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Some thoughts on bunkers and survivalism

Written by: the dude disappeared into the ground before we could ask him his name

Non-emergency uses of your bunker

You're probably thinking "WTF would I want to sit in a fucking bunker unless I absolutely have to?" Well, I shall tell you just why you might want to do that. OK, if you're a person in need of a lot of social contact bunkers are not for you (then again, you're probably the type who just sits around and blabbers about nothing whilst pretending to know shit, so stop reading this article, nay, this entire fucking magazine!).

OK, some shit for which you can use your bunker in non-hostile times:

Securing the perimeter

Now that you're snoring in that big, cozy armchair, having passed out in front of the fireplace in your underground abode, you can feel safe... right? Well, depends.

Although you're safe under heaps of earth, concrete and steel, you do have some weaknesses. You need air shafts to get, well, air. You'll need to replenish your supplies at some point. Basically what I'm saying is that stealth is important. If you're discovered you could be in a for a long siege.

Like I said, your first defense is stealth and this means you have to blend in. Try to conceal your air outlets as best you can. I've seen people put empty, perforated oil barrels over them. You should have multiple air shafts and these should be spread out over a quite wide area, so as to have some form of redundancy.

Now, what about the main gate?

You might want to consider patrolling your domain but you'd need several people to keep a continous overwatch plus the point of having a bunker in the first place is staying underground, you gimboid. No, think "area denial". Stuff like sensors, mines, barbed wire, electrical fencing, palisades, moats, ditches etc.

Sensors are a good idea. Ideally, you don't want to have to monitor the grid constantly so you need to set up the kind of sensors that are triggered by the enemy, such as tripwires. The bad thing about tripwires is they'll make the enemy suspicious. Now, if it's just a lone bandit that's no problem but what if he's a scout for a large raider army and he just phoned home? Bad news indeed. So do consider undetectable options like seismic sensors.

You will, of course, also need extensions of your eyes and ears on the surface. Think microphones and video cameras. Make sure you come up with a good solution for the power supply though. Also, think about how you will protect your surveillance equipment against detection and how to keep it undamaged by the forces of nature (it rains and shit out there). Thermal cameras and nightvision cameras (IR or the light amplifier type) might be a good idea too.

Personally I wouldn't feel all that good about boobytrapping my property. I mean, elks, ducks and other innocent people might pass by. Plus any boobytraps will be a hazard to you once you venture out (think MS Minesweeper).

Now, remote-detonated explosives, that's another matter entirely. When you're under massive attack from mutant raiders you'll be glad you took the time to scatter out some surprises. Just lock the doors and press the buttons...

If you think your surface property is going to be the backdrop for armed conflict (paintball or otherwise), you need to think about setting up defense positions. Think Endor. Pile some trees, make a barricade. Dig some trenches. Make some foxholes.


You should give some serious thought to your arsenal. There are several things to consider:

Personally, I would recommend the following arsenal:

If you want to condense this further, you could probably get away with just a good rifle and some kind of handgun, or a shotgun (with slug ammo) and a handgun.

Now, this is the kind of arsenal you'd have for hunting and small-scale defense. It's possible that you may need to fight a war after the shit hits the fan, but that is simply out of the scope of this article.

Copyright 2005, EuroHacker Magazine