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    ####  ###          "Jason on Hot Steamy Animal Sex"            ###       
     #######                      by Jason                            
      ####                                                                  

        I have heard from several sources that humans and dolphins are the
 only animals that have sex for pleasure.  If that statement somehow makes
 sense to you, then you have never seen an animal or are in possession of a
 genius so luminous that it makes mine look like a Wint-O-Green spark at high
 noon.  As unlikely as both of those conditions are, I'll presume that you'll
 be willing to hear me out before sequestering yourself into the shell of
 dogma.  After all, I spent a significant part of my workday discussing this
 with my coworker.

        I can't help but think that that statement is as stupid as "Hey,
 dudes, let's eat these mushrooms I found!" I would want to know how these
 numbskulls came up with such an outrageous proclamation.  Are they implying
 that all animals not blessed with the honor of being born human or dolphin
 are incapable of pleasure?  Do they somehow rationalize that since we are
 the only race that can make superhighways we are the only ones that can feel
 good?  If dolphins are so friggin' smart as to be the only other race
 capable of pleasure, then why the hell can't they avoid tuna nets?

        I THINK that what they might be saying is that humans and dolphins
 are the only animals that mate while procreation is impossible.  Actually,
 I'm not sure about dolphins, but that's sure true for humans.  Well, it's
 true for all humans except ME, dammit!  I still don't know why dolphins are
 so damn special.  Why don't other whales do it for fun?  Sounds like more
 hippy crap to me.

        So, if the definition of "having sex for pleasure" means fucking
 without regard to procreation, then are humans and dolphins still the only
 ones?  HELL NO!  By that definition, I contend, ALL animals do it for
 pleasure, and humans are the only ones capable of doing it for any other
 reason!  Do you think a dog knows that his bitch might get pregnant?  NO, he
 (and she) just know they want to get busy.  Animals lack the mental capacity
 to understand that sex equates with offspring (as are many people,
 apparently) and therefore do what they want.  I think that we can all agree
 that self-denial is not big with animals.

        My poor, deluded coworker insisted that animals were just following
 their instincts.  I said, how is that different from PEOPLE?  We all have
 the URGE to fuck, which is an instinct designed specifically to trick us
 into reproduction, since what right-minded person would want to have a
 screaming incontinent larva rip its way out of their body (or have to
 provide for the damn thing)?  Of course, it also feels good, or else we
 wouldn't do it as much.  My coworker, being of a far more religious bent
 than I, chooses to disbelieve that people are basically animals with too
 much free time, but we are.  We are slaves to our instincts as either
 hedonistic overindulgers or uptight abstainers (or somewhere in between).
 It would be insane to believe that we are the only ones who feel GOOD when
 we fuck.

        I reminded of a black Nepalese dwarf rabbit my brother had as a pet
 when he was young.  Bunny Buttons was his name.  An innocent sounding name
 for a cute little bunny, right?  That little fucker was hornier than a dump
 truck full of rhino heads.  He had an ongoing love affair with my brother's
 arm and our 50 pound collie.  There's no WAY that that diminutive sex
 machine had any delusions about offspring from the collie or black-furred
 arms with bunny ears springing from my brother.  Bonobos, on the other hand,
 "make love" ALL the time, with any other Bonobo around, regardless of gender
 or fertility.  I once saw a male toad hooked on to a female toad dropping
 his sperm while the female did not lay eggs to be fertilized.  Black Widows
 will often eat their suitors without mating.  If those aren't examples of
 animals having sex for pleasure, then I don't know what is.

        I would say that humans are the only species capable of having sex
 for reasons OTHER than pleasure, as evidenced by all of the puritanical
 "jump on, jump off" crap that still pervades our culture.  Only humans
 actually attach moral compunction to sex and can think of reasons NOT to
 have it.  Come to think of it, only humans really have reasons not to have
 sex, since there are no VD's in the animal world that I know of, and animals
 don't mind abandoning their young if they have to.

        Of course, this is all academic in my case. 

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 # (c)2000 aNAda e'zine                              aNAda071 .*.  by Jason #
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