___________ __________________________ / ________/ /\____ _____/ ________/ The Canadian Anarchy / / / \ | | / /________ Technology Society / / / /\ \ | | /_________ / Presents... \ \ / /__\ \ | | / / \ \_________/ ____ \| | _________/ / \__________/__/ \__\__| /___________/ _____________________________________________________________________ ______ _________ _______ /| /| / _____\ /\ \__ __// ____/| | | | | | / \ | | / /____ | | ____ ____ | | | | / /\ \ | | /_____ / | |/__ |/ __/ | |___ | |_____ / /__\ \ | | _____/ / | | _/_ |\__ \ | __ \ \_______\/ / \ \ \ //______/ \ //_/_\|/___/ | | | | \/ \/ \| \| \/ \/ __ __ ___ ____ ___ | \ / | /\ / /\ / | |\ | | | \/ | /__\ | ___ /__\ / | | \ | |- | |/ \ \___| / \ /___ | | \| |___ Catslash Magazine Volume 1, Issue 21 April 1998 Edmonton, Alberta, Canada (-: Special April Fools Madness Issue :-) _____________________________________________________________________ April is here, and just like last year, we have our special April Fool's issue. Its that special time when we eat a lot of sugar, watch the late night movies on Teletoon and then write about weird things that'll never work. In case you missed last years issue (and the point of the above paragraph), this one is not filled with april fool's pranks, its not filled with great anarchist ideas and devices, it doesn't even have any fun games. Everything in this issue is FAKE!!! Well, not everything is fake. All the ones with * beside them are real. The rest is just funny (and is totally fake). So now you've been warned. If you actually try this stuff you're a dead man. Have phun! ___________________________________________________________________ | Contents | | April Fools Madness Issue | |___________________________________________________________________| |Subject | Author: | File# | |___________________________________________|______________|________| |*1. Intro................................... Reaper............. 1 | |2. The Inphamous Rock Bomb ................. X-Con ..............2 | |3. Fuel of Evil ............................ Reaper ............ 3 | |4. The Vengeance Column .................... Poison Ice ........ 4 | |5. 403, Mr.T, And the Mossad (Story) ....... Poison Ice ........ 5 | |6. The Incredible Blue Box Revival ......... Reaper ............ 6 | |*7. Connection Corner ...................... Reaper ............ 7 | |8. Catslash Top Ten ........................ Poison Ice ........ 8 | |*9. Other Catslash Information ................................. 9 | |*10. Disclaimer ............................................... 10 | |___________________________________________________________________| (-: End of File :-) CATSLASH APRIL FOOL'S ISSUE - ALL INFO IN THIS FILE IS FALSE! --------------------------------------------------------------------- \ THE INPHAMOUS ROCK BOMB / \ By: X-Con / \________Catslash Magazine - Issue 21, April 1998 __________/ ''''''''''''''''''File #2 of 10'''''''''''''' ''''''''''''' Did you know that if you take a special kind of rock and smash it into the ground as hard as you can it will explode like half a dynamite stick?! Well, it's true. The type of rock is pretty easy to get. The type is called Granite. Marble will also work but not as efficeintly < (good). This rock can be phound where ever you phind rox. All you do is phind a hard phlat smooth surface and smash the piece of granite it will explode and take the ground with it. Be karephull and don't abuse the power, like you abuse drugz!!! aaaaaaahhh, DRuGz GoOd! ____X-con____ (-: End of File :-) CATSLASH APRIL FOOL'S ISSUE - ALL INFO IN THIS FILE IS FALSE! --------------------------------------------------------------------- \ Fuel of Evil / \ By: Reaper / \________Catslash Magazine - Issue 21, April 1998 __________/ ''''''''''''''''''File #3 of 10'''''''''''''' ''''''''''''' I've discovered how to make a flame fuel that destroys napalm, egg gells, chud and the whole works!!! It was used in World War II as a grenade filler and in grade two as 'the volcano'. Materials: """""""""" 1) Baking Soda 2) Vinegar 3) Fire 4) A cup You might have to go to a special chemical store to buy these. #1 is the hardest to get, but if you go to Safeway they might sell to you (tell them you left your ID in the truck). Using it: """"""""" Take the cup and mix the baking soda and vinegar. Now scrape off the fizz and light it up. Get back fast! I know someone who lost 4 fingers to this stuff! It'll make a 1mm high torch! Just think how funny it is when you coat someone's windows with this stuff and set it off! Conclusion: """"""""""" Now you know how to make the most lethal fuel known to man. None of you probably have the balls to make it, but if you do, forget where you read this. For more great bomb recipees read CATSLASH MAGAZINE (Thats C-A-T-S-L-A-S-H) available at http://members.tripod.com/~catslash/ Don't forget... (-: End of File :-) CATSLASH APRIL FOOL'S ISSUE - THIS FILE IS FALSE! __ ________ '''''''''''''''''''''' \_\ /\_\_____\ ' Catslash Magazine ' \ \ / / / ____/ ' Issue #21 ' \ \/ / / / ' April, 1998 ' \ \/ / /___ ' File #4 of 10 ' \ / /____\ '''''''''''''''''''''' \engence_/olumn By: Bungie _____________________________________________________________________ Check this out my fellows, for this month we declare war! We, the writers and members of The Canadian Anarchy Technology Society (C.A.T.S) and civilian affiliates do In this April Issue of Catslash magazine Declare war on the wussy-Assed, faggoty-assed, sissies Known as the Backstreet boys! Upon entry of C.A.T.S Territories, websites, and properties etc. You will be E-Mail bombed, Rocket blasted, and Beaten to a bloody pulp. There can be no mediation, you faggotstreet boys have crossed many a line. In accordance with this document, pro-BSB sites will be mailbombed into digital submission Until all Pro-BSB sites have been taken off the net! There will be no peace, no warnings, and NO PRISONERS. Blatantly stating, Catslash Magazine (-: End of File :-) CATSLASH APRIL FOOL'S ISSUE - ALL INFO IN THIS FILE IS FALSE! (EXCEPT THE DEDICATION TO 403 AT THE END - THAT'S REAL) --------------------------------------------------------------------- \ 403, Mr.T, And the Mossad (Story) / \ By: Poison Ice / \________Catslash Magazine - Issue 21, April 1998 __________/ ''''''''''''''''''File #5 of 10'''''''''''''' ''''''''''''' 403, Mr.T, And the Mossad Note: this didn't really happen (Duh!) It was a day like any other day, Reaper and Poison Ice were Doing their latest anarchist's revenge, KICKING THE CRAP OUT OF CHUMBAWUMBA!!! With Poison yelling "This is what you get for calling yourselves Anarchists" as he was pounding the shit out of one of them. Suddenly, Reaper's cell phone rang, it was faceless, third in command of C.A.T.S and All around tough guy. "Come to catslash HQ boys, we have news." "If you ever come to Canada again, we'll Kill ya!" Reaper yelled as chumbawumba left in a bloody mess. As they arrived in Catslash HQ, Reaper Announced "This news better be good, I was Bashing some anarchist wannabes and I was enjoying it!" Faceless replied "we have discovered through Poison's links in the lebanese government that the Israeli secret service (A.K.A The Mossad) was responsible for the death of 403 Ninja! It appears he found out about their recent infiltrations into Canadian Anarchy and before he could warn us, well, you know what happened. Reaper was Pissed! "I'll kill those bastards!!!" he cried out in a fit of rage. "Calm down buddy, we'll get those fraggers back, but we need help to do it, first we-" Poison said as he was cut off by Reaper "Forget that! We need no one, I will Kill them all!!!" Poison Cracked him in the face "Calm down Asswipe! We will get them for this, But you don't know them, the mossad is the most ruthless secret service outfit in the world! Even the CIA watches out when they are around." Reaper looked at him, noted the look in poison's eyes and knew what he was talking about "Ok, what do we do?" he asked poison. The planning had begun. First They would call upon the Most fierce fighter in 80's t.v- Mr.T! After convincing him the israeli's stole his gold chains He yelled "I pity the foo that crosses the Path of Me, MR.T!" Then, Poison got on the net and contacted the Hezbollah rebels to arange backup support, They announced "The zionist enemy (Israel) will pay for this infringment of international law!" (but they said it in arabic) After those were set, one more thing remained, They needed transport! "I can handle that!" Faceless announced. He got some of his hoodlum friends to steal the boat off "The adventures of Sinbad" Tv series. After two days of retro fitting the Boat with weapons, engines, Communications systems and radar scanners, Our heroes set sail. "Set a course for Lebanon, full throttle!" The anarchist crew obeyed and they were on their way. During the voyage, Reaper honed his fighting skills, Poison prayed to Allah, Faceless kicked a punching bag, Mr.T Lifted weights, and the rest of the crew of anarchists composed of C.A.T.S members, and Vigilante Corp. Members (the third installment of crew members wasn't available, damn anarcon '96!), piloted the ship. After fighting off a sea monster, an old Nazi sub set on autopilot, and the Disney lawyers (don't ask me why they were there, they just were), our heroes arrived in the mediteranean and were aproaching Lebanon. Suddenly, Five blips appeared on the radar screen, Facless announced "All Crew members report to assigned posts, we have trouble." Reaper and poison came to the bridge, "What's wrong?" they asked simultaneously, "Five Israeli Gunboats just came into radar range, their on an intercept course" Faceless replied. "What are Israeli gunboats doing in lebanese waters?" asked Reaper, "The Israeli military constantly uses their war-tech superiority to harass lebanese citizens, they Fire at fishing boats, Cut fishing nets, Interogate and torture fisherman, etc. Their coming to badger us, and arrest us under false charges, even though we are carrying 200 kilo's of artillery and weapons." While they were talking, one of the israeli gunboats fired a tear gas can and Hit Reaper in the head, knocking him out! "This is the Israeli navy, Cut your engines and prepare to be boarded!, Resist and be destroyed!" The can was a dud, but reaper was out so Poison was in command, "MAN THE GUNS!!! Lets show them that these C.A.T.S have TEETH!! Faceless, get on the horn, call the Hezbollah and tell them we need backup!" All the guns on the ship Clicked as they loaded. The Israeli boats took a crossfire position, "Lock targets and wait for my signal", the boats came into firing range and prepared to fire. "Aim, FIRE!!! The ship's guns fired full, rockets, depth charges, bullets and torpedo's. One Gunboat destroyed, the rest fired back "BOOM!!!" "direct hit, armor holding, Torpedo launcher two offline, 'Overkill' is dead" Faceless reported. "Return fire! Come about to 180 degrees and fire forward rockets" They did, One boat exploded, Mr.T Grabbed Spectre's rocket launcher (conveniently stored on deck) loaded a Missle, and fired while yelling "Suck dis Israeli foo's!!!" Boat three was destroyed. Crash! a torpedo collided with the hull, "Forward armor has failed, Water doors in place. Israeli sucka's just don't take no for an answer" Mr. T yelled. "Welcome to southern lebanon, Mr.T! Poison ran to a machine gun turret loaded it and pointed at the fourth Boat, "Get fragged israeli spawn!!! This ones for my people!" Poison fired at the boat untill he hit a live rocket, BOOM!! Was the sound it made As it Exploded And sank. "Wait a minute,1,2,3,4..WHERE'S THE FIFTH ONE?" Crash!!! The fifth boat hit with a full load! "Aft weapons offline, Armor breached, 4 men injured, no fatalities. Their gonna hit us again! All hands, brace for impact!" Faceless announced. Suddenly, the fifth boat exploded! <"Hezbollah one to Poison Ice, respond please"> (<>means in arabic) "" poison replied. Reaper regained conciousness, "what did I miss?" he asked, "Oh nothing, battle with gunboats, 1 dead, 4 injured, no rear weapons or armor, you know, the usual." Poison answered. "Very well, Faceless, your in command here, take the boat to lebanon and cooperate with the hezbollah during repairs, we have a mission to finish." Reaper ordered. Reaper, Poison, And Mr.T took the long boat along with Spectre's rocket launcher, and went towards Israel. An hour later they arrived in Jerusalem, some kindly Palestinians told them where the mossad's HQ was, And Five minutes later A blast rocked the mossad building, When the smoke cleared The Israeli's saw them, One man came in front of them and said "We've been waiting for you, THROW THE SWITCH!!!". Suddenly, a trap door opened up below our heroes and they landed in a dungeon-type cell. "Poison, how come everywhere we go, a trap door opens up under us? First when we took on the Fagstreet boys last halloween, and now when we are taking on the Mossad?" Reaper asked, "Because both occasions we were involved!" said the man In the doorway, accompanied by five men in cloaks, "We created the backstreet boys as a weapon to destroy the Middle east and make it all ours! The Arabs time here is over, The zionist regime will flourish forever!!" "Quit talkin' foo! you Israeli sucka's are dead!" Mr.T yelled. "Not if we can help it, we want a piece of you straight boys!" As our Troublesome trio starred in amazement, the five men took off their cloaks, they weren't men at all, It was the... BACKSTREET BOYS!!!!! "Not again! What is it with the Israeli's and evil?" poison bitched. "Lets kick some ass boys!" Reaper yelled, The strange man disappeared and the Fags remained to attack our heroes "This time straight boys, we've Been cyberneticaly altered! now we want a piece of you! guess which piece " Howie stated. "That's it, It's on! Attack!!!" Reaper yelled, as Nick and A.J rushed Mr.T, he kicked nick away, he pounded A.J into the floor, Literally! Poison yelled "Go after the suit Reaper, we'll handle the sissies! Do it for 403Ninja!" Reaper nodded and leaped over the faggotasses, kicked the door open, and ran after the evil guy. Meanwhile, Poison punched Kevin in the Gut, knee'd him in the face, and Crammed his knife into his back, Kevin got up and Pounded poison in the face, "We have artificial components inside us, we will turn you gay now! Nick grabbed Poison, but poison threw him over his shoulder, right into kevin. "we'll do this later, now kill the infidels!" Nick said. Poison pulled his thermite gun and pumped Kevin full of thermite! as he burnt alive poison kicked his head off! Mr.T was Beating howie into a bloody pulp! "Oh thtop it!" howie said while doing that girly wrist thing, Mr.T then replied "Your gonna fly you sissy-assed foo!" as he lifted howie above his head and threw him through the wall. Poison got fed up with the faggot force, got up and yelled "By the power of Allah! I call upon the spirit of the Hezbollah!" Poison's arms began to glow, then his eyes flashed with power "Get fragged Israeli spawn!!!" he yelled as he released energy bolts at nick and Brian, With their cybernetic implants, they exploded! "Woah poison-foo! that was some hot stuff!" Mr.T exclaimed, "Thanks Mr.T, Now, go find your gold chains, we leave soon provided we live, got it? I have to help Reaper!"said poison. Mr.T took off in one direction, Poison grabbed his thermite gun, reloaded it and ran off looking for Reaper. All the while reaper was locked in deadly combat with the evil guy, "You killed 403! You bastard! I'm gonna kill you if it's the last thing I do!!!" Reaper yelled. "You will die you Canadian Weakling! Your whole country is not worth A single Israeli pet gerbel! One day Israel will rule Canada In an autocratic style and you will all serve the zionist regime! ahahahahahaha!" the evil guy yelled. Reaper kicked him in the stomach and his wallet fell out of his jacket, his name was BENJAMIN NETANYAHU!!! The enemy of peace himself! "You! Poison told me about you! your a monster of evil! and you dissed Canada! AND you killed 403Ninja! LETS ROCK!" Reaper gave him a heavy fist pounding about the head and shoulders, Netanyahu had a better Idea, he kicked Reaper in the knee, knee'd him in the crotch, poked him in the eye, And threw sand in his face! he was fighting dirty!! "Do you Israeli's have any honor?" Reaper asked, "uh..we stole a whole country and kill innocents all the fucking time! what do you think?" netanyahu responded. Then Suddenly, The ghost of 403ninja appeared, and went to reaper. "Use the force Reaper, Use the force...If you don't avenge my death, I can't go to anarchist heaven, where the napalm always burns and the phones can always be Phreaked. Do it for me buddy, do it for me, I am the 403..." "Yes!! I'll do it for you man!" Reaper yelled as he rose, rejuvinated and pissed to hell, he walked towards netanyahu. Who was petrified with fear, He put all his power into his fist, Pulled his left arm back, Netanyahu Saw this and grabbed his left hand. "Sucker!" Reaper said as he hit him with his right hand! Blood spewed from his face as Reaper grabbed him, put his face against the wall, and KICKED HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD REPEATEDLY!!! "Reaper! Catch!" Poison yelled, He threw his thermite gun to him, he caught it and fired on Netanyahu."YOU MAY HAVE STOPPED ME THIS TIME, BUT THEY'LL HAVE ME CLONED BY NEXT MONTH!" The bloody pulp said as he burned. Crash!! Mr.T Came through the wall and said "C'mon foo's, the boat's waitin'!" A mossad agent ran in saw what happened and yelled "Oh my god! You killed Benny! YOU BASTARDS!! "Poison ran to the agent, "Shut the fuck up you Israeli gun cleaner!" poison said as he shot him. "Let's roll boys!" Bungie yelled. They all ran through the hole and back to the ship. Later, Reaper went to poison, and said "Thanks for Bringing me back to my senses buddy, I really lost it". "No problem Man, too bad I had to hit you in the face to do it." poison replied. "You hit me?!?" Reaper yelled. Then he kicked poison in the crotch, Poison fell to the ground, "uuhhhuhh" poison uttered. "Never hit me again asswipe!" And so they lived, tune in to their next high paced adventure Next october. P.S. - This one was for our fallen comrade, the 403Ninja. Rest in Peace man! The End. (-: End of File :-) CATSLASH APRIL FOOL'S ISSUE - ALL INFO IN THIS FILE IS FALSE! --------------------------------------------------------------------- \ The Incredible Blue Box Revival / \ By: Reaper / \________Catslash Magazine - Issue 21, April 1998 __________/ ''''''''''''''''''File #6 of 10'''''''''''''' ''''''''''''' I'll bet you've heard "Blue Boxing can't be done in Edmonton because the signalling system won't allow it." Well, that's true in some cases, but I've discovered a way to get around it! Drive around town and find a payphone with a coin slot on it. This is Telus' symbol for a 'boxable' payphone. They think that the coin slot will make you think that it is blue box proof but it really isn't blue box proof at all that's why it has the coin slot (Get it!). Dial Directory Assistance (it works good for this) and play your 2600Hz tone. If you hear an operator's voice asking what you are doing then it worked! That's really the ESS computer's way of disguising the beep-chunk you used to hear when you seize a trunk. After this you will either hear silence or ESS' secret "Hello, this is the police" back up recording. Don't be fooled by it! You're really blue boxing like the pros. Now you're kicking ass! Try dialing a number. Here's a good one: KP+403+123+4567+ST - This is the operator code to crash the whole exchange! Quickly hang up so you don't get caught and then walk away! There you go, you've become a master phreaker. Go home and call all of your phriendz and tell them what kind of k-rad phone d00d you really are! Just don't tell them that I told you so they think you discovered it yourself! ;-) Have phun! (-: End of File :-) CATSLASH APRIL FOOL'S ISSUE - THIS FILE IS REAL __________ | ________| ''''''''''''''''''''' | | ' Catslash Magazine ' __| |_____ ' Issue #21 ' | | |_____| ' April, 1998 ' | || |________ ' File #7 of 10 ' | ||__________|onnection ''''''''''''''''''''' | | | |________ |__________|orner By: Reaper _____________________________________________________________________ Well, this connection corner is pretty empty. Poison says he might do next months again. Maybe this should have been fake too...there was so much news! ___________________________________________________________________ | __ __ | Another Stabbed... | || \ / |_|=======================================================| || \/ |_|Another person was stabbed this month at lazerte. The | || |\ /| |_|details the police gave were made up. According to | ||_| \/ |_|_|sources, it was a racial thing between some lebs and | | | |____|some blacks. A leb guy came out of it with a punctured | | M.E.\_____|lung. The people involved were all caught later, and no| | Lazerte |"vigilante justice" happened. | |___________|_______________________________________________________| To give us Conection Corner info, e-mail harrysachz@mailexcite.com or catslash@hotmail.com (-: End of File :-) CATSLASH APRIL FOOL'S ISSUE - THIS FILE...IS A TOP TEN! Catslash _________ /___ ___/_____ _____ ''''''''''''''''''''' / // / ___ / __ \\ ' Catslash Magazine ' / // / // / / /_/ // ' Issue #21 ' / // / // / / ____// ' April, 1998 ' / // / //_/ / // ' File #10 of 12 ' /_// \_____/_// ''''''''''''''''''''' _________ /___ ___/____ __ / // / ___//\ / // / // / /__ / \ / // / // / ___// /\ \/ // / // / /___/ // \ // /_// \____/_// \// By: Poison Ice ********************************************************************* *Top ten things that that mark on Makhail Gorbechev's head could be * ********************************************************************* * 10. A shoe polish stain. * * 9. A bruise that he got from boris yeltsin when he got hit * * on the head with a Vodka bottle during a drunken brawl. * * 8. A Chernoble radiation burn. * * 7. A big red tomato. * * 6. A piece of a russian car engine(They never work anyways)* * 5. A defective KGB suicide pill. * * 4. A horse kicked him in the head. * * 3. A bum hit him over the head with a two by four when he * * was reaching down for a quarter. * * 2. James bond dropped his acid pill down the wrong vent * * shaft. * * 1. A hicki from bill clinton. * ********************************************************************* (-: End of File :-) CATSLASH APRIL FOOL'S ISSUE - THIS FILE IS REAL Catslash Magazine - Issue 21, April, 1998 ********************************************************************* * Other Catslash Information * ********************************************************************* ===================================================================== = Getting other issues of Catslash = ===================================================================== = Catslash is available from: = = The Internet: http://members.tripod.com/~catslash/ = ===================================================================== = Contacting us: = ===================================================================== = *To E-Mail Catslash on the Internet* e-mail: = = catslash@hotmail.com - All questions/comments are sent to Reaper = = harrysachz@mailexcite.com - Poison Ice = = cybercowboy@starmail.com - Buachaill B- = = xcon0@yahoo.com - X-Con = = = = All articles or general questions should be mailed to Reaper. = ===================================================================== = Want to Write for us? = ===================================================================== = Catslash needs writers! If you want to place an article in = = Catslash, send it to us by e-mail. Include your alias and any = = other information you think is important in your e-mail message. = = You will receive full credit for your articles. If you want to = = become a regular writer through e-mail just say so in your message= = and we can set up a column for you. The only rules we have are: = = 1. It must be in some way related to anarchy (H/P/A/V/W/C/...) = = 2. It can't be copied from somebody else's file (without proper = = credit) = = 3. It must be suitable for us to publish = = Send them in! = ===================================================================== _____________________________________________________________________ ______________ | / | CATSlash Magazine is made with | | / | | '''''''''Macintosh'''''''''''' | / | ''''''''' | /__ | Sometimes we have a Mac version of CS Magazine! | \____|___/ | Why is this better? because the Mac version |_______|______| comes with pictures, sound, movies, point and click interface plus other stuff. Macs Rule! Check our web page for details. _____________________________________________________________________ ~ ~CATSlash Magazine is made in Canada! ~ ~ ~ /\ ~ ~ ~ ~ |\/ \/| ~ __ _ ~_ _ _ ~ ~ | | ~/ /_| |\ | /_| | \ /_| ~ ~ _/\ | | /\_ ~\___/ | | \| /~ | |_/ / | ~ ~ _| \| |/ |_ ~ __ _ __ ~ __ ~ ~ \ \ / / ~|__\ / \ / |_/ /_ ~ ~ \ / ~| \ \_/ \__ | \ __/ ~ ~ \ / ~ ~ ~ ~ /_____ _____\ ~ ~ ~ ~ | | ~ ~ ~ ~ | | ~ ~ ~ ~ |__| ~ ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Don't mess with Canada or we'll kill you. I mean it. _____________________________________________________________________ - End of File - CATSLASH APRIL FOOL'S ISSUE - THIS FILE IS REAL Catslash Magazine - Issue 21, April 1998 ____________ /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\Disclaimer/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ < C.A.T.S. or CATSlash Magazine are not responsible for any > < incidents occuring from this magazine or past issues. This is > < for informational purposes only and anything described in these > < files are not meant to be done by the reader. So, if you blow > < off a body part, we aren't responsible. You are you! > \________________________________________________________________/ (-: End of File :-)