%%%%%%%% %%%%%%% %%%%%%% %% %% %%%%%%%% %% %% %% % %% %% %% % %%% %%% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% % % %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %%%% %% % %% %% %%%%% %% %% %% %%% %% %% %% %% %% %% % %% %% % %% %% %% %% %% %% %%%%%%%% %%%%%%% %%%%%% %% %% %%%%%%%% %% %% %%%%%%%% %%%%%%%% %%%%%%% %%%%%% %%%%%%%% %%%%%%% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% % %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %%%%%% %%% %% %%%%%% %% %%%% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %%% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% %% % %% %%%%%%%% %%%%%%%% %%%%%%% %% %% %%%%%%%% %%%%%% SEPTEMBER, 1995 (Issue # 4) DJ Johnson.................Editor Louise Johnson.............Assistant Editor James Andrews.............."Urbania" & HTML Guru Cai Campbell...............Music, Layout Guru coLeSLAw...................Artist & off-the-wall Poet Steve Leith................Politics Scott Wedel................Music Andrew Ian Feinberg........"Drew's Views" The Old Man................"Old Man Radio Hour Interviews" Steve Marshall.............Music The Platterpuss............Music T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S EDITOR'S NOTES - Stuff that's important to know, or so says me ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST - A Discussion with Death Valley. You take one part surf and two parts spaghetti western music, mix 'em up real good and you get Death Valley. Joe, Mear and Pepper talk about everything from Ennio Morricone to burned out drummers in this interview by DJ Johnson. LABELLED - Estrus Records boss and Mono Men leader Dave Crider talks about what it's like to wear both of those hats in an interview with Cai Campbell. RYKODISC ACQUIRES ZAPPA'S MASTERS - Steve Marshall gives you the lowdown on Ryko's ambitious rerelease of the Zappa catalog. WE LOVE TO HATE - Steven Leith hits another nail square on the head in this article about paranoia, hatred and it's constant search for focus. PAT BUCHANAN: IF HE WINS, I'M SPLITTIN'! - He says things that make 99% of us roll our eyes, but SOME people vote for him. DJ Johnson passes some of Pat's wisdom on to you while trying not to crack up. THE OLD MAN RADIO HOUR INTERVIEWS: SWINGING UTTERS - The Old Man talks to Max, from The Swinging Utters, about their music and the punk ethic. Transcribed from The Old Man Radio Hour. URBANIA - James Andrews takes another stab at The Bible in general and Pat Buchanan in particular, making this something of a theme issue! Join Cosmik Debris as we beat on the Pat with a baseball bat. Oh yeah! SHARP POINTED STICK AWARD - DJ Johnson finds three likely candidates for Septembers award. DREW'S VIEWS - Andrew Ian Feinberg has some suggestions for making America a better...more sensitive place. RECORD REVIEWS - A mixed bag of punk, surf and even some Zappa! THE DEBRIS FIELD - No, there's no Spam Haiku this time, but there are a few poems and another waaaay out there rave from our mysterious friend known as Magthorn. HOW TO CONTACT US - Just in case you know where all the good parties are. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- E D I T O R 'S N O T E S So it's already the 4th issue. Wow, time really flies when you're speeding way the heck out of control, y'know what I'm saying? We have a few new things to talk about. It's mostly happy stuff, but I'll start off with the one sad thing. After four issues of incredible layout work on the graphic/sound version, Cai Campbell is giving up that job. Those of you who subscribe to that version know that Cai does incredible work, giving each issue a unique identity. Cai will still do an article here and a review there, but mostly, he will turn his attentions back to his first love, The Great Gig In The Sky BBS (206-935-8486). I'll miss that monthly ritual of getting the "first peek" at the new issue, an event that always gave me quite a buzz. Since we're sure we could never come close to matching his flair for layout and lettering, we've decided that the .exe version will retire with him. Thanks for everything, Cai. As Cai is leaving, a few new people are just getting here. We are happy to welcome Andrew Ian Feinberg, Steve Marshall and The Old Man. There's a great radio show in Erie, Pennsylvania, called The Old Man Radio Hour. It's a four hour show...but who am I to argue? At 42, The Old Man is slightly older than the average punk, but his knowledge of the bands and the music gives him instant credibility with everyone who hears his voice. In this issue, we have our first transcript of an interview from his program. Steve Marshall signs on with a report on Rykodisc's rereleases of the Frank Zappa catalog. (Interesting side note here...Steve talks about the graphic work on the CD inserts in that article. While talking about Zappa with Ferenc Dobronyi, guitarist for Pollo Del Mar, which we review in this issue, I found out that he was part of the team of graphic artists on that project. File it under "small world.") Steve also contributes a review of one of those rereleases. Drew Feinberg is my kind of writer. He has a clear view and a skewed delivery, which means he speaks the truth in such a screwy way that even people like me can understand it. His column will be fun reading. More changes in the record review section. We got real lucky and landed us an Internet legend. The Platterpuss writes short and sweet reviews, usually covering melodic punk bands. He writes for several zines, including The Big Takeover, The Bob, The Teen Scene (one of my own favorites), Interzone, NY Review Of Records, CapSoul Reviews, Jersey Beat, What Wave, Jungle (Finland), Merlin's Music Box (Greece), and Blaster (UK). In addition to all that, he puts out a quarterly of his own, Foster Child. This is a guy who wears out two or three computer keyboards a year, and we're proud to be added to his list of zines. Next month, we'll be bringing you our first Halloween issue. But we can't do it alone. We need your help. We're looking for scary little poems or raves to scatter in the Debris Field. If you have some appropriately unnerving stuff to lay on us, please send it along to aquaria@serv.net. Make sure you include the writers name so we can credit him/her. Also, if you want to tell us what your all-time favorite Halloween flavored songs are, we'd love to hear it. We might find a place for that information in the issue. One more thing to mention... James Andrews, writer of the monthly column URBANIA, has been slaving away on our WWW site, tricking it out and getting it ready for the new On-Line version of Cosmik Debris. You can now read it with your browser, see the pictures and sample the music of the bands we interview. Down the road a bit we hope to have sound samples from records we review, as well. Anyway, you simply MUST travel to the Cosmik Debris homepage and check out Mr. Andrews handiwork. http://www.greatgig.com/cosmikdebris will get you there. And now, on to the September issue of Cosmik Debris. DJ Johnson ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST - A Discussion With DEATH VALLEY Interview by DJ Johnson Death Valley plays a very different style of instrumental music. (See the record review section). Their current release, "Que Pasta," conjures images of gunslingers riding across the desert or facing down the sheriff at high noon. The music is moody and serious. Their home, Austin, Texas, has always been a music center. So many great talents hail from there, from Tiesco Del Ray to Stevie Ray Vaughan. It is truly a guitar town with a lot of serious competition. Death Valley isn't always serious, though. I did get one hint of this, from "Que Pasta." A song titled "The Larry Storch Song Trilogy." For those of you who HAVE lives and don't watch a lot of late night TV, Larry Storch played Corporal Randolph Agarn on the TV sitcom F-Troop from 1965 to 1967. You gotta figure any band that would resurrect such a long lost character would be fun to interview. They were. Joe Emery (guitar), Steve Mear (guitar) and Pepper Wilson (bass) talk about the important things in life: spaghetti westerns, My Three Sons, and burned-out drummers. * * * * * CD: A lot of instro bands get edgy if you call them "surf." Do you get that label put on you a lot? Joe: It doesn't bother me since most people call all instro stuff "surf." Our music wouldn't be classified as surf by purists, but I'm glad people are getting into instrumental stuff, no matter what they call it. CD: There must have been some pretty diverse influences to create your style. Joe: We're big Hoodoo Gurus, X, Ramones, Long Ryders fans. So many great bands in the 80's. I didn't get into the instrumental thing until 6 or 7 years ago. Now I listen to lots of Ventures, Laika & the Cosmonauts, Shadows, Herb Alpert. But about the same time we got into rock instrumental bands we started listening to Ennio Morricone stuff. He's the ultimate. Mear: I've always been heavily influenced by the classic tv shows like Green Acres, F-Troop, My Three Sons, Get Smart. On stage, I pay homage to Chip, Ernie, & Uncle Charlie with my Tony Award caliber performance art, which accompanies our rendition of the My Three Sons theme. Pepper: One of my biggest influences has been REM. The old stuff, pre- Document. It isn't so apparent in our instrumentals but Mike Mills' bass has always sounded good to me. I don't really play that melodic style but I like melodic embellishments. The influence comes through more in my vocal songs. CD: Was there a point somewhere when somebody in the band said "Hey, let's concentrate on this western sound," or did it just evolve naturally? Joe: Mear and I decided to form a band. Both of us "played" guitar and wanted to form a band like the Long Ryders or Hoodoo Gurus. Neither of us could write lyrics, and at the same time we started listening to instrumental stuff, like Dick Dale and Big Guitars From Texas... we decided to write instrumentals until vocals came naturally to us and lo and behold - they never really did! Although Pepper has some great vocal tunes that we play live. Mear: A key point in that was when we heard the great Hoodoo Gurus B-side instrumental "Spaghetti Western." No home should be without it. We just sort of decided to try to write stuff like that for starters. CD: I haven't heard anyone else doing what you do. Am I just not shopping in the right record stores? Joe: (Laughs) The marketing geniuses behind the mulitnational entity known as Death Valley Worldwide really scored big on that one. Mear: Our extensive network of agents finds up-and-coming bands and snuffs them out. Pepper: Actually, people are afraid to play them because they think no one will listen. That didn't bother us, though. We just really found a groove doing them and it turned out that some people do want to listen, but not very many. Joe: Yes, Pep is right. We have a small, but extremely alcoholic, uh... I mean loyal following. CD: Last I heard, you were in need of a drummer. Joe: Yeah our drummer, Blue, has joined a cult militia thing. Mear: Like a car you drive too fast, sometimes you have to replace the worn out parts. CD: I read an interesting interview you guys did, and something Blue said made me curious. Is it true that Bikini Kill's cymbals have some western splash in them these days? Joe: Damn Jezebels! Actually, they played a couple of nights after us and we had forgotten the cymbals. The sound guy said they weren't happy about the money they didn't make and took them. I'm SURE it was an honest mistake. And then Joan Jett, goddess of all that which is rock and roll, chooses to work with them instead of us! Okay, okay, so she's never heard of us... Life's still not fair! Pepper: To make it plainly clear, that was only the word on the street, no proof. Maybe, if any Bikini Killers ever read this they can defend themselves, or give 'em back. CD: Who chooses your cover tunes? I have to ask... How did you happen to decide to cover The Go Go's "Our Lips Are Sealed?" Joe: Ah yes! I remember it well. We had all each consumed at least 3 times as much beer as there were people in the audience... and then a vision appeared. Angels began to sing from the heavens! There she was (sigh), a golden glow surrounding her fair face. Yes. Yes! It was Belinda! Time stood still at that magical moment... No wait, wait. That's not right. I think a street person wandered in and yelled for it. Pepper: Joe really does love the Go Go's. He always wanted to do it. As it turns out, it is one of our most requested songs. What foresight he has! CD: Well then I guess the question is... Joe, what the hell's it like to be a rock and roll visionary? Does it all just come to you, or does Jim Morrison's invisible indian friend whisper it in your ear? Joe: Ah yes, my muse. Visionary? Ha! Maybe that nickname will catch on. Usually I'm not referred to in such eloquent terms. No, really, I'm perfectly happy covering tunes. It's not like anyone will ever mistake us for a top 40 band. And even though I think we have a unique sound, I never get tired of paying homage to my heroes. Hell, I sit home and play Ramones and Hoodoo Gurus songs for hours. CD: Who decided to cover "Paint It, Black?" Pepper: That was Joe's idea, even though I'm the Stones fan. We kinda do a punk rock version of it. My favorite part is doing the bass slides at the end. It's a good way to remove that nasty callus build-up from your fretting fingers. CD: Aha! The Bill Wyman Finger Aerobics series! Remember, always warm up with "19th Nervous Breakdown" so you won't pull a callus, right? Pepper: Yeah, you'd almost think the Stones were a surf band from that one. CD: Did he have some influence on you when you were a bassist-in-training? Pepper: I do think that Wyman is terribly under-rated. He has an incredible body of work, but some of my favorite Stones bass lines are played by Keith and Mick Taylor. The bass line to Live With Me, recorded by Keith for Let It Bleed, is one of the all time best bass lines, in my book. Also outstanding is Keith's bass line for Casino Boogie, on Exile on Main Street. And speaking of Exile, Mick Taylor does a lot of the bass work on that record. Check out Tumblin' Dice, for instance. Really though, if I had to name a favorite bass player I would be hard pressed to choose between Mike Watt, and Chris Gates during The Big Boys era. That was the stuff I was listening to when I first picked up the bass. CD: There are some interesting stories floating around about your shows. Different ways of dressing for different occasions, things like that. The show I want to know about is the "Death Valley Dolls" show. (Note: The band sometimes does shows drag). Joe: Let's just say we're not uncomfortable with our masculinity. CD: Yeah, but I hear the clothes themselves constituted something of a fashion risk. Joe: Jealous bitches! All lies and rumors spread by girls that don't look as cute as us in fishnets! CD: What other costume-themes have you done? Joe: One night we all dressed up as Elvis. And at Sperry's suggestion (Note: Sperry is Mear's girlfriend and "band mom"), instead of Elvis Presley songs we played Elvis Costello songs. Another night we were dressed in tutu's and played as Death Ballet. Pepper: And you can't forget the bandidos. We have done that a couple of times on Halloween. Its the only one that really fits. There is also the politician get-up we did on election night '92. CD: "Que Pasta" is a great album, by the way. Your covers of "For A Few Dollars More" and "Guns Don't Argue" are a nice tip of the hat to Ennio Morricone. Joe: Thanks. Morricone is where it's at. Get a couple of Cervezas in you and listen to his music really loud and you'll start feeling the bullets whizzing by your head. No really, there are so many awesome things about his music. The arrangements, the quality of the recordings, the songs - he writes some really intense stuff. Pepper: The best way to listen to it is in a car driving through the desert, on a moonlit autumn night, with the windows down and the volume up loud. You really ought to try it. CD: Do you plan to cover other Morricone songs on your future records? Joe: We certainly wouldn't rule it out, although the next thing we're putting out contains predominantly outer space sounding instrumentals. CD: Valley Or Astro-Death-Valley? Joe: Actually we're going for more of a "Ventures in Space" thing. That's my all-time fave instrumental record, start to finish. Laika and the Cosmonauts do it really well too. Great songs and great playing. CD: Your own music is right up there with Ennio's, and I understand you've done some regional film soundtracks. Has anyone contacted you about doing a major western film soundtrack? It seems like a natural. Joe: As soon as we make it to HOLLYWOOD!!! We plan to get thrown off the lot at all of the major studios. Maybe we can throw cassettes over the walls. Actually, Larry Storch heard about us recently so we sent a cd to him. Maybe he could pull some strings... CD: Back to the music...Does one person take the majority of the solos, or is it a fairly even mix? Mear: We arm wrestle for it. Joe: We both hate playing leads, we fight over who gets to play rhythm. My ultimate goal is to make Mear play the leads on my songs when we play out, so I can concentrate on more important things like my drinking. CD: Is there a trick to telling which one is which by listening? A certain style or sound that gives it away? Mear: I'm the taller one. CD: (Writing on steno pad) ...the taller one... Joe: Just assume the sub-par lead work is all done by Mear. CD: (Still writing) Sub par is taller one... Okay, let's bore the non-musicians for a minute. What are your guitar setups? Gimme the works... Guitar, amp, effects... Mear: I play a Fender Telecaster with a Bigsby tremolo and a purple Fender Stratocaster through a Fender Vibroverb reissue with floral amp cover and blue jewel. Also 12-D Florsheim Imperials. Joe: I play a custom shop red sparkle Fender Strat and a mid 70's Fender Telecaster with a Bigsby tremolo through a reissue Fender Twin with a Fender reverb unit. Pep: I play an 86' Fender Jazz that I bought new when I young and dumb. It is actually a really great bass. I put a set of EMG's on it about seven years ago. They give it a really warm, thick sound that the passive pick-ups just don't have. You also have access to lots more treble, too, but I don't use it that much. I have played all the old fender stuff and have never found anything I like better. No effects. I have a Carvin head and play either a Fender 2-10"/1-18" cabinet or a 1-15", depending on the size of the venue. If I really want to honk, I bring out another 1-15". Joe: In case you can't tell, Pepper is the technical guy. He is the one who sticks the pluggie-innie dealies into the wall and our guitars. Then he puts them on us and we're good to go. CD: Ah, so then he's the only one who knows which way your polarity switches are flipped, right? Pepper, do you like having that kind of clout? They treat you well, or they get an unscheduled perm? Pepper: They know that if they piss me off, I'll sneak around and disconnect their reverb pans. It really keeps them in line. Actually, it just means I have to stay sober longer, to make sure the P.A. is working, but I catch up as fast as I can. CD: Which bands do you listen to now? Who's out there we should know about? MEAR: Hoodoo Gurus, Bad Religion, the Mavericks, Sisters of Mercy, The Muffs... Joe: ...Laika and the Cosmonauts...far and away the greatest instro band currently playing. I haven't heard or seen anyone that can even come close to these guys. See them live and you will never be the same. As instro stuff goes I also like The Apemen a lot and Satan's Pilgrims. The other band I've just discovered is the 70's Boston rock and roll band The Real Kids. Their first album was recently reissued on Norton and may well become my all-time favorite album. CD: I've only heard "Do The Boob," from the Rhino DIY series. Cool tune. Is that on their first album? Joe: Yeah it's on the first record. Every song on there is killer. There is so much enthusiasm in their playing. You can tell they were really excited about making that record. It totally comes through on every song, and the delivery is really intense. Awesome stuff. Pepper: Don't forget Herman the German. He is a local guy that has been in Austin for years. He plays a great crazy mix of styles, with lots of instrumentals live. Surf, spaghetti western, polka, rock-a-billy, but totally original. And his Gene Vincent covers (complete with real German accent) are the best. He has a record out on the Helsinki label, Texicalli. As for some great sixties-garage/seventies-punk stuff, San Antonio's Sons of Hercules. They're the best. Check out their record on Unclean Records. CD: What's next for Death Valley? Is the genre strong enough to keep you going? Mear: We're goin' goth! Joe: As long as there are enough drunken idiots out there like us who have these delusions that they are as tough as Clint Eastwood, we'll be okay. Oh and let's not forget the soon to be classic "The Quick And The Dead!" (laughs) Pepper: The instro thing seems to be stronger now than anything since the sixties. I kinda wish it hadn't gotten so mainstream, though. After Pulp Fiction came out, people would hear us and say, "you sound like Pulp Fiction." Of course they have no idea that Misirlou is thirty years old or that we had been playing the stuff for five years, and that others have never stopped. But at this point, I think it is still such a small genre that more exposure can only help the cause. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- L A B E L L E D Spotlight on Estrus Records and the Mono Men by Cai Campbell Hey, hey, welcome to a new "semi-feature" here at Cosmik Debris. "Labelled" will be dedicated to spotlighting a single record label in every column. It is with great honor that we kick this feature off with one of the fucking coolest record labels around: Estrus Records! We'll be speaking with founder and owner, Dave Crider, not just about Estrus, but also about his other baby, The Mono Men! The Mono Men dish out some of the most crunching melodic fun-blast music around today. Dave doesn't mind mixing business with pleasure, in fact, he demands it, so it's not surprising to see a slew of top-rate sonic wonderment oozing out of the tasty Estrus catalog. We're talking Man or Astroman?, Huevos Rancheros, The Fall-Outs, The Phantom Surfers, The Mummies, and many, many more. So, without further ado, let's ask Mr. Crider the proverbial $64,000.00 question: "What's the deal? * * * * * Cosmic Debris: One of Estrus' first record projects was the excellent Sonics tribute, "Here Ain't The Sonics." Aside from the great cover of "The Witch" by the Mono Men, there is a smokin' cover of Cinderella by the Nomads. I understand you just finished up a west coast tour with them. What stories can you tell me about your relationship with the Nomads in general and this tour in particular? Dave Crider: Up until recently it's been a relationship of fans (us) and heroes (them.) I had been in contact with the band since before The Mono Men or Estrus existed. Simply put, they are one of my favorite bands, period. I met both Nick and 4-Eyed Thomas in Copenhagen during our last European tour and Nick asked us to join for a couple of songs which were recorded and later released on the "Lost In Europe" 7" on Lucky Records. We got to meet the entire band when they came to Seattle to record the "Powerstrip" LP at Egg and did a show with them at the 3-B in Bellingham that was amazing. I never thought that I would get a chance to see those cats, but to have them play my hometown was great! I tried to get them to come over for Garage Shock later that year but it didn't work out; but I was able to get things worked out for them to make Garage Shock '95. We also did an 11 date West Coast tour with them which we all agree was the high point of being in the Mono Men. Not only a great band but really cool guys who share most of the same interests that we do. I'm honored to call them friends. We are hoping that they will be able to come back over next year for a mid-west Southern tour. We're keeping our fingers crossed for that one!! CD: Would you consider the tour to be a success? DC: The tour was a success on all levels. CD: Were you able to line up any new gigs for Estrus Records while you were on tour? Is an Estrus Nomads release in the cards? DC: Not sure what you mean by gigs, but yes, we're talking about putting together a release of older tracks that didn't make it onto the "Showdown" compilation. Nothing for sure yet but I'm working on it! CD: I guess what I meant was, did you check out any new bands that you'd think about working with in the future? Or do you even have time to do that while the Mono Men are on tour? DC: Not on this tour but it does happen on occasion. For the most part, we put all of the bills together ourselves, so we pretty much knew who we were playing with. We did several shows with SCOTS who are a really great band. I'm gonna be doing a 10-inch ep with them sometime in the future that will be a re-issue of their "Santo Sings" 7" ep with a bunch of newly recorded Mexican wrestlin' type tracks to balance it out. We're planning on including a foldout wrestling match game with the 10-inch, at least at first. CD: I've been listening to the new Mono Men release, "Beer, Bowlin', Booze, Broads" quite a bit lately. I love it! The music is great and the whole premise is just too insane, I mean, being recorded in a bowling alley at a bachelor party. It's just so... so...Mono Men! Did you set out to purposefully record the event for an album? DC: Not at all. In fact, we were originally just going to play Tom's bachelor party and go home, but we decided to use that show as spring board for a mid-west/southern tour. I was also able to put Bottle Shock together the weekend before Tom's party which was a blast. It was Brendan's idea to record the show as he has a mobile studio and is a fan so we figured what the hell. We really didn't intend to release anything, just document it, but Brendan did such a great job with the recording that we figured what the hell. CD: The last two full-length Mono Men releases, "Shut Up!" and "Wrecker" offered R-rated alternatives to the regular covers. I was hoping to see something similar for BBB. What's the story behind the alternate covers and why have you decided to abandon that angle? DC: I guess it just didn't seem to make sense as the vinyl version of the release has the die-cut cover and peep-show insert already. CD: Oh, that's great! I got it on vinyl and CD. I haven't cracked the vinyl copy yet, but I did notice that the bowling pins could be popped out. It's touches like that which are always a nice bonus. Also, as a record collector, I like how you've chosen to pay homage to classic album design from the fifties and sixties, including great spoofs of unforgettable album covers from The Sonics, The Wailers, and The Ventures. How did these bands help shape the sound of the Mono Men? DC: I'm also a record collector and a fan of all three of the above bands. I can't say that we have ever made any attempt to emulate those bands sound wise, but the fact that everybody in the band digs 'em means that the influence is there. CD: The Mono Men are obviously dedicated to keeping the spirit of bands like these alive and well, and are apparently succeeding tremendously. Do you feel as if you are turning on a whole new audience to this music, and does that give you any feeling of accomplishment? DC: I hope so, because it really is great music, in fact that was the entire point of the "Here Ain't The Sonics" LP. CD: There are also songs by Dick Dale, Link Wray, and Billy Childish in the Mono Men's repertoire. What can you tell me about these influences? DC: Link Wray is one of my personal faves. For my money he's the best guitar player ever. Total raw energy. I'm not a Dick Dale fanatic but do dig his early stuff quite a bit, as I am a big rock instro fan. My fave Childish shit is the Milkshakes & Mighty Ceasers stuff. CD: I've always admired the thick, powerful guitar sound of the Mono Men. Is there one individual whom you can point to who influenced your approach to the guitar? If so, why? DC: It's hard to pinpoint any one person. I just really dig loud & raw guitars. Link Wray, Pete Townsend (early Who shit) and Hans from The Nomads are all influences. CD: So, who have you been listening to lately? DC: I tend to listen to a lot of Estrus bands for obvious reasons. I wouldn't put out the records if I didn't really dig the bands. Non-Estrus shit that I've been listening to lately is: The Fall-Outs "Sleep", Julie London, SCOTS "Dirt Track Date", Buck Owens reissues, Bear Family Western Swing reissue CD's, Big Sandy "Jumpin' From 6 to 6" and Link Wray "Mr. Guitar". CD: Is there any special combination of equipment you use to get that bitchin' "Dave Crider" sound? DC: Just a Tele thru a Mesa Boogie amp. No effects. Same set-up I've used since The Roofdogs. Lotsa purists turn their noses up at the boogie. Fuck 'em. It sounds great and I've beat the shit out of it for years and the only thing I've ever had to replace are tubes. I used to use Fender amps, which I love, but I just keep blowin' the fuckers up. CD: How about the rest of the band? Are the Mono Men into the whole "vintage equipment" scene? DC: Not even remotely. We don't have a piece of vintage equipment among us. Both Mort and I have a couple of old shit-brand guitars (Silvertone, Dan Electro, Mosrite), but that's it. Ledge has a cool Harmony bass that he got 6 years ago. He's taken that thang around the world with no case and it's no worse for wear other than being a little beat up. If yer not gonna play 'em don't buy 'em. Guitars shouldn't be looked at as investments, they're instruments. CD: Probably the greatest thing about the Mono Men is not the impressive and wide ranging influences that have shaped you, but how you've taken them and created something truly unique and wonderful. What can we hope to see as the Mono Men continue to progress? DC: Well as far as upcoming stuff goes there is a live LP coming out in Spain later this year that we recorded in Madrid in February. A 10-song collection of covers of some of our fave bands called "10 Cool Ones" will be out on 1+2 records by the end of the year as well, and a new Estrus single in January. We are hoping to be able to get over to Sweden and record the new LP with 4-Eyed Thomas at the studio that The Nomads record at, I'm really hoping that we can work that out. CD: Estrus has done very well as a quality independent label. Has there been any interest by larger distributors or record companies to handle your catalog? For that matter, have the Mono Men received any kind of offer from a major record label? DC: All of my distribution is handled by Mordam Records in San Francisco and I have no desire to go elsewhere. They have their shit together, are honest and most importantly really care about the labels and bands that they work with. Mono Men have been approached by major labels, but I ain't interested. Fuck 'em all. CD: It seems as if there are more Mono Men records available on other independent record labels than your own Estrus label! Is this to help show your support for those labels? DC: We try to work with labels and people that we like. The thought is that the label will be able to sell enough Mono Men singles to fund a few other projects and we get a stack of singles in return. That's cool. CD: I've always been curious about the rest of the band's involvement with Estrus Records. Is it strictly a Dave Crider run business, or does the whole band have a stake in the company? I've always pictured you guys sitting around stuffing records into sleeves mumbling about hitting the big time some day. DC: Nope. Estrus is just me and my wife Bekki, who runs mail-order. The band really has little or no involvement with the label. CD: You mentioned that the Nomads are a big influence on the Mono Men. Is it their music or spirit which helps the Mono Men to persevere? DC: We're a band because it's fun, when it stops being fun we'll stop. So it's never really been a matter of perseverance. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- RYKODISC ACQUIRES ZAPPA'S MASTERS By Steve Marshall On October 7, 1994, Rykodisc purchased the rights to virtually the entire Frank Zappa catalog from Gail (Zappa) and the Zappa Family Trust. This deal secured Rykodisc the exclusive rights to all of Zappa's previously recorded works. It also will enable them to market & distribute any future releases to come from the Zappa archives. Rykodisc has reissued over 60 Zappa albums in newly remastered (and in some cases remixed) versions. All titles were redone using Frank's approved master tapes. Titles that were previously available as "two-for-ones" are now available individually (e.g., We're Only in it For the Money/Lumpy Gravy and Overnight Sensation/Apostrophe). Rykodisc has chronologically numbered the series, with a spot left open for 200 Motels - the only title for which Zappa never gained copyrights. The majority of the double CD's are being reissued in slimline cases, rather than the bigger double-width jewel boxes. The only exceptions will be those which contain librettos. The triple CD Shut Up 'n Play Yer Guitar & The Yellow Shark will have special new packaging. Originally available only through mail order in 1981, the Shut Up 'n Play Yer Guitar series has been reissued in a new box set. Rather than combine the individual albums into 2 CD's, Rykodisc has preserved the continuity of the albums in their original state - complete with their own sleeves. The artwork that originally made up the sleeves on the vinyl version has been retained as the CD label artwork on the reissues. Classic songs such as "Treacherous Cretins," "Pink Napkins," & "Ship Ahoy" (originally from the Lather sessions) have now been preserved in the best possible sound quality. The collaboration with Captain Beefheart, Bongo Fury, contains some of Zappa's most requested material in concert. Songs like the encore favorite, "Muffin Man," and "Advance Romance," stayed in Frank's stage repertoire for years afterward. While Zappa's albums were known for their sound quality, the new reissues sound even better than their original versions. However, "better" is in the ear of the beholder. On the Roxy & Elsewhere CD, "Cheepnis" has been remixed. The result sounds almost too clean. The vocals are the thing that really stands out, as well as the percussion. In this particular instance, the album sounds better. Tracks like "Penguin in Bondage" and "More Trouble Every Day" sound better than ever, but Frank should have left "Cheepnis" alone. Released in 1976, Zoot Allures was Zappa's version of a "straight ahead" rock album. Containing the classic instrumental, "Black Napkins," Zoot Allures stands out as one of the many highlights in his career. Frank's voice in "The Torture Never Stops" resonates on the low notes as never before. The commercial letdown of You Are What You Is came as a bit of a surprise to Frank at the time. He said once in an interview that he figured since there was relatively no "language" on the album that it would be more of a commercial success. No matter, the CD contains some of the best of Frank's incredible sense of humor, as well as some great tunes such as the title track, "The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing" (a song performed in concert years before the albums' release), "Heavenly Bank Account" & "Suicide Chump." The CD also contains some great guitar work by FZ & Steve Vai. Unfortunately, Ryko didn't fix the dropout problems from the original pressings. Kind of suprising considering the quality of the rest of the catalog. All in all, it's great that a label like Rykodisc has taken the time & effort to carry out the complete Zappa reissue program & do it with the honor, respect & integrity that the music deserves. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- W E L O V E T O H A T E By Steve Leith * * * * * With the end of the cold war the greatest danger to our freedom is ourselves. With no external enemy we are turning our hatred inward. Instead of Commies, Cubans and Arabs we have Welfare Mothers, Hackers and Immigrants. The list is actually longer than that. Our government in DC has identified at least a dozen dangerous stereotypes that must be stamped out. I say this in all seriousness because there are bills before congress aimed at these groups and the laws that will result will have an impact far beyond the groups that everyone wants to punish. It is open season on deadbeat dads and welfare moms. They are about to be dealt a mortal blow with the aid of a hopper full of new laws: Personal Responsibility Act of 1995 (HR 4), Real Welfare Reform Act of 1995 (S 834), Work and Gainful Employment Act (S 840), Child Support Responsibility Act of 1995 (HR 785), Act to Enforce Employer Sanctions Law (HR 570). These laws will have many things in common. They all would require creating and maintaining a data base on anyone who gets a job and putting the parents' SSN on all birth records. Records that are open to the public. Oh, did I forget to mention that in the process your old social security card will become your only permit to legally hold a job as well as your national ID, with finger print and photo. I personally like the idea of having to carry "papers" in my own country. It's so, well, so organized. What are a few personal freedoms compared with ending the terror of deadbeat dads and welfare queens. I guess few people around remember government assurances that the SSN was not intended as a national identification card. The government promised SSN would never be used to keep track of citizens. One thing you can bank on is that citizens with short memories make it easy for a government to break promises. Another group slated for extinction is the "hacker." Unfortunately, to get rid of the hacker, we will have get rid of the pesky Constitutional Amendment IV. It seems that the current broad powers for wire taps and search and seizure are just not good enough to capture teen hackers. The Exclusionary Rule Reform Act of 1995 (HR 666) allows introduction of evidence obtained by illegal search or seizure. The National Information Infrastructure Protection Act of 1995 (S 982) sets punishments and fines for newly defined computer crimes. This will stop hackers and just about anybody stupid enough to use a computer. I feel safer just thinking about it. The dread "flamer" will not be left out of this purge of evil doers. The Electronic Anti-Stalking Act of 1995 (HR 112) makes harassing electronic communications a federal crime. The Decency act will make annoying e-mail a crime. Ok, you flamers, your days are numbered. One group of malefactors deserving of our scorn is anyone who uses encryption. The House bill on racketeering criminalizes any encryption that does not allow government access. The Anti-Electronic Racketeering Act of 1995 (S 974) bans distribution of encryption accessible to foreign nationals unless the Justice Department can decode it. Let me guess who may have helped write that bill. Can you spell NSA? I saved the best for last. The evils due to immigration are staggering. We have had to put up with ethnic food, broken English and national costumes long enough. The Immigrant Control and Financial Responsibility Act of 1995 (S 269), introduced by Bob Dole (R-KS) and Alan Simpson (R-WY), creates a national registry for work place verification and increases the use of wiretaps for immigration purposes. Owing to the belief that you should never have just one law when you can have two, the Illegal Immigration Control Act of 1995 (S 999), introduced by Senator Hutchinson (R-TX), establishes yet another Social Security Number verification system. The card would be necessary to apply for employment after Jan. 1, 1997. Everyone will have to have one by 2000. This super card will contain your name, sex, date of birth, and Social Security number, as well as: "such identifying information that is specific to each person as the Commissioner shall determine." I think it should include race, religion, sexual orientation, educational level and income bracket. I hope the Commissioner agrees with me. I know my fellow citizens do. I'm sure you join me in the desire to give up what personal privacy we have left so the Feds can crack down on the immigrants that are among us. Those people are here, not because they were born here, but because they want to do our lowest paying jobs. Well I've said enough. The way things are going I'm going to need all the low paying jobs I can get. If I left out anyone's pet group you love to hate, like militias, eco- terrorists, homeless activists, online political pundits or just your stupid neighbor, don't worry. Your government will not leave anyone out. The Counterterrorism Research Act (HR 1847), introduced by Rep. Schroeder (D-CO) shells out $20 million to the Department of Justice to develop new surveillance and tracking technologies. They will find the ones we love to hate and they will round them up so they can not pollute our society. You can rest easy knowing that they will come for your neighbor before you can crow, "He must be guilty or they wouldn't take him away." But you better get your neighbor on the big list, before he gets you on it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- PAT BUCHANAN: IF HE WINS, I'M SPLITTIN'! By DJ Johnson * * * * * He likes to quote Teddy Roosevelt, and sometimes even Joe Willy Namath. He brags about being a key advisor to Richard M. Nixon. He held the same position (or nearly the same) with Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan. He started the whole terrifying ride by working with Barry Goldwater, a presidential candidate who went down the tubes because his views were so extreme and unbending that they frightened American voters. In 1991, he took all of that experience and parlayed it into some surprising victories over President George Bush in republican primaries before losing steam. And now, four years later, Patrick J. Buchanan wants another shot at becoming our president. Pat understands enough about psychology to know that this might be the year his brand of fear will get him the most followers. He learned about using fear from some of the best teachers of this century. Goldwater was a master. Reagan was no slouch, and hey, Pat's even borrowed Ronnie's "Evil Empire" symbolism. Sure, now that the Soviet Union has gone to pieces, it's a little bit harder to sell fear than it used to be, but Pat has found a new scapegoat to hang the "Evil Empire" label on. The "Right To Choose" movement. Abortion clinics in particular. Political writers have been saying for years now that abortion would be the battlefield of the 90's, and Pat...well, he's one of the political writers, so it's no surprise that he's got cannons lined up in that field already. Watch now, as Pat uses Ronnie's schtick. Pardon the imagery on that one. "Just as slavery was the great moral issue of the 1850s, abortion is the great moral issue of our day. Our Republican Congress has a moral and historical obligation to do all it can to roll back the evil empire of abortion that has taken the lives of 30 million unborn babies in 20 years. I know we can't win the right to life by getting in people's faces. We need to touch hearts. And this Republican Congress has the power to do that by calling hearings to bring out the stories of the women, abandoned by husbands and boyfriends, treated cruelly by the clinics, who bear the physical and psychological scars of having undergone an abortion." Nowhere in this slick piece of writing does Buchanan attempt to address the problem of over-population. Whoops! An oversight? Was it something he MEANT to bring up? Does the amazing Mr. B. have the cure for that one up his sleeve as well? I doubt it. In an article denouncing Dr. Henry Marshall, Buchanan showed himself to be naive as can be when he said "A Planned Parenthood activist, who favors distributing condoms to teen-agers, and advocates sex education courses that millions find morally objectionable, Dr. Foster admits himself to having performed abortions. An abortionist, even a part-time abortionist is, de facto, unqualified to ascend the Bully Pulpit of Surgeon General, and lecture as a moral teacher to the nation." Buchanan speaks for a very vocal minority who would rather stick their heads in the sand and pretend that their teenage children aren't having sex just because they told them not to. Stupidity like that contributes to teenage pregnancy and adds to the AIDS crisis. Buchanan seems to think sex education is dirty, and the only real way to educate today's youth is through religion. Religion looms large in Pat's plans. PAT AND GOD IN '96! Buchanan isn't the only candidate who seems to have God on the ticket. Religion has been a Conservative trump card from the beginning, but what the Conservative candidates never seem to realize, until it is too late, is that they are the ones being trumped. It just doesn't seem to make sense to them. How could the voters NOT be moved by their demands that church and state be reunited? Hey, if I say "My God is going to be YOUR God, and your God is going to be persona non grata," you had better vote against me. You would be an idiot not to. Here is a helpful hint for sorting out the narrow minded. If a person talks about "God" as if there is only one definition, his, and it is stupid to think otherwise, that may be one of the narrow minded guys right there. If he talks about his beliefs as if he's unaware that other people don't share them, bingo! You've got one! Let's allow Mr. Buchanan to do his own talking. After all, he seems to have brought his own rope. "Under the hallowed doctrine of 'academic freedom,' all ideas are to be accorded equal access to the university. Why? Because, or so we are told, competition of ideas is the best way to discover truth. Fine. But, what do we do when we find the truth? Do we yet continue to allow the propagation of falsehoods? If so, why? When men learned the Earth was round, did they allow their geographers to continue to teach that it was flat?" Ah! Good point, Pat! I guess this is why he's paid to write his views. See, he is able to make those fantastic analogies! For example, he was able to see that saying "there are other ideas, and each deserves to be heard" is just as stupid as saying "y'know, the Earth is flat as a board, and even though we now know that I'm wrong, I'm going to continue saying I'm right because I can. Freedom of speech, y'know. In your face." Well now! Patrick J. Buchanan, you've done it again! It's a frightening thought, isn't it? President Pat Buchanan? You know, this gets worse, too. Read on. "Comes the answer: Well, in matters of science we may know truth, but in matters of morality we can never know. In this realm, one man's opinion is as good as another, and no one has the right to impose his morality on someone else. And any attempt to give the moral code of Christianity superior status is 'intolerance.' Six decades ago, a great moral teacher saw it all coming. In a provocative 1931 essay, `A Plea for Intolerance' Fulton J. Sheen wrote, `America it is said is suffering from intolerance. It is not. It is suffering from tolerance, tolerance of right and wrong, truth and error, virtue and evil, Christ and chaos. Our country is not nearly so over run with the bigoted, as it is over run with the broadminded.'" Oh baby! I just have to vote for a guy who clings to 1931 morality thinking! Here, our hero is quoting a man who went on to define tolerance as "an attitude of reasoned patience towards evil." Those of you who were taught that tolerance was the understanding that other people have a right to their views and opinions based on the fair assumption that they have just as much chance of being right as you do...well...Pat and his friends say you're wrong. Worse than wrong. Ignorant. This man got three million votes in the primaries of the last election. Does this scare you? No? Does this?: "Tolerance does not apply to truth or principles. About these things we must be intolerant, and for this kind of intolerance, so much needed to rouse us from sentimental gush, I make a plea. Intolerance of this kind is the foundation of stability." That was Pat, still quoting Mr. Sheen. This is an example of what kind of mind appeals to this candidate. In a word - Yikes! ALL IN ALL IT'S JUST ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL A "good liberal" will avoid falling under the spell of right wing paranoia and symbolism, but sometimes a different kind of paranoia takes hold as a result of that struggle. It isn't a pretty thing to see. Images form when Buchanan talks about his plans for dealing with illegal immigration. There is most certainly a problem, and like all political problems, there are no simple answers. Buchanan doesn't agree. He wants to build something he calls "The Buchanan Fence." Considered in the context of his other extreme views, it begins to sound like The Great Wall. To hear Buchanan describe it, you would think it's a logical conclusion that every American should understand and support. "If I am elected president, I will substantially stop illegal immigration within three months of my inauguration. I will build the Buchanan fence at the key points along our southern border where the masses of illegal aliens cross. I will immediately reinforce the Border Patrol, if necessary, with the National Guard. And I will give the Border Patrol all the vehicles, equipment and moral support they need to do their job. But I shouldn't have to do this in 1997, because this Republican Congress can do it right now. If Bob Dole and Newt Gingrich act decisively to stop illegal immigration, the problem can be solved by this summer. Inaction is inexcusable." Call it what you will...paranoia, hysteria...but such free flowing usage of words like "fence" and "National Guard" give me the shakes. And taking Gingrich and Dole to task is a pretty shrewd move by a man who knows the odds against his own campaign are long. If you can't make it to the lake, get someone else to cast your line. Doesn't matter, as long as you get to eat the fish. LET'S SAVE SOME TIME HERE Okay, I think we can just skim some of these topics and still get the point across. GUN CONTROL: Pat is the gun lobby's golden boy. Phil Gramm was supposed to hold that position, but he couldn't. Bob Dole was supposed to be there for the gun folk, too, but he couldn't be. None of the expected players for the machine gun brigade made it across the finish line. Buchanan's the man now. Why did the others lose favor? They voted for various legislation that the gun lobby didn't like. Why did they do that? Because the truth is that it's next to impossible to remain true to your platform when you have to vote on different bills every damned day. Bills are rarely a black and white issue. Most bills have several ingredients. If you support 9 of 10 components of a particular bill, and hate the 10th, you'll probably vote for the bill to get the 9 into law. That's what happened to Gramm and Dole. The gun people don't care about such rock/hard place scenarios. They feel betrayed. How did Pat avoid pissing them off? Simple. Pat's not a Senator or Congressman. He doesn't have to vote on anything. FOREIGN AID: This is such a tough thing to talk about, because, well...it's that rock/hard place thing again, for most candidates. They are in positions where they are (mostly) held accountable for their votes and actions. There is no black and white for them. Just lots and lots of grey. Pat doesn't have to answer to anyone, and he sees only black. In President Pat's world, the answer to all our financial woes is crystal clear. Cut off ALL foreign aid. All of it. "Zero it out," he likes to say, apparently blissfully unaware that many of the economies that money goes to bolster actually feed our own. Again, it's not an easy issue with a quick fix. And again, Buchanan is very quick to tie selected facts together into a package that stokes public anger and fear, allowing him to peddle HIS quick fix as if it were the genuine article. RACIAL ISSUES: Well, for starters, good ol' Pat called Affirmative Action "Un-American." He stands on his soapbox and says the only way all races can be treated equally is to strip away everything that has been set up to force bigots to treat them equally. Huh? Okay, once again, this is a many-sided story, and there is no easy answer. Affirmative Action had its problems, and it's a moot point now, anyway, but in the world according to Pat, all will be healed if we just pretend there is no bigotry. Yeah, that'll work just as well as it did for all those years before the civil rights movement, Pat. HOMOSEXUAL RIGHTS: What kind of deal can gays and lesbians expect in a Pat Buchanan administration? That's easy. On Face The Nation, earlier in the year, Buchanan repeated his foot-in-mouth declaration that "homosexuality is a crime against nature, and AIDS is nature's retribution." I think we should just let that statement sink in for a bit. Hmmmm. Nope, still sounds stupid. UNITED NATIONS: Let's be honest. This man hates the UN. Anything to do with a "world order" that isn't Buchanan led is not even worthy of consideration. What do we expect from a man who wants to build a wall across our southern border, mobilize the National Guard, make scapegoats of homosexuals and right-to-choice'ers and force school children to learn about his version of God? Sound a little bit like Germany in the 30's? THERE YOU HAVE IT, NOW GO OUT AND VOTE! There are so many other issues where Buchanan comes off like a Nazi, and we could discuss them for a few hundred pages, or you could go out and seek the information yourself. The only reason people this far to the right get anywhere in American politics is because so many people do NOT bother to vote. They've bought into the theory that their vote doesn't count. While they are staying home watching reruns of Gilligan's Island, Pat's few million fanatics are highly mobilized, and they are VOTING! Believe me, there are far more people who would vote against him than for him, but if they don't get registered and get out there, we might just find ourselves trying to crash the gate at Checkpoint Charlie, Texas, someday soon. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- T H E O L D M A N R A D I O H O U R I N T E R V I E W S Swinging Around the Globe is Utterly Fabulous: An Interview With Max From The Swinging Utters. by The Old Man On August 20th, the bazillion band and skater frothing fest known as the Warped tour hit North Tonawanda, NY. One of the bands that joined the tour was the Swinging Utters from San Francisco. While I held conversations with various band members during our few hour reunion, it was Max who was relegated to the unenviable task of speaking with me on tape. So it was that on this stifling hot day we wandered back and forth between topics to bring you this conversation.... OLD MAN: Have you enjoyed this thing with all the types of bands? All of these hardcore bands? MAX: Yeah, it's been a great time. I love it when I have a chance to go out and do stuff with a mixed up assortment of bands. You get hardcore bands, different kinds of music, and I think it's really important for the scene. It keeps it all healthy. It keeps everything diverse. I think that it's important that people get to check out all the different styles of music. Punk kids will come and see hardcore bands. Hardcore kids will come and see punk bands. You'll see them playing together and getting along together and it'll keep the scene unified. OLD MAN: Yeah, and it's an important thing. It's been a long time since I've heard that, but Dwid, who's the lead singer of Integrity - I don't know if you know them, but they're one of the big hardcore bands from Cleveland - yet at one of their recent shows, he said punk and hardcore kids have to stick together, the scene's not large enough, and we're kind of out for the same thing, so we really do have to stick together. Now how long's this thing going to be going on? This is like the fourth stop on the tour, right? MAX: Well, it's our fifth stop, but the tour has been going on for two weeks now and it's going to go on for about two more weeks. So it's about a month altogether. We've got, I don't know, about 8 more shows I think, then we're going to fly over to London, England to hook up with Rancid for their European tour. OLD MAN: Yeah, that's totally awesome. That sort of came out of the clear blue, right? MAX: Exactly, it came out the of the clear blue. Literally, I mean one, we are on the road. Two, they tell us about a month before we are supposed to be in London. Like hey, do you guys want to go? Of course we want to go! But that means we have loads to do. One of us doesn't have a passport. We gotta get tickets. We have to do all this shit, excuse me, I don't think we can say this on the radio. OLD MAN: No that's not a bad one, there's a couple of words you can't say, but.... MAX: I think I know the ones. At any rate. We have to take care of all this stuff and we're on the road and it's really difficult, but we're going to do it. I'm putting one hundred and ten percent into taking care of all of the arrangements, but it's difficult. We've never been to Europe before and I've never tried to book a European tour, but we're getting a lot of help from other people. OLD MAN: You guys are on New Red Archives, who has Nicki, who was kind of one of the founding fathers/mothers of the UK Subs, wasn't he? MAX: Yeah, he was one of the founding fathers of the Subs and one of the founding fathers of punk. I mean, legend has it that Nicki was the guy who started the spikes on the leather jacket trend. He got it from some bikers that were doing it. Then he started doing it. Then all of the kids that were going to Sub shows in '77 saw him wearing the spikes. They started wearing the spikes. Now you go over there and ask any of the old punks who started it and they all say Nicki Garrett. The guy's a living legend. He's also really cool. I mean he's really modest, really down to earth, runs the label to the best of his ability. Puts one hundred percent into the label. It's not a hobby for him. It's his career. I mean he also has his music, but the label's where its at. OLD MAN: He's starting to put different types of sounds together. He has you guys with the '77 sound and Jack Killed Jill is a kind of '77, Avengers type of thing. MAX: Yeah, yeah San Francisco style. OLD MAN: And, uh, then there's the new release of Social Unrest, some old school hardcore. MAX: Yeah, we just played with Social Unrest for our record release party. It was also Jack Killed Jill's record release party and the Nukes, who are also our label, record release party, and the Social Unrest record release party, as they're going to be putting out a new record. It was an amazing show. NRA has a lot of great bands. It's a small label and they're growing daily and we're trying to help the whole process. We're out doing as much as we can to help (damn auto sensing tape. It stopped). OLD MAN: As I suggested when we were coming over here to do this thing, I was going to mish mash this together and try to do a lot of different things with it. You guys have been out on the road for about a month and one-half now, you just sort of dovetailed in with the Warped tour last week. Did you book this tour yourself and what's it like, oh hell you don't have to tell me whether you booked the tour, but what's it like with five of you guys, one van, a little trailer in the back to handle your equipment, how's the pressures of a close interpersonal relationship and all that when you're on the road. MAX: It's horrible. (laughter) Nah, it works out really well. You'd think under the conditions we're in, we'd all be at each others throats by now, but we're all pretty even keeled. We just go out and take everything in stride and nobody trys to sweat anybody out about minor details. If things start to get hairy, we just all get our distance. Even though it's a small van, we'll just shut up, or sleep, or read or whatever it takes to ease up on the arguments. We get along really well, it's amazing. I wouldn't think that we'd get along this well, but we're going to be out for two months before its done. Actually, with the European tour, it'll be three months by the time it's done. It's a really long tour and it's us all the time. We're always with each other and we're different people you know. We don't all have the same interests. OLD MAN: This isn't rock star stuff. MAX: No, not at all. There's a van and a trailer and six of us in there. It doesn't sleep six. All bands have to go through this and we know this. We're not going to let anyone take advantage of us, but at the same time we realize we're not expecting to make millions. The tour is turning out really well. It's a lot of fun. The key is getting out there and getting exposure. It's not about making money right now. We just want to make enough money to live. Our long term goals are to continue to expand as a band. OLD MAN: Well this is your second time around. Is the reception better this time around? MAX: Definitely. Lot more recognition in towns, especially in places where we haven't been before. What we're trying to accomplish with this tour is to go to all of these small towns, playing kids' basements, houses, and skateparks where you play in front of 20 people, as well as doing shows like this, where you play in front of 5,000 people. Constantly mixing it up and playing in front of all different types of crowds, so we can get across to everybody. We don't want to get into who we play in front of. It's punk rock. We're punks. We like seeing punks at our shows, but we want everybody to get into the music. We feel that the music has a lot to say and we want to accomplish something with our music, besides just the immediate entertainment value. OLD MAN: You're kind of old school in the thoughts on that, it's more than just music. It's a little bit of everything, isn't it? MAX: Totally. It's a lifestyle. It's a political movement. It's everything. It's a total mix. It's whatever it is that you want to do, but everybody that pretty much gets into punk rock are doing so 'cause they're not happy with the way mainstream society is. Of course, there's going to be kids, now with punk getting really big, that are just going to get into it 'cause its trendy or whatever. The hardcore kids that are out there, the reason that they're getting into punk and the reason that they're starting punk bands, fanzines, radio shows or whatever is because they are sick of what they see and hear on a regular basis. They want to hear an alternative, they want something different. OLD MAN: You guys have been together since about '88, '89. Somebody told me that you guys were like a party band back then... MAX: Yeah, sort of '89 I guess, but really '90 is what we consider the year of the conception of the band. In '90 Darius joined the band. Started writing original music and '92 I joined the band and really from there, everything started to gel. Even until '94, we were just mostly working all the time, making money to live and stuff, and the band was just a side project. It was for fun. We'd go out. We went out and wrote music 'cause we liked to play music. Then we said to ourselves, what do we really want to do for the rest of our lives? Do we want to be bartenders or waiters? Or do we want to be musicians? So we made the commitment. We quit our jobs and moved to San Francisco all together. OLD MAN: Where were you before that? MAX: Santa Cruz, California. And before that, I was from Washington DC. I moved out to Santa Cruz and met the band. OLD MAN: So you're out of Fugazi land and all that kind of stuff. MAX: Exactly. OLD MAN: From looking at the new record. Uh, what's the name of it? MAX: Streets of San Francisco. OLD MAN: Yeah, I knew that folks, but I wanted him to say it. MAX: Like a TV show. (laugh) OLD MAN: Yeah, This is Your Life. (laugh) It looks like everybody at least writes some of the lyrics and does some of the music... MAX: On this last record its been a lot of Darius (other guitarist). Mainly it's because he's been a prolific writer. He writes a lot of great stuff and we've had a lot of backlog. We've been waiting to record this album for a while, so we've had this music that we've been working on for a while. We didn't want to get too crazy. We wanted to make sure that we were going to get the chance to record these songs, before we got into new material. The next record I think you're gonna see a much wider variety of writing. Like different band members writing music. I'm gonna write a lot. I've been writing material and saving it all along for this next record. I think that the next record's going to be amazing. We've learned a lot from the last recording session. We did it with this guy Andy Ernst in San Francisco. It's a digital studio. We loved Andy and we loved the album, but since then we've recorded on analog. And analog is just far superior. We're not going to do digital again. Digital has some bonuses, but analog is where its at. The next record will have a lot more power, a lot more beef. OLD MAN: What's been the most memorable show so far on the tour? MAX: It's kind of hard to say, but there's places like Chicago and Minneapolis, and then most of the East Coast are real strong places for us. Minneapolis is always amazing, like we headlined a show and it was really fantastic. The kids there are incredible. A really cool scene and really unified, tight knit, and organized scene. So it's always fun to go through those places. OLD MAN: It helps when you've got Profane and so much happening. There's so many types of music coming out of Minneapolis. You've got Am Rep and Felix Havoc from Havoc records. MAX: And they've got a long history of punk rock bands coming out of there too. So that helps. It helps put them on the map and once you do that, it's easier to keep the scene going. They've done a good job. But we like the small towns too. Like Erie and North Dakota... OLD MAN: Have you played Minot? MAX: Yeah, It was great. It was really cool. It's fun to go to those places, though it's a pain in the ass to get there. It's great to go out there and play, 'cause a lot of bands won't go, you know. We really want to get out to everybody. Give everybody a chance to see us live. Playing live is like fifty percent, if not more, of the reason for playing in a band. A lot of bands are studio this and studio that, but playing live is where its at. That's what it's all about. OLD MAN: That's where you know if the message is getting across or if you're saying anything to anybody. MAX: That's who you're doing it for. You go into the studio to make records for these people to listen to you and get more familiar with you and to hear how the songs are meant to sound, but the live shows is what's it all about. OLD MAN: When did your CD officially come out? MAX: March. OLD MAN: So it sounds like you're gonna finish up this tour, then go back in to the studios? MAX: We're gonna finish up this tour, come back in October for about a month and relax a little bit. In October, I'm just gonna write. Starting in February, we're really going to concentrate on the new album. Then it'll come out in the summer of '96, ideally. OLD MAN: For those bands that are probably gonna be going on a tour for the first time, what's life like on the road? What's a typical day like for the Swinging Utters? MAX: It's a lot of fun. It's rough, don't get me wrong. It takes a lot of work. Don't let anybody kid you, being in a band isn't easy. From every aspect, from playing live to booking shows to what ever it takes. You just have to stick with it. I can't imagine a funner way to live your life than being out on the road, traveling around meeting people, performing live, having people come to check out what you're doing with your band. It's something that you've done on your own. It's not some product that you're selling for someone else. You've made your own product, you're marketing it yourself, and you're being your own businessman. You're running your own life, being your own boss. There's no better way to live your life. There's a lot of work and there's a lot of personality conflicts, but you have to go out and be level headed and be accepting of everybody else's deal instead of blowing up at each other. If something goes wrong, right when you see something going wrong, you just pull the other person aside and say look, I don't like how this is going and let's try and change this, but be diplomatic about stuff and it'll work out. You can go on the road forever. We have to be on the road all the time, because this is how we pay our bills. It's funny 'cause, I go on the road to pay rent, so I have a place to live, but I'm always on the road and I never get to go to my apartment. OLD MAN: Do you guys live together? MAX: Darius and I, the two guitar players, live together. The bass and drummer live together, and the singer lives with his girlfriend on his own. OLD MAN: It's not a cheap place to live, I wouldn't think? MAX: No, it's just like what people say about Japan being expensive. If you go there and live like a San Franciscan, it's not that bad. It's cheap, you can live cheaply. If you go over there and say whatever and you don't use too much of your brain, then you might be spending a lot of your money. It's just like any other city, you can live cheap in New York, you can live cheap in Chicago, and you can live cheap in San Francisco. OLD MAN: We here in the Midwest or Mideast probably don't know a heck of a lot about what's going on out in San Francisco, unless we read a lot of zines. What's going on out there? Is it pretty dynamic right now, pretty exciting? MAX: I think things have picked up a lot in the last year. It's improved tremendously. For a while it was pretty stagnant and pretty dead. Now there's a lot of new, young bands. It's getting stronger and stronger. There's all kinds of music. There's hardcore, there's rap... OLD MAN: Do they get along? Do people look at it as a unified scene, where you might see, just to mention a name, Billy Joel coming to a show to see the Swinging Utters, The Swinging Utters going to see a Lookout band? MAX: Not, not as much as I'd like it to be. I think that there's still a lot of room for improvement in that respect. I think that a lot of bands don't know each other, don't spend enough time with each other. Although in the specific scenes, like the '77 style bands know each other very well. We try to break out and play with everybody. I think our band tries our best to unite all the different styles of music and different bands and get everybody to play together as much as we can. There's a lot of other bands that are doing that too. Also, the East and West Bays are getting along. There's a lot less competition, you know. There really was for a while where the East Bay was really competitive with the West Bay, when there wasn't really anything to be competitive with. There wasn't a West Bay scene. Now there are really strong scenes on both sides of the Bay. There's always going to be a stronger scene on the East side, just because it has much more of a history for young new bands and they have much more of a history for all ages venues. In that respect its going to be stronger. San Francisco, though, for the next year will have more bands coming out of the Bay area. OLD MAN: I have a listing of shows going on in the Bay area. It's a humongous list, comes out on a weekly basis, and it seems like every night there's not only one show going on, but there could be two or three shows. You got places like the Bottom of the Hill and Gilman, just to name a few, though there seems like tons of venues. It seemed like that before you guys went on this tour, you guys were playing out tons and tons and tons. MAX: This has all been happening to us over the last year and one-half, since we've been a serious, committed band. We're trying to saturate the Bay area and let everybody know who we were and get familiar with our style of music, which is really critical for any band when they first go out. Play whatever you can get. We're not a finicky band. We play with anybody, anytime, for whatever money. We just want to play. Now we've done that. Now we've done a lot of shows, then you get to a point where you have to slow down, play less frequently, just so you don't overkill. Get people tired of hearing your band. Now when we go back, we're going to do more selective shows, play less frequently, and be on the road more is what we're concerned with now. We've done the Bay area, now we're concerned about getting out and doing the US, Europe, Japan, South America, Canada, and everywhere. We played a lot and don't want to wear out our welcome, though now we've been on the road three months, it's cool to go back, do some shows, take a break, and then go out on the road again, then come back and do a few shows. We love playing to our home crowd, it's the best. OLD MAN: Yeah, familiarity breeds contempt in some cases and in other cases, if you over saturate, then people say, oh yeah they're playing tonight, but they'll be playing next week too. Then all of sudden they're not going to see you as frequently as before because they'll say next week, next week. MAX: Right, right. It becomes pointless. We're just concerned about doing quality shows in the Bay area. That's what we're focusing on. We're gonna do a show that's well organized. OLD MAN: There was a whole new direction I wanted to go, but it sort of flew to the wind, sort of like I do sometimes, but you got this record out on New Red Archives, I think the No Eager Men came out on NRA. MAX: No, actually, that came out on Quality of Life. OLD MAN: Is your next release going to be out on NRA? MAX: The next full length lp? OLD MAN: Yep. MAX: I have no idea. We really haven't thought about it. We had a one record deal with New Red and we're going to live up to our end of that bargin, which is going out there and doing support for the record, which we've done tons of and we're still going to do a lot more of. And they're doing their end of the bargain and we're both really happy with each other. I don't know, maybe we'll do another record with New Red Archives and maybe we'll move on. Our major concern is that we continually move up and move forward. So whatever that means. I don't want you to get the wrong impression, we're not looking to get on a major label, but we're looking to do this on independants. I think it can be done on an independant. There's nothing wrong with bands that want to sign with a major label, so long as they're not changing their style of music to get there. But, if you can do it on an independant label, got for it. That's the way to go, because you keep the money in the punk scene as much as you can. OLD MAN: That kind of is the thing.... MAX: Your friends. You work through your friend's tee shirt companies and you work through your friend's sticker company and you do it all that way. In turn, they hire other punks to work there, 'cause their business is expanding. You hire punks and your friends to be your road crew and drivers and the next thing you know, everyone is working and making money and they're all doing it in something they love. It's great that way. You don't want to go to something that's like you sign to a major and they want a professional road crew, a professional this and that. Like they went to four years of college to learn how to do shit that you don't need four years of college to learn how to do. OLD MAN: It sort of takes the fun out of it when you go and have someone do everything for you and it's not a personal thing anymore. MAX: Yeah, to some extent you want some of the stuff to be taken off of your shoulders. Some of the burden to be lifted from you, so you can think about the music, instead of the management, accounting, booking, and that stuff. It's not that much fun, to be honest. It's a good thing to know, because you'll always have that business smart. People won't be able to take you for a ride down the road. I think every band should go through that phase. It's important to work your way up in that respect. Take everything in stride and learn. Your band will be built to last. It won't be a one hit wonder. We're trying to make sure that our band is going to be around forever. We want to be playing for a million years. OLD MAN: Or as old as me, which ever comes later. (laugh) I've been reading a lot of reviews of the record and they've all been really, really good reviews. It's kind of funny, because some of the Bay zines seem like they were just hit over the head with a baseball bat and it's a new encounter. All of a sudden it's the Swinging Utters. They liken you to Stiff Little Fingers in sound, and actually, my thing is that Johnny Peabucks, sometimes vocally sounds like old Social Distortion in his voice. I guess you can go and take whatever you want out of it, but who were the influences of the band, who were the people you grew up on? MAX: All I can tell you is who my influences are, because it really varies from band member to band member. We pretty much all listen to Stiff Little Fingers, we're all big Clash fans, we're all big old style punk bands in general. I grew up on the East Coast, so I was listening to more hardcore and more of the harder British stuff and it all mixes together to come out with what we have now. You gotta listen to our album and check out some of our newer stuff. Wait until you hear our next album. I'm not dis'ing on this record. I love this album. I think it's a great album, with 19 songs. But we're still growing. OLD MAN: Yeah, but it's not like Darius' or Johnny's voice are going to change a heck of a lot. And your guitar work and Darius' guitar work are at least gonna hold some things intact over time... MAX: Yeah, we're still gonna suck. (laugh) We're all working on that too. I haven't been playing guitar all that long. Darius is a better trained musician. He learned classical violin or some shit like that when he was a kid and you can hear it in his style of playing. I just listen to other musicians and I learn a lot just by asking. I'll go up to other guitarist in a store, I don't care. I'll ask what do you guys use for strings and picks? I break a lot of strings and what can I do. I'm just trying to learn from them. There's this kid I met in St. Louis. He's talking about starting a fanzine, that I think will be a cool idea, where he'll deal more on the musical level. The musicanship level. He's talking about like, how do you practice, what do you do if you break strings. So that kids that are starting up punk bands, that want to learn more about that, won't have to read RIP magazine to find out how (some person's name I don't know) strings his guitar to whatever. It'll keep it all in the same vein. I think that's cool and I wish that there was something like that when I was first starting out. I went a few years without knowing anything. OLD MAN: You guys ever get on the Internet? MAX: If you put a computer in front of me, I'd try to stick a burrito in it and try to microwave it. OLD MAN: It's kind of incredible, I talk to people around the world. A rumor comes and it's like wow somebody's dead before you know it, before the person even knows it. MAX: You have the screen to protect you, you can say whatever you want. I think that it's cool and that people are communicating, but gossip I can do without. OLD MAN: It's kind of funny to me, as it seems like we're always looking for enemies within, instead of looking outside. Corporate America is shafting us. MAX: Yeah, we've got plenty of enemies out there, concentrate on them. What's the point of disintegrating the punk scene, when you can spend your time being productive. If you want to criticize somebody and you want to talk shit about somebody, then talk about the corporate level. Go to the government and talk about some of that stuff. Also, get your facts straight. Go out and read stuff and talk with people. Get both sides of the story before you get too critical. They hear one thing, they get it in their head, they get it all mixed up, and then it comes out another way. Then the next guy hears it. And the next thing you know..... OLD MAN: It's part of the information growth. I could be wrong, but the proliferation of zines and everything else is spurred in part by the music explosion. I see this growth of zines and on the one hand it's really good and I always tell kids, yeah, whatever it is, say whatever it is you want to say. If people like it, they'll read it, if they don't they won't. I'm certainly no judge, but let your emotions hang out, do a fanzine, do whatever it is you want to do. MAX: Sure. Speak your mind. It's your magazine, say whatever it is you want to say, but think about what it is you want to say and think about how it effects other people. OLD MAN: It's the one freedom we have, but it's also the one thing that we can abuse really easily. MAX: I would never, ever take away the freedom of speech. Across the board, whatever it is you want to say. You've got that right. But I would hope that people would take the time to think about how it affects other people and how it hurts other peoples' feelings. Some magazines are there for the booze and the drugs, and that's cool. Some magazines that are there are political. Others that are straight edge. I think that it's important that there's a wide variety, but I also think that it's cool that people don't knock each other. Take the time to listen to what other people have to say. OLD MAN: Yep, I'm changing gears again, but somehow it will all come together. One song that sort of gets me on the new album is Teenage Genocide. It's like what's it all about? What inspired the whole thing? MAX: You know, I don't know. That would be a question that Darius would have to answer. I think its a great song, has great lyrics, and it's one of my favorite songs that we do. But I don't know. We all get angry sometimes and the anger comes through in the writing sometimes. Darius can be a pretty angry person sometimes, when he's thinking about how the world works. This is just one of the songs where he spouted whatever was on top of his head to let people know what he was thinking. I think it's a great song. OLD MAN: Cheez, do I have anything else in my great creative mind. I doubt it. I think I've used all two brain cells. MAX: Same here. OLD MAN: Thanks a bunch for talking with me. * * * * * The Old Man is the aged host of a weekly radio show in Erie, PA that plays a mixture of all punk styles from the 70's to present. In addition, he can be found hanging around at many shows in PA, OH, and Western NY, is the Editor of The Old Man Chronicles, and contributes periodically to other zines. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- U R B A N I A By Jim Andrews I'm on sabbatical this month, as part of my Jesuit training, so there will be no Urbania. In lieu of that, I wrote some stuff. Welcome to that section of the magazine that is devoted solely to wasting your time! This month, in honor of the fact that there are a whole SHITLOAD of Republicans vying for the office of President, we're taking another look at the Holy Bible. Now, as you know, Republicans tend to place this little book WELL ahead of, say, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. I just consider it my duty to point out HOW FUCKIN' SCARY THAT IS!! First off, let's find out why Republicans are such goddamn bigots. Here's a quote from Leviticus 21:16-23 "...None of your descendants throughout their generations who has a blemish may approach to offer the bread of his God. For no one who has a blemish shall draw near, a man blind or lame, or one who has a mutilated face or a limb too long, or a man who has an injured foot or an injured hand, or a hunchback, or a dwarf, or a man with a defect in his sight or an itching disease or scabs or crushed testicles; no man of the descendants of Aaron the priest who has a blemish shall come near to offer the Lord's offerings by fire; since he has a blemish, he shall not come near to offer the bread of his God." Well, is it just my imagination, or is the Lord Thy God's immune system not exactly up to snuff? And, since when is "crushed testicles" a contagious disease, anyhow? Jesus, there are probably secular Aryans reading this right now saying "Wow. God sure is a bigot." All I can say is that it's probably a good thing for the Republicans that it doesn't mention people "small of brain," or else they'd be locked out of the church, as well. Now, there are examples like this throughout the Bible, but I'm not going to quote them, because reading the Bible is, frankly, only slightly less boring than watching a Pat Buchanan stump speech. The stump speech is, however, slightly more relevant. I will quote just ONE MORE passage, though, but only to make a point (of dubious worth.) Genesis 1:26 "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness;'" AHA!!! Solid proof that God, Yaweh, Lord of hosts, etc., is a blind, lame man with a mutilated face who has various itching diseases, scabs, and crushed testicles. No WONDER he made us in his image. Misery loves company. Thanks, God. Now, I don't know about you, but I really don't WANT someone in the highest office in the land who not only READS this crap (I didn't really read it, I was doing research. Doesn't count.) but actually LIVES BY IT?!? I wish there were just ONE Christian reading this who could tell me why in the HELL you take this book written by openly bigoted, narrow-minded, primitive tribesmen as some sort of gospel truth!?! I DON'T GET IT!! Is the problem that you can't read? I'd be happy to call you up, Mr. Buchanan, and read it out loud to you if you're not literate. I'm very discreet, so you don't have to worry about me telling anyone or anything. The first step to getting help is to admit that you have a problem. Obviously, you can't read, or at least can't comprehend what you read, so I'm here for ya! So, this year, bring over a few beer-bellied buddies, get a few kegs of Redhook, make a run on Costco pretzels, and watch the mudslinging ensue between the Republicans. Then pick up your hung-over ass and go down to the polls and write in Aliester Crowley for President in '96. Cuz God's a bigot. P.S.--No Republicans were injured in the making of this column. They were lame when I found 'em. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- S H A R P P O I N T E D S T I C K A W A R D By DJ Johnson This month almost drove me crazy. Where were all the idiots!? I thought that was the one thing I'd always be able to count on. Idiots in the news. It wasn't too long ago that most major newspapers put the stupidest people on the front page, just to get your attention, and put the people who deserve knighthood somewhere after the sports section. Man, I miss those days, because I just spent the better part of a month tracking down vapor! I'm talking about stories I heard brief mention of on the radio, but couldn't find any details of in the papers. A few of them BEGGED for Sharp Pointed Stick awards! I'm going to give them these awards anyway, despite not having clue one as to who they actually are. So bear with the vagueness of this. Second runner up: Remember the heartwarming story of the doctor who amputated the wrong leg of one of his patients? He wasn't allowed to practice for some time, despite his pleas of innocence. Well, he was back in the news recently when a toe was removed from his most recent victim. Now, the way I hear it, the guy WANTED that toe. It had been a good toe for many years, and he was kind of sentimental about it. He had NOT asked that the toe be removed. When the good doctor was questioned about it, he replied that while the man was in surgery, the toe simply fell off. GOD, I hate when that happens! And it always happens at the most inconvenient times, don't you find? I, myself, will never again stir a martini with my finger at a cocktail party. Wow. Maybe the doctor should have chosen the older and more often accepted excuse. "I was cleaning the toe, and it went off accidentally." I'd buy that, wouldn't you? AWARD: No award for two reasons. One, we can only assume he's stupid. He might just be sick and twisted. And two, he's already GOT a sharp pointed stick. They call them scalpels, and they scare me quite a lot. First runner up: Okay, this guy scares me more. He wanted to be a celebrity look-alike. Apparently there's good money in that. At least I think there better be, because this guy spent $30,000 on plastic surgery to make himself look just like...Tom Arnold. WHAT?! Tom Arnold. No, really. THAT Tom Arnold. He spent all that money to look like Roseanne Road Kill. On hearing this news, I quickly grabbed the evening paper and rifled through it until I came to the Arts & Entertainment section. Finding the comedy club listings, I checked and checked, and sure enough, there wasn't ONE Tom Arnold tribute show mentioned! Hey! Maybe this guy ISN'T brain-dead! Maybe he's tapped into something new and exciting! Quick, get on the phone and claim to be an agent! Get a piece of this pie! Okay, I'm calming down now...and I'm still reading...and I notice something else. There also isn't an Andy Griffith look-alike appearing at any of the clubs. Hey, you know, now that I think of it...I wouldn't pay a DIME to see someone pretend to be Andy Griffith! OR Charlton Heston. Or Whoopy Goldberg. Will people pay to see someone pretending to be Tom Arnold? Sure, because there's a sucker born every minute, as this story proves. Somewhere in a small bar in French Lick, Indiana, somebody might be making a healthy living right this moment doing "An Evening With Andy Rooney." AWARD: Hmmm...I'm only going to give him a ONE on the sharp stick meter...for now! And only because I just heard on the radio that Tom Arnold got 4 million bucks for his current flick. I had no idea he had that kind of box office bang. If this Plastic Tom breaks even his first year in the biz, maybe he's not QUITE as dumb as I originally thought he was. But I will give him the one stick, just because there are other people he could impersonate without having to wake up and look at THAT ugly mug every day. This Month's Winner!: A guy pulls a heist in the nude. Why? Because he doesn't want people to identify him by his clothes. I know the feeling, really I do. My clothes are pretty ratty, and I can't afford new ones, and I don't want people thinking of the way I dress as my identity. No no, wait, that's not what the idiot meant. He meant "IDENTIFIED," as in "in a lineup." Apparently, it didn't occur to this Einstein that clothes can be changed in a hurry, but a scrawny ass can't. You want comedy? Go view THAT police line-up! AWARD: This guy gets a THREE on DJ's Sharp Stick Meter. Look away, now, because the fool is buck nekkid, and you do NOT want to know where the stick ends up. That's it for this months column. And remember, please, if the opportunity to do something really really stupid and newsworthy presents itself, JUMP on it! It'd help me a lot. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOW TO MAKE AMERICA A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE By Andrew Ian Feinberg America. All things considered, I believe it's the best country to live in. Well, at least until I do more research about Sweden. But since I don't plan to be putting two dots over odd vowels in the near future, The U.S. of A. will have to suffice. But there are bad things in America, like Bob Dole, Free Willy 2, and Sizzler. But try as we may, there's not a whole lot we can do about many of these things. Every issue, in this column, I will try to provide some solutions to some of the problems that I feel society can conquer, or at the very minimum, can make a dent in. Reading the newspaper this week has gotten me more depressed than when Twin Peaks was taken off the air. A new playground got vandalized with messages of hate towards African Americans and Jews. A postman refused to pick up mail from a house where a person living with AIDS lives. A woman got fired and claimed it was because she refused to listen to her boss tell sexist jokes. If I wanted to describe every case like this, I would develop carpel-tunnel syndrome from all of the typing. But these cases are all related, for they all are sparked by ignorance. Ignorance makes the racist hate, makes the homophobe nervous, makes the sexist a schmuck, and so on. And it got me to thinking about how the courts deal with these people. For the most part, hate crimes are dealt with by some jail time, community service, and often sensitivity training. Sensitivity training makes sense. The best tool against ignorance is knowledge. Sensitivity training, I feel, must change the views of at least some of these people. It's a simple concept. Take a person who perpetrates a crime of ignorance, say, against African Americans. Sit them in a room with an African American for a few hours, who explains what hate crime does to people, and teaches the criminal all about African Americans and their issues. Result? Criminal walks out with less ignorance and hatred towards African Americans, at least more times than not. But only providing sensitivity training after an offense is ridiculous. It's the equivalent of giving all teenagers a drivers license when they turn 16, but only teaching them driving rules and skills after they get into an accident. We need to attempt to stop the accident before it happens. I propose mandatory sensitivity training for everybody. Here's how it would work. Let's start with children. Some people might think that's too young, but I think a lot of prejudices are learned from sweet ole mommie and daddy. So from kindergarten through high school, one day out of every school year gets dedicated to sensitivity training. It would be a potpourri of training, taking 8 hours and just covering the whole gambit. In 8 hours, I think you can cover all the bases in terms of prejudice. Teach them how everybody is okay, how just because somebody is different, they're still not any less of a person than anybody else, all that jazz. One day out of a school year won't hurt anybody, and I feel it will surely help. Will it make everybody into perfect human beings? No. Will it have a positive effect on some percentage of the population and deter some of them from prejudiced thinking or hate crime down the road? Definitely. It's not a bad thang and anything that is not a bad thang is a good thang. But it can't stop after high school. There're always fresh things to learn, new concepts to understand, and more positive thinking to reinforce. This day of understanding and accepting must continue in adult life. Now, call me naive, but I can't see every adult running to some sensitivity class every year, skipping to class and singing "Kumbaya". Hence, like Vicks 44D, sometimes you have to take medicine that you really have zero desire to take. In my proposal, there's no choice involved. It would be like jury duty, except that everybody would actually have to do it. It would be a flexible sort of class, it would be available on various days and times to accommodate everyone. It would be practically cost free on the taxpayer as well. Just have the classes take place in a public school, and have a condition of education majors student aid be that they have to be trained how to give a sensitivity class and give it for, say, 10 days a year. Then the cost would be infinitesimal. It would make everybody more informed and hence less ignorant. I couldn't see how hate and sex crimes would not plummet under such a system. I know it would be a drag if you feel you already are the most understanding and well informed person on the planet, but who really is? I'd be willing to sacrifice one day a year out of my life just to make sure, and do my share in making this country a better place for myself and my future children. Wouldn't you? --*-- Drew Feinberg is twenty-something and resides in East Meadow, NY where he is currently a full-time philosopher. He enjoys watching movies and then bitching about them, joining crusades he knows he cannot win, and singing TV theme songs to anybody within earshot, especially the "Facts Of Life." Drew and his partner-in-crime, Jen, are starting their zine, "Marvin Nash's Ear," in the very-near future so they can rant as long as they like to make the world smile and/or think, preferably both. For a free subscription, just send a request, and the name of your favorite childhood board game to afeinber@panix.com. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ========================================================================== [[[[[[[[ [[[[[[ [[ [[ [[[[[ [[[[[[ [[ [[ [[[[[[ [[ [[ [ [[ [[ [ [ [[ [ [[ [[ [[[[[[[[ [[[[[[ [[ [[ [ [[[[[[ [[ [ [[ [[[[[ [[ [[ [ [[[ [ [ [[[ [[[ [[ [[ [[ [[[[[[ [ [[[[[ [[[[[[ [[ [[ [[[[[[ ========================================================================== This month, almost all the reviews were done by DJ Johnson and The Platterpuss, but in future issues, you'll start seeing more people contributing. - Editor * * * DEATH VALLEY: "Que Pasta" - CD - Double Naught Records (PO Box 131172, Houston, Texas, 77219-1172) Instrumental surf music, having suddenly found itself all the rage after Dick Dale's "Miserlou" was featured in the film Pulp Fiction, has begun to spread out in different directions. Bands like The Phantom Surfers lead the traditional contingency in one direction. Man Or Astro-Man has a large group following them off into the surf-punk sci-fi direction. Impala revives the car-club instro style, The Mermen bring texture and psychedelia to the mix, Galaxy Trio and Pollo Del Mar bring ethereal power...and then there is Death Valley. "Que Pasta" is not surf. Instro? Yeah. Reverb? Yeah, lots, but this is not surf. This is something altogether different. Ever watch those old Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns? Hang 'Em High, Fistful Of Dollars, you know, the ones with the spooky twangy haunting music as the hero rides across the desert? THAT'S what Death Valley plays. It's related to surf, but the beat isn't the same. Surf has that boom DA DA boom DA boom DA DA boom DA beat. This is more like the sound a horse's hooves make at a gallop. BOOM ba da BOOM ba da BOOM ba da BOOM...Uh...well, okay, I admit I'm no drummer. There are 15 songs on Que Pasta, and all of them feel right. The music is powerful and haunting, the musicianship is top notch...There isn't a bad thing to say about this one. From the opening moments when the lonely guitar kicks off "Fistful Of Pasta," the imagery is undeniable. By the third or fourth track, you can almost smell the desert air. By the end of the final track, you can taste the dust. I recommend whiskey in a dirty glass. I'm not even a big Western fan, but this music makes me wish I were. Sounds silly, I know, but I decided to go out and rent "Fistful Of Dollars" so I could compare this album to the Ennio Morricone soundtrack music that at least partially inspired it. It takes something pretty amazing to make this kid wanna watch an Eastwood flick, I assure you. You've gotta love a band who'd name a song "The Larry Storch Song Trilogy." That happens to be an excellent track, too. It's hard to pick highlights when you have 15 great tracks to start with, but if I had to, I'd say "el Conquistador," "Cops And Robbers," "Arnold's Wild Ride" "Larry Storch Song Trilogy" and "A Trail Of Dust In The Sunset" are indispensable. Man, that would be an amazing 7 inch EP. On second thought, these 15 songs should be kept together, like the soundtrack to some perfect spaghetti western in your dreams. (DJ Johnson) THE POOH STICKS - Optimistic Fool (Seed) The Pooh Sticks are the ultimate pop band. If Abba were a bunch of English kids in the late 80's, this is what they'd have become. There are 13 songs on their latest offering and every one has hit written all over it. From the McCartney-esque ballady title track to the happy and bouncy paean to domestic bliss "Starfishing" and everything in between, this is what classic pop always was, is and will forever be. If this album had come out 20 years ago you'd have heard a good handful of these songs blasting out of car radio speakers every few minutes. But luckily, here in the 90s, good music isn't dead and pop lovers everywhere can hear these timeless tunes blasting out of their CD speakers any time they want. (14 E. 60 St., 8th Fl., NYC NY 10022) The Platterpuss BORIS THE SPRINKLER - 8 Testicled Pogo Machine (Bulge) Fans of bands like The Queers, Screeching Weasel and Sloppy Seconds will really go for these guys' loud fast and stupid approach to 3-chord catchy Punk Rock in a big big way. Right off the bat they lead off with a ditty called "Drugs & Masturbation" which gives a pretty good indication of just where they're comin' from. Yeah, these guys definitely don't take themselves too seriously. Even when they're pissed off they never lose their sense of irreverent humor. The world needs more bands like this. (PO Box 1173, Green Bay WI 54305) - The Platterpuss JUST PLAIN BIG - Pets Sound (Double Deuce) Naming their debut (?) CD after one of pop music's most famous and influential albums of all time, I was expecting some super lush and reverent pop music that, despite the cartoon type artwork on the cover, took itself and its influences a tad too seriously for my tastes. So, it just goes to show that you can never judge a book (or a CD) by its title. While they do play pop music, it's worlds away from what I was expecting. Most of the songs are quite fast, like punk rock, except that the angry edge that's in just about all punk music, is totally missing here. Only the fast tempos remain. Most of the vocals are sung in 2-part harmony with sparse instrumentation - strummed guitar chords with few leads, bass and drums. The songs are a bit quirky (though not annoyingly so) and the general atmosphere feels kinda tongue in cheek. This is actually one of the few times when a lyric sheet would really be helpful. If you're a pop music fan looking for something a little different yet with enough hooks to sink your teeth into, you might wanna give this a shot. - The Platterpuss ASS BABOONS OF VENUS: 7" Single - "Naked Lady Wrestler" b/w "Bad Hygiene Is Good Birth Control" - Stingy Banana Records Absolutely un-nerving! The music is whirring and climbing like a psychotic top until the hyperactively ticking clock comes in, followed closely by (get this) a great floor-tom jungle beat. Okay, you're a little off balance, but you sure are enjoying the ride. Then....that VOICE! How can I describe it!? I can't! No other voice would have worked like this. Okay, I've got it. Remember Chim-Chim, from the old Speed Racer cartoons? Now, keep the voice but make it more articulate, and you've got an idea of what I'm trying to describe here. "Naked Lady Wrestler" is funny. The one that gets the most spins from me, though, is the flip side, "Bad Hygiene Is Good Birth Control." Imagine that same voice singing "I'm not gonna kiss ya till you brush your teeth!" And always, the music is perfect and ridiculous at the same time. If you like it off the wall, this is something you need to have. (DJ Johnson) THE VIKINGS - Rock All/Surrender (Sympathy) This is the second single by ex-Devil Dog Steve Baise's new band that fans of the Dogs' brand of rama-lama, 4-on-the-floor type hooky punk will surely love. The A-side is a Steve B. original (and for my money one of the best things he's ever written) while the flip is a pretty faithful, though slightly souped-up, version of the old Cheap Trick classic. - The Platterpuss PSYCHOTIC YOUTH - Bamboozle (Wolverine) This Swedish foursome plays an infectious brand of happy, bubbly fun punk that's influenced as much by The Beach Boys and early-60's Brill Building pop as it is by The Ramones, and what a great fucking job they do of it too. 16 songs, most of which are originals and they're all totally amazing. There's no way you can listen to this disc without bouncing up and down to the rhythm and singing along. For me, an extra bonus is their cover of the old Jackie DeShannon/Searchers classic "When You Walk In The Room" which, as you can well imagine, they jet propel with some extra fire power. This has always been one of my favorite songs and these guys do it real justice. Unfortunately I don't think anyone in the U.S. is distributing this so you'll have to write to the label but your efforts will surely be rewarded many times over. Trust me, you NEED this baby. (Benrather Schlobufer 63, 40593 Dusseldorf, GERMANY) - The Platterpuss POLLO DEL MAR: 7" 4-Song EP - POP Records Contact: 4104 24th ST #237, San Francisco, CA, 94114 or pollodmar@aol.com Pollo Del Mar is an outstanding instro band from somewhere in the Bay Area of Northern California. Like The Galaxy Trio, they take the form down a much more dramatic road than bands like The Boss Martians or The Phantom Surfers. The musicianship is first rate, for starters. The dual-guitar interaction of Ferenc Dobronyi and Jono Jones is very well arranged, with scales that I can't identify, let alone play. While those two are playing these amazing chord blends, Jeff Turner supplies a very fluid fretless bass, and together with outstanding drummer Peter Brown provides an intensely churning undercurrent, sometimes sounding like their roots are as much in early 70's fusion as they are in surf. On paper, I suppose that might sound unworkable, but they pull it off in spectacular fashion. There is a certain kind of ethereal dreamlike feeling some music gives me that I crave and seek. The first Black Sabbath album does it for me. The Galaxy Trio does it for me. Brand X's "Livestock" album does. Now, Pollo Del Mar does that for me. This 7 has an interesting cover tune on it you might want to check out. It's called 2314-B, and it was originally done by a band called The Sidetrack in 1965. They were unknowns, and the single of this song was released in a blank jacket. I love a good mystery, and like the story behind it, the song is very mysterious and beautiful, almost a blues-surf, but too turbulent for that tag. This is a great performance, like the other three on the record. It has a little of everything, and a LOT of drama. The final song on the record is "Night Sticks," written by Jono Jones. Almost surf-punk, it closes the EP out with a big punch. This is a great record I was lucky enough to get ahold of a very rare cassette of Pollo Del Mar that includes a cover of Frank Zappa's "Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance." That tells you something right there about the level of musicianship in this band. Hopefully, the material on the cassette will be available on vinyl and CD soon. Meanwhile, this 7 incher is a great introduction to a band that should be around for a long time. - DJ VARIOUS ARTISTS - Snakebite City Vol. 3 (Bluefire) It's been a few years since Vol. 2 of this series hit the streets and judging from this latest outing, it would appear that the folks at Bluefire have definitely not been wasting their time as this 21 songer may be their strongest collection yet. According to the liner notes, this is a compilation of bands currently playing on the London circuit and, if that's the case it would seem that there's a very healthy indie punk scene going on there. If you're a fan of melodic punk with the occasional pop influence, you'll find lots to love here with tracks by China Drum, Who Moved The Ground?, Speedway, Big Boy Tomato and The Shreds that I like as much as anything I've heard in quite awhile. Other favorites include "Keep Your Mouth Shut" by The Xerox Girls who sound like they must have worn out the grooves on their old X-Ray Spex records, Cuckooland's "Painting The Town Red" - a fine slice of Blondie-esque pop and "I Don't Want To Be A Nazi" by Apocalypse Babys which sounds really Ramones influenced except that where Joey and Co. would take it all very tongue-in-cheek, these guys are completely serious. I can't let this review go by without giving special mention to "Not Like You" by Toys In The Attic. Here is yet another slice of melodic poppy punk that's just so damn infectious I can't get it out of my head. If any song I've heard this year deserves to be a hit single, this has gotta be it! Those folks at Bluefire are really into this whole thing just for the music (hell, their press release even encourages home taping!) and they've put together one really nifty little disc which sells for only $12 postage included. Shit, you can't ask for a better deal. Support indie rock and hear some incredible music at the same time. (PO Box 16, Aldershot, GU12 5XY, UK) - The Platterpuss CUB - Come Out, Come Out (Mint) Just a few hours ago I had this big conversation with a friend of mine about various bands and we both agreed that Cub were a bit on the too cutesy side. Since then, for the last 4 hours or so, I've been slaving over a hot PC writing record reviews of mostly punk and garage CDs until I came upon this latest Cub disc. I'd already listened to it a few times some weeks ago and I remember thinking it was OK if nothing all that special. Well perhaps it's a matter of perspective but spinning it now I really dig it a whole bunch. Sure, they come on like real cutie-pies and a steady diet of their innocent wide-eyed wonder could probably drive me to violence but for a change of pace, songs like "Ticket To Spain", "Your Bed", "My Flaming Red Bobsled", "I'm Your Angel" and their cover of "Vacation" (originally by The Go-Go's) do the trick quite nicely and might even bring a smile to this scowling old puss. (#699-810 West Broadway, Vancouver BC, V5Z 4C9, CANADA) - The Platterpuss THE GALAXY TRIO - "In The Harum" 10 Inch 8 Song EP - Estrus (ES107) Last year's "Saucers Over Vegas" was such a cool record that I actually sat around wondering when the NEXT Galaxy Trio record would come out. Pathetic. Well, enough about my life. Let's talk about this excellent 10'er. Jim Crabbe (guitar), Bryson Carter (bass) and Elmo (drums) are The Galaxy Trio, and they play a very dramatic and exotic brand of instro-surf. Reverb oozes from every pore of this record and envelopes it. Mystique is what this band is all about, and the overall reverb space is deep and dark, as is the music itself. Galaxy Trio is near the top of this style of surf, along with The Mermen, Pollo Del Mar and a small handful of others. It's darker and more provacative. This is surf noir. The cover is a great picture of the band, all wearing gold or silver turbans, reclining with five very enticing harem girls and a big ol' hookah. I wanna be in this band. Or at least in this picture. The back cover has a great little black and white photo of The Amazing Criswell. (If you don't know who that is, it's a great excuse to go rent the film "Ed Wood." Do it. Now back to Galaxy Trio). What else about the cover. Oh yeah, one of the people they thank is named Kitty Diggins. I...just thought you might want to know. The music is the best part, of course, and that starts off with a tune called "Surfacide." Right away, the difference between this band and so many other surf bands becomes apparent. These guys might be the kings of heavy drama in instrumental music. "Surfacide" sounds like a storm at sea, or at least that's what it sounds like to me and my overactive imagination. This EP is great fuel for that kind of thinking. "Horus" is a somewhat lighter tune that has an Arabian feel to it. Nice little break after the storm. "Lynch Mob" is my numero uno pick on the record. It expands on the Arabian Knights thing, adding adventure to the drama. Then there's "Fur Elise"...yup, THAT "Fur Elise" (done in an instro-surf style that would have either pleased the hell out of Beethoven or else killed him dead on the spot). Side two has "Surf N' Destroy" and "In Like Flint" in the heavy department, and "Another Odd Job" (A reference to the villian from "Goldfinger," right?) and "Shoemaker Levy #9" finish the set in an ethereal mood. I like this one so much that I'm now sitting around the house waiting for the next one to come out. Pathetic. By the way, they also thank Hanna Barbera. Just thought you'd wanna know. (DJ Johnson) THE HOT CORN GIRLS - Look At My Bum (Stingy Banana) Last issue (of Foster Child) I reviewed an EP by these guys/girls/mutants/??? and what I said then still holds true. Basically this is upbeat Stonesey R&R with a totally bizarre lead singer who shrieks, barks, hiccups, screams and caterwauls his way through these 15 songs. I can't really understand the words but with song titles like "Crackhead Bit My Dick", "Puddle Tween My Legs", "Why Did You Puke?" and "Lonely Little Boner" it would seem that their tongues are planted firmly in their cheeks (I won't speculate on which cheeks) and that those cheeks are definitely in the gutter. What's kinda scary is that I probably shouldn't like this as much as I do. (335 E. 10 St. #3E, NYC NY 10009) - The Platterpuss LINK WRAY & THE WRAYMEN - Mr. Guitar/Original Swan Recordings (Norton) This is one of those instances where a "review" shouldn't even be necessary. Just knowing of the existence of this 2-disc set should be enought to send all of you scurrying off to your nearest record store (they still call 'em record stores even though almost nobody sells records anymore) in search of these 2 fine slabs of glorious fuzz-drenched noise. Whatcha got here is everything Link ever recorded for Swan Records in the early and mid 60s when he was at his creative, if not commercial, peak. A number of tracks such as "Jack The Ripper", "Ace Of Spades", "Fat Back", "Run Chicken Run", "Branded" and "Hidden Charms" will already he familiar to many of his fans but there's lots more where those came from - 63 tracks in all, many of 'em seeing the light of day for the first time ever. There are just too many standouts to list favorites but let it suffice to say that he could take just about anything from the most savage rocker to the tenderest of ballads (though most of this set is definitely of the more rockin' persuasion) and make it his own with his unique fuzzed-out, dirty growling guitar sound that was his trademark. Whether or not you're a long time fan of the man or if you're just looking for some low-down, primal Rock & Roll played by a true original, this set will give you 2-hours plus of the real thing. - The Platterpuss THE MOCKERS - Somewhere Between Mocksville And Harmony (One Eye Open) Fans of Badfinger and Beatles inspired pop with an emphasis on clever songwriting, bouncy tempos, rich harmnonies and a clean, crisp production will surely dig the sounds being laid down by this Virginia-by-way-of-New York foursome. Like most bands playing in this genre, they've come up with their share of classic, winsome love songs such as "Martha", "Selective Memory" and "I'd Give Anything". But, for me, what really sets them apart is how on songs like "Here Come The Lackeys", "Invisible Ink" and "It Isn't Always Mine" there's a nice sarcastic twist to the lyrics which adds a whole new dimension, not only to the individual songs but to my perceptions of the band as a whole. Pure pop with a twist of bitters - quite the combination. (2953 Va. Beach Blvd. #101, Va. Beach VA 23452) The Platterpuss FRANK ZAPPA - "Strictly Commercial" - CD on Rykodisc For the first time since 1969, consumers now can enjoy the "best" of Frank Zappa. On August 22nd, Ryko released Strictly Commercial, the first official Zappa retrospective since 1969, featuring 76 minutes of classic material. Encompassing 19 years of his illustrious career, Strictly Commercial contains such essential material as "Trouble Every Day", "I'm the Slime", "San Ber'Dino", "Dancin Fool" and 15 more of Frank's "clean" tunes. The new CD features single versions of 3 songs (never before available on CD): Don't Eat the Yellow Snow (containing an edit of Nanook Rubs It), Montana, and the classic Joe's Garage. As with any compilation disc, there are always things that should have been on that aren't, and vice-versa. However, in the case of Strictly Commercial, there isn't a lot of "clean" material that was left off. The biggest highlights of his musical career -- "Dirty Love", "Cosmik Debris", and "Muffin Man" -- are all here, along with many others. The CD also includes two instrumentals - the classic "Peaches En Regalia" and "Sexual Harassment in the Workplace" from the Guitar album. It would have been nice to include "Black Napkins" instead of say... "Be in My Video" or "Fine Girl", but overall, Strictly Commercial will do a fine job of introducing new fans to the rock side of Frank Zappa. It also serves as a fine starting point for someone wanting to experience Zappa's cutting sense of humor, as well his outstanding guitar work. Following on the heels of Rykodisc's 53-title reissue program this spring, this CD is a fine testament to the talent of one of music's most prolific artists. (by Steve Marshall) WATCH CHILDREN - Kinda Retarded 2-EP Set (Perfect Pop) What a sorry state of afairs it is that this fine fine New Jersey band had to go all the way to Norway to put out their record. Of the 10 songs on these 2 EPs, the sounds range from snarly garage punk to more pop and psych oriented material. While these definitely sound like home recordings, the songwriting and performances are first rate and definitely deserving of your attention. (Daelenenggata 14A, N0567 Oslo, NORWAY) - The Platterpuss THE AFFECTED - Fate (Munster) PO Box 18107, 28080 Madrid, Spain This Australian trio plays an immediataly likeable blend of classic garage and punk styles that sounds kinda like a more crazed and zonked- out Joan Jett. Of the 13 tracks, most are total ravin' stompers that are just about guaranteed to get any party swingin' in a big way. In addition to their really cool cover of Tommy Tutone's "Jenny/867-5309", some other favorites include "Mind", "Clawback", "Blown" and "Misjudge". Totally cool!! (The Platterpuss) HOTCORN GIRLS: 7" 5-Song EP - Stingy Banana Records (335 E. 10th ST, #3-E, N.Y., NY, 10009) This is from the same people who brought us Ass Baboons Of Venus. Dean, Joanne, Squeaky and Bob, it says here on the sleeve. This is a very hot band. The drums are right in your face, so the power of this record will get to you right away. They sound like they're having a blast, too. Everything is done balls out. The vocals are almost but never quite out of control, the lyrics are not very easy to understand. Fine with me! It's great in the same way that "Louie Louie" was great. Reckless abandon in music form. "Twit" has one of the greatest choruses I've ever heard. "I'm the only one that matters - I'm the only one that matters I'm the only one that matters - ME! ME! ME! ME!" Great titles, too. "Zorn In My Panties," "Mr. Birth Control," "Angry Crouton," "Twit," and "My Boner, Your Fishtank." I don't know about you, but if I see a record with a song called "My Boner, Your Fishtank," I tend to get curious. The pick of the litter, I think, is "Angry Crouton," which is short but chaotic as hell. "Twit," with those inspiring lyrics that speak to and of us all, and "Mr. Birth Control" duke it out for 2nd best tune status. Frenzied background vocals were performed by Ronnie "Yoshiko" Fujiyama & The Pearl Harbour Memorial Chorus on everything but "Twit," which was performed by The Spank Me Singers. So even without "My Boner, Your Fishtank," I would'a gotten curious and picked it up. Hot stuff. Get it! (DJ Johnson) THE APPLES in stereo - Fun Trick Noisemaker (Spin Art) Fans of indie and/or psych pop are going to have a field day here. With influences ranging from Robyn Hitchcock to Big Star to Guided By Voices to the many one-off bands on all those Rubble compilations that came out about six or seven years ago, this trio conveys a pleasantly trippy and whimsical sensibility that's hard not to like, even for a dyed-in-the- wool garage punk head like myself. One of my favorite songs is "Tidal Wave" - catchy and upbeat with some fuzzy guitars and funny little sound effects. If I were a disc jockey I'd program it right before or after "Underwater Moonlight" and it'd fit in just perfectly. "Winter Must Be Cold" features the vocals of drummer Hilarie whom I'd like to see stepping forward more often. It's kind of mid- tempo and has this meandering guitar line going through it that I didn't pay much attention to at first but, as I've played this track a few times, it seems to stay with me more and more. To be perfectly honest, this is not an album that I'm going to spin all that often except for an occasional change of pace. However, if you are more than a sometime fan of this genre, you won't want to be without it. (PO Box 1798, New York NY 10156-1798) - The Platterpuss ============================================================================ - % @ ]]]]]]]]]] . " ~ + . ]]] ]] ]] ]]]] , ^ . ]]] ]]]]] ]] < ]]] ]] ]] ]]]] & # ]]] ]] ]] ]] ! ^ | . """ "" "" """" ]]]]] ]]]] ]]]] ]]]]] ]]]]]] ]]]] - \ ~ ]] ]] ]] ] ] ]] ] ]] ] ` ? $ ]] ] ]]]] ]]]] ]] ]] ]] ]]] ~ ` ]] ]] ]] ] ] ]] ]] ]] ] l """"" """" """"" "" "" """" `"" ]]]]] ]]]]]] ]]]] ]] ]]]]] @ : ]] ]] ]] ]] ]] ]] / + ]]]] ]] ]]]] ]] ]] ] | ]] ]] ]] ]] ]] ]] ! : "" """" """" """"" """"" + . September's debris filters down from the surface A WALK TOWARD FATE OR FORTUNE? With the full belly of hope I walk up to my unfulfilled my yellow flashing lighted potential Just two paychecks away from the figure before me standing haggard cold and pleading a delicate layer of survival separating our lives I come I come to decide his or mine But circumstance has played with us tossed us up and down kept us apart apart by a dangling thread by the mirage of contentment In a flash a world grows dark grows unfriendly without compassion without a sense that meaning unifies our common aspirations codifying our dreams in creative understanding What is his life? his fear pounding through his chest racing with his thoughts that explode into a portrait of unwanted isolation but my life more hidden clothed in freshly cleaned opportunities Craig Eidsmoe (c) 1995 * * * "The Minor Jelly-Fish Conspiracy Theory" fairy tale moonbeam, shadow of a tree and seventeen half-shells on a plate of happily. while you wait and wile away while we sit and waste the day while the sun continues to glow continue to question continue to grow sunshine meadow a green leaf of steel a handful of little lost souls, pretend it's not real gigantic performance of the wind and the seeds a small piece of heaven and lumps of green cheese while i write and waste more time while i laugh at invisible mimes while the dirt creates itsself create a rose, then destroy it, damnit.... - coLeSLAw * * * Who Are You? Who-who, who-who? an abtract rave by Magthorn Hello. My name is Robert. Don't fuckin' call me Bob because it pisses me off. Yeah, I've heard all the Bob jokes and I don't want to hear any more. I don't smoke a pipe and I don't wear glasses, taped together or otherwise. And screw the pocket protector. I'm Robert. Not Bob, not Rob, not Robbie. I'm Robert. Who are you? Do you know? Bet you don't. How many times have you sat there with your hand down your shorts and thought - this is me? HA! See? You are what you hold closest to you. I don't listen to Runs and Poses. They suck. Commercial crap. Recycled grandpa rock don't make it either. Gotta call it PULSE because they don't have one any more. So what do you like? Caught you watching SCREAM just to see Janet, eh? Morph THIS! You do your cool act today? Strut your stuff with clothes the homeless pissed on? That make you cool? How much did you pay for that shit? Big bucks to some idiot calling himself a fashion designer while some guy in a trailer forks out $20 for used Levi's. How much did you pay for those holes, asshole. God is dead; but considering the state the species of Man is in, there will perhaps be caves, for ages yet, in which his shadow will be shown. How's your education? BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD got you pegged? MARRIED, WITH CHILDREN your idea of a fun watch? THAT WAS NIETZCHE. He wrote that in 1910. Got any shadows flickering in that cave of yours? Evolution passing you by? Receding forehead Zippie? It takes no intelligence to say yes. You get a rush from Rush? You hate progress but voted anyway? HEY, Zippie. God didn't pave over all that grass to cure your hay fever. Gotta stiff neck from banging? Primal, aren't you? And so damned proud of it. Gotta practice your ethnic crossover moves before the party. GOTO ESPN2 and learn to dance. Beneath the Remains, the Master of Puppets Nihils In the Court of the Crimson King seeking a Pulse. Pigface caught a Winnebago Induced Tapeworm while, blasted, Skinny Puppy sat back to Dig It. Life can be like that. You string together bits of everyone else to build your front to the world. Other people's ideas are theirs. You can borrow them momentarily, but sooner or later, you need to face yourself. Hope you can. I'm Robert. I KNOW who I am. Who are you? * * * "Liquid Heaven" a thistle soaked in frenetic bands of crystal radiating light a cobweb with a secret message deciphered by a captured fly a well from which no liquid came yet full of hope and acid rain a june-bug with an aftertaste but noone to remind him a unilateral beacon glowing from which shafts of knowledge grow a whistle pierces the silent night while noone hears the trees falling a vision without consequence has purpose to it still a little hole above the glass has just begun to open wide a harlot wearing aftershave a streamer looks to us to wave a kite upon the windy sky a murderer with an alibi a feline with an urge to tear a maiden who has lost her hair a following without a cause a life with rewind, stop, and pause. but isn't it funny, or even sad that all the things which we once had but lost so long ago that now it doesn't matter anyhow. .......whatever happened to that cow? * * * POST ELECTION ANGER 1994 The catcalls of honor the reconfigurement of compassion the lofty kissing american dream sets sail across oceanic lanes of disability and misfortune I step into this mist a piss a murky thick congealing morass of deceit of hope of ideologues of capitalism's pursuit of altruism and salvation Unprotected I choke on this flow of rhetoric that spills from well fed faces faces that shine with savings and a smile I, a partner in the treachery the butchery of america my home where natives died for microwaves and disposals feeding on a third world's survival Lined up numbered and nullified we bare computerized tattoos of a darkness a harshness sold to us at lopsided discounts Guarded by hair triggered missiles of xenophobia we come together to celebrate waste a taste sugary sweet to our greedy conforming urine laced silver spooned self indulging embrace Information flows uncharted undammed flooding our minds equating wisdom and gossip innuendo and insight The right of the voyeur desecrates our mysteries our imagination our respect for one another peering into our lives with searing hot eyes An anarchy of ideas fights over marshmallow minds quenching the collective thirst of idle viewers The biggest survive feeding off trivial lies spinning fortune before our feeble wanting cries We lay back exhausted and willing to be defeated by this inundation this violation this conquest of our lives It is time to lift ourselves up to sift through the mountainous piles of sight and sound to breathe deeply the knowledge of common humanity to resist the seamless onslaught of the energy sucking frenzy of the unsubstantiated that preys on our insatiable vultureous cravings to seek instead silent shelter where meaning regains perspective where love is remembered Craig Eidsmoe (c) 1995 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- E-MAIL ADDRESSES FOR CONTACTING COSMIK DEBRIS' WRITERS DJ Johnson (Editor)......moonbaby@serv.net Cai Campbell.............vex@serv.net James Andrews............jimndrws@serv.net Louise Johnson...........aquaria@serv.net coLeSLAw.................coleslaw@greatgig.com Scott Wedel..............syzygy@cyberspace.com Andrew Ian Feinberg......afeinber@panix.com Steven Leith.............leith@wolfenet.com Steve Marshall...........MHND71F@prodigy.com The Platterpuss..........Plattrpuss@aol.com Magthorn.................Magthorn@aol.com The Old Man..............fridrich@moose.eire.net Cosmik Debris' WWW site..http://www.greatgig.com/cosmikdebris Subscription requests....moonbaby@serv.net Cai Campbell's BBS (Great Gig In The Sky)..206-935-8486 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------