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    '   anada                    "Letting Go"                    02 feb  '
   '     279                     by Zamarooo                      2001    '
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        Some really smart person said that if you love something, let it go.
 If it comes back, it was meant to be.

        I wonder if that really smart person ever did that.  Let something go
 and had it come back.  It sounds really cool.  But I've become cynical--I'm
 afraid to let go.

        Because I can't convince myself it'll come back.  So I cling
 helplessly & it falls apart.  Something I wanted so bad is gone.

        Or is that the cynicism again?

        I can't really tell anymore.  I'm an idealist & a cynic & I can't
 think straight between them.  It's confusing, you know.  You would feel
 stupid too.

        Maybe it will come back.  But for it to come back it has to go first.
 I don't want that.

        Can't I just stop things for a little bit to decide?  Everything's
 moving & changing so fast that by the time I figure it out it'll be
 irrelevant.  Then I'll have a whole new problem to deal with & this goes on.
 It's confusing, you know.  You would feel stupid too.

        So where does that leave me?  Nowhere, absolutely nowhere.  Why the
 heck doesn't the world stop for me?  It should... doesn't it know who I am?
 
        You say I don't make sense?  Of course not, dear.  I don't quite make
 sense to myself.  I just think stuff & find a marker or a pen or something &
 scribble some little symbols on a paper.  Does that sound like it should
 make sense?

        Nothing makes sense.  Everyone contradicts themselves to make
 everyone happy.  So they smile & tell me one thing & tell you the opposite.
 Smiling the whole time, mind you.  I'd think their faces would hurt after a
 while, but they don't complain.  Those people never cease to amaze me...

        It's confusing, you know.  You would feel stupid too.
                                                                            
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 `   anada279   by Zamarooo                         (c) 2001 anada e'zine   `