. . a n a d a 1 2 8 0 8 - 1 6 - 0 0 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "That Sucks, Duder" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . by Lachrymite . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I always thought Danny was the coolest a kid could possibly be. He was significantly older than me, and he was everything I aspired to be; he rode a skateboard, had a long ponytail of hair, wore stylish clothes and listened to popular music. My young ass was impressed. I hung out with him and his brother all the time. His brother, Mike, was a sickly kid though. He was blind, violently allergic to almost everything, not all that bright, and borderline deaf. Due to these problems, he often had to go away for doctor's appointments, leaving myself and Danny alone. One day, while Mike was away sick, Danny and I were hanging out in his backyard. Karen, a friend of his mom who occasionally hung out to make sure we didn't burn down the house or anything, was inside watching TV. Soon, we were enthusiastically making a fort in some particularly dense bushes, throwing down some old half rotten plywood as the floor in the thickets and bramble. As we lay on our backs, looking up at the sky above through branches stretching over us, Danny smiled over at me. "We should keep this as our hidden place, and you and I should be the only members of a secret club." I thought this over for a bit, and it seemed reasonable. After all, Mike hadn't helped us build it, so why should he be allowed in? I voiced my agreement, and Danny continued. "We should also have some sort of an initiation. You know, to prove we aren't wimps and should be the ones to have it." "What, like eat a bug or something?" I asked. Danny chuckled. "Well, here's what I was thinking. We have to do something very special, something we won't tell ANYONE else about. I thought we could do something with our privates, just to show how serious we are about this." Hmm. Well, generally the privates were supposed to be, err, private, right? I wasn't totally sold on the idea yet. I briefly thought of Karen, and how she supposedly had different private parts than I did. "What about Karen?" Even though I had no sexual desire or knowledge at the time, I still found the large chested young woman rather appealing in some sort of way. What can I say, I was a curious little bastard. Getting her to play with her privates sounded like fun, somehow, even though I had no idea why. He didn't really go for the idea though. "No, this is OUR club, and she shouldn't be able to join. You can't even tell her about it, if you did I'd have to kick you out of the club." Few things are worse than being kicked out of a secret club by a boy far cooler and older than yourself, so I immediately dropped my pants and pulled out my small penis, as Danny followed suit, revealing a significantly larger organ. "OK, you start," he said in a nonchalant manner. I didn't know what to do, so my hand dropped to my penis and I began to play with it in a very non-sexual manner. I pretended the penis was Clark Kent, and when I moved the testicles up close to the penis, it was like Superman because suddenly the penis appeared to have a huge muscular chest. Obviously, I wasn't really understanding this private parts game thing. Danny chuckled in a good natured manner. "OK, watch what I can do. Keep playing with yours for me though." He began to stroke his hardening penis, and soon the monument was erected in honor of my pre-pubescent self fondling. He beat at it in a frenzy, and began to redden in the face and make little grunts, all while staring at me fondling myself. I had an idea something a little strange was going on, but I didn't really know what. It was like some secret ritual of adulthood was being performed before me, like I was being initiated into something far greater than this mere club. Finally, with a grunt, Danny began to spray white stuff from his penis. It was like he was peeing, but he wasn't, it didn't look anything like pee. I was a bit confused, and was a little upset when some landed on my shoe. "What did you just do!?" I asked in a combination of wonderment and apprehension. Danny smiled down at me. "I just initiated you into my secret club. One day, you'll go out and initiate other people into your own secret club. But you can't ever tell anyone, alright?" "Well, OK, I guess." And I never did tell anyone, not for well over 10 years. . . . . . I was laying on the floor. She looked down at me from the bed after a few minutes. "You don't have to stay down there, you know. You can come up into the bed with me." I rose and gingerly crawled into bed. She immediately manuvered her body to be spooned in mine. She took my hand and placed it around her, so I held her body around the middle. We laid there for a few moments, and my hand started to massage her stomach. It slowly moved up to her chest, feeling my first touch of a woman's full breast. We began to kiss, and my hands moved down into the forbidden areas of her body. After a few minutes of feeling around, I pulled off my dark blue shirt, throwing it aside, and my pants soon followed. She removed her Peanuts shirt, with Snoopy on it, and slipped out of her already unbuttoned pants. We continued to get more intimate, and then she went to grab my penis. I remembered Danny. "I can't do this, I'm sorry." "Why not? What's wrong?" "I just can't." An awkward argument followed. I stared down at my discarded shirt on the floor for most of it. Danny seemed to smile up at me, from the folds in the shirt as it lay there. Things got ugly, and I never talked to her again. I never wore the shirt after that day, and I haven't done anything even semi-intimate with a girl since. It's not a big deal though, right? I mean, he didn't even touch me. . . . . . "Dude, I seriously think that counts as being sexually abused." "Umm, really? I never told anyone else about it, and it just kinda never seemed like a huge deal to me." "Uhhh, yeah. We've got Long Dong Silver over here who fucked the family turkey on Thanksgiving, and you, who apparently was a pedophile's personal model. It's pretty scary when _I'm_ the most sexually normal person in the room. I guess this is what we get for all getting wasted and babbling about sex." "Well, I never thought it was that big of a deal... I mean, it doesn't seem horrible or traumatic or anything, and it's not like he touched me." "No wonder you never fucked a girl. I think we just figured out why you're so messed up. At least that mystery is solved." . . . . . "I've only really told a handful of people since I realized it, but I apparently got sexually abused by that Danny kid who used to live across the street from me." "Whoa... are you serious?" "Yep." "Well, that sucks duder." "It's not a big deal, it doesn't really bother me. He just came on my shoes. I dont see why the few people I told thought it was this huge thing." "Henry Rollins got molested too." "Awesome. Let's get something to eat." . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . anada 128 by Lachrymite (c)2000 anada e'zine . . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .