______ _______ __ __ __ _______ __ __ I | ___| | ____| | | | | / | | ____| | \ / | S | |___ | |____ | | | | / | | |____ \ V / S | ___| | ____| | | | |/ /| | | ____| \ / U | | | |____ | |___ | / | | | |____ | | E |_| |______| |_____| |__/ |_| |______| |_| 1 ***********************MAGAZINE*********************** http://www.angelfire.com/zine2/felney/ September 2003 ****************************************************** Introduction: Welcome to the all new Felney magazine, youre probably wondering why i want to produce a text ezine when felney is already a comic strip, well lets just say i was reading through old issues of ezines like SWAT and my own FAT magazine, and got nostalgic. Unlike those zines though, this will not feature info on stuff like making bombs and weapons and other "anarchy articles", that isnt what anarchy is about. alough i am an anarchist this mag will probably not include much on the political side of anarchism either. Im just an idealist who wants a better world without having to think about what will be needed to get there, and what problems there might be. So anyway, this mag will mainly be about various political rants on things i find stupid or unjust, funny articles and chat logs, misc quotes, stuff about sexuality (maybe including the odd erotic story..hehe), and of course information on making cool shit (which may or may not involve fire and explosions, but they wont be bombs!. The zine should be created..whenever ive made enough stuff to fill it. Im gonna try and make it monthly but there wont be a regular updating schedule, we all know what happened to the regular updating schedule of the felney comic after all!. // O==o:::::::::::::::::::> Deathbringer \\ (yes i know the N is backwards!) ****************************************************** ****************************************************** CONTENTS: 1-In the news 1.1-David kelly 1.2-Witcham toll 1.3-Weed 2-Red and black 2.1-Democratic reforms 3-Sexuality 3.1-Different sexualities 4-Fun files 4.1-Messing with mcdonalds 5-Chat 6-The garden shed 6.1-Simple fireball device 7-Reader's Letters 8-Cool Lyrics 8.1-Religious Con 9-Links 10-Wrap Up ****************************************************** ****************************************************** ________ ________ |daily v sport | |truth |========| |========|========| |===IN THE NEWS===| |========|========| |========|========| |________|________| In this section i will write poorly-justified idealistic anarchist rants about current (local or national..or international if they are relevant) news stories. If youre patriotic, in governent or easily offended, just skip this section, and the next one come to think of it. DAVID KELLY: Has anybody noticed how in a lot of news items his death is always referred to as "alleged suicide", do they know something we dont?, well, actually, he knew what a huge amount of the british public knows (70% is pessimistic) -that there was no need to go to war in iraq, over 50 british troops have been killed there since 'hostilities ended' (whatever that was supposed to mean), and blair doesnt give a shit, he just wants to kiss the arse of his boss, dubya bush. As for the reason he attacked iraq, there are many possible reasons and explanations, "to protect from terrorism" is one of the least plasuible ones! (Incedentally, though they keep 'reminding us' of the september 11th attacks, they conveinently forget to mention they still havent caught the guy behind them!) WITCHAM TOLL: In case you dont know (and havent read felney), witcham toll is a junction on a busy road coming out of Ely, it has been known as an accident blackspot for ages, and it seems not a week goes by without some new crash there (even a guy in my old class had his escort written off there). But the local council still refuses to put in a roundabout, which is what the place desperatley needs. They instead put down shit like traffic islands and 'saftey strips' (red paint on the road) thinking it would solve the problem. Except 4 HOURS after work finished there was another accident there..useless fuckers! WEED: So, yes, another "Major step" in the campaign to legalise weed was made this month..or was it? Wasnt that same step (ie people caught carrying small amounts are cautioned, not arrested) made in early 2002?, all they do is relax the laws for a few months, then toughen them again for a few months, to make us think that we're getting somewhere when really theyre making minor 'lip-service' changes then reversing them back to the status quo again, well fuck that! Legalise it! ID NUMBERS: Blair now says he supports the idea for every child in the UK to be given an ID number so they can be tracked and it can be found out who they live with, where they live and what state they are in at any time..i dont think i even need to start explaining whats wrong with that..pretty soon children will become bits of fancy furniture for the parents to show off to friends, childhood will become an 18-year imprisonment and they wont be allowed to make friends, associate with anyone or go outside the house, except to be taken to school and locked inside there..Incedentally, i suppose when they reach 18 (or i can see the government putting the age of 'adulthood' up to 21 or even higher soon) will they have thier ID number removed and be allowed some privacy and basic human rights and freedoms..thought not! ****************************************************** ____________________ | RED ##| | & ####| | BLACK ######| | ########| | ##########| | ############| | ##############| | ################| |_##################| The red and black section of the zine will be dedicated to various political theories and ideas. Now i may be an anarchist but the first article describes a reformed political system which still has a government, it just gives the people far greater control over thier country. DEMOCRATIC REFORMS: This was a political system i was thinking about one day in the bath or something, which is in fact a bit like the one we have today, except the people have a lot more power over the government. Today people can vote for the party they want to lead the country, and then if that party gets in the person may be happy at the start, until the party starts doing whatever it wants and theres pretty much nothing the person can do about it until 4 years later when they can vote for someone else. A recent example is of course new labour, now traditionally labour is the party of the workers, but now theyre in power blair has distanced himself from the trade unions, carried on privatisation which was started by the tories. Not to mention the promised bans on foxhunting, and the repeal of section 28, both of which never happened. Anyway, this system of politics would essentially allow the people to vote on all the major decisions made by thier party. Everybody who registers to vote gets an electronic voting card, and polling stations would be automated, modern facilities where the voter swipes thier card at the door to show that they are voting in the currently running poll. They then go in and put thier card into a computer (cards would have a unique serial number, not a name and address ect, to keep votes anonymous). They then choose various options from a touch-screen monitor or similar system, it could also include links to information pages from people who represent the different viewpoints, a bit like the leaflets that you get through the door at election times now. The polls wouldnt just be to to elect a representative though, they would be on a range of subjects which have been through parliment that week (incedentally, the house of lords would be abolished in this system, you cant call it a democracy when unelected people can shoot down anything they dont like before it becomes law!) Recent polls could have been, for instance "Do you want britain to go to war in iraq?", and "should the prime minister resign over the death of dr david kelly?". the winning outcome of the vote would then be what the government must do. General elections would still be mandatory every 4 years, but at least twice every year the people should be able to vote on weather they want to call a general election early, if they disagree with the party that is in power enough. When an election happens it would be done in the traditional way of putting a cross on some paper, and being hand counted, to ensure there is no errors which could happen with computerised systems. Whenever an election is held there would also be a box saying something like "I have no confidence in any of these candidates" (or some other posh variation on "none of the above"), if enough people chose that it might convince the government to get thier act together. So, i think that this type of way of running government would be a lot closer to the sprit of democracy than todays way of choosing someone to represent your views, and if they do something different then tough luck. Of course a system like this would never be implemented, because it would give "the plebs" too much power... ****************************************************** _______ / ____/ / /___ \___ \EXUALITY ____/ /..yer laws do not apply to me! /______/ This section will include stuff like poorly-written erotic stories (or i'll just steal them), rants about the 'depoliticisation' of the gay community, sexy chat quotes or something else entirely. But i cant think of anything to put in it now, so you'll just have to have this: Hetrosexual: You like the opposite sex Homosexual: You like the same sex Bisexual: You like both sexes Pansexual: You like the person whatever sex they are Omnisexual: ...the other one ****************************************************** _________ _\ \____________ |_ FUN FILES____________///:::==- /________/ (anybody got a better idea for a logo for this section, send it in!) This section will detail fun stuff that you can do to offend pompous right-wing people, such as anyone from the fens, and have a laugh while doing it! Messing with mcdonalds!: Anti-capitalists have various ways of messing up mcdonalds, from picketing outside (which makes people think theyre soft), to totally fucking the place up and kicking in all the windows (which makes people think theyre mindless thugs). Anyway this file is slightly inspired by the old "anarchists cookbook" article on fucking up mcdonalds, but this one is less psychotic and probably more fun, and better for offending the people there. First, get together some mates, around 4 or more should be enough for this. Now go into the resturant wearing wierd clothes (ie anarchy sign t-shirts, prefrably ones youve made yourself, or goth gear if you want). Sit some friends down and go up to the counter with some others. Now EVERYBODY must want something different specially a plain burger with nothing on it, because thats what takes longest to make oddly (?). dont forget to keep forgetting what everyone wants and shouting back to your friends, who should be situated as far away as possible. Once you get your 'food' not having enough money is one tactic, but far better is to pay them with too much, less hassle for you, much more for them!. Now once youve all got sat down see if somebodys left a newspaper behind (at one of them in cambridge i went in there 3 times with my mates and there was always a copy of the times on one table) one of your group produces a marker pen and starts to deface the pictures of politicians and royals. If its the Sun turn to littlejohn and just write "FUCKING SUBHUMAN" across the page in big black letters and draw a swastika on his head. Then comes the obligatory straw-cover fight, make sure you miss your friends though and they go shooting off towards other people. After this two of your mates (or you) who are preferably the same sex decide that they prefer the taste of each other to the food and start snogging away in full view of the offended religous parents and small children. If anyone complains call them homophobic scum and maybe try and draw a swatika on thier head in marker pen to show the world what they are. Once youve finished eating one of you has to go to the bog, where you can write offensive slogans like "BASH THE FASH!" and "KICK HOMOPHOBES TO DEATH", or an anarchy sign (use a different colour marker pen to the one you where writing on the newspaper with). Oh and dont forget to try bunging up the bogs. Then before you leave one of your friends picks up thier drink, you know, the one thats almost full, takes a sip and announces "This tastes like SHIT!" and clumsily chucks it in the bin, making a nice puddle in front of it. Making sure to leave your defaced paper in full view on the table of course. Then go outside, get in the car, crank up Oi polloi to offend everybody stting outside, and take off!, wasnt that fun! ****************************************************** ___ __ __ _____ / __| | | | | /\ |_ _| | | | |_| | / \ | | | | | _ | / /\ \ | | | |__ | | | | / ____ \ | | \___| |_| |_| /_/ \_\ |_| This section will include amusing chat quotes that pop up in various IM or real life conversations, i may also post transcriptions of "chats" i have on the phone sometimes, we'll see Tildeed: felney! I like that comic! It's so funny! especially when things blow up *_* -My boyfriend on Felney, i wish i'd met him when i was still into really blowing things up LOL crazyanarkist: [p;;'p[;'#''pol['p;'[p; crazyanarkist: that was the sound of me cleaning coke off the keyboard XD -Me to my boyfriend while, er, cleaning coke off the keyboard "This train is for kings lynn, calling at waterbeach, ely, shit.." -Something from my brother's friend's band, Shittleport anti peanises "We dont have any fosters!" *Does a forward roll* -My brothers friend again, in the tesco drinks aisle "Minny!..minnyyy..no, im not gonna pick you up, you can jump up now!" -Me, to my cat as she stood next to the bed expecting me to put her on it (she was recently recovering from illness and wasnt strong enough to jump up to things) Him: catfood has flavours now? Me: yes, LOL Me: according to the packages anyway Him: ah oki Me: it all looks the same XD -Me and a mate on MSN, i changed our names cause they where too long XD ****************************************************** _______________ //\\ THE \ // \\ GARDEN \ // \\ SHED \ // ___ \\____________\ | | || || || | | | || || || | | | || ======= | | | || | This is the section where all those people who are looking for "anarchy textz" will want to read, mainly because it has nothing to do with anarchy. Though stuff in this section may involve fires and explosions i dont really call them "bombs", and i wont be adding in instructions to make really destructive death- -dealing devices. Killing and blowing up people are activities which are done by the government and terrorists, and i hate both of those types of people SIMPLE FIREBALL: If you want to make a cool-looking fireball to impress your mates, this is the thing to use. Its dead easy to make too! You will need: Two cheap plastic fag lighters Kitchen roll An open area What to do: Wrap up one of the lighters (make it about 2/3rds full to give gas room to expand in, but so theres still lots of fluid in it) with several layers of kitchen roll. Light. Stand back Notes: The temperature from the fire should boil the lighter fluid and make it expand and form gases, and eventually the temperature will melt a hole in the side of the lighter and it will explode, making an impressive fireball. Do this at night for maximum effect!. A simpler version is simply to chuck one of the cheap lighters onto a fire. Once you have lit the paper, get back quite quickly, because it should explode pretty fast. You should also use several layers of kicthen roll so it is completley covered. Do this in a large concrete area so that the fireball cant set light to anything else, like grass or trees. Also dont keep going back to the same shop to buy lighters or someone might get suspicious, you can arouse 'less' suspicion by buying about 5 of them in one go though ****************************************************** ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ || ____ | \ | __| //\ | \ | __| | \ / __/ | _ / | __| //_\\ | | | __| | _ / \__ \ || \\ |___| // \\ |___/ |___| || \\ /___/ _ ___ ____ ____ ___ ___ ____ | | | __| |_ _| |_ _| | __| | \ / __/ | |_ | __| || || | __| | _ / \__ \ |___| |___| || || |___| || \\ /___/ This section will have letters which have been recived by readers of the mag, except this is the first issue and its not even online as im typing this, so theres nothing there yet! ****************************************************** _______ ___/ / _______ / __________________/ \ | ||=================================|| / | ||=================================||/ | THIS MONTHS COOL SONG LYRICS \_____ \_______\ This section will basically just have some song lyrics in it every month. This month its "Religious con" by Oi polloi, from scotland "Every person must submit to the authorities for the existing authorities are instituted by God, consequently anyone who rebels is resisting a divine institution and those who so resist have themselves to thank for the punishment they will receive - for Government has no terrors for good behaviour. You wish to have no fear of the authorities? Then continue to do right and you will have their approval for they are God's agents working for your good." Church and state - lies and hate Religious con goes on and on Tell the people to serve the rich Rape the earth - burn the witch See thourgh the lies and it all becomes clear Young children's minds guided by fear Of a God who demends you obey And spend your life forever slaving away Give to the church with its wealth piled high While outside the starving millions die And then they bless you as you're marched off to war To die for the rich in their struggle for more "Man shall not lie with man for it is an abomination in the sight of the Lord" This bigoted crap is fuckin absurd I'll take a shit on your holy word Contraception is a sin says the Vatican Patriarchal bullshit - their God is a man Witch hunts and crusades - how many millions have died In the bloody history of church genocide? Anthropocentric bullshit has had its day Respect the earth and bring back the old ways No church and no state - love not hate Feel the power of the stones and the earth in your bones We'll be one people, no poor and no rich Respect the earth, relearn the wisdom of the witch ****************************************************** ______ ______ __/______\_____/______\__ ___|____|_LINKS_|____|___ \______/ \______/ This month's cool link: http://stalechocolates.keenspace.com Its a webcomic which linked to felney, and its pretty cool, about a girl who thinks she's a lesbian but has really hateful homophobic parents..string em up! This month's shit link: http://www.bnp.org.uk They want to make a new nazi government in britain Other good ones: http://www.swateam.org The magazine that inspired Felney magazine, it contains information on explosives, phreaking, hacking, revenge and general mischeif, exploits and scams..frankly, ALL the fun stuff!. You cant get the zine anymore though, just a 'c00kb00k' compiling all thier best articles, theres even one from me in there http://boymeetsboy.keenspot.com The new address of boy meets boy, the best webcomic ever made http://www.gtavicemods.com Want to drive new vehicles and visit new areas in vice city but dont wanna mess around with all the stuff you traditonally had to do to install GTA mods? well now there's VCMM!, it finds and downloads mods from thier servers and you can install and remove them with two clicks, all you need is the game and youre set! ****************************************************** ****************************************************** _ _ ___ ___ _ _ ___ \\ // | \ //\ | \ || || | \ \\/\// | _ / //_\\ | __/ == || || | __/ \/\/ || \\ // \\ || \\__// || Well thats it for the first issue of Felney magazine. E-mail me if you have any comments on the zine, good or bad, but remember i dont read emails that are written by idiots, so your "U><0r 4r3 fag><0r" mail is unlikley to stop the zine from being made. Perhaps the next issue of the zine will come out towards the end of october, depends if i have enough stuff to put in it, of course if people send stuff in it'll be a lot more helpful. The general guidelines for submission arent too strict, as long as its not anything which is likley to get me deleted from my host its okay. Also for the "In the news" section im thinking maybe some people might want to write stuff for that every month, like a news paper columnist. If you think you could write a few short pecies on news stories every month send an email, nomatter what your political beleifs are (though if youre pretty right wing you will probably end up contradicting everything else in the mag). Another thing im thinking about is splitting the mag up into seperate text files, like SWAT used to, again, give me an email so i can decide what to do! Contact info: E-mail and MSN: m_deathbringer@hotmail.com AIM: crazyanarkist Main felney webpage: http://felneycomic.keenspace.com Felney zine webpage: http://www.angelfire.com/zine2/felney/ Disclaimer: Building items from the "garden shed" section of the mag is dangerous and shouldn't be attempted without great care, for more information you must first join the robot wars club...er...i mean i take no reponsibility if something from this zine gets you injured or beaten up, which lets face it is highly likley if youre a non-straight anarchist in this country, specially if youre in the Fens. So dont do anything this mag says, just pretend you never read it! // O==o:::::::::::::::::::> Deathbringer \\