Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine Volume II, Issue 24, Year AD MCMXCVII Monday, June 16th, 1997 ------------------------------------------- Happy Birthday Capital of Nasty Monday, June 17th, 1996 - Tuesday, June 17th, 1997 One year of faithful service. ------------------------------------------- "Define irony. An airplane full of idiots dancing to a song written by a band who died in an airplane crash" -- Garland Green, pretending to be a patron of CoN on Con Air. ------------------------------------------- 1. Readers' Letters 2. Where We Really Stand 3. Con Air review 4. Editorial Rambling ------------------------------------------- This week's Golden Testicle Web Award goes to: The Unofficial Village People Homepage http://www.gryphon.com/village-people/index.html ------------------------------------------- 1. Readers' Letters Date sent: Mon, 9 Jun 1997 00:57:53 -0400 From: Carl Ma To: CoN Editorial Subject: Re: Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine II.23 On Sun, 8 Jun 1997, Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro wrote: > expression. An expression which he called art. If it had not been for > him, I would've been probably kicked out of the school (nice try Ms. > O'Brien, you still have a fat ass). Leandro: How come I am getting 2 copies of CoN?! Did you subscribe me twice? Oh Man, You didn't call Ms O'Brien fat ass, did you?! If you did, I really think you deserved to be kicked out of st pats!!! How could you do that? She is such a nice person!!! Later guy. Shame on you. -- CM --[ Editor's Response ]-- Hello Carl Ma. Ms. O'Brien still remains the lesbo-nazi-bitch we all learned to love in our drama class. I'm surprised she wasn't at the reunion, unless she finally went through with that operation in Casablanca, and I didn't recognize her because of the beard. Do you know if she has an internet e-mail address? Perhaps I should subscribe her to CoN. As for the two copies of CoN, some people call it spamming, I call it fucking things up. My fault, my apologies to all those that realized that in their mailbox they got two copies instead of one. Best, Leandro+ ------------------------------------------- 2. Where We Really Stand by Lilith DemHareIs I was watching one of those day talk shows (ah, the joys of being unemployed ) the other day, and it makes me really sick to realize how low humans can sink. The subject of the show was women who thought they were so hot they could get anything they wanted, especially from men. Their mothers and sisters were on there as well, complaining about the attitudes of these women. (Strangely enough, none of the others were friends. In fact, one of them remarked that her ego-besotted sister didn't have any friends anymore. I'm not shocked.) Anyhow, the most disgusting thing about these women was their statements. "I'm hot, and you're not. You're just jealous because I'm pretty and you're not." That bothered me. I'm not ugly (proof available upon request), nor was I in the studio audience. I was offended just the same. Who were these women to come on this show, and tell the rest of us that we were ugly, that we were jealous, and that all we wanted in life was to be like themselves? It's one thing to recognize that you are a beauty. But it is completely another to say that you're THE standard for beauty, and everyone else pales in comparison. Truth is, these women were not beautiful at all. In fact, they weren't even pretty. They all were dressed like sluts--literally. They all wore short-short skirts and no nylons. That is the height of tacky. Whores don't wear nylons because they just can't last the night. They all had these ugly chunky shoes--you know the ones. They're popular right now, though I don't know why. They make feet look awkward. There is no grace or style to them. One chick's makeup could have rivaled Tammy Faye's. She was a sallow girl, at best, and she insisted on wearing winter colours. Sicko! She looked like a Goth with the flu. She would have looked better with some warmer colours, and not so much makeup. A warm red lipstick would have done her better. Maybe soften the lines of her hair with a bit of body, stick her in a pumpkin-coloured turtleneck sweater, and she could look as good as she claims. The worst part of the show was that these women were users. They'd use their looks to charm men into buying things for them. Then, when they were finished with the man, or had no more use for him, they'd dump him. And they admitted it freely. They openly claimed that men were there for their pleasure, and to buy them things. They didn't see men as sentinet beings. They saw them as slaves, or machines. These women were used to getting their way. They had the rudest manners. They kept interrupting the host, and the studio audience. Nobody but them could get a word in edgewise. It eventually got so bad that two of them were literally screaming at each other, and would have torn each other's hair out, if security hadn't pulled them apart. They kept screaming "You're just jealous! You can't handle it." I may not be an oil painting, but I was so ready to stand up, screaming, "Oh yeah? If you think you're so hot, let's you and me go out for an hour and see who can have the most money stuffed down their bra!!" (Only one was wearing a bra, though.) Chances are, I could do it too. After all, I've belly-danced before. I know how to capture a man's attention, and make him feel like he's somebody. But if I was there, I probably wouldn't have issued the challenge. Perhaps I'm afraid I'd lose. And then, I realized where these women really stood. They were so concerned not so much with their own beauty, but the putting down of others. I realized that they were too busy making sure everybody "knew their place," and would not challenge the pecking order. They've got to keep it that way. For maybe someday, someone will stand up, and point out what hideous beasts these women truly are, and everyone else will believe them, and the women will realize that they don't have any power after all, and their lives will be over. Not that that changes anything. I still want to beat in the faces of these women, not so much because they're "hotter" [sic] than me, but because their attitude towards other women very much like myself is insulting. ------------------------------------------- 3. CoN's Con Air Review by Peter Fung The movie CoN Air..I mean CON Air! It was a good movie. Decent acting on the part of Nicholas Cage and special mention for Steve Buscemi. It is definitely a gazillion times better than, "Can't stop the music." You will leave the theater knowing how the world works: There IS a God. Only cops and crooks die. If you're the hero, bullets miss you, or graze you and you don't feel it 'till later. The family unit is important. Civilians don't die even if a transport plane crash lands through: A) a busy main street full of people; B) several buildings apparently full of people; C) a casino full of people. Oh yes, if someone asks you to put the bunny back in the box, you'd better listen or else! The story...a decorated soldier returning home to his wife, accidentally kills a drunken fart in self defense during a brawl and is sent to the big house for several years. Several years later, our hero is a free man, coming home to see his little girl on a plane happening to be transporting dangerous convicts. He should've chose the bus! The plane is then conveniently hijacked, and it's up to the hero to save hostages and prevent the plane from being blown up by a gung-ho law enforcement officer sore about getting his car trashed and see his loved ones within the time span of 1hr 23mins (not including all preview trailers, and that stupid in-theater trivia contest before the movie). Action: Lot's of guns! Guns Guns Guns! Effects: Definitely NOT StarWars of the 90's but decent. Memorable scenes: Steve Buscemi, as the mass murderer Garven Greene Memorable song: "He's got the whole world in his hands." Thank you for flying CoN Air, although we lost one wing, out of fuel and about to crash into a densely populated area, killing everybody on board. Our captain says, "Don't worry about it!" ------------------------------------------- 4. Editorial Rambling by Leandro+ As usual I am late sending out this magazine. Another Tuesday. All the contributors wrote in time, but the Editor was too tired to even bother turning on the computer. Colin did a good thing in changing the signature file to reflect that Tuesday has gained more popularity in distribution than a Monday. Some poor guy I work with, Hammed Malik (you might remember him from the letters he sends in to CoN) told me two cute stories. One about this old guy with a not-so-bad looking girl by his side that almost knocked him out. The other story is about George Bush who wants to skydive inside a stadium on the Fourth of July. Afraid that he might forget, he found his mailbox full of "friendly" reminders to write the two articles that were sent every two minutes. He said something along the lines of "cease or die" and started growling and breaking things. How odd. Bad news as well for this exciting week, readers are dropping life flies. Either accounts are disappearing or they are unsubscribing. I guess this is the effect of summer. Uncle CoN needs you! Send CoN to your friends and family and invite them to subscribe to us. After all, what's the point of having a zine, if no one bothers to read what you write? Also, apologies for last week. We were supposed to finally go online with CoN's new pages, but the server was down. Actually, to be correct, the server was up, but thanks to a new router poorly programmed by ICAN.NET (The people that bought Internex Online) it was impossible to access it. If you wrote e-mail to us, we probably did not get it. As for our website, we'll have to find another day when we are not busy and we can upload the whole thing. Here is to the end of another issue, but before I leave you with some exciting news (relatively old but still interesting) about Bill Gates, click on reply and let us know what you think of CoN and what you'll like to see in the future. Not that anybody is going to do that anyway. Gates Stalker Captured A man who threatened Microsoft Chair Bill Gates via snail mail has been arrested by the FBI. Adam Quinn Pletcher, 21, of Chicago, Illinois, attempted to extort $5 million from Gates, threatening to kill Gates and his wife Melinda if he was not paid. Microsoft Security contacted the FBI, who then posed as Gates on "NetGirl," a dating service on America-Online. The exchange of money was supposed to be arranged through the service. The FBI soon tracked down Pletcher after he mailed Microsoft a disk containing information that Gates was meant to use to further contact the stalker. This is not Pletcher's first brush with the law--the Illinois Attorney General's Office alleges he also ran a bogus auto brokerage business via the Internet. The FBI says that Gates was never in any serious danger, and that Pletcher was carrying out a "fantasy." Pletcher now faces a variety of felony charges. -- the above piece of news was stolen from the Gamesmania's archives. ------------------------------------------- In memory of Father Ross "Padre" Legere. Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine "media you can abuse" Published every monday (or Tuesday) Disclaimer: unintentionally offensive. Comments and Queries welcomed. http://www.capnasty.org Brought to you by C.C.C.P. (Collective Communist Computing Proletariat) Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro Colin Barrett ZimID 708EC8D1 1994/09/14 EC B0 97 59 1D FE 7C 32 7E 04 2C 66 47 41 FB 7D