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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .            "My Two Cents Worth"
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  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .                by Chkristy


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        I feel like I have so much ahead of me...do you ever get that feeling
 that life is just beginning and you never even knew how crappy it really
 was?  I should be happier, but I guess with all the choices, I don't have
 time to feel emotion.  Work is tedious and I feel totally anti-social.  It's
 not that I am anti-social, it's just that I feel like no one in my
 environment is worth socializing with.  I feel as though I am becoming too
 much of an adult lately though, and that scares me.  Because inside, I still
 feel like that scared little twelve year old.  And someone told me yesterday
 that, not only was I a woman, but I was a beautiful woman.  Where did all
 the time go?

        I'm tired of all the people of this world complaining about things
 that they refuse to act on.  Things could always, ALWAYS be worse.  It's all
 a state of mind.  If you don't like something, change it.  Or go off and do
 your own thing.

        "Ah, in such an ugly time, the real protest is beauty"
                  -Dennis Lyxzen

        These days, as much as I want children, I fear raising them in this
 society.  So instead of bitching or becoming sterile, I am going to be
 something so that I can help change it, to make things safer for my children
 and myself.

        But who's to say I'll even have children?

        "I say unto you, one must have chaos in oneself to be able to
         give birth to a dancing star."
                  -Frederich Nietzsche

        Is love, I mean real love, possible in these days?!  I never tire in
 believing that it is.  Love is a nice feeling, I think.  I don't know.
 Hell, does anyone?  I'm not a skeptic... or am I?  Inside, I am an optimist,
 but it seems when I convey my thoughts it all comes out pessimistic... is
 that odd??????

        "Let them call me rebel and welcome, I feel no concern; but I
         should suffer the miseries of the devil were I to make a whore
         of my soul."
                  -Thomas Paine

        The world... it's not one.  How many people are on this earth?
 Probably a zillion... so no, it will never be one.  However, you see the
 world is how it is.  Yet everyone is different.

        Some people say they don't like their world.  I had a dear friend who
 told me something very simple and yet I never even paused to ponder it...
 "You say you don't like your world... so change it." (thanks jeff).  Change
 is hard.  But the world is what you want it to be.  It's not fair, it's not
 unfair. It's not cruel, it's not loving.  It's whatever you see it as.  And
 I am just so sick of all these people who sit around complaining because
 they don't know how to handle their world.

        Everyone wants to do everything everyone elses way.  I mean, call me
 crazy, but shouldn't you do what makes you happy and tell the rest of the
 world to fuck off?  I know that's what I do.  It's not that I don't listen
 to constructive criticism, I do.  But if someone tells me something I don't
 agree with, I don't waste my time analyzing it.  If I think it's bullshit,
 why go on and on about it.

        Religion is a big issue... I won't go into it hardcore, but if you
 don't agree with something, why waste your time?  I guess I just think you
 should do what makes you happy no matter what the outcome.  You can't live
 life thinking what 'would might've happened.'

        And that, my friends, is my two cents worth!

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  .           anada 111                   by Chkristy  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
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