Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine
Volume I, Issue X, Year MCMXCVI AD
Friday, August 30th, 1996
-------------------------------------------
1.      One of my fantasies by Colin Barrett
2.      This man must've no life.
3.      The Golden Testicle Award winner.
4.      We are not really dead just yet.

-------------------------------------------

1.            One of my fantasies
              by Colin Barrett (blonde@io.org)

        I was walking up Yonge St. today and
I spotted this large, greasy, rather sleazy
looking, fellow with his girlfriend (I assume
--he was holding hands with her) and three other
women. I approached the guy's girlfriend and
asked: "Is he with you for this week, or all
four of you?"

        "You little fucker," he replies as he
releases his grip from his mate's palm
and charges towards me.

        I quickly pulled out a revolver, pointed
it at his face and say "Take it easy buddy.
There's no need for violence." With a few huffs,
he stops dead in his tracks. I slowly walk past
him, revolver steady at his nose. I slip down the
Queen St. Subway stairs, pocket the gun and step
on a subway.
-------------------------------------------

2.      This guy must have no life.

One night, I performed a serach for Quake
Deathmatch servers. Here is a partial
listing of the results:

        ____________________________________

        Search results for quake play internet

DetMan's Quake Page
-- http://www.comcat.com/~ansinn/detquake.html
(Score 52, Size 6K)  Updated 13 APR 96.
Latest News: Still Addicted . My brother and I have
been playing the death match test constantly over
modem lately. I've received many late night calls
that simply state (See also Similar Pages)

        ______________________________________


When I accessed this page, this is what returned:

        ______________________________________

                  "It's Just A Game"

I'm devoting my free-time to software development
and more importantly, my lovely wife.
I am no longer making shrines to computer games.

Thanks to all those that gave me great feedback.
-------------------------------------------

3.      A Golden Testicle Award HomePage Winner.

        We are proud to announce our first winner
for the Golden Testicle Award.  This issue's award
was given to the "Gnuish Homepage" by Davide Welton
(davidw@efn.org).  Reason/category for such award
was best described by David with the following
comment:

"ahahahaaaaaaahahahhahahahaahahahaha
you'll find everything on http://soli.inav.net/~gnuish
ahahaha ahahah ahah ooohhhohohohah ahahaha"

        Here are a few poems extracted by that page
that brought an applause of admiration from CoN:

        Rain

Piangevo sempre,
poi, all'improviso
ho visto il sole
Italia mi ha dato un sorisso
dalla anima amichevole.
-------------
        Rain

Walking in the rain
Thinking of love lost
Lost are the tears 
-----------------
        Starved

Love, the emotion,
Like essence of man,
Required, Essential.

Life long devotion,
Strong wind to fan,
My Flames, Inferno.

My heart, in motion,
Consumes in passion,
My Soul, My Self.

Its deprivation,
A dreadful plan,
Fearful, Starved.

Your sweet love potion,
I am driven,
To Calm, to Content."

-------------------------------------------

4.      We are not really dead just yet.
        by Leandro


What happened?

        Well, we wanted to be able to publish
our magazine once a week, and while we got a
lot of response in the beginning, it really
died down now.

Why did it take you so long to come out
with another issue of CoN?

        Well, cuz we had nothing good enough
to put on it!

Why didn't you write it yourselves?

        Ahem, scusme but we got lifes to take
care of.  I'd rather spend half an hour with
Neetu then an hour on CoN.

What's a Neetu?

        If you don't know, don't worry about
it.  It's my concern, my pride, my joy.
If you know what the number 42 is, Neetu is my
number 42.  But better.
        Well, I should get ready, in theory I am
going camping.  In reality I still have to
prepare 90% of the stuff.

Why do you start all of your sentences
with "Well"?

   Well, it all started when we all were sitting
in the yearbook room, instead of being in class
and doing something useful, like sleeping on
the desk or doodling.  Betty was fiddling with
the Bah-Device (Bah-Device (C)opyright 1993-94
TM "The Goat Club"), Bennett was looking at his
latest Physic's class homework and kept on
whispering words such as "Haystack must die"
while scribbling mathematical formulas, Colin
sitting at the "Con" chair (con as in control,
not Capital of Nasty), legs streched, staring
ahead with a look of ponderment, Steve Koschuk
(aka "the alternative"), the anti-conformist
dude that loved to hang around us conformists,
and show us books with enlightening titles like
"Putting away childish things", and me, with
nothing really to do, because all the best
chairs were taken.
-------------------------------------------