Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine Volume III, Issue I, AD MCMXCVIII Monday, January 12th, 1997 ISSN 1482-0471 ------------------------------------------- "How was your flight?" "The bun was soft" ------------------------------------------- "What's Monk-fish?" "I don't know, but it sure tastes funny.." "That's why I asked for Chicken. You can't go wrong with that". ------------------------------------------- 1. Editorial 2. The Events of '97. 3. "I have this on a poster on my wall" 4. Happy Non Denominational Holidays!! 5. McAfee-Question : Is Windows a virus? ------------------------------------------- This week's Golden Testicle award: Stick Figure Death Theatre http://www.calvert.com/sfdt/sfdt.html ------------------------------------------- 1. Editorial by Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro I SUFFER FROM A TERRIBLE ADDICTION CALLED COMPUTING. Although I had left for Europe to flee from the terrible slave labour camp called the office, to rest my hears from the awful rantings of my evil boss but most of all to escape from the creation (Windows 95) of the Spawn of Satan (Bill H. Gates) I had the "e-mail" urge. Ever had one of those? You are thousand of miles away from home, but you just have to read your e-mail. My girlfriend thinks I should seek medical help. In a Cybercafe` in downtown Rome, next to the Vatican walls, with people watching the first soccer derby of the year or playing Quake I managed to send an e-mail to the few people whose address I still could remember. I then went surfing happily in Capnasty while drinking lemonade in front of an eggplant and mozzarella sandwhich. Unfortunately I couldn't check my mail. I would have to wait until my return to Toronto. Back in Toronto I was greeted by some really good weather (20 degrees colder instead of the 40 I had estimated) and although tired and kissed to death by family and other relatives (it's an Italian thing) I finally was able to check my mail. There were 767 messages waiting for me. 464 messages belonged to various newslists I subscribed to. Of the remaining 303 messages, 48 were spam, 46 jokes (thanks Sandra), 15 wishes of a Merry Christmas, 3 messages which were definately not for me, but somehow I was on their carbon copies, and one jerk STILL complaining of how I force religious propaganda down people's throats. In total I had 2 personal messages. I've received some "complains" since the last two CoNs were not sent out. The reason they were not sent out was because we were all busy in our laborious lives. Our apologies to all those that wrote, and also, if I haven't replied to your e-mails yet. I will be doing that shortly. And I'll end this with something completely unusual: "We are flying, Katarina!" "Like the goats, Maestro!" ------------------------------------------- 2. The Events of '97. by Leandro Who would've thought that a Golden Testicle drawn more than 4 years ago would grow to such enourmous proportions as it is today? Although very young, CoN has grown in numbers and strenght over 1997 which has been quite a significant year: 97.01.06 - The first Golden Testicle is awarded as CoN enters volume II, Issue I. 97.06.17 - This site finally uploaded to the capnasty.org site, which resides on Scriba Org. The official URL to access CoN is http://www.capnasty.org. 97.06.17 - Happy Birthday CoN CoN turns one. 97.06.25 - CoN receives ISSN registration and is officially registered with the National Library of Canada as "Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine", receiving the ISSN number 1482-0471 97.07.01 - Readership explosion In 48 hours, our readership grows from less than fifty users to over 500. 97.09.02 - From Weekly to Bi-weekly CoN went from weekly to by-weekly to keep up with what life is throwing our way and to increase the quality of the material. 97.09.15 - CoN receives it's very first review from E-Slather, an online zine whose praise for our monkies and testicles made us all shiver with delight. Their URL: http://members.tripod.com/~hardpack/e-capnasty.html 97.11.25 - CoN receives it's second review from Citi:zen Magazine. An online magazine covering the area of Sacramento. Their article appears at: http://www.citizenmag.com/3.0/3.30/vpoint/states_112897_1.shtml 97.12.09 - Humble and Fred from the Toronto based radio station 102.1 The Edge named the "Golden Testicle Awards" as their link of the week. What will 1998 have waiting for us it is still a surprise. We hope that we'll manage in continuing our bizarre zine production, and most of all, to continue receiving the support from our Readership, the principal reason why CoN is. Any comments? Suggestions? Please feel free to e-mail us with your words of wisdom at: con@capnasty.org ------------------------------------------- 3. "I have this on a poster on my wall" by Theresa Toth D E S I D E R A T A Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what place there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, Even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; Many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, It is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; You have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, WHATEVER YOU CONCEIVE HIM TO BE. And whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, Keep peace in your soul. With all it's sham, drudgery and broken dreams, It is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. "T H I N K" ------------------------------------------- 4. Happy Non Denominational Holidays!! by IMPROV I'm not racist, but I do have a serious problem with certain Jewish folk cashing in on the holidays. Now, I'm not even going to touch the Christmas Blow-out Sales at certain Non-Christian owned stores. What I am going to get into is the entertainment industry, more specifically, singers of the Hebrew faith releasing Christmas albums. The most prominent two are A Neil Diamond Christmas, and Kenny G's Holiday Album. Lets just forget the fact that the former hasn't had a decent release since Sweet Caroline and that Kenny G hasn't had a good song since... well... let's just put it this way: John Tesh seems like a talent guru when the two are compared! Forget all of that, and lets just concentrate on this: THEY DO NOT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. (For those of you who don't know, Christmas is the annual celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Christ being the "messiah" that, with the exception of Jews for Jesus, do not accept as the saviour.) Now that we got that clear, am I the only one who has a problem with Kenny G wailing out Silent Night? Y'know the song about the night Christ was born!!! This is the guy that the Jews killed!!! I mean let's be serious here, how often do you see crappy Christian performers releasing a Hanuka C.D.? And it's a pretty safe bet that you're not going to hear any Muslim Carollers in the Holy Land any time soon. Now I know this will spurn some sort of Anti- Semitic outrage, but it's not like my name is Ernst and I have my own Web Site dedicated to trying to prove that the holocaust never happened. Next year I think that I'll release a Rosh a Shona video, or maybe a Pay Per View... Happy Non Denominational Holidays!! ------------------------------------------- 5. McAfee-Question : Is Windows a virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as the do so - okay Windows does that. 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay Windows does that too. 4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too. 5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences. Viruses are well supported by their autors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as ther mature. So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug. http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/7444/WINVIRUS.html ------------------------------------------- CoN would not be possible without the great help of Scriba Org. Gs are for goats and that's good enough for me... Capital of Nasty Electronic Magazine "media you can abuse" In memory of Father Ross "Padre" Legere Published every second Monday (or when we get around it) Disclaimer: unintentionally offensive Comments, queries and submissions are welcome http://www.capnasty.org ISSN 1482-0471 A bi-weekly electronic journal. Subscriptions available at no cost electronically. Available on Usenet newsgroups alt.zines and alt.ezines. This mailing is sent exclusively to those poor souls who chose to subscribe to the Capital of Nasty mailing list. Spread the word! If you have friends who would like to receive CoN, ask them to send email to join@capnasty.org. If you'd like to unsubscribe because such email aggravates your already acute religious intolerance, simply send an empty message to leave@capnasty.org. Brought to you by C.C.C.P. (Collective Communist Computing Proletariat) Leandro Asnaghi-Nicastro Colin Barrett ZimID 708EC8D1 1994/09/14 EC B0 97 59 1D FE 7C 32 7E 04 2C 66 47 41 FB 7D