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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .             "Sibling Rivalry"
 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .
  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .               by JulieBug


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        Do others learn as much from their siblings as I did from mine?  My
 brother not only showed me but also taught me what I don't like about
 myself.  For instance, when he picked up a knife and said "I'm going to kill
 you", that's how he taught me fear.  I learned rage when he locked me out of
 the house.

        What had amused him always scared me.  I tried many times to have a
 civil conversation with him (civil meaning not screaming) and after being
 told to "Shut up!" and other colorful phrases, I learned to keep my mouth
 shut.  After years of listening, he taught me to think that I was ugly,
 chicken, and stupid.

        But when he felt guilt, I learned self pity.  With no other way to
 vent this frustration, I would lock myself in a room and wait for my mother
 to get home.  My mom always told me, "Don't worry Hun, he'll grow out of
 it."  My only question now is, "When?"

        After all these years, he has taught me that this is the only way he
 knows how to express himself, and I know now that he's not going to grow out
 of it.

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  .           anada 158                   by JulieBug  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
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