it again. And again. And... Well you get the picture. 8. Classrooms Superglue EVERYTHING in a classroom down. Chairs, chalk, books, whatever. Don't be choosy. When a teacher leaves the room, have everyone turn every desk and chair upside down. When the teacher returns be sitting on your chairs working as if nothing had happened. When dissecting animals, take the liver (or some other brown organ) and place it in the instructor's coffee. Place parts from your dissection on other peoples' lunch trays. 9. Tapes and Movies Crack open someone's audiocassettes and flip the tape over so that what comes out is pure gibberish. Rent porn tapes from the video store and record something like Barney or the Wizard of Oz over them. Just imagine the next person who gets them. Better yet, do it the other way around or exchange the tape in their respective cases. (They aren't likely to check) 10. Misc When you see several folks relaxing in a hot tub, throw ice cubes into the tub. They'll wonder who's throwing stuff at them, but the cubes melt almost instantly leaving no evidence or clues as to who is doing it. Release large numbers of pigeons into a gymnasium or lecture hall. Young pigs in the hallway are good too. Even better if they (pigeons or pigs) have been fed laxatives. Release a chicken or similar noisy relatively light animal between a dropped ceiling (the ones with the tiles) and the actual ceiling. They are tough enough to catch on normal ground. During the part of a wedding where the minister/priest/etc asks "speak up now or forever hold your peace", send a small child running up the isle yelling "Daddy, daddy". Superglue several quarters to a flat surface such as a bench or floor and watch people try to remove them. Get some cones or barrels and divert traffic from a nearby street through campus or your workplace. Advertise your principle or bosses job in the local paper. Flour on top of the blades of ceiling fans. If you know someone who is a homophobe, slip some homoerotic art books in their bag while they are distracted. When they walk through the library's book detector, they will have to empty out the bag revealing the book in question. Throw those fake foam rocks, which are available at novelty stores at someone. Works best when around real rocks such as in a geology class or outdoors. Be obnoxious as possible while loudly speaking another language. (German, French or whatever) When you hear someone mutter something like, "I wish they would shut up." respond appropriately in perfect English. Start quasi-political parties in school for the sole purpose of being obnoxious. (Meaning you don't really have anything meaningful to say) Make emblems and post them on everything in sight, march around spewing meaningless propaganda etc. Hire a stripper to appear in a high traffic area, such as a cafeteria during peak hours. Fill several vending machines in a high traffic area with condoms and beer cans. Take some soup or stew in a plastic bag. Pretend to toss your cookies depositing the substance on the floor or table. Have a buddy look over and say, "Hey that looks good", and eat a piece of meat or veggie. May result in others nearby loosing their lunch as well. Put every single chair from a large building in one room. The smaller the room the better. Also good near the entrance to a building. Fill someone's umbrella with confetti, wait until a rainy day and enjoy. Leave insect egg cases/clusters in inaccessible areas. Erect a large papier-mache penis on school grounds in a very public place. Write messages on it for added effect. Also works with snow. Put doggie do in a paper bag, light the bag, put on someone's doorstep, ring the bell and watch them stamp it out. Scrape coagulate grease off of ribs and serve it as leftover lemon sorbetto. Hide pornographic pictures (the nastier the better) in places where someone who is very easily offended or embarrassed will find them quite unexpectedly. Even better if there are numerous amounts of small pictures hidden in obscure places that will still be found even years later. Hand the principal/headmaster some small item when getting your diploma. Marbles, balloons, condoms, coins etc. Works best if everyone does it. Take a dump on a plate and stick it in the microwave. The area will smell for weeks. 11. Computers Change the prompt on someone's computer to be black on black. This is rather cruel if the person is computer illiterate. Very effective the day before a big project is due. It is possible to play sounds remotely on some workstations. (Sun SPARCstation's for instance) You can have all kinds of fun playing sounds like flushing toilets and other unusual sounds. Works best if the person is a relative newbie. Run an XXX-GIF slide show on the overhead computer projectors found in many computer rooms and large lecture halls. Very effective if done before a large class. You may wish to superglue the drive doors shut as well as all the relevant power switches in the "on" position and the power cables to the wall and hide the keyboard. Write a small program that prints "Formatting C:" and starts printing a series of dots at intervals afterwards. Simulate disk access by continuously creating and deleting an empty text file. Write a daemon that sends each individual page of a print job to a different printer on the network. Select the printer at random. Put an intercom inside a machine and then convince some nerd that it is an AI with voice recognition. Convince a newbie that there has been a virus going around that presents hypnotic patterns on the screen which can really mess up your mind. Then start up remotely or set to start at a particular time a fractal program of some sort. They'll probably panic big time. Write a TSR that turns the keyboard on and off at short intervals. You'll watch the person try keyboard after keyboard. Can also swap keys using ANSI.SYS or xmodemap depending on the system. Convert a XXX image to a bitmap and make it someone's OS/2 or Windows background. You can also change the background of someone's X-Windows session remotely as well as make picture appear and they can't stop you. (Use XV or a similar program) Rig the spring in a Macintosh floppy drive to fire the disk a goodly distance from the machine upon ejection. Reverse the turbo switch so that the machine runs fast when it should run slow and slow when it should be fast. If they haven't changed the default password for their BIOS, change it yourself and lock them out of their machine. Write fake disaster error messages that appear at random time. 12. New Student/Employee Send a new student to look for various mythical items such as: Double sided transparencies Dehydrated Water Bucket of compressed air A one molar solution of water A stanchion remover A bucket of steam A phallopian tube A long weight (long wait) A short weight Short circuits Lightning bolts Skyhooks A "mattababe" (as in what's a "mattababe") A "dickfore" (same as above) A piston return spring A left handed wrench, hammer, razor... Agent Orange (paint color) Sparkplugs for a diesel engine A short/long stand A chain stretcher Hydraulic cement bender Snowtires for the shopping carts Tell a new employee at the movies that the management at the Movie Theater or other concession stand wants exactly 47 nachos on every tray and they'll get upset if the victim doesn't do it. 13. Phone Coat the receiver of someone's phone with shoe polish and then give him or her a call. Instant gratification. Make sure you match the colors of the polish and the phone. Small amounts of shaving cream work too. Utilizing three-way calling, call two people you don't know and start a confused conversation that goes like, "who is this?", "Who is *this*?", "Why did you call me?", "Call you? You called me!"... Glue the victim's receiver down, and then start making lots of calls to the victim. Call in pledges to your local public TV station in the victim's name. Be generous. Other charities work as well. Switch on the intercom and tell the victim that the "person on the other end wants to talk to you". You'll hear them going "Hello? Hellooo?"... Dial 1-800-CALL-ATT and say your name is Dick Hertz, Jack Mehoff, Harry Ballsonya, Sofonda Cox, Craven Morehead, etc.. It will say, Hello. You have a collect call from,________. Do you accept? It is funny when they accept. Just mumble stuff and try to be Chinese. 14. Appliances Wrap an *extremely* fine gauge wire several turns around each prong of the power cord of some plug in appliance with a single strand going between the two prongs. The current coming out of a wall is sufficient that the wire will instantly and completely vaporize the wire and will result in a startling flash. This one leaves no evidence and will make the person terrified to plug the appliance back in. WARNING: this is VERY dangerous if too large a gauge of wire is used. Purchase a "universal TV remote" from a place like Radio Shack. When walking by public TVs, such as those in a dorm lounge, change the channel without giving anyone any idea you are doing it. Take a tranceiver like the ones ham radio operators use (3 watts or more is good) and push transmit while near a TV. Will have the effect of semi-scrambling whatever is showing. Them more powerful the transceiver, the more the TV signal gets messed up. This does work on cable TV. Leave toothpaste on the underside of light switches and doorknobs. Use appliance timers to detonate stereo equipment at high volume. Leave a copier to print 99 copies at 33% resolution on 8x14 paper. Leave someone's furniture in a 99% disassembled state. Repeat as necessary. 15. Sleeping Fasten someone to his or her bed with numerous bungi cords. Put coathangers between the mattress and the sheet. Get lots of cheap alarm clocks and set them to go off at 3:00am and every 20 minutes thereafter. Hide them well. Bury someone several feet deep in wet unrolled toilet paper. Pour "cyalume" (the stuff in those glow sticks you see every Halloween) on someone then wake them and say, "Dude, you're glowing" and watch them panic. Place the sleeping person's hand in a bowl of lukewarm water. Will frequently cause bed-wetting. Shave parts of a person while they are DEEPLY sleeping. Be creative. Do things such as half a mustache, one eyebrow, etc. Draw in permanent marker all sorts of messages on the skin of a person who has passed out drunk. Messages should include things like "[insert name of another person you dislike] was here" with a big arrow pointing to the person's rear end. Smear a person's body with Nair or other hair removal substance. Works great on hairy Italian guys. Print a message in lipstick on someone's chest. (Such as "Thank you") Works best after a night where they really got drunk and may not remember what they were doing the night before. Sprinkle Sand or Jello Mix or the like in the person's bed. 16. Pyro Burn a hole in someone's newly paved asphalt driveway using thermite. Place industrial strength smoke grenades (the sort that will fill up entire buildings) in obscure places in a public building. Also good in someone's car or truck. Get WD40 and a lighter, make a flametorch and melt someone's tire on a car, and when the lighter and/or the WD40 container catches on fire, chuck it and watch it blow up. Put gasoline on your skateboard wheels and bearings, light it on fire, and go down a hill. 17. Cars Place an old beat up vehicle near the entrance to a school building. Remove the wheels and fill it with cement. Nearly impossible to remove. Cut an old wreck in half and weld it together around a flagpole. Disassemble an old car and reassemble it on top of a building or in the main lobby of the building. Block off a major road using traffic cones or barrels. Get some of the jacks used for moving cars around car lots and move all the cars in a lot so that they are about 3 inches apart and impossible to get into or move. Fill someone's car or truck top to bottom with snow. (You'll need a shovel most likely) Place a dead fish in an area of the engine that is hard to get to and that will get hot. Jammed under the radiator is just about perfect. After a couple of days the smell just becomes unbearable. Jack up a person's car so the wheels are just barely off the ground, but not enough to be noticeable. 18. School There is always a teacher who is so ugly and desperate that they would do a student. Just pretend like you like them, and eventually, they will want to do the do. Tell him/her to go to the bathroom and wait there for you. She will be naked. While she's waiting, get the principal and have him stand outside with his ear to the door. He/She will hear him/her talking about "pull yer pants down," or "are you ready?" This could get the teacher fired, because then the principal will burst in. Start wailing in the hall. Have someone lie on the ground outside the school. When a teacher or the principal walks by, point up to the third floor window and scream, "He jumped!!!" 19. Phones Get a friend on the phone. Use 3-way call to call someone else. If you don't know how to do three-way-call, here's how: Get your friend on the phone. Hit the flash button on your phone. Dial the number of whoever you are trying to call. Then, at the first ring, hit flash again. You are now reconncted with your friend, and the number you just dialed. Ok, so you dialed the number of the person you want to call. One of you should make no noise, while the other talks. After you get who you want on the phone, the quiet person should start making very quiet odd sex noises in the background. After a while, the person you called will probably ask, "What is that noise?" Just pretend you don't hear anything. My friend Andrew Moriarty and I played this trick on about 5 people one night. After you three-way call someone, you can't do it again until the person you called hangs up, but one of the other people can. You can have as many people on as you want, and have like 7 peolpe make odd sex noises at once! Here is a dialog of me and Andrew doing this trick: Andrew: Hi, is Randall there? Randall: It's me. How are you. A: Great. Did you see Nina's hair lately? She died it orange! Me: Oh, yeah, uh, uh, ooo, uh... R: What is that? A: What is what? Me:Uh, uh, uh, oh yeah, uh uh.... R: Who else is on? A: What are you talking about? R: Who is making those noises? A: What noises? Me: Uh, oh yeah, uuuuuhhhhhhh! R: That noise! A: Your'e crazy! Me: Oh yeah! A: Okay, Eben, you can stop. R: Oh, it's Eben. Remember, after you do this once, you can call as many people as you want to pull this trick with multiple people on the same line. 20. Thank-Yous Special thanks to: Jordan "Devil" Beauchemin Megan Tuccitto Matt "Big Dog" Holmes Brian "Edge" Cooney Austin "Pyro" LaVoie Robbie "Spot" Cox Chris Marino Andrew "The Iranian" Moriarty Shawn "Ace" Fedler Ge.Sm. Nathan Fieldsteele Abdullah The Butcher Justin Quinlan John Allison Jeremy Novak David "Toxin Flame" Meehl Tim Augeri Brandon Williams Kyle Aivano Kyle Olson Jessica Drauss Tim Michaud Mario D'aquila Ally Zadrick Ryan Gearing Jason Tsangarides Josh Kiliany Josh Springer Eric Longley Eric Johnson Matt Went AJ Khan Andrew Fritsch Mike Sylvester