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          .-------------------------------------------------.
          | flodis - flowers of disruption - #17 - 15.08.99 |
          `-------------------------------------------------'
             the zine for tasha & anjee

--=-==-=-+__+_+-=_--_-=+_=-_+-==-_--------=-----

it's the white dress that sent us all into a rotating fall of despair, the
white dress with the accentuated bosom and the tight fitting back with the
shoelace ties.  it shows just an appropriate amount of leg at the bottom,
and leaves the rest for the white shoes.  perfectly fitting for a beautiful
blonde-haired girl who certainly is old enough to understand but young
enough to be single.  i could fit ever-so-snugly through the window of
opportunity and place myself within the circle of the spotlight that shines
on the floor in the center of the living room.  from there i will have a
full view of the kitchen, hallway, laundry room, and balcony.  the glass
doors will reveal a starry night sky, romantic enough to break out the
champagne and get down to business.  the long dusty blonde hair will be
brushed away from the neck, allowing ample room to kiss and worship the
softest of skin.  a right arm across her back and a left across the back of
her knees will allow her to be picked up from the floor so she can kick off
her shoes.  she is now a girl in a dress.  she is now looking in my eyes. 
i look up through the glass doors and see the night sky.  i look over at
the table near the couch ... there's the champagne.  yes.  yes, this is the
way that it's meant to be.

but then there's the computer room, that's where nothing happens and there's
a mindless screen that echoes what it's told.  there's a case full of
electronics.  they were designed to think about things and to take commands
from the user.  and there's so much that they can do.  so very much.  so
much time can be spent.  unlimited, in fact.  there are always new things
that can be done.  endless.  i can't even begin to end.

and i'm holding her in my arms in the living room.

but there's the kitchen, and there's food in the kitchen.  food is good when
you're hungry.  i'm not hungry.  i can't get my mind off the kitchen.  

look at the night sky.

look at the eyes.

there's the bedroom, which is dark.  there's no one in the bedroom.  it's
god a bed, beds are comfortable, and they're good places to get comfortable
with another person.  

i have to put her down and drink my champagne.  she's looking at me.  she's
smiling.  she has to look up at me, there's a height difference.  she walks
over to the window, barefoot on the white carpet.  a surf and a scuffle and
she stands, staring at the stars.  i look at her but right past, i can see
the black and her back.  and her hair.  and the stars.   she turns, again
looking at me.

"want some lasagna?"  i ask.

she smiles and says yes.

contact.

i open the glass door and step through onto the balcony, stand up on the
railing and fly off.  i swim through the air, brushing past trees, walls,
and lightposts.  i whizz past late-night joggers, glide high above cars. 
the apartment building is where she stands, on the balcony watching me.  it
is our castle, and she is the queen.  her sceptre smile shines light in the
starry night.  her eyes follow her joyful king as he surveys the land.  her
hand rests with champagne on the stony wall of the balcony.

---------

the end goes something like this:  i return to the castle, we kiss, and we
make love.  typical ending for one of those stupid typical love fantasy
stories, the kind of thing that doesn't happen unless you imagine that it's
some sort of middle ages situation, when it seemed that people were
genuinely people and they weren't afraid to show their human desires or
true compassion for a fellow being.  that's when a guy could meet a
beautiful girl and spend years courting her to prove his gentlemanship and
then once he proposes she confesses she's loved him since the first time
their eyes met.  it's as simple as that.  that shit should happen these
days, and maybe it doesn't because we don't have any real castles.  hell,
this damned country hardly even existed in the time that they were still
building functional castles.  this damned country builds a building out of
limestone, thinking it will last forever, and then 75 years later they have
to tear the damn thing down because it's falling apart.

a good thing is a thing that you wouldn't want to live without.  i wouldn't
want to live without food, so food is a good thing.  if all food was taken
away i wouldn't want to live anymore.  if i fell in love with a girl, i
wouldn't want to live without her, so that would be a good thing too.  we
all need to surround ourselves with good things so that when the time comes
to decide whether or not you still want to roam around this place, you know
that there is something that you should stay for.  because going off to
france and hanging out at cafes is cool, but not if you're going to have to
leave some good thing behind.  and i'm not talking about a car, unless you
really couldn't live without your car.   there's always a good chance that
you could get _another_ car but there's no saying that you could get
another _true love of your life_.  i mean, that shit only comes around so
often, and once it does, you need to take off your hat and get down on your
knees and beg that good thing to stay with you for the rest of your
conscious time.  

spend as much time as possible trying to improve the lives of other people. 
you will then find that you live a miserable life and have nothing to look
back upon except a lot of outgoing energy.  keep some of that energy for
yourself and you will turn into a big ball of fuzz that gets to roll around
on people and then the people will get stuck inside you and try to get out
but really it's such a chaotic mess that they don't know if they want to
break free and get smashed by you, or stay inside and be suffocated. 
suffocation usually causes death because it's a lack of oxygen and oxygen
is one of the things that is pretty much necessary for a person's survival.
 i'd say that oxygen, or the air we breathe, could also be considered a
good thing.  and that is something that we probably wouldn't want to live
without, not that we even have the choice.  you could live in an airless
chamber if you so pleased, but that would be a dumb decision because
choosing to live in a place that would kill you instantly is not a good
path to survival.  and if our main drive to live is the struggle for
survival, making a choice like that would be anti-being-alive.  it's a
complicated thing, and one usually does not make a choice that totally goes
against the nature inherent in one's genes.  that's stupid.  well, some
stupid people do that.  for instance, most people realize that it is
necessary to eat to survive.  i mentioned that earlier.  yet there are
still those people who force themselves _not_ to eat.  those people must
not care for themselves very much if they're willing to risk their lives by
negating the force of nature.  

another way to negate the force of nature and to be stupid is to stare for a
really really long time at the sun while holding a fortune from a fortune
cookie in front of your face.  the fortune will be burned into your retina,
and everywhere you look, one of the few things you'll be able to see is
some dumb line like "do not look far into the future.  it is straight
ahead."  or some equally inane nonsense.  and don't bat your eyes at me,
you stupid fairy -- i've had enough of your gigglechatter and you should
become a ninja person because then people would like you and you could go
to japan where people would say:

"WOOooo!    LOOK AT THE CUUUTE  NINJA FAIRY!#!! WHOOOOOo!"

and when you chop up fruits and vegetables with your ninja skills, you will
be doing something far better than what you're doing right now.  it's time
for you to face your destiny, fairy-san, and get choppin'.


-=-=-----\----\\the end//----/-----=-=-

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`----------------------------------------------------------`-'
          flodis / flowers of disruption #17 / 15.08.99 / trilobyte@hoe.nu
     tell your friends to jump the line with flodis