+ evolution + + issue five + December 26, 1996 %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% This, the fifth issue of +evolution+, marks the first inclusion of something written by an outside source for the express purpose of being included in +evolution+. Sure, there was the excerpt from LYTR #9 in issue four, but that's different. It's also the December holiday-season issue. So, for the holidays, I'm going to start a stupid, cheesy holiday tradition. The first issue after Christmas is the poetry issue, assuming I make it to next Christmas. Since you're obviously connected to the net at the moment, if you're reading this, hop on over to http://angst.underworld.net, +evolution+'s sister publication. Angst is a roxin interactive web zine, written by myself and a couple of fellow losers. Check it out, you'll love it. It's a way of life. [ToC] + my short tribute to Derek Bacon + a poem by Bryan + a poem by Mafyoo + "Union of the Cursed" by Mafyoo + "Off" by Mafyoo + "Forever" by Mafyoo + "Sense Five" by Mafyoo + "Carriage Drive, 27" by Mafyoo + "Snowpure" by Mafyoo + another poem by Bryan + a poem by SPaM %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% I'm a lot like you so please hello, I'm here, I'm waiting I think I'd be good for you and you'd be good for me - Weezer, "El Scorcho" %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Today, we mourn the loss of a beloved friend: Derek Bacon. Derek has been a well-loved member of the WPI community for many, many years, and though I never met him, I feel a big loss in my heart. Maybe it's because I know what a good friend he was to some of my friends. In any case, he's one great big heap of a great guy who will be missed by many. Derek Bacon 1971-1996 %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% kill yr idols sonic death it's the end of the world and confusion is next - Sonic Youth, "Kill Yr Idols" %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% +[a poem written by Bryan]+ {a} One. Standing alone in body yet not in soul. Others follow but not so closely. He wonders, head tilted what he should think, feel and do. Answers come but none are rational enough for him to accept so he just sits. {a secret} my head is falling off what can I do I want it to stop right now tell, must tell, must tell {a secret form} form? An image? idea? thing? figment of my imagination? Light and fog and darkness and rain stain my mind If I could understand, I would, but it's just too much. {a secret form of} Of what? More and more the anxiety builds up and I get less and less aware Of what is to understand, what is to know confusion, ataxia, dementia, paranoia. pain. pain. {a secret form of punishment} + end + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% there's a little black spot on the sun today - The Police, "King of Pain" %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% I worship you elaborate forest falls over spring recall the picture under dream-vision shadow light smooth water shine through blue no whispers stare only as I sing flood their music would shadow her rain beneath summer moon always in a diamond sea + mafyoo 8.7.96 + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% [union of the cursed] feel the burning wind chapped lips smell like strawberries entranced in the swirl falling dancing the union of the cursed naive worship each of them overwhelmed with this this this feeling the drum hits break the skin self-worth self-love exit the blue man wake up as a god peer over the clouds to the floor to the core of the earth he'll believe in anything when he's there he's certain he's said that before pindrop gravity it was here there everywhere the canteen runs dry his mouth dry his eyes dry in worship of the queen + mafyoo 10.17.96 + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% I wish I want to stay here I wish this be enough I wish I only love you I wish simplicity - Bjork, "Enjoy" %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% [off] 1. anticipation worship love you are mine but I am far more yours even if only in my head the mental, the physical barriers between us mean nothing to me I know I know the blessed union onion cry soft salty tears collect them see them feel them as I feel them cold bitter tearing at the psyche ripping the system for I know this is love love is this and it is you I love 2. paint a picture it's there still there after all these months the beach the chair you sad shy meek alone clearer than day you are there remember remember sit upon the pedestal the mystery proverbial mystery mystery of stolen glances meghan patrick fleece not knowing "no, I don't know what romance is" perhaps I never will 3. i bleed for you + mafyoo 10.17.96 + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% I hold my breath and close my eyes and dream about her cuz she's 2000 light years away - Green Day, "2000 Light Years Away" %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% [forever] warm, so warm soft to the touch embrace the first and only feel yr holy youth against my virgin hands euphoric love sonic love let love drain into you escape the boundaries of my mind my heart for their home yr soul the gentle curves my hands caress absorb yr ills becoming mine distilled into raw emotion this could last forever warm you feel warm i feel warm trading warmth intense i see the cord between growing thicker stronger silver and gold soft naive innocent luet and nafai and their chevya forever forever. + mafyoo 11.21.96 + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% [sense five] your residue lingers on my hand i can still feel you on me smell your sweet smell our everlasting love i can still feel you in my arms your inner warmth combined with my own the soft shell of youth i can feel your innocence, mirroring mine together in our naivete naked in our unity a smile for every tear i can still feel your shirt the one i love so much that is ingrained in my memory i can still feel your hair unclean from slumber and under it your scalp and my fingers against it i still feel the way i did when we were together and i know again, soon i will feel you. + mafyoo 11.28.96 + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% once around the sun cruising, climbing Jupiter cyclops winks at me yeah, he knows who's driving hit neutral in the tail of a comet let the vortex pull my weight push the seat back a little lower watch light bend in the blower planets align a king is born Dodge Swinger Jesus on the dashboard - Clutch, "Spacegrass" %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% [carriage drive, 27] my puppy dog eyes slowly scanning yr eyes, nose yr soft cheeks the sweet fruit of yr hair tickles my virgin nose i'm in heaven i've got you in my arms never want to let go never let go never i want to hold you - just like this feel you, a warm body in this cold existance the first with whom i have shared my self my hands, my arms, my soul yr love fused with mine in holy union this holy, embryonic embrace forever my fears die my thoughts subside and all that remains is you. + mafyoo 12.5.96 + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% [snowpure] the power is out millions of snow flakes create a swirling sea of pureness distant streetlights illmuninate each flake for just a brief moment as they pass through the beam and then, disappear just another unseen fragment of the thick gray night sky a blanket, covering the smooth white surface virgin teritory mirroring myself vast snowfields inate natrual innocence i want to fuse with it join the fresh, young snow feel the cold against my skin let the cold wind strike me become submerged frozen in time forever innocent forever young forever pure. + mafyoo 12.8.96 + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% I used to think that the day would never come I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun my morning sun is the drug that brings me near to a childhood I lost replaced by fear I used to think that the day would never come that my life would depend on the morning sun - New Order, "True Faith" %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% don't kiss in front of me keep yr tongue yr embrace yr union away from me just because I can't have that doesn't make me different I wish for a love based on learning know yrself better than anyone spray out yr insides for another to see hold it close to you close close close together close with yrself and together and loving starving loving starving loving starving hope dreams love fear die die die die die six, three, two hundred and ten four o'clock not in front of me not where I can see you together yr tongue yr embrace yr union you you you exit die make me whole again, fill me up with someone else eat out my life, star me kitten stop and let me live stop and let me listen to my music stop and let me go on with who I am let me be who I am alone starved loved starved loved starved loved starved starved starved lonely lonely lonely alone alone alone gone die exit + bryan, 9.24.96 + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% painful beauty you call out to me but no one is there painful divide i'm in the middle i want to be free. Oh, to have courage.todo what i dare not when I see you my eyes fill with joy my heart flies, my mind races the trip away is too long can't see back I want to chase down the yellow beast that carries you away but alas you are not mine to chase two seats back yet so far away. + SPaM + %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Well, that's it for the December holiday-season issue. I'd call it the Christmas issue, since it's the one I'm most prone to, but I'm realizing that Christmas isn't a holiday that has a whole lot of special meaning for me in and of itself, so I'll just call it the December holiday issue. Yeah, anyway, that's it. Thanks to Bryan and SPaM for their submissions. If you feel like submiting anything, anything at all, feel free to mail it to me. My e-mail address is zaphod@sidehack.gweep.net, or you can send it snail mail if that's what yr in to. Here's my address for the next couple of months: Mafyoo A. Mittelstadt P.O. Box 1631 Orleans, MA 02653 Speaking of sending things, I need money for college. Donations are accepted. Send money orders, well concealed cash, or personal checks to Matthew Mittelstadt at the above address. Have a lovely rest of 1996. I'm pretty sure I won't, so one of you might as well do it for me. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% + evolution + zaphod@sidehack.gweep.net P.O. Box 1631 Orleans, MA 02653 (c) 1996 60Hz Productions, a division of Angst Communications. Angst Communications is a registered trademark, used under license from Mono Boy Records.