Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine Volume II, Issue 29, Year AD MCMXCVII Monday, July 21th, 1997 ISSN 1482-0471 ------------------------------------------- NOTE: We apologize for the tremendous delay of this issue but unfortunately we have experienced server problems, in part due to Internic, and in part due to the fact we were away. Thank you for your patience and understanding. ------------------------------------------- The Russian Space Authority launched an unmanned supply ship, Progress M-35, with materials for repairing space station Mir. Progress M-35 is scheduled to collide with Mir on Monday. ------------------------------------------- From the San Diego Union Tribune "The classically trained among us might have noted that a new TV ad for Microsoft's Internet Explorer e-mail program uses the musical theme of the "Confutatis Maledictis" from Wolfgang Mozart's Requiem. " 'Where do you want to go today?' is the cheery line on the screen. Meanwhile, the chorus sings 'Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis' which means 'The damned and accursed are convicted to flames of hell.' courtesy of Summer Scarborough ------------------------------------------- 1. Editorial 2. LUV 3. Burnin' Barney 4. REVIEWS: Face-Off ------------------------------------------- This week's Golden Testicle Web Award goes to: Did you ever get those weird dialouge boxes from Windows? These are truly spectacular. http://www.flash.net/~astor/funny/weird.html ------------------------------------------- 1. Editorial by Leandro+ I usually rarely write editorials, but this week there are a bunch of events that are going to happen (or happened) which, you could say, are kind of important. First of all, on July 19th it was my birthday. I am now officially a year older and to the law of Canada, an adult. Special Thanks Thank you to everyone that knew who sent me cards, called or sent me e-mails. My girlfriend went insane and had several bears, flowers and other stuff delivered =) I would also like to thank everyone that wrote back in regards of the multi-cultural relationships. The response was so great, that Colin and I had been considering putting a message board on our homepage to allow people to discuss topics covered in CoN. Also, special thanks go to Rui "Tomahawk" Motta for pointing out an error in our mailing script. Our Reply-to: field was mispelled. Montreal (Quebec, CA) With the editor of Spontaneously Combusted Literature, who is the same person that has kindly provided space for CoN, we decided to make an attempt at spreading our profound beliefs that we can make the world better. With that excuse we can try getting a few more hits on our pages, and some more readers involved in our propagation. Again, there is no money in this for us, in fact we are using our own money and time. We just want to do it for the fun of it, and to see parts of a province we live in and we've never seen. It is probably embarassing to say that I've seen more of the US, Europe and the Middle East, then I've seen of Canada. Gard, myself and most probably a third party from the newspaper Toronto Sun will arrive in Montreal (each one of us on a different date.. unfortunately we have to work in life as well). I am scheduled to arrive on Monday, July 21st, at night. I'm not sure about my accomodations yet, but it was theoretically the Reine Elizabeth (The Queen Elizabeth) Hotel. Last I heard from Gard, it was packed. On Wednesday, all of us will hop on our bicycles and start the long journey back to Toronto, stopping at Kingston for the night. Our trip is 500KM, we are expecting an average of 250KM per day. We expect to be somewhere near-by Toronto by Thursday night. "Ontario: Yours To Discover" Kind of ironic, that phrase is written on every car's licence plate, and that's exactly what we are going to do. Explore Ontario, and with Gard's excellent photography, probably put up a web page on Scriba Org to show the great things we saw along the way. Just to mention a weird one, "The Lake on the Mountain" is a lake that is 100 feet high on an island on Lake Ontario! This oddity is near Kingston. TVOntario, CityTv, Canadian Broadcasting Corporation We are going to try to get some coverage from the media, so that we can show the rest of Ontario what we did, and the amazing things that are there to be seen. We wrote a brief, yet weird letter to CityTv for their Media Television program (See: "Mission: somewhat plausible"), but we got no replies. This comes to a surprise to us, since when both Gard and I wrote to them, we always got a response back. For TVOntario and CBC we are still trying to get in contact. Mission: somewhat plausible by Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro & Gard E Abrahamsen This is the letter that Gard and myself wrote to CityTv: "Dear MediaTV/CityTV, We are a Toronto-based non-profit non-organiztion called Scriba Org, dedicated to making a better world (according to OUR standards). Please don't delete this email just yet. ;^) Since we thrive in cool places with hot chick... I mean an electronic world, and we know that your show deals with various forms of media, including the Internet, we were wondering if we would be even remotely likely to appear on a brief (but still more than 2 seconds) snip of your incredibly fantastic *smooch* *smooch* program. (No, we're not kissing up. It just looks like it. Indeed it does. You're right. It's a bit over the top. Strike the *smooch* bit.) Currently we offer two online magazines (Spontaneously Combusted Literature and Capital of Nasty), soon to become four (add ST News and Twilight World), a software research and development department (Scriba Labs), and many other cool things (such as my poetry collection. Want to buy a copy?). ;^) This probably sounds like a potato salad, and you have probably seen mars probes full of requests like this, but we are real. Please, Moses Znaimer, if you're reading this (and chances are you're not), why not give us a try and join the more than 600 readers who enjoy the stuff we're made of. Our web site is located at http://www.scriba.org/ Please, please, please, (put on Jim Carrey mask) plluheeaaaasseee (ok, stop imitating him, it's irritating enough with one Jim Carrey in the world as it is) let us know even if it is a no. Just don't leave us lingering. We need to know before we go to Montreal to spit at French bagels and pedal for our lives back to Toronto. Oh, ok. You got this far? Wow! Now, anyways, you can delete this email, or it will self destruct in 20 seconds. Bye. Jurassic Gard (gard@scriba.org - http://www.scriba.org/~gard/) and Leanderthal (leandro@scriba.org - http://www.scriba.org/~leandro/) for a dead cow is a friendly cow (we can explain later)" ------------------------------------------- 2. LUV by IMPROV Okay...I admit it...Iím in love. Yes, this is the same guy who just a few issues ago was complaining about all the women of the world being in the wrong place (namely with assholes). But at that time I was still distraught over my now EX (who by the way broke up with me and in the process made a very tasty milkshake with my heart by placing it in a blender and pressing "Frappe"). And yes this is the same guy who last week was making lewd comments on the appropriateness of womenís undergarments and the relation of the price and size of said undergarment. We all are allowed a sensitive side, and even those of us who walk the critical rim of life do possess such a side. Itís weird, when you know you are in love but are afraid to admit it...its a kinda denial stage I guess. Iím not saying there should be a seven step program on how to deal with being and love, but its different everytime. Take me for example, Iíve been in love twice before and each time its been totally different. My first love took place when I was fourteen (most of you are saying, "thatís not love...itís puppy love"), well it lasted five years. Five LONG years, but it lasted. We started too young and changed too much as we grew. The trials and tribulations of puberty, arenít they grand? I broke it off and now three years later sheís getting married (I wonder if Iíll get an invite?). My second love was much different from the first, but no less important, it was six months after the FIVE YEAR "learning experience". I met and started dating a much younger girl...how much younger you ask??? Letís just say it wasnít legal...but Iím no pedophile and well, frankly I donít feel the need to justify my actions to any one but myself... and her parents...and the D.A....and the judge....my parole officer, canít forget the parole officer...and the media...my followers...and all of my posse. (Sorry couldnít stay serious for too long!) Well, without giving an entire history I was in love, as was she but the whole age thing came into play and I was holding her back, a line many straight laced guys such as myself have heard far too many times, Iím sure. Back to the subject at hand: IíM IN LOVE. Iíve just completed step two...now on to step three: tell her! Maybe Iíll just let her read this and she can put it together herself. Too easy. Weíve known each other for three or four years now, but have only been good friends for about two. Iíve always said that if there were no other significant others in our lives that weíd make a good couple. Of course I never said this to her!! But I think for the first time in the history of relationships two people who were meant for each other are together. Allow me to explain: If this was a common experience then Iíd be single and sheíd be tied up in some dead end relationship with some loser. Then Iíd give up on waiting, start seeing some other person, out of sheer loneliness, and sheíd free herself of the earlier mentioned loser. This process would continue until we both get married to the wrong people and either die unhappy or become a divorce statistic. But thatís not going to happen... ...mind you I could be the above mentioned loser. ------------------------------------------- 4. REVIEWS: Face-Off Face-Off, by Leandro+ I'll start this review by saying that if you haven't seen this movie yet, do yourself a favor: don't. Although my girlfriend thought this was a great flick, I personally had to control myself from not having a seizure. If the movie was a subway train, each time the movie hit a slow spot, it felt as if the subway went to a grinding halt. Thank Goodness my body was not thrown against the screen each time, or I think there would have been very little pulp left of me, by the end of the movie. Starring John Travolta as an histerical FBI agent, who's life is devoted in catching Nicholas Cage as a bad-ass criminal (Chester Troy) who in an attempt to kill Travolta, managed to shot his son as well. Travolta, of course, got pissed. Chester Troy is captured after an extremely boring shoot out at the airport, and goes into a coma. Everyone is happy, Travolta can finally promise his wife that he will be home, be less of an histerical dad, and who knows, might even be a chance that she gets lucky. Suddenly everyone goes "oh no, we've got a bomb!" so what do they do? Since Travolta knows his enemy so well (he has been chasing him for the past 6 years anyway), through the magic of moderm science(fiction) they take his face off (get it? Face-off? haha..whatever), and plaster on the one of Chester Troy. Since everyone thinks that Chester is going to stay in coma, Chester decides to come out of it, puts on Travolta's face, burns the doctor and the people that knew about the secret operation, and laughs diabolically at Travolta with Chester face in jail. The rest of the movie is a constant shooting, where a lot of people get wasted, including civilians this time, with some random boring parts where they have to talk about family, a dead little boy and the lame lame lame happy ending. If you are looking for action, you might find yourself disappointed here, since the movie is interrupted too many times by slow scenes regarding family. The idea of the face being changed is cool, and it's funny to hear Travolta making fun of his own chin, although you feel sorry for Cage since he has to pretend HE IS Travolta. As of the rest, I don't know what to make of this story. If you'll watch it you'll be rewarded with too many of those jump-fly-sideways and shoot scenes, scenes of a guy coming out of a car in slow motion with his coat moving in the wind, Travolta's inability to act at any speed, long boring scenes dealing with family and of course, scenes of "action" with people shooting at each other. Bring a GameBoy. ------------------------------------------- Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine "media you can abuse" In memory of Father Ross "Padre" Legere. Published every monday (or Tuesday) Disclaimer: unintentionally offensive. Comments and Queries welcomed. http://www.capnasty.org/capnasty - ISSN 1482-0471 CoN is a weekly electronic journal/newsletter. Subscriptions are available at no cost electronically. CoN is available on Usenet newsgroups: alt.zines, alt.ezines Or, to subscribe, send a message to join@capnasty.org Brought to you by C.C.C.P. (Collective Communist Computing Proletariat) Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro Colin Barrett ZimID 708EC8D1 1994/09/14 EC B0 97 59 1D FE 7C 32 7E 04 2C 66 47 41 FB 7D -- End --