. . a n a d a 1 8 9 1 0 - 2 1 - 0 0 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "80s WARS: Prince vs. Michael Jackson" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . by Phairgirl . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ***** WELCOME TO '80s WARS: THE true test of what held up then, what ***** ***** holds up now, and what was a disease that hopefully the human ***** ***** race will endure. ***** TONIGHT'S CONTENDERS: Prince vs. Michael Jackson. Ding, Ding! It's a really good thing that this little series is about the 80s, otherwise this battle would be downright pathetic. Yeah, you heard me. Prince and Michael Jackson SUCKED once they left the wonderful decade of sparkle and smiles. Oh, sure, it wasn't until maybe 1992 or so that they REALLY went down the toilet, but it's amusing consider- ing how HUGE they once were. There was a time when insulting the King of Pop or the Purple one was a death wish, where one could expect the wrath of thousands. They both came blazing from the '70s. Prince was carrying on a funk tradition with even more of a sexual twist than his predecessors. Prince, in fact, was downright dirty. But that's okay, people were ready for it. Well, maybe not Tipper Gore, who took a particular disliking to "Darling Nikki," but then again, this was pretty new ground for a mainstream artist. The hits. Where to begin? Prince doesn't have a 2-disc Greatest Hits collection for nothing. "Little Red Corvette." "1999." "When Doves Cry." "U Got The Look." That's SO the tip of the iceberg. And let's also not forget that Prince wrote some of the other greatest hits of the decade: "Manic Monday" for The Bangles, "Nothing Compares 2 U" for Sinead O'Connor, and all those protoges. BA-BAM! Prince was all about controversy--he even wrote a song about it. And he was all about sex--I still remember my mom suddenly deciding I wasn't old enough to watch "Purple Rain" on HBO, and deciding we wouldn't be allowed to watch MTV after seeing the video for "Kiss." And I loved Prince the whole time. Not in the I-wanna-have-wild-monkey-sex kinda way, because I was pretty little, but in the way that inspired me to change the lyrics of "Raspberry Beret" to "Strawberry Shortcake" and singing about my kickass dolls. But there was one who was much bigger than Prince in the '80s, and I'm not making a height joke, either. He was The Gloved One. He was Not Billie Jean's Lover. He was... Michael. I'll never forget first and second grade, where ALL the girls LOVED Michael Jackson. EVERYONE had those silly red zipper leather jackets, and the big styles were those BMX biker gloves that had the fingertips cut out and legwarmers. Ohhhh yeeeeah. Michael Jackson OWNED my grade school. I think I was the only person who didn't own _Thriller_. I remember staying overnight at this girl Kim's house, and us jumping on her bed while listening to the album, Kim twisting her ankle, and us making makeshift crutches from folding chairs. What a blast. And the music, oh it was pretty damned good, too. I shouldn't over- look _Off The Wall_ but I'm going to anyway. _Thriller_ was where it was at. "Billie Jean," "Beat It," "Thriller"... there quite literally was NOTHING that could compete with it. And what did Michael come up with after that? _Bad_, which had some other brilliant songs like "The Way You Make Me Feel," "Dirty Diana," and... well, "Bad." He STILL owned everything. And to top it all off, he had to go be Mr. Sensitive Guy and do "We Are The World," the PINNACLE of the '80s. Damned Michael, he truly reigned as King of Pop. What can I say, the '80s just completely ruled for good pop music. And then came... the 1990s. Heh heh heh. Although this is an '80s piece, my wicked side can't help but delve into what the '90s did to these two brilliant artists. Prince got all whiney about his record contract and changed his name to THIS: .###. .#######. ## ## ## ## , `##. .##' ,& .o00000000000000 o , $ *0 L ' ) $ * *o* $ $$$ $ .$. * ...pronounced BOY, THAT DID HIS CAREER A WORLD OF GOOD, HUH? And Michael Jackson, ohhhhh man. He married Lisa Marie Presley, he turned white, he got wacky with some little boys, he erected a giant statue of himself for a commercial, he's more plastic than Barbie. My god, there was just no limit to the stupidity. It's pretty amazing these two brilliant, diverse, and enterprising stars would just FLUSH THEIR ENTIRE CAREERS DOWN THE TOILET AND TARNISH THEIR NAMES FOR LIFE, but they both did it. Quite tragic, really. They could've taken some lessons from Madonna about how not to FUCK UP EVERYTHING THEY'VE EVER HAD. Anyway, back the the '80s. Michael Jackson, of course, was more popular, made more money, has more worldwide recognition, and most certainly can dance better. However, Prince WRITES all of his own songs and PLAYS instruments. Michael saves the children and feeds the world while Prince makes innocent little girls into sex kittens and big stars. Michael had a pet chimp and had rumors circulating about him sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber. Prince was weird too, but at least he never had a smellyass monkey. My personal opinion is tainted because I own Prince CDs yet do not own any MJ discs. Michael's hits fit on one disc of his _HISstory_ set, but Prince needed two. And I never thought Michael was cute, but at least I could appreciate Prince's oozing sexuality. To this day, I don't understand what the whole Michael Jackson hysteria is all about. Yeah, _Thriller_ was a good album with some great tunes. But everything since then cannot compare in the least. Prince kept a solid popularity throughout the '80s and into the early '90s, including penning megahits for other artists. MJ is a dancer, Prince is a musician. And even though the '80s without Michael leaves a gap, the '80s without Prince would be downright empty. Prince takes the prize, baby. . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . anada 189 by Phairgirl (c)2000 anada e'zine . . . w w w . a n a d a . n e t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .