_______ _______ __ ___ _ _______ __ __ | ____| | ____| | | | \ | | | _____| \ \ / / | |____ | |____ | | | \ \ | | | |____ \ \ / | ____| | ____| | | | |\ \| | | _____| / / | | | |____ | |___ | | \ \ | | |____ / / |_| |______| |_____| |_| \__| |______| /_/ ____________________________________________________ |ISSUE 2 MAGAZINE OCTOBER 2004| ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ ================ ||****INTRO****|| ================ ****************************************************** Yay, another issue of Felney Magazine!, over a year after the previous one!. Of course the first one was never put online, so you're actually getting two at once. The intervening over-a-year has been good and bad in places. Good because i have gotten into Splatter movies, Got a Car, a job, started talking to some hot people online, i even almost went to an Orgy!. Bad because i had a shit girlfriend around January who wasted nearly £900 of my money, and was awful in bed as well. But anyway thats over with, hopefully i will have a new boyfriend soon, who actually lives nearby!. Also bad because the Felney comic has died, though the site is still being updated, with stuff like this 'zine to be precise XD. This issue of the mag will have a few different bits n' bobs in, depending on what i want to put in really. Er...enjoy it!. // O==o:::::::::::::::::::> Deathbringer \\ ****************************************************** CONTENTS 1-In the news 1.1-Stem Cell Research 2-Sexuality 2.1-Nothing much 3-Fun Files 4-Chat 5-The Garden Shed 5.1-Simple smoke/fire weedkiller bomb 6-Movie/Media Reviews 6.1-Violent Shit 3: Infantry of doom 6.2-Zombie 90: Extreme Pestillence 7-Readers Letters 8-Cool Lyrics 8.1-Sexuality, Billy Bragg 9-Links 10-Wrap Up ****************************************************** ________ ________ |daily v sport | |truth |========| |========|========| |===IN THE NEWS===| |========|========| |========|========| |________|________| STEM CELL RESEARCH: Okay, this has been a major point in the US Elections, aside from Iraq that is. Basically the twat (Kerry) is for it and the bigger twat (Bush) is against it. Of course anybody who is against something which can make disabled people walk, blind people see and things like that is utterly mad. It could also be a decent semi- cure for Cystic fibrosis, which my old boyfriend had. Anyway, its hard to peice together why people are against it, because those that are are illiterate, but it seems like the basic gist of thier arguement is that disabled people chose to be that way, or are being punished by some fictional character called "God" because they saw thier parents naked when they where young. Oh and some of them reckon that it is wrong to take the 'base' cells from a test-tube grown foetus and use them to save the life of a fully grown person. Because they reckon the aborted body of some baby that would grow up to become an ASBO yob is more important than Christopher Reeve. See, these "people" are dangerous and criminal, and should be challenged, ridiculed and defeated. WITHCAM TOLL: Last issue, i said a mate from college had his escort written off there. A few months back i was looking through Friends Reunited at people who left my school before me, and i saw some bloke who i got on quite well with (nice body too) was KILLED there!, But they still say it is "Not economically viable" to build one!. Come on, i have no social life and most of my family live outside the Fens, and i know two people who have been affected by that nightmare junction!. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE! ****************************************************** _______ / ____/ / /___ \____ \EXUALITY ____/ /..yer laws do not apply to me! /______/ -*Shrugs shoulders* #### ##~~~~# ### #~~~~~~~#~~~# #~~~~~~~~#~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~#~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~~#~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~~#~~~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~~~#~~~~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~~~~#~~~~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~~#####~~~~~~~~~~~# #~~~~~~~~# #######~~~~# #~~~~~~~# #~~~# #~~~~~~# OOOO OOO #~~~# #~~~~~~# OO O #~~# #~~~~~~# H #~~# #~~~~~# H #~~# #~~~~# HH #~~# #~~~# #~~~# #~~## #~~# ## # ===== #~~~# # # # ### # ## # # ## # # # ### # ######## ########### ### #*# #*# # # #**# # #*# # # #*# # # #**# # # #**# # #*# # # #*# #*# # # #**# #**# # # #**# #*# # # #**# #*# # # #**# ###### # # #**###### ## # # # #**# ## # # # ### #**# # # # # ##sss# # #*# # # # # #ssssss# # #**# # # # # #ss##sss# ## #*# # # # # #ss# #ss# # #*# 0 # # 0 # # #s# #ss# # #*# # # # # #s# #sss# # #*# # # # # #s# #sss# # #*# # # # # #s# #ss# # #*# #*# # # # #ss# #ss# # #**# #*# ##*# ##*# # #s# #ss# # #**########**# #***######***# # #ss# #ss# # #************# #************# # #s# #ss# #************# #***********# # #ss# #ss# #************# #***********# # #s# #ss# #************# #************# # #ss# #s# #************# #***********# # # #ss# #s# #************# #***********# # ## 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# ## #*********# # # # # #********# # # # # #********# # # # # #******# # # # # #*****# # # # # #****# # # # # #***# # # ### ### # # #***############# # ## #**#QQQQQQQQ#***# # #Q# #**#QQQQQQQQ#***# # #QQ# #**#QQQQQQQQ#***# # #QQQQ# #**#QQQQQQQ#****# # ###QQQQQ# #***#QQQQQQ#****# # ###*#QQQQQQ# #***#QQQQQ#*****# ########****#QQQQQQQ# #***#QQQQQ#*****# #***********#QQQQQQ# #***#QQQQQ#*****# #***********#QQQQQQ# #***#QQQQQ#*****# #***********#QQQQQ# #****#QQQ#******# #***********#QQQQ#*# #****#QQQ#******# #************#QQQ#*# #****#QQQ#******# #***********#QQQ#*# #****#QQ#******# #************#QQ#**# #*****#Q#******# #************#QQ#*# #*****#Q#******# #************#QQ#*# #******#*******# #************#QQ#*# #******#*******# #************#Q#*# #******#******# #************#Q#**# #******#******# #************##**# #*************# #************##**# #*************# #************#**# #*************# #************#***# #************# #***************# #************# #***************# #************# #**************# #***********# #***************# #***********# #**************# #***********# #**************# #***********# #**************# #***********# #**************# #***********# #**************# #***********# #*************# #***********# #*************# #***********# #*************# #**********# #*************# #**********# #*************# #**********# #*************# #**********# #*************# #**********# #************# #**********# #*************# #**********# #************# #**********# #************# #**********# #************# #**********# #************# #**********# #***********# #**********# #************# #*********# #************# #*********# #************# #*********# #************# #*********# #***********# #********# #************# #********# #***********# #********# #***********# #********# #**********# #********# #***********# #********# #**********# #*******# #**********# #*******# #**********# #*******# #*********# #*******# #*********# #*******# #********# #*******# #********# #*******# #*********# #********# #********# #********# #********# #********# #**********# #********# #***********# #*********# #***********# #*********# #***********# #*********# #************# #*********# #************# #********# #************# #********# #***********# #*******# #***********# #*******# #*#*********# #*******# #*#*********# #*******# #*#*********# #*******# #*##********# #*******# #*# #*******# #******# #*# #********# #*******# #*# #********# #********# #*# #*********# #********# ### #*********## #*****## #**********# ###### MEPH. ########## Taken from: http://www.spacebarcowboy.com/ascii/a-z/asciiporna.html In other news, i'll be working on erotic stories or other things for future issues, did start a cool one based on one of my sexy friends i knew at college, but couldnt be bothered to finish it in time (gotta play San Andreas) so have this woman instead ****************************************************** _________ _\ \____________ |_ FUN FILES____________///:::==- /________/ COMPUTERS Here are some ways to generally pull pranks with Computers, handy for School IT lessons when you are bored Windows 95 font folder trick: If your school/office is still using Win 95 "Encourage" them to upgrade by re-naming the Fonts folder, windows will then refuse to start until it is fixed (presumably through DoS). I did this to one of the computers in the library at secondary school and it just sat there with an "Out of order" sign on it for months, hehe. Winlock: This was a very cheap and very crap thing they used at school to block porn sites ect. There are two main ways around it, First one is if you want to browse folders such as My documents. Open up word, go to "open", choose 'all files', and browse as normal, remembering to right -click on things you want to open so they dont open as 'babble' in word. If you want to see porn sites, get on the 'net and go into Internet options, then connections and disable 'Connect through a proxy server', and there, you can visit any site you like!. Of course, most places other than cheap, christian, secondary schools will probably have systems which arent as easy to crack, but its worth a try! Magnets: Yeah yeah, running a small one over a random disk which is laying around the room is one thing, unscrewing the back of the computer and putting it inside is another altogether. Things will keep going wrong and getting corrupted all over the place. Especially if pissed-off admins thump the computer and jolt the magnet around a bit inside, so it can 'work on' something else Keyboards: Prize out a few of the less obvious keys and swap them around, can be hilarious if done right. ****************************************************** ___ __ __ _____ / __| | | | | /\ |_ _| | | | |_| | / \ | | | | | _ | / /\ \ | | | |__ | | | | / ____ \ | | \___| |_| |_| /_/ \_\ |_| "Tom and jerry, thats like the Jaguar mk2 of cartoons.. Johnny Bravo is the Austin Allegro" -Me on cartoons "Heartbeat, i only watch that to see the classic cars, like the Rover P4 with an 07-04 Tax disc" -Me on on certain ITV 60's cop show "Sorry, but i think a Hearse crashing at 60mph and the coffin skidding down the road is the funniest thing in the world!" -Me on the Daimler Majestic Major "If you are a fan of Fulci, Lenzi, Deodato and the rest Saw scores a miserable 2/10 on the gore scale. If on the other hand, you are used to hollywood stuff, it scores about 7" -Me on the gore in Saw XD "The type of car i want is...a red one" -My "Straighter than thou" friend being caught out ****************************************************** _______________ //\\ THE \ // \\ GARDEN \ // \\ SHED \ // ___ \\____________\ | | || || || | | | || || || | | | || ======= | | | || | SIMPLE SMOKE/FIRE BOMB Introduction: If you remember SWAT magazine, which was the inspiration for this, and my first, and very lame "anarky zine" named F.A.T Magazine (if you remember that, er, forget it!). You will remember in issue 16 or so they discovered the pyrotechnic power of Sodium Chlorate Weedkiller, well me and my mates did a few experiments of our own and came up with this cool device. The best thing is, you get get all the stuff to make this over-the-counter in Britian with no questions asked!. Ingredients: Sodium Chlorate Weedkiller Sugar Kitchen roll Two old jam jars Kettle Water What to do: -Boil the kettle and fill one jar, let the water cool down a bit while slowly adding weedkiller and sugar in a roughly 1:1 ratio (or mix them first then put them in) -When the weedkiller stops dissolving, add a bit more for luck, this will form sediment on the bottom -Let more sediment form from the stuff you dissoved as the water cools -Put 2-3 layers of kitchen roll over the second jar (larger than the first one if possible, dont make a mess or your parents might catch you, naughty boy) -Pour the solution through the kitchen roll, making sure you soak as much of the sheets as possible so it doesnt all concentrate in the middle -Put it near a fan or something to let it dry, also dim sunlight or a radiator will do. Dont apply too much heat, i dont know what the ignition temperature of this stuff is, but you DONT want it going off indoors! -When the paper has dried, you will notice crystals all over it and it will be very stiff. Take this paper outside, hold it at arms length (safer still, use tongs), and light, drop it immediatley if you value your fingers Notes: This makes a totally gigantic amount of foul-smelling blue-white smoke, and burns very rapidly as well (no evidence, a huge load of smoke but no fire by the time any witnesses get there XD). Thats also why you should drop it pretty quick. Plus using the method above you get a few sheets of it to use. The one on top will have gotten most of the weedkiller and will work best though. Sheets with only a little weedkiler on act like a 'time delay' and make the same amount of smoke, only very slowly, they basically smoulder for as much as half an hour. the Weedkiller contains a fire depressant to stop maniacs from using it to make inceniary and explosive devices, but the Sugar, as well as the dissolving, helps to nullify/remove the depressent, also being stuck on a sheet of kitchen roll helps, as that burns very easily, Sodium Chlorate plus Sugar on its own makes a nice smoke powder, but its hell to light. There are much more powerful devices and explosives that can be produced from this stuff, but i wont go into those here because i want to keep all Felney stuff on a legit, paid host one day. If you do want to know how to make those hunt down SWAT magazine on Google, thier site is long gone (it revived briefly about a year ago and they released a 'c00kb00k' with thier best stuff in it) but it is mirrored in a ton of places, just search! ****************************************************** |//Ż//Ż//Ż//Ż//Ż| |ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ| |*MOVIE REVIEWS*| |ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ| |_______________| A new section!. My taste in movies is what you might call "Psychotic", as you will see from some of the ones i review. If you want to buy any of these, search shops for "Vipco" or "Dead of night collection" headers (a lot of thse are cut by the BBFC, despite 'Uncut at last!!' and 'Previously BANNED!' being plastered all over them). An alternative source is www.horrortheatervideo.com, they take Paypal payments, ship you your (NTSC Format-you can get cheap VCR's that will play this in Britian now, search Curry's ect) tapes in a matter of days, and are not a con, even though thier site looks dodgy. They also send mainly Totally un-cut movies out, for instance "Cannibal Holocaust", which in britian, despite being 'un-cut' is actually 10 minutes shorter than the version i have..hmm XD. VIOLENT SHIT 3: INFANTRY OF DOOM I got this on a very 'undergound-looking' video from some horror site, under the title Zombie doom (annoyingly, it was recorded off a DVD, and they decided to play all the trailers on there before the film). I was after sickening, brutal gore, and i got it!!. Think of a nasty way to be killed, add in more blood than it is physically possible to store in the human body, and it is in this film somewhere!. You get face-ripping, chest-opening, decapitations by the bucket load, shooting, stabbing, slicing, burning and drowning, in a virtually non-stop orgy of violence (especially near the end). Of course, being made on a budget of about 100 Deutschmarks, the sets are just tents and forests, a 'life raft' is a child's inflatable dinghy, and the assistant to 'the meister' (played by director Andreas Schnaas) gets killed 3 times, thing is, i didn't even realize it wasn't supposed to be him but 'just another guard' until the end. Also the worst part of this film is the dubbing, it seems to have all been done by one person, and in many scenes it is hard to tell who is talking. I feel safe in saying it is the SECOND worst dubbing i have ever heard (worst being "Zombie 90"), they should have used subtitles. But apart from that, this comes highly recommended to anyone who just wants splatter, not high art ZOMBIE 90: EXTREME PESITLLENCE This is by the same people who made Violent Shit, and was made in between VS1 and VS2. Basically the storyline is that a plane crashed while carrying a cure for AIDS, and it revives corpses which happen to be laying round in a forest for some reason (killed by Karl the butcher?). While this movie does feature some disgusting gore, scenes which "go too far", and therefore are way cool (a baby gets ripped apart, and zombies eat the intestines). It is let down by the horrendous dubbing. In Violent Shit 3 a single person did it all, but at least he took it semi-seriously, in this several people have done it (one woman is voiced by a man though, but she dies quite quickly), but they sound really stupid. For instance one scientist has a 'pimp' voice, and another has a really stereotyped 'nerd' voice, crossed with Cartman, He also takes too long to die, so you have to listen to it. Finally it sounds like the people doing the dubbing where almost trying to MST the movie, seeing as a load of stupid comments and dialouge appears like "Hey, turn in here in here, go in here, slow down, turn your signal off man" and "Watch me run this guys dick over!" (oh yeah, some people making out have dubbed 'kiss' noises which sound exactly the same as the zombie 'munching' noises, both of which sound stupid. Unfortunatley, while this film does have some nice gore scenes, i cant really reccommend it purely on the basis of the dubbing. Subtitles would have been much better. An idea might be to go to Germany and try and hunt it down there (apparently it is being bundled with all 3 Violent Shit movies on a special DVD there, hopefully that has english subs, alternativley learn german XD) ****************************************************** ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ || ____ | \ | __| //\ | \ | __| | \ / __/ | _ / | __| //_\\ | | | __| | _ / \__ \ || \\ |___| // \\ |___/ |___| || \\ /___/ _ ___ ____ ____ ___ ___ ____ | | | __| |_ _| |_ _| | __| | \ / __/ | |_ | __| || || | __| | _ / \__ \ |___| |___| || || |___| || \\ /___/ Hey, nobody wrote in because the first issue was not put online, WHAT a suprise eh?. If you have anything to say about the 'zine, suggestions, comments or views, then email me! m_deathbringer@hotmail.com ****************************************************** _______ ___/ / _______ / __________________/ \ | ||=================================|| / | ||=================================||/ | THIS MONTHS COOL SONG LYRICS \_____ \_______\ SEXUALITY-BILLY BRAGG I've had relations with girls from many nations I've made passes at women of all classes And just because you're gay I won't turn you away If you stick around I'm sure that we can find some common ground Chorus: Sexuality - Strong and warm and wild and free Sexuality - Your laws do not apply to me A nuclear submarine sinks off the coast of Sweden Headlines give me headaches when I read them I had an uncle who once played for Red Star Belgrade He said some things are really left best unspoken But I prefer it all to be out in the open Sexuality - Strong and warm and wild and free Sexuality - Your laws do not apply to me Sexuality - Don't threaten me with misery Sexuality - I demand equality I'm sure that everybody knows how much my body hates me It lets me down most every time and makes me rash and hasty I feel a total jerk before your naked body of work I'm getting weighed down with all this information Safe sex doesn't mean no sex it just means use your imagination Stop playing with yourselves in hard currency hotels I look like Robert De Niro, I drive a Mitsubishi Zero Sexuality - Strong and warm and wild and free Sexuality - Your laws do not apply to me Sexuality - Come eat and drink and sleep with me Sexuality - We can be what we want to be ****************************************************** ______ ______ __/______\_____/______\__ ___|____|_LINKS_|____|___ \______/ \______/ THIS MONTHS COOL LINK: www.horrortheatervideo.com -This site sells NTSC Format Tapes of some of the best and goriest horror movies ever made!. Plus most of it is totally un-cut "underground" (or just Dutch) versions that they have procured, for instance Cannibal Holocaust, the Vipco version of it is cut by 10 minutes (check running times against imdb.com) THIS MONTHS SHIT LINK: www.scaryjohnkerry.com -Check out the "Gay marriage" page, they try to first put him down by saying he supports it (check out the 'scary' gay bikers they used in the background..oh my god, they are out to kill our children!), then the tone suddenly changes tone to "He didnt show up at congress to vote his support for it!" as if they have suddenly turned "good cop" and are trying to win the support of gay people there for a laugh XD ****************************************************** _ _ ___ ___ _ _ ___ \\ // | \ //\ | \ || || | \ \\/\// | _ / //_\\ | __/ == || || | __/ \/\/ || \\ // \\ || \\__// || Well thats it for issue 2 of Felney Magazine!. Look out for next month's/years 'zine which will contain more political/news rants, Articles on how to make dodgy devices and have a laugh at the expense of right-wing idiots, sexy stories and cool links. Also i am considering Game reviews/Previews, Previews or information on stuff which will be coming to the site, and a big history article about my FAT zine from 1999, and the ones that inspired it (SWAT, A-S, APT, UP, F4ITH ect). Remember to write in if you have any comments, suggestions or articles you want me to add Contact info: E-mail and MSN: m_deathbringer@hotmail.com AIM: crazyanarkist Felney webpage: http://felneycomic.keenspace.com Also i will try and upload it to textfiles.com Disclaimer: Building items from the "garden shed" section of the mag is dangerous and shouldn't be attempted without great care, for more information you must first join the robot wars club...er...i mean i take no reponsibility if something from this zine gets you injured or beaten up, which lets face it is highly likley if youre a non-straight anarchist in this country, specially if youre in the Fens. So dont do anything this mag says, just pretend you never read it! // O==o:::::::::::::::::::> Deathbringer \\