Æ*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*Æ * __ __ * + _____ ____ ____ ______/ |_____ ____ ___ ______/ |___________ + * \__ \/ \ / __ \/ ___\ __\ \ _ \/ \/ ___\ __/__ \_ __ \ * + / __ \_ | \ /_/ >\__ \| | Y Y \<_> ) | \__ \| |\ ___/| | \/ + * (____ /_| /___ /____ >|__|__|_| /___/__| /___ >|__| \__ \|__| * + \/ \/____/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ + * 03.11.03 angstmonster issue 22 * Æ*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*Æ ¡edited (poorly) by gir¡ §+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++¡contents¡++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++§ + + + Brief words from gir (at work) + + Rap Wit Me wayne + + Haiku kool peith + + TURD HAPPENS! ascii bat + + Fibercon estell + + Sleep - Part 2 steak + Surprise Me tweak + + + §+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++¡contents¡++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++§ Averell [averell@averell.shell-ip.de] has joined #acromp3 hi Avril Lavagne ZING STUNG BY THE O see YOU later boy BOOYAH the warez community is like the fucking freemasons of IRC it's cool to be having ppl hitting your server for pipedoublethreeplus warez though... I do like the sound of that though -9 month baby negativeninemonthbaby it has multiple implications you can say jizz, or eggs, or sex right now, but without a condom, or with an ineffective or broken condom it's a pretty loaded phrase, no pun intended ---------------- : Brief Words : : from gir : : (at work) : ---------------- I'm coming to you live from work! Sans computer, sans delete button, I'm taking tfile to a place it's never been before, a NOTEPAD!!! Where each and every character is unique, a distant relative of the normal ASCII characters that make up a tfile. It's treacherous land to cross, the barrier between print and ASCII but I can't neglect my duties as the editor of ANGSTMONSTER!!! Some of you might be confused saying "gir doesn't work! Even when he does, it turns out disastrous. GIR CAN'T SELL ANYTHING!" But how we know gir has a job selling things? Maybe he's a farmer or a trashman... maybe he should out and writes for some fancy rag with a salary and everything... or maybe... I should stick to writing aboot the issue at hand... the 22nd installment of angstmonster!!! There's a story to be told that's much more relevant to angstmonster than stories of me at work: namely a story about my love of the dumpster. During the winter months, many a fierce animal can be found dormant in a state of hibernation. For whatever reason (inclement weather, habit, sheer laziness, genetics) these animals decide nothing fun happens during the winter. But, dumpsters are might and resilient. It takes more than a blizzard cloud dumping its innards on the east coast for dumpsters to be stopped. However, a mere tfile writer like me is very timid when it comes to snow. I'll eat it (so long as it isn't yellow) but when snow has multiple feet, you'll find me hiding indoors. Why does this matter? Because for over a year now I've been part of a love affair with dumpsters... They mean so much to me and when snow grows feet, I can't make it to see my dumpsters. This winter old man snow beast was being extra greedy and keeping all the dumpster love for himself. Eventually global warming melted him away and I was free to my dumpsters in the wild. But things had changed. I was to find that in my absence, old man snow beast was not the only one to have dived in my dumpsters. A tribe of pygmy scavengers led by Wayne and Tweak ransacked me after my first post snow dumpster dive. I was taken deep below the surface of a dumpster into a world of scavenged electronics this is a jawa's wet dream (no jawas were found however) It was here that I met Wayne and Tweak. "State your name, occupation, and purpose in our dumpsters." "Your dumpsters!?! These are mine!" "Foolish mortal, these have been ours since before your time!" "What are you talking about? You're both mortal too, I can tell. Probably my age too." "So? You're still jealous of our collection of salvaged electronics." "Yeah dude, our parents kicked us out of the house. That's why we live in the bottomless dumpster..." "That sucks. Can I get my stuff back?" "NO!! t was in our dumpster and is rightfully ours." "Your pygmies took my wallet. That was in my pocket..." "You're right! Now we must rifle through it to see who you are!!!" They proceeded to rifle through my wallet commenting on the lack of cash and the fact that my driver's license picture was silly. "What's this card? Member of the Current Text Scene?" "Oh, he's a tfiler." "What if I am?" "Can we be part of CDC? PLEASE!?!" "I'm just a CDC wannabe." "Oh." "Then we have to kill you." "Yeah you can't let people know about our secret lair..." "WAIT! I can't get you into CDC but I can make you famous!" "How?" "Write for angstmonster..." "You know the angstmonster!?!" "I AM THE ANGSTMONSTER!" The ground began to quake as I affirmed to them that I was THE angstmonster. "We're so sorry. Please let us write for your ezine." "Sure, just give me my stuff back." On that day, an alliance was formed, angstmonster had two new writers, and we all lived happily ever after in ezine glory. (even if we aren't members of CDC... That's all we want, CDC affiliation!!!) I mean, this issue kicks ass. -------------- : Rap Wit Me : : by wayne : -------------- Hi! My name is Wayne and I'm here to teach you about the game that some people still call rap, isn't that crap that some smoothed over sillies still refer to it like it's giving gifts and that makes me pissed. Thanks to angstmonster, I can tell you that it's more than that and if you wanna play, drop the gats cause it ain't about that! All you have to do is step up to bat and let the sound of your voice crack over a microphone while you let go of every piece of picture in your head, step up and say what no one else has said because in the game you have only yourself to blame when you sound the same as the main man on the radio, he doesn't know you and you don't know him, he's got platinum albums already but don't sweat it none of that will matter when you're on stage or in the middle of a swirling circle of color and animated peoples who got up from their seats with beats in the back of their mind that just flow without space or time getting in the way of the convictions you hold strong to. But if this is stuff you already knew, why you still sitting their with that smug look on your face? Doesn't it bother you that you haven't written anything yet? Ever look in the mirror and wonder what it is about a person that makes them wanna get up and scream into a microphone? If you have, why aren't you doing the same thing? I'll let you think about that for the next time when I school you with the tools you can use to light the fuse to the bomb that is kept in your lungs with a set of vocal chords meant to praise the lords and gods of every beat you've ever been brought thanks to the two statellites you call ears. ----------------- : Haiku : : by kool peith : ----------------- natural resources Gentle pastel air Contrasts anything here. These days run shorter. the invasion of currency Vibrant lush moss creeps into the forest. Rev up the chainsaw. jealousy Love is in the air and the heat boils my blood. Only death stops this. regret I remember that. It was a very bad day. I couldn't stop you. :!!!:-:-:-:CEX QUOTE:-:-:-:!!!: "All it takes is a believer to be a jesus and a book of matches to be a phoenix" "intangible," -cex :!!!:-:-:-:CEX QUOTE:-:-:-:!!!: ----------------- : TURD HAPPENS! : : by ascii bat : ----------------- [This file was sent to me in part of a letter I recieved from ascii bat after the unexplained halt of TURD releases. -gir] THE FOLLOWING IS AN OFFICAL UPDATE FROM THE UNDEAD RISE DAMNIT ON THE STATE OF THINGS CONCERNING THE MEMBERS OF TURD... To the readers and fans of TURD, You may have noticed that we haven't updated our page in a while and I apologize for not being a better zombist tfile producer but something terrible has happened: I've been taken hostage by local law enforcement and been placed under their supervision until I have a court hearing. It wasn't something that was meant to happen, but it just sorta did. Had I known my responsibilities as a zombie tfile maker would've been neglected for so long, I probably would've reconsidered my actions, but the fact of the matter is an army of zombie squirrels would've been unstoppable. I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for PETA! For some reason, introducing squirrels to zombism isn't viewed as an "ethical" way to treat a squirrel. Then again, having to explain what zombism is in a court of law was no easy task. Hopefully when the decision is made, I shall be found innocent of any crime. For all the TURDlings out there, this plan to form an unstoppable army of squirrel zombies was brought to my attention by my newlywed bride, Mrs. Avril Lavine (now known as Mrs. Avril Lavine Bat, Bat being my surname) who has since left me. After my capture, she thought it'd be best for our son to not see his father ruined by the horrible beast that is the judicial system. (That's right! We had a kid within the passed two months since we met and wed in Haiti! He's a real stinker too! LITERALLY! ALL that zombie flesh rubbing back and forth during all the baby zombie making process cause can quite a stink) Avril has agreed however to tell my sad tale on the her sophomore album which she will dedicate to our squirrel army that never was. But being that the court case is still "in session" I can't go into too much detail at the moment. It may be that one of the readers of angstmonster turns up in my jury. I wouldn't want to taint the case with a bias member of the jury. While the case continues however, I will remain a hostage of the state. For this reason, I shall suspend the release of TURD files. My abilities to perform as an editor can not be met while in prison. I will continue to write for angstmonster though, mostly about my situation and the occasional "zombism for n00bz" article. Don't worry, TURD shall return... That's all I have to say. Please send all inquires as to my condition to gir. He is the only person I wish to communicate with other than my lawyer. My broken zombie heart can't bear to take on anyone new at this time. I apologize and hope that everyone understands. I don't want TURD to die, believe me when I say that, it's just out of my hands right now. -------------- : Fibercon : : by estell : -------------- I dissolve in the stomach acid, and after what seems like days approach the colon. It is now that I know my single day of intense labor will begin. I grab and cling as I slowly move scraping down the wretched drainage pipe of that I call work. Reaching out and absorbing all the leftovers that didn't quite make it out to the toilet, I know that I shall make a difference, at least for this man or woman. I bring cleanliness to a world filled only with stench and refuse. I prevent the cancer that could come to you when you refuse to cleanse the being that is your colon! I clean and scrape all so you can produce healthy stools. I am Fibercon, and I'm here just for you. <>-OMFG-<>-#2600-<>-IS-<>-THE-<>-BEST-<>-THING-<>-EVER-<> i would love to learn how to hack websites, not to do damage, but to get in tell the admin i was able to get in, clear the logs and get out :) that makes some admins angry then they steal your children and eat them deep fried with oreos i like children but I can't eat a whole one <>-OMFG-<>-#2600-<>-IS-<>-THE-<>-BEST-<>-THING-<>-EVER-<> ------------------ : Sleep - Part 2 : : by steak : ------------------ That sleep has been getting to me again. But this time it's not the fact that I am never properly prepared for sleep's pre-emptive strike of extreme tiredness that's fucking with me, it's the process that my mind goes into every time I sleep. The cataloguing and classification of the days events into manageable easy to digest chunks of brain fart. Only it's never that simple is it? No. Where I am at the moment there are certain things I don't want to think about. Things that I put a considerable effort into trying to forget, feelings that I tell myself don't exist and I enjoy spending large amounts of my energy denying the existence of these feelings to myself, and in the day time I'm happy that I can go about my day without these thoughts interfering with my life. But in the world of sleep all bets are off, anything goes, and most often does. All the things that I devote time an effort into not thinking about are dug up and displayed for the world to see, and it's not a pretty sight. When your personal closet is ripped apart and all the skeletons fall out, smashing their disembodied bones everywhere it's often quite hard to know exactly where you are. Watching as a waiter spits in your food is bad enough, but then sitting down and eating it for some reason even though you know that there is defiantly a high chance of there being really big squiggly boogers in there somewhere is a scenario I have experienced more than once in my dreams, and I've never been able to work out why the hell I sit down and eat the stuff as apposed to getting up and smacking the waiter one right in the face. Dreams can really hurt to, they can be painful. In the waking world I have ways of dealing with things I'm not happy about, ways of working around things I can't have. In the dream world, I'm living in, well a dream. Things that I want are given to me, in lavish quantities; I start forgetting all those devices that I've created to take my mind off the things I don't have and I feel great realising that I'll never need them again. But the dream fades, leaving me with the harsh reality, the truth and the fact, instead of the fantasies. Or worse still, the dream hasn't faded and I'm left in this half screwed up reality trying to work out how I should best go about telling everyone that they are figments of my imagination, either that or I'm left looking at all the things I want, all the things I was certain I had back only a few seconds ago, watching them now fade like a sailing ship floating serenely over the horizon, and laughing at me. Sleep isn't my best friend at the moment, I'm not happy with it. It's a cruel, unnecessary waste of energy and it makes me feel like shit when I wake up. If only I could invent some machine that could instantly reproduce all the positive attributes of sleep but without all the tedious messing around with hours of unconsciousness and masochistic hallucinations, surely that's possible? Are any of those overactive amphetamine addicted Japanese scientists listening? Are they? Come on guys! --------------- : Surprise Me : : by tweak : --------------- If everyone was like me, then the smells would radiate until no end. I was once a part of an army who did unforgivable things. The silence climbed my favorite tree, just to scare me. If we are to survive, someone will have to get good at cooking babies. I refuse to believe that you are telling the truth. The village she was from was made famous by the monsters that took up residence there. how angry is the angstmonster? test his temper with a 10 foot section of iron how grizzled is the angstmonster? test his grist with a sheet of sanded paper how grumpy and grimy is the angstmonster? test his mettle with dank and darkness but whatever you do do not wake the angstmonster or it shall be the end of you æææææææææææææææææææ æ Æfterthought(s) æ æææææææææææææææææaæ The late great, spring break edition of angstmonster was brought to you in part by the lack of motivation, having an anthropology paper due the the same time as angstmonster, and some other stuff that wasn't really important to the birth of the 22nd installment of angstmonster. Be on the look out for the ALL ANGST ALL THE TIME ISSUE that comes out on March 24! That will certainly be on time. PROMISES AND HUGS AND LOVE TO ALL THE PEOPLE WISHING THEY WERE CDC TOO. HACKER GROUP FANBOYS UNITE UNDER ONE BANNER TO FIGHT THE WAR ON IRAQ! YEAH! _____ / |\ |\ /\ |\ | \ | | |/ |/ < > |/ | * / |_| | | \/ |\ | * http://www.bubblemonkey.org/cheesencrackers/ !CHEESENCRACKERS! http://www.neo-comintern.com *THE NEO-COMINTERN* http://turd.angstmonster.org THE UNDEAD RISE, DAMMIT! http://www.textscene.com CURRENT TEXTFILE SCENE ?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿?¿? What you have just read was a step into the unknown spontaneous and poorly edited thoughts for sharing collectively known as "Angstmonster." All thoughts on the matter can be sent to or you can just visit the site http://www.angstmonster.org and see what you think. Submissions of all sorts are welcome! Everything from prose and poetry to rants and opinions, creative text art, recipes for yummy food, reviews of stuff, etc. Thanks and enjoy your day... copy-spwep 2003 issue 22 angstmonster.org 03.11.03 Feel free to redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. (and stuff)