Air in the Paragraph Line A journal of Jon Konrath's experiments in entropy Issue 7/September 96 Welcome to Hell: A new issue and new? format. Hello, and thanks for checking out the new issue. Maybe I should take a second to explain what's been happening with regard to publishing. First, I am no longer producing a printed version of the zine. This is largely economical, but there are also a few motivational and production issues behind the whole thing. The new way to get this is through the web. I'm archiving these at http://www.speakeasy.org/~jkonrath/zine.html and I will mail a message to everyone on my list when a new issue comes out. If you're a non-computer person or someone I trade paper copies with, you'll get this as a printout of the web page. If I'm spending 32 cents on you, please reciprocate and drop a line or a postcard to tell me what's up. If you're internet enabled, your best bet is to hit the print button on your web browser right now. This is a text file, and it will print with pretty much any software. Then, take it home, on the bus, on the can, in bed, or whatever. There's a certain psychological comfort to holding a piece of paper as opposed to staring at a monitor, plus you can then show it to other people, or burn it. And please link to the above page, tell friends, and all that stuff. If you have an ezine, mail me and I will put your link on the above page in exchange for a link on yours. Deal? Brain in a Jar: What I've been doing lately. Another month has passed and I'm arguing whether to babble about what's happened to me in the last few weeks, or produce some grand experiment of prose, writing method, literature, poetry, art and mega-expression in a text file. The problem is that the former is boring and the latter is a hell of a lot of work. I guess I'll compromise. The only real news is that I got a bunch of dental crap done. It's mostly been fillings, but they also reconstructed four of my front teeth with this weird synthetic bonding stuff. It's pretty freaky, you can't tell it's not real unless you really look. The whole procedure wasn't terribly painful, but I had to sit with a dental dam and a million clamps in my mouth, and I couldn't eat for about a day. Everything's cool now, but I have to go back for 2 more appointments, and then the wisdom teeth have to go. Expect more stories of pain and torture. Oh yeah, and I scratched my cornea a few weeks back, and had to rush to the hospital and go through a bunch of paperwork and waiting and reading old issues of Time magazine and all of that. The eye is fine, but between the opthamologist, dentist, and every other medical appointment I've had as of late, I've been smelling hospitals a lot and spending a lot of time staring at nurses in those little blue uniforms. The issue of Extent with my new column is out, and I've been getting a lot of questions about that, even though they spelled my name wrong. The column is called _Ipecac in a Shotglass_ and will be returning in the next issue (under my real name, I hope). Email extent@tiac.net for more info or to buy a copy. It's only 4 bucks and includes a CD with a million songs on it. I've been trying to write more lately, and Rumored to Exist is going though another binge and purge cycle (I write about 100 pages of total shit and then keep 20). It's getting more difficult to determine the kind of emotion and direction I want to follow as I'm writing, and I've been spending even more time working on short exercises, thinking, listening to music and thinking, going for long drives, etc. It's expanding my view on what I'm writing, or at least convincing me that I'm not turning out perfect prose. And that's it. For my next experiment.... Torture Dungeon: A bunch of top ten lists I wrote for some odd reason. Top Ten CDs I'd like to see re-recorded by other artists: 1) Glenn Danzig - Alanis Morisette: Jagged Little Pill 2) Venom - U2: The Joshua Tree 3) The Beastie Boys - Iron Butterfly: In A Gadda Da Vida 4) Rollins Band - Tori Amos: Little Earthquakes 5) Gwar - The Cars: The Cars 6) Nick Cave - Peter Gabriel: Security 7) Peter Gabriel - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: Murder Ballads 8) GG Allin - David Bowie: Let's Dance 9) Frank Zappa - Black Sabbath: Paranoid 10) Suzanne Vega - Cannibal Corpse: Tomb of the Mutilated As a bonus, I would love to hear Captain Beefheart cover anything by Twisted Sister. Top Ten CDs I'm ashamed I own: 1) Winger - Winger 2) Natalie Merchant - Tigerlily 3) Alanis Morisette - Jagged Little Pill 4) Bob Welch - French Kiss 5) Billy Idol - Rebel Yell 6) The Clueless soundtrack 7) Billy Joel - Glass Houses 8) A 2-CD "Learn Spanish" set 9) The Details - Music Matters CD 10) PM Dawn - Of the Heart, of the Soul, and of...The Utopian Experience Top Ten CDs I use to keep people out of my office: 1) Captain Beefheart - Trout Mask Replica 2) Deicide - Deicide 3) Venom - Black Metal 4) Dismember - Indecent and Obscene 5) Anal Cunt - Top 40 Hits 6) Meat Shits - Ecstasy of Death 7) Those Darn Accordions - Squeeze This! 8) The Windham Hill Christmas album (works best in July) 9) Cannibal Corpse - Vile 10) Carcass - Reek of Putrefaction Top Ten things i do on the weekends when I'm broke: 1) Drive to U-Village Barnes and Noble, read books cover to cover. 2) Go to Safeway and see if they have Hot Pockets Broccoli and Cheddar yet (The CapHill store does not). 3) Imagine a giant, infinite length, all-powerful cutting laser on my balcony. Aim it at the Kingdome, Smith Tower and I-5 repeatedly. 4) See how long it takes for various business cards to burn end to end. 5) Call Ray Miller's answering machine while he's out and leave him a 48 minute message by playing a Rotting Christ album over the phone. 6) Usenet 7) Try to build a working combustible engine from legos. 8) Reread Vonnegut - Breakfast of Champions 9) Go to hardware stores and price peeing boy fountains. 10) Think about writing. Top Ten Things I Do On Weekends When I'm Not Broke: 1) Drive to U-Village Barnes and Noble and buy random books. 2) Eat large 4 or 5 course meals at Denny's while manically scribbling in spiral notebooks. 3) Play $10-$15 of "Smash TV" videogame at Northgate mall. 4) Stockpile Coca-Cola 24 pack cases. 5) Go to used CD stores looking for rare Canadian-press Gary Moore albums. 6) Go to Safeway and buy $65 of impulse junk food items. 7) Shop for new pens. 8) Buy an impulse hobby item (last purchase - watercolor paints). 9) Drive to Mountlake Terrace, watch 3 movies back to back. 10) Buy bad Chinese takeout, come home, think about writing. Top Ten Observations Made While at Denny's: 1) There aren't many midline appetizer choices. You have to spend like six bucks on a large fried dish, and it would be much nicer to just have a $3 small portion or be able to order part of an appetizer on the side of your meal for a buck or two. 2) The Denny's necktie slogan "It's like having a kid wrapped around your neck" seems a bit pedophilic to me. 3) They always seat me at the small section of the big C-shaped booth in the non-smoking section, and then they bring a whole family in and seat them at the big section, so I'm stuck staring at some fucking Mormon and her 9 kids while I'm trying to eat alone. 4) The Lynwood Denny's looks just like the Denny's near Notre Dame, IN except replace the crack dealers with rednecks. 5) I can usually write a page and a half of total bullshit in my spiral notebook before my food shows up. 6) Every time I go to the Denny's in Kirkland, I see a girl that looks almost exactly like my old roommate Matt's girlfriend. 7) There is a waitress at the Mercer Denny's that looks a lot like a more country version of Tori Amos, and she hangs out there when she's off duty, ALL THE TIME. When she's not working, she still sometimes helps a customer or runs behind the counter to get food or something. 8) No Denny's waiter or waitress ever asks me about the stupid holographic sports cards that you can get for an extra buck or two with your meal. I must reek of a non-sports-fan pheromone or something. 9) I once thought I saw Winona Ryder at the Denny's on Aurora. Incidentally, that is the worst Denny's aside from the one in Gary, IN, and on weekends, the cops there probably have to wear kevlar. 10)You know the old joke, why do they have locks on the Denny's door if they are open 24 hours? It's because they have to lock the doors when they get robbed until the cops show up. Top Ten Things I Probably Won't be Doing in the Future: 1) Investing in Iraqi currency. 2) Starting that heroin habit. 3) Penis mutilation. 4) Learning FORTRAN. 5) Getting in an intimate relationship with a Seventh Day Adventist. 6) Working at Microsoft. 7) Donating both of my kidneys to a random individual for free. 8) Buying another Ford. 9) Removing my own tonsils. 10) Visiting Indiana. Top Ten Things I've Considered Doing With My Next Bonus Check 1) Building a sensory-deprivation tank. 2) Buying some used shoulder-launched anti-aircraft missiles. 3) Finding some cool garbage at the Boeing salvage lot. 4) Buying a VW bug and making it into some sort of art project. 5) Buying a human skeleton. 6) Building an orgone accumulator. 7) Stockpiling several hundred cases of Coca-Cola. 8) Buying several thousand shares of ValuJet stock. 9) Buying a "La Cucaracha" horn and chain steering wheel for my car. 10) Constructing a suit jacket from filled cans of Spam. Psychotic Reaction: CD reviews. At The Gates - Slaughter of the Soul I considered death metal at it's prime in 1992, when groups from Europe like Grave, Unleashed, Entombed, and Carcass were mixing it up against some American classics like Malevolent Creation, Morbid Angel, and Death. Demo bands were turning out new and innovative stuff, and it looked like the scene would continue growing until it got to the point where you could buy Rottrevore CDs in the mall. Then, the scene broke into three different sects. First, some groups decided to become rock stars, sign to major labels, and either completely dilute into nothingness or get screwed over by the labels. Second, some bands crossed over into other genres, mixing rap, alternative, industrial, or some other form of music to their mix, pushing them out of the running for most death metal fans. The remaining bands played this "I'm more brutal than you" contest, where everyone got faster, noisier, more distorted, more blatantly Satanic (I mean in a cheesy way - I have nothing against Satanism in music), more gory, and more redundant. All of the craft left the genre, and so did many of the fans. Since about 1993, I haven't purchased any new death metal, and I've been very skeptical about the promos I've been given. To me, very little of it showed any real talent or promise, as the bands either tried mixing in other influence just for the sake of doing so, or competed in this "I'm more satanic and gory" pissing contest. Well, At The Gates is the first band that, to me, has broken that mold. I don't know much about this five-piece Earache band, but I can tell you a few things after listening to their disc a few times. This band has a unique sound, and I don't mean they are a metal/ska band or a metal/zydeco band or they use latin in their lyrics or whatever else. I mean they have found a unique voice without ripping off other bands or following in the footsteps of a popular style of death metal. There's actual songwriting on this album, which is a nice departure from the typical A-B-A-B stuff on many albums these days. There are intros that integrate into the songs, and they keep things melodic. They aren't always playing at a lightning speed, but know how to play at a medium tempo and then work into faster parts and come back again. This isn't the same as most death metal, where stuff is played ultra fast and then the band basically stops, divides the number by 4, and then tries to act all tough while playing at a very slow tempo. It's more like Entombed on the Clandestine album, or even Metallica back on Master of Puppets. Also, guitar solos belong to the songs and aren't as disembodied or cliche. Many death metal bands have their verse and are singing "body parts - icky body parts - go!" and then some schmuck plays a Yngwie Malmsteen ripoff solo at lightning speed that doesn't fit the song at all. This is the first album I've heard, probably since Entombed's Clandestine, that did a good job with this. Overall, the playing is tight, with Tomas Lindberg opting for a rasping voice closer to singing than to growling, and Adrian Erlandsson playing some mean drums in the background. It's not all boring double bass stuff either, he really mixes up some of the parts along with Jonas Bjorler on bass. Andy LaRocque from King Diamond's band makes a guest appearance on guitar, too. And production is clean and thick, with plenty of buried samples and sounds at the start and end of the tracks. Overall, this album is great stuff. I don't think it takes the crown from Entombed or Carcass for the best death metal album in my opinion, but it's up there. At least it's got me digging out my old CDs and zines from a few years back and remembering what it was like to have 10 or 20 bands this good still together and putting out good stuff. The Favorite Color - Color Out of Space You don't hear about many bands from New Jersey that don't just claim they are from New York, but that's what's up with these guys. This five piece is trying hard to be typecast as something other than the dreaded "alternative" label that most non-metal, non-rap, non-punk bands are stamped with. It's hard to describe this band without slacking into preconceived labels. They've got some of the chumminess and energy of some altrock like REM back when they were still a spunky college band on some songs. But there's the encapsulated and easy-flowing feel of a strong singer/songwriter influence, like a cool and tight Neil Young. But once I'm settled on that, I hear the Latin feel of the song 'Go Back to West New York' and start rewriting my description again. Although it's hard to tag down any style for these folks, it reminds me of a much more refined and rehearsed version of some of the bands I checked out in college, and sometimes like Adrian Belew's old outfit, The Bears. Musically, the CD is pretty tight and leaves me with the impression that the band would be pretty good live. Tom Snow's drumming keeps things together, and the guitars are pretty flowing with everything else. This, joined with with a great studio sound, lyrics included, and pro-quality packaging make this worth the money. Overall, a well-produced and interesting CD if you're looking for something energetic and not run-of-the-mill. Drop them a line at tfcolor@aol.com for details. Rush - Test For Echo I keep rewriting this review, and probably will rework it another 8 or 10 times before this goes to press, so bear with me and let me explain my dilemma. I've been a Rush fan since the release of Grace Under Pressure, and I've bought every album within a week of it's release since then. I owned every tape, and listened to the old stuff like Fly By Night, All The World's A Stage, and Caress of Steel constantly. I had a job mowing lawns one summer in junior high, and listened to Exit.. Stage Left in its entirety almost every day for three months. I walked to school for years, and had Hemispheres and Fly By Night in the player as I lugged the books to and from class. And when I got my car, I blared the first album, Signals, and Moving Pictures as I drove my beaten Camaro in high school. I loved it all, every song, every verse. Then Hold Your Fire came out. It sounded so... DIFFERENT. It was closer to pop than progressive, there were keyboards everywhere, and some of the songs were just plain stupid. Force Ten grated my nerves. And Tai Shan? What were these guys on? I threw the CD in the closet and forgot about it, moving on to the new Yes album and Iron Maiden instead. A few months later, I got a chance to see Rush in Chicago. I dug out the CD, and in the excitement, the songs sounded different, more accessible. I loved the concert, and it reinforced things even more. Now, Hold Your Fire is one of my favorite Rush albums. And this cycle repeated with other Rush releases. I bought Presto and couldn't believe the band sunk so low. Six months later, all of the songs had great meaning to me. I won't even get into Roll the Bones, but you can guess my reaction to that little rap part in there. Then, three years ago, I was at CD Exchange in Bloomington (the best damn CD store in the world at the time) and Tom (the best damn CD store employee in the world, still) told me there was a new Rush album. I dropped the cash, and walked home with a copy of Counterparts. I wasn't in a great mood at the time. I was going through some weird stuff with a relationship, and didn't know what direction was up. And I expected another six month gestation period with this CD. But when I put it in, I was floored. From the first 15 seconds of Animate, I felt every drop of emotion on those 11 tracks. Alien Shore, The Speed of Love, Nobody's Hero, and Double Agent all made complete sense with me. The resonation was strongest with Cold Fire, a track that still holds a great deal of personal meaning to me, and reminds me so much of everything that was happening to me in my life when I first heard that album. I loved Counterparts. I listened to it every day for months. My girlfriend left me, and the songs made even more sense. In the loneliness and despair, one of my few friends was my back catalog of Rush albums. I spent time going back through the old stuff, thinking about high school and simpler times while listening to Permanent Waves and Grace Under Pressure. And then I saw Rush again with my roommate Simms, at an incredible show in Indianapolis. Geddy stood a few hundred feet away, singing Cold Fire, Nobody's Hero and Alien Shore with an incredible voice I didn't hear on the album. It felt like his own personal pain, joy, life, and love were mixed with my emotions and stabbed outward in new vocals meaning much more than the album. And Neil's slamming drums, the trio's jokes on stage, and sharing the whole experience with my friends Steve and Andrea really burned the whole thing deep in my mind. So, I really like Counterparts. And I had to explain all of that before I can explain my feelings about the new album. I got the new disc the day after it came out, rushed home, and put it in the player. With the volume up, I sat and read the book while waiting for another explosion of upscale emotion and energy. It never happened. This album has some of the same sound of Counterparts, but way less power. Maybe it was hurried, or this is a new direction, or something. But it stumbles along like Presto did with some of it's energy. Okay, this is where I need to change my review. Instead of signing off on the album, I kept it in the player. I spun the disc a few times a day at work, and kept it in at home while working on my writing. Hell, I've got it going now. And I'm slowly changing my opinion. Let me explain a few things about the album, differences between Counterparts and Test For Echo. The role of each band member has considerably changed on this album. This might be because of the slight vacation the band took from each other, or it might be maturity or growth. Either way, it's a pretty gutsy transition. Neil's taking a more relaxed view with the drums, and working on keeping things together more than playing big-dick fast and complex parts. Maybe this is because he's tired of being a drum god, or he's learning that moderation can be more powerful than an all-out attack. There are still interesting parts (check out the hammer dulcimer pieces), but it's much more integrated instead of being a lead instrument. The most welcome change is Alex's up-front guitar playing. For years, Lifeson has been a rhythm player buried in the mix behind the all-out bass and complex drum parts. On this album, we're treated to up-front, powerful leads, and acoustic tracks on top along with some textured stuff in the rhythm. Geddy's still there with the bass and keyboards, but it's a more moderated approach. Overall, the changes give the band a radically different feel, one that's a good progression from previous works. Lyrics are a sore thumb for me, and range from socio-political ramblings to utter cheesiness. Half the World, Dog Years, and The Color of Light all talk about equality, justice, and the state of the world. It's not horrible, but it might have you fast forwarding to Limbo, the instrumental track. The worst lyrics are Virtuality, a cliche song about the Internet. "Net Boy, Net Girl/Send your impulse 'round the world/Put your message in a modem/And throw it in the Cyber Sea". Umm... At least Geddy's keeping things well rounded with his vocal style, which follows the more traditional route he's pursued since the Presto album. Peter Collins once again did a good job with production, and the Hugh Syme booklet is quality stuff (check out the picture of the 3 guys as kids). It's musically a very pleasing album, and not too bad of a listen. If you have headphones, try them out - the mix is pretty complicated and a solid volume on a good stereo or a pair of headphones really brings out a lot of hidden features. I wasn't too keen about this album when I first heard it. It didn't pack the punch that Counterparts did, at least out of the box. But every time I listen to this thing from start to finish (and it's hard for me to only listen to part of it), I hear something new. There are tons of emotional hooks in the guitar parts, songwriting, and total grab of the melodies. It's impossible for me to get this album out of my head, songs like Resist, Limbo, and Time and Motion just haunt me. Today, I found myself sitting in a Burger King drivethrough, listening to Chemlab but tapping the rhythm to Half the World. And it's uncanny how this album has a completely different feel than anything else, but there are brief flashbacks of so many other Rush memories of mine in it. I hear Totem and think of every aspect of Presto I loved; Limbo reminds me of the most powerful parts of Roll the Bones mixed with sheer power from an unknown source; Virtuality feels like a song from Signals that never happened, recorded with today's technology. And pieces of Test for Echo and Half the World sound like a 1996 version of themes unfinished in Grace Under Pressure. And the 50-some minute album gets better and better with every listen. Okay, I'm going to stop changing this review and say that I do love the new album, and I'll probably love it more in another 50 minutes because I just started it again. Okay? :D Dead and Gone: Book reviews and suggestions High Fidelity - Mark Hornby This book explores a man who has dropped out of college, started a record store in London, lived with a woman, and then watched her leave. In his depression and angst over the breakup, he analyzes every woman he's ever loved, and replays his worst breakups in his head until he has to hunt down every woman and find out what he did wrong. In the meantime, he's got to work in this record store with two insane guys, and is swept off his feet (sort of) by an American folk singer who is his idea of a perfect relationship - but not. This story is so beautiful and painful because so many of us have been there. He's not writing about harlequin romance or extreme pain, but of the mediocre feelings, the clashing personalities, the everyday boredom, and the quest for things greater than the mundane that have derailed all of our lives temporarily. It's real, in a humble, entertaining, real way. On top of that, the music store antics are great. There's lots of reference to music from the 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s here, and some very Clerks-like mood and direction with the people slumming it behind the counter. Overall, Hornby did an excellent job, and produced a book that made me think about myself as I stayed up all night reading this from cover to cover. This is definitely worth reading. Zeitgeist - Todd Wiggins This is a fucking complicated book, but well worth the 509 page pinball game ride at light speed. Okay, from the top: story one is about a former whore named Venus who is writing a book about a guy on death row, set to get shot in 1999, moments before the years hit the 2000 mark. Story two is about the guy, who was with a group of friends on a cross country trek. The journey from NY was with a black hacker and terrorist, an Oxford philosopher gone guru and freako, a schizophrenic catholic priest, recently excommunicated for fucking someone, with an AK and without his schizophrenia meds, and a lesbian karate blackbelt with a dying mother. Around them are race riots, right wingers gone mad, religious nuts waiting for the millenia and the rapture, and even more sheer madness. Wiggins doesn't believe in boring structure, and he really keeps the pages turning with some strange constructs through the book. Following two interesting stories kept me tearing through the tome, but what's more interesting is his ability to tell a character's past by telling a disembodied story, and then have the character slowly appear from within. Everyone in the book had a pretty fucked-up background, which let him use this technique numerous times. There are humorous parts in the book, like the antics of Fish, the priest gone insane, and the future predictions ala RoboCop, where everyone's packing heat and hating everyone else. There are some unrealistic areas, like Prophet the computer hacker and his exploits with a modem, but it's not too prominent in the mix and the story continues to flow past these points. My only real complaint - the tie between the two books, brought out in the last few pages, was pretty hazy. There are some minor problems too, like character's aren't as built through the book, at least physically. They are described when introduced, but you don't always soak in those descriptions because you don't know if it's a main character or just a support character. Overall, a pretty good read. It's some work to get through, but not too bad if you get rolling with it. An impressive effort though, one with some good resonance and damn good structure. I hope this guy keeps putting out more stuff like this in the years to come. Charles Bukowski - Tales of Ordinary Madness What the shit? This book is a fucking bloodletting. My favorite authors are Charles Bukowski, Charles Bukowski, and... Okay, I'll stop quoting Buk and get on with it. If you don't know who Charles Bukowski, he's the most underrated writer of the 20th century. He's got a few dozen books of prose and poetry on Black Sparrow, and turned out some great shit from the 60's until his death in 1994. He's always been the outsider, and a real loner through the years. His stuff's full of stories about booze, women (mostly leaving him), betting on the horses, and being alone. It's funny, it's sad, but it also runs with a feeling that Buk is looking at life from another angle than most. He makes fun of everyone: he bashes the establishment, the hippies, the slackers, the anti-establishment, and everything else. Why? Because he can, god damn it. Ok, this book is the second part of _Erections, Ejaculations, Exhibitions, and General Tales of Ordinary Madness_, which was split into this volume and _The Most Beautiful Woman in Town_, both available from City Lights books. This is a collection of short stories, some from Open City, along with a half dozen other literary journals. These older short stories (most of which I'd guess are from the mid to late 60's) are great - Buk writes about his East Hollywood slumhouse life, but he also writes some pure fiction stories, which are a real change from his novels and other writing. Some of this stuff is downright hilarious, and a bit of it is depressing. I'm not going to call this the greatest book of Buk's life - it is a collection, and some stuff falls short. He didn't always have the same focus when spitting out short pieces for the magazines, and it shows in places. Not every piece is polished or refined, and a few of them really drag. But there's a lot of other good stuff here, too. It's worth having if you're a collector, and not too bad of a read. If you're a complete novice, I'd pick up _Notes of a Dirty Old Man_, or go with something like _Post Office_ or _Women_. But it's great to hear about the 60's from someone who didn't drop 80,000 hits of acid a day and worship Jefferson Airplane. It's an interesting view. Party In The Graveyard: I've written too much and need to stop for now. Hope you like the new format, or at least find a way to deal with electronic distribution. It could be worse - I could require you to use Internet Explorer to read this. Next issue, I am going to experiment with printing some email and letters. If you have any questions or comments, mail them and you might get lucky and see your name in here next time. Soundtrack for this issue: Iron Maiden - Seventh Son of a Seventh Son Jimi Hendrix - Band of Gypsys Rush - Test For Echo Rush - Counterparts Roger Waters - Radio KAOS At The Gates - Slaughter of the Soul Mayhem - De Mysteriis Dam Sathanas (Black funky metal!) Peter Gabriel - Passion Send all comments, questions, praise, hate mail, food, polaroids, dental advice, used textbooks, review items, press releases, and religious artifacts to: Jon Konrath jkonrath@speakeasy.org 600 7th #520 http://www.speakeasy.org/~jkonrath/ Seattle, WA 98104 (206) 343-5604 Air in the Paragraph Line is published monthly, within a few days of the top of the month, except when the editor has been sniffing too much glue. Issues on the web are free, printed copies are a dollar, a trade, some stamps, some firewood, a half-eaten bag of stale Fritos, or whatever. Printed issues are free to people who roll a 1-6 on a 20 sided die and send me a polaroid as proof you aren't lying. I will review anything sent to me, including food, used cars, and edible paste. This zine is sold by weight, not by volume. Some settling may occur. Thanks to: Ray Miller, Tom Sample, Larry Falli, Andrea Donderi, and the Coca-Cola company. No thanks to Evergreen Ford in Issaquah. Copyright (C) 1996 by Jon Konrath. All rights reserved.