::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::April/99 ::: The Discordant Opposition Journal ::: Issue 4 - File 5 ::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :Hacker vs Nerd: Fraggle How do You shape Up? Anyone who's ever had the misfortune to hear me speak on various newsgroups knows I have definite opinions of what makes a nerd, and what makes a hacker - and that I have a very open animosity towards nerds... This shit's probably been done many times before, but here's my attempt at explaining the whole Nerd/Hacker situation. Although I'm ashamed to admit it, I was a bit of a nerd at age 13/14. I'm reformed now, and have completely lost the "Nerd Rep" amongst my peers. So since I've been to the other side, and am now living on the other other-side, I feel I'm pretty qualified to make the statements I'm about to make. So here goes... Nerddomn begins to appear from a very young age. The aversion to outside activities, the extremely late bed times, the fact that the Commodore 64 in the bedroom had a cooling fan on the power- supply - all point to a nerd. Most hackers start out life as a nerd to some degree. In fact the junior hacker's bedroom could be very similar to the nerd's - except for a few minor differences. If our C64 wielding whipper- snapper has any hope at all, he (or she, but we'll just say he from now on) has to have at least a two hundred disk/tape pirate software collection. Sorry, but legitimate C64 software just doesn't make hacker material. If we're looking at the development of an older hacker today, then he probably even had a measly ZX-81 to play with, or a *gulp* MicroBee. Usually in the later half of grade school, both subjects have discovered the world of programming. The Nerd's typical program includes simple games and code entered from the eight foot tall pile of Your Computer magazines. Meanwhile, the Hacker is furiously trying to make those three fuckin' Commodore Balloons crash into each other and hit the ground in a burning wreck. Erm, sorry - sprite programming. Later, an IBM Compatible PC enters the household. The Nerd drools over every inch of the machine, noting all the features that this new machine has over the older C64/128. He frowns when the answer to "What's inside it?" is "Never you mind", so begins exploring all the new and exciting software that's available. The hacker basically undertakes the same set of actions, only maybe with slightly less drooling. And in my experience most hackers don't seem to quote system specifications anywhere near the speed that nerds do. If you've ever been near an obvious nerd that's said "686 PR 200+ with 16 Meg of Ram, a 1.2 gigabyte hard disk drive, and a double speed multi session cd-rom drive." then you will know what I'm talking about. The major difference between the two subjects in this area is the part about what's inside the new machine. The hacker usually asks in a more direct manner "Can I take it apart dad?", and when the answer is negative - the hacker gets up at 12:00 midnight to take the machine apart anyway.. And starts putting it back together at 2:00 so as not to get a hiding by 7:00, when Father awakes. Hopefully not too long after this stage, our pair have managed to acquire a Modem, and are entering the world of the bulletin board. After several long distance phone calls, the our seemingly forever nerd gets a part time job to help pay the enormous phone bill. On the other side of the coin, our emerging hacker - armed with knowledge gained from a BBS - beige box's the holiday house next door and spends a lot more time doing important things. Like making that Point and Shoot colour scheme blacker than it already was. Interestingly (given the clean and tidy psychological profile of the nerd), both specimens at this age will probably be downloading the odd meg or seven of pornography. It is at early to mid high-school age that the two paths start to vary vastly. Nerds tend to excel in almost all classes at school, particularly science and I've witnessed many un-knowing junior nerds actually RUNNING to the computer labs at recess and lunch. Often hackers are good at schoolwork as well, but more often than not they are what are known as "under-achievers". Where nerds are submissive and interested in learning, the hacker is beginning to become questionative and insubordinate. "Where the fuck in adult life am I going to use Trigonometry?!?" Most Hackers will do reasonably at school, but fail many subjects because of lack of homework. The odd few will actually hurry and get the homework out of the way quickly, to get on with more important things - but for most the homework gets filed safely under B for Bin. At this stage, the Nerd will stay inside frequently. If any sports at all are undertaken - they are usually of the Volleyball and Tennis variety. Hackers are more apt to undertake outside activities, unfortunately what's commonly known as Anarchy doesn't have the same team building effects as regular sporting activities. If any sports are taken up, they are usually irregular sports like skating, surfing, BMX and more recently Snowboarding. The reason for these activities being chosen is usually because of the lack of teamwork, coaches, and the anti- social image of these sports. Usually however these take second priority to "logging on". High School Science class starts to get into full swing. Chemistry, Acids and Bases. Give the nerd's table a few hundred pieces of PH paper and pyrex dishes full of unmarked materials and it'll keep them amused for hours. The hacker's (and usually a few pure anarchists) table.. A white cloud appears from an over-done mixture of unknown materials - breaking one of the first rules of chemistry. By the end of first class, SOMEONE is tricked into eating copper sulphate (breaking the second rule of chemistry) and the fish in the tank at the back of the class room are mysteriously floating to the surface... (Breaking the first rule of veterinary) Uh Oh.. The teacher leaves the class room to enter the prep room, and the nerds are pocketing bottles of chemicals to take home and play with - under the cover of four simultaneous sheet flames from the propane taps at the Hacker tables. By mid to late high school, the clothing has changed differently too. Nerds are usually wearing clean and tidy clothes (i don't see many nerds wearing shirts and pocket tidy's though), but seem to lack severely in personal hygiene. Hackers are often in one of three states: A dirty clothed punk rock look, a clean clothed punk rock look, or the gothic look. Another popular hacker style for a while was the Syndicate Wars Trenchcoat look. The Internet's taking off somewhere around here, and BBS's are slowly replaced with UseNet - which unfortunately leads to Spam Spam and more Spam. The nerds spend late nights making IRC clones, shell enhancements for Windows 95, or finishing homework. The hackers spend late nights setting fire to aerosol cans, dumpster diving, or still fleecing the neighbour's unsuspecting phone line. If programming, a hacker is often found making much better clones of Back Orifice or NetBus. Most Hackers are also quite fond of drinking. It's tragic, but the nerds keep running to the computer room. The hacker makes occasional visits - sometimes to do enough homework to keep from being expelled, sometimes to test that custom built Back Orifice clone on the Quaking nerds. The real hackers frown upon those using Back Orifice or any other Trojan they didn't write themselves. Ahh... it's about time to impress the members of the opposite sex. The nerds help out any female that needs help with typing up their essay. Sure, it sounds like they really like you but it doesn't get you anywhere. The hackers usually make asses of themselves too. Whether it be insisting that a quarter litre of butane in your mouth ignited really does look cool, or performing (ahem, attempting) stupid tricks on above mentioned skateboard - either way, it doesn't get them anywhere either. Hackers seem to have a slightly higher tendency to score, however, because they are usually on location when everyone is passing out, falling over, and making love to people they'll wish they never knew in the morning. And if they're really lucky it'll only be because they're not attractive.. If they're unlucky, well.. A few of my close friends know the deal there... Well, what will the future hold for our nerd and for our hacker? Well only time will tell, but I know which one I prefer to be.. Fraggle '99 fraggle@theoffspring.net