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 anada   "I Only See Rainbows, Now                                #          
 246         That the Bandages Are     +###           +###    +####    +###  
                 Gone, Through My     #    #  #  #   #    #  #    #   #    # 
                     Window, There"  #     #  # ##  #     #  #    #  #     # 
 28                             by   #    .#  ## #  #    .#  #   .#  #    .# 
 dec                          Alek    *###  * #   *  *###  * *###  *  *###  *
 2000 .+#################################################################.net

 (((you know we/re all heading for that adult crash)))

        aching behind my temples.  aching behind me and to the left.  you are
 aching in your own kind of perfect way.  staring through walls and not
 fearing the molten lava that is sure to consume us all.  you stare right
 through me as well.  god i love you the most when you do that.  dont do that
 to me.  whenever we go to the convenience store and i ask you if you want
 anything to drink, you always say no.  next thing i know, youre drinking all
 of my spring water.  you're funny like that.

        so what's next?  i'm not too sure about anything anymore.  i do want
 time to pass and yet i can't seem to loosen the grip i have on my past.  i'm
 glad i'm not the same person anymore.  i'm glad that i don't have to eat
 breakfast anymore if i don't want to.  i can ruin my appetite by eating 3
 rolls of mentos right before dinner if i'd like and yet i still want to jump
 from porches and into bushes and deliver newspapers and think i'm special
 because i have 27 nick cave cds.  but. alas, no one cares, so i'll go finish
 reading last exit to brooklyn and then start reading requiem for a dream.

        just me, hubert selby jr, and a stereo full of swedish heavy metal...

 [#####]

 {{{in dreamless sleep flowers die broken hearts mend in silence...}}}

        i am no longer pure.  paint my world black.  i never thought i'd want
 to see seascapes, but then again i was never a withering flower, as i am
 today.  "i'm happy..."  the most beautiful lie i have ever told.  i will no
 longer fight it.  when the ocean pulls me in i will be salt water trapped.
 as cold and as blue as purified liquid soul.  stomp on this jagged piece of
 me.  stomp on all i have left.  my unsaid everything.  i curse the days i
 hung from decaying plant life.  if only these machines were as lovely as
 you.  if only i could bathe myself in your smell.  cover my body with
 hundreds of tiny cuts.  vile insects and rodents.  i can still taste your
 flesh, still feel it trapped under my finger nails...

 [#####]

 (((bled across the wire)))

        they all went out trick or treating.  there were eight of them and
 one car.  three in the front three in the back two in the trunk.  he was
 luckily in the back seat.  he was in between two of her friends, although he
 can't recall which two.  they went to this kid from school's house first and
 then went trick or treating in his neighborhood.  she was dressed as a
 princess.  they got to this rather poorly lit yard and rang the bell.  the
 person dispensed the candy and after receiving his candy, her boyfriend ran
 off ahead as did her friends and the two of them were left at the door.
 they went down the stairs side by side and she stumbled and almost fell down
 the stairs.  he caught her in his arms and let her go once she had regained
 her footing.  she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the
 cheek and said thank you.  then ran off to find her boyfriend.  he wanted
 nothing more than to slit his wrists.

 .+##########################################################################

 anada246 by Alek                                                    (c) 2000
 ###################################################################anada.net