Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine Volume I, Issue XXIII, Year AD MCMXCVI Monday, November 25th, 1996 ------------------------------------------- 1. Readers' Letters 2. Thank God for Microsoft 3. It's one of those stories 4. Snow. ------------------------------------------- 1. Readers' Letters To: leandro@ifront.com From: rava@jb.com (Melissa) > This could be dubbed the TV generation, and I'd go >further into it, except that psych major would probably chew me out >in the next issue for not giving a good definition of "our" generation. All I wanna know is...WHICH psych major is this?!?!? P.S. >* hot sweats >* cold sweats >* nausea >* shaking >* difficulty sleeping >* unexplained euphoria or depression >* inability to construct coherent sentences >* distraction or preoccupation due to constant thinking about her >* biting of the tongue or lower lip to prevent blurting the > words, "I love you!" in casual conversations with her I have had NUMEROUS male friends, yet I have not yet had a single one who would admit to having had a single one of the above reactions. Are American men liars? Defective? Should I move? Or is this all a romantic myth? Hmmmmmmmmm P.P.S Just for the record...I STILL think Jason MacIsaac is funny :) ------------------------------------------- 2. Microsoft Humor A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Hi, where am I?" The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane." The pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it. "Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees." ------------------------------------------- 3. It's one of those stories Once upon a time there lived a beautiful young woman, who loved a young man. She belonged to a rich and powerful family, unlike him who was the son of a poor farmer. Even if their union would've been impossible, their love saw no limits. Her parents refused this love, and ordered her to never see him again. But the two of them kept on seeing each other, for their love was stronger then any order. One day her parents took the young man and chained him on the side of one of the streets. If she didn't stop loving him, they would kill him. Reluctantly, the daughter accept her parent's conditions. The young man was left chained by the street for one more week as of punishment, so that everyone that walked by had the chance to grab rocks and toss them at him. Never did he let go of a sound or allowed a tear to fall from his face. One day, before his release, she walked by him, and tossed a flower at him. He suddenly began to cry. When asked why he had cried at a flower, and never at the rocks he answered: "All the people that threw rocks at me meant nothing to me. But she is all I live for, and even a flower hurts more then a thousand rocks". Story by Neetu Gandhi. ------------------------------------------- 4. Snow. Today it snowed, but unlike all the other times, this time the snow decided to stay on the ground, and build up a thick blanket, turning this gray city into a sudden burst of white. CoN made it to issue 23rd. Wow, I must admit I am pretty impressed. I'd like to thank all those that have helped us so far. It seems easy at times to publish something as small and silly as this, but it's a pain to find things to put in it. This issue is the proof: it really sucks. I'm tired. I had to deal with the new shopping carts at work which require more then the basic thinking technique, and an IQ of above 72. Every customer needed an introduction course on where to place the quarter to free the cart. Thank god they know how to wheel it around. I'll leave you to something to ponder about children's programs. Goodnight. Barney Devil Proof Here's an exercise in logic. It goes to prove education goes a long way. Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR Prove: Barney is satanic The Romans had no letter 'U', and used 'V' instead for printing, meaning the Roman representation would for Barney would be: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR Extracting the Roman numerals, we have: CV V L DI V And their decimal equivalents are: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5 Adding those numbers produces: 666. 666 is the number of the Beast. Proved: BARNEY IS SATAN! -------------------------------------------