{+ e v o l u t i o n +} {i s s u e n u m b e r t e n} {1 m a y 1 9 9 7} ______________________________________________________________________ :(the foyer): so, kayem's a sped and can't put together one issue a month and ten days, thusly, I'm taking over again. sorry for the delay (like the saying goes, if you want something done right...) in other news, there is no other news - at least as far as +evolution+ politics and technical noise goes. well, maybe the new style format, but I change that all the time anyway, so that should be no big surprise. the web page is still up at http://www.gweep.net/~zaphod/evo/ if you feel like checking that out, want back issues, or whatever. write me mail and I might put it up on the mail page for all to see. and once again, tell yr friends about +evolution+, since the world of zines (paper or electron-based) thrives on word of mouth. print copies for yr technologically inferior friends, and tell them to write me (zaphod@sidehack.gweep.net) if they want an email subscription. ______________________________________________________________________ i wish i was strong enough wasn't so immersed in this that i cared more about me than i do about you or about anyone i want to overcome this i'm strong enough to conquer other things the strength _is_ there why can't i use it? why can't i just stand up right now and talk to you? now you're doing it again curled up into a little ball beautiful as the first time yr strength my weakness i know it can't happen at least not like i want it to but it's stupid that i can't even confront you or is it me i'm trying to confront? my own inner self the demons in my chest pounding at me taunting me it hurts fucking christ, it hurts so much i want it to stop but i can't fucking do it i'm weak i wish someone would help me be strong. ______________________________________________________________________ :(the patterns will unravel): this is a song by the fleece, local - cape cod indie rock hero and savior - and all-around great guy. it sums - up fairly well how I feel at the - moment. - i think that i will close up shop i think i'll take the final drop really learn to use these hands to help reach out, let it go they reached out every day but i always got in the way see, i've got to fuck it up just to make sure they don't stay mother, call me up and tell me eveything will flow and make me feel like i will know but all the patterns will unravel while on the softer stair i travel let me go ______________________________________________________________________ what about the voice of geddy lee? how did it get so high? i wonder if he talks like an ordinary guy.. - pavement, "stereo" ______________________________________________________________________ this is a poem i found taped to the bus shelter near my skool whilst waiting for a bus to go to work. it's made up of little newspaper and magazine clippings, an effect i cannot readily reproduce in plain ascii text, so you'll have to suffer with an imperfect reproduction. i will do my best to recreate punctuation and capitilization. hyphens at the beginnings of lines denote continuation of the previous line. it has no title. a filling station's lights glowed into the sky. played havoc with my - concentration. While waiting out the storm poets read THE WOMAN'S SOUL then released them into a nearby field - for their flight We don't know if she navigates the underwater obstacle courses they strongly resembled the fossilized imprints of Long Lasting - Flowers Memory in a language as yet not understood by humans. you become a - caricature of yourself and, suddenly, no way to say ghosts never seem to have Flowers in the - Snow We're proud to show tangle inner beauty the black heart brings power. describe yourself CROWNED WITH CANDLES You can see why People in a position of excitement develop a lifelong - love of reading and make changes in undisturbed waters of the harbor. by encouraging - a roar of groans bridge the gap symbolic space of media is For the past knows the secret of the pyramid shape. What is myth and looking many folks don't seem to realize They love the colorful - illustrations, under the surface. speak to a Sunrise reply like Answers for directions It could save a crowd of people who were waiting huddled in one - corner, years before they suspect in your life you rot and die. You're ready for a change. cosmic conclusions doing nothing I've never heard theoretical information which cannot be readily - demonstrated create a portfolio of digital information the goldfish symbolizes See The World moving belts something amiss and resume your tour our roles have changed change is the enemy continously evolving THE POSSIBLE HUMAN by - following the instructions to enhance and streamline the young couple in the automobile young people today, did not have ear protection out-of-sync Dreamwork of LED lights crossing mind reached brain classic romance in the direction of greater authenticity, a child's love overcome with an unquenchable desire it's totally pathetic Among flowers, we may be slightly quirky character traits send a personal message the winter sun solitude is sweet. humidity, stands behind what I see You need not identify yourself -just like a purple onion Many secrets are shrouded in dance-hall nights Ideal for all I could do without breathing how we cherish the light radiance that - breathes from blossoms ______________________________________________________________________ i don't care how punk rock you are fuck punk rock ______________________________________________________________________ :(indri's box and assorted chartreuse abstractions): I was reading issue #12 of Looks Yellow, Tastes Red today cuz Colette sent me a copy along with a very nice letter, and she had a little article/musing about love and certain things that go along with it, particularly physical sensations. "I have this terrible pain inside that I indentify directly with being in love. I am still in love with this boy but still, of course, it's not like it was those first few months - when there was all the fear of falling and being hurt and the mystery of it all." As I read this, a lot of emotions came back to me concerning my first and so far only foray into the world of romantic engagements - the joy of knowing I was in love, the elation when I would see her after the common prolonged absences that went along with our distance, the fear of falling and it not working because we were so far away, and the fear of parental rejection (rejection that eventually led to the demise of our relationship) - and also memories - standing on a green line subway car with Bryan and Aidan when they told me, the long train rides home after Saturday visits, the warmth and innocence as I comforted her in her sickness, how she felt in my arms that final night before it all fell apart. I remember this time, a time of confusion and bliss, simultaneous confidence and total fear, and I realized how special this is. Aidan and I discussed this one day - it's sort of like pandora's box, except reversed, so that the box holds all sorts of good things and one bad thing (that being fear), and when indri's box (as it was called) was opened, you could never get those good emotions it released back, you could never again experience that first feeling of love and total elation. this was all several months ago, of course, and I feel much differently about her and myself. I still care deeply for her, but it doesn't seem that she quite understands that, which often results in us getting angry at each other over revoltingly stupid matters, most commonly that we're both quite shy and find it difficult to talk to each other, so it seems like we're avoiding or ignoring each other. I don't want this to continue, and I have tried to remedy the situation as best as my naive mind knows how. I only hope that one day we can talk to each other as equals and put aside all the bullshit that's happened between us since december. no i never took it out on you.. - that dog, "never say never" ______________________________________________________________________ "30,000 feet above the earth.. " no one touches me though i want to be touched no one comes close to me even though it's all i need i'm not the innocent one this time, i'm through i need it too just like you kiss me don't dismiss me the weight of the world the weight of love i can't carry it can't carry it alone ______________________________________________________________________ "it's my favourite shot of you.. " at this time, I would like to encourage some reader participation in shaping some of the final product that is +evolution+. I want to write some teen-magazine-like quizzes, so if anyone has a good idea for a topic for such a quiz, drop me a line. also, I'm thinking a silly advice section could bring excitement and fun to +evolution+, however cheesy it is, so if you mail me with yr problems, no matter how bizarre, I'll pretend I have the slightest clue about how to wash away yr problems and include it in the next issue. none of this can work without yr help, so send in your quiz ideas and advice today! finally, as always, submissions of poetry, prose, and general nonsense are fully encouraged. not only do they broaden the scope of +evolution+, they take the burden off of me to write 10K of ramblings about my own stupid life. :) oh, and if any NRHS people want to write up a little review of the honky/freak showdown, I'll include that too. and with that, I'm out5k.. catch you later. :(duct tape boy): ______________________________________________________________________ {+ e v o l u t i o n +} {writer/editor/bass frequency generator/messiah : duct tape boy} {contact +evolution+} electronic mail : zaphod@sidehack.gweep.net united states postal service : p.o. box 1631, orleans, ma 02653 telephone : (508) 934-5131 telepathy : think about duct tape for a few minutes (C) 1997 mono boy comunications / angst communications