{begin} INTEGRAL.FUNCTIONS.005 dd/mm/yy = 15/03/96 file_siz = 026k {=========================================================================} {get FILE_ID.DIZ} Integral Functions is a bi-weekly electronic 'zine that encourages both stylistic and topical experimentation in all possible forms of literary self-expression. {get NET_SITE.NFO} Issues will be available on the FTP site approximately one month after their release. Please read the instructions on the site to be sure that you download and uncompress the files correctly. FTP: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/IntegralFunctions Gopher: gopher.etext.org Zines/IntegralFunctions If you are having trouble connecting, this site also has two alternate addresses: etext.archive.umich.edu OR locust.cic.net {=========================================================================} {get CONTENTS.LST} 00000001 Message #714, Yasuaki Kudo 00000010 SIGNIFICANT DIGITS 00000011 HATE LIST NUMBER ONE 00000100 Poems: March 07, 1996 00000101 procedure interface_7_human_conversation; 00000110 attempt frenchaise 00000111 Journal Excerpts 1996 - David Wilkins 00001000 FORest x0000'1b 00001001 PENIS 00001010 VIDEO MADNESSS blowout 00001011 oh sweet butter 00001100 Copyright & Submission Information {=========================================================================} Msg#: 714 From: MEH68277@?????.??.jp To: All Subj: THE SHIT LIFE Date: 08 Aug 95 22:33 ------------------------------ Jesus I really want to puke. My father just came into my room. Began his monthly routine "What university are you going to enter?" I knew that I couldn't talk with this guy seriously anymore. It was probably 3 month ago. He began throw things away to me. It hurt. I remember I was telling stop doing irrational. As myself defense, finally I punched his...We have been to this over and over and have changed nothing. If you're still reading my bad English text, I thank you, and if you're such a patient reader, let me tell you a little about my life so far. People keep saying me that I'm a unique person. I haven't seen any of my friends (or *are* they my friends?) for 4 months though. I've had hated schools sometimes. It wasn't *sometimes* last year, and it was shit. A sea of shit. I'm sorry about telling stories very randomly. It is complicated so much that even I can't explain it well to my self. What do you think of studying? Math, Physics, things like that. Have you ever had any feeling "How do you know this is true?" God, if you are still reading my article; you can make a good psycho- analyst. You're so patient. For the past 3 years, the question "How do you know?" was my life. The main problem was in mathematics field. I've been through a lot of mathematical proof. I really thought and thought. What do you mean proof? "A = B. B = C if D is true. since D is true, A=C." stuff like this. For me, every mathematical proof *seemed* like true, but the bottom line was, I could not believe a single word deeply enough. I was thinking that understanding was universal so if something is true,like a lightning your brain just sticks to that idea. With that belief, I kept thinking, hoping it will happen to me which *never* happened. Are you still reading? Wow! It will be so nice if I had a friend like you. The bad idea was occasionally crossing my mind that I was a real, helpless, low IQ creature. I would tell myself, don't dare to think it that way. Those days, and even sometimes like today; the life has been so tough. Yeah, really tough. If some one compares me with the people who lives in countries like Yugoslavia or Haiti, he might think "what the hell do I mean by tough?". I don't know how tough is tough. At least this very strange 18-year-old-Japanese got a little silver hair. Nobody could answer my question. Would you mind if I go back to that math- story? I told my pig-looking so called math teacher How I could not understand math fundamentally and I've been through with it all the time. Do you know what she said? "Are you going to college or not? Don't think about that. Do it in college." that was the only answer I could get, but did I believe her? It was *me* who popped that question to her, I was compelled to do that having nobody else to ask, but with the knowledge how she taught and treated students, I could not a single word she was saying. Any way, I failed to enter the college. Please notice we're changing the topic. I could have entered a college for 100% if I didn't care what college it was. Because I was not so bad in English in high school. Let me talk about it later. I wanted to go to U.S. college 2 years ago so desperately. I was so anxious to get out of that fucking country. I thought Japanese education system was nothing but full of shit. I didn't think U.S. colleges were perfect, but at least believed it was far better than Japanese ones. What a pity. When I talked about it to my parents they became nuts, and completely rejected and insulted me. "You are such a foolish kid. Shame on you. your scores are so bad enough even here in Japan. Do not dare to think about it!" I knew how important my grades were to enter a U.S. college, and I could make it better if I could get out of that country. I could have done anything to get out of that country. We had fought it a lot of times and I finally decide to enter a Japanese college first. I could not study at all. I didn't know why at that time but I finally knew what my problem was. Until I found myself so obsessed with the idea that "If I try, I could *understand*", days of nightmares lasted. Study every day. Scores don't change a bit. At the time I was finally deciding what college examinations I would take(in Japan tests are everything), I could only take one. I studied a lot; got plenty of pain; I could not have taken any bad-reputation-college. My parents warned me I might not be able to attend college another year. Well, I could not face the facts. I was insulted enough 2 years ago. I could not imagine a single image of my parents saying" Remember we said you were fool." The college I was trying to attend was the limit. I could have taken private college exams but it was too much. I could not possibly pay so much money to a Japanese college. Today we were again over it. The bottom line is; they are the ones who have the money. Only thing I can do is to convince them that I'm on the right track. The reason I could only study English was because there was no why. To understand English, all it took was to understand what way do people say English. Did you read it? Perhaps you are just looking at the bottom. Anyway, send me a mail if you have something in common with me so that we can share it. Yasuaki Kudo Origin: Usenet:??-???, Japan. (?:??/??.?) {=========================================================================} "SIGNIFICANT DIGITS" (Angela Dreamblur) 0432904923 40329 40324 320 41049234321 40921 390821 48235782 348219 32184 402 439012904 92568329 6589234 812847 185 328965 32948 21948 4823 48328 548324236 42 384 3284 2735734 6792348 23542951 2959283658092 3589218 35682734 62938 581 5932859 3295 923 683796 3259823095298689023 569823 6989326 89235 2936 8329867 5923 859328 5982 3469829368 32968 23986 9328 6923 869238 65923869 32869 23866 65923 589 2358 3968346023593829682068 23658 92367 923 659 23658 3296 82936 62 96532 59328 4592 369034 7802926892012806218692 693 4686 29 6293 601 0213 6823 215 923 50923 65230 698 347 02396021801 680 43968 20 6810 680436 8340 6824234 5 09250 285032 680238 65012 856032 4603486028502254 3294 3294021 498012 85912 520 34 0145 23059 913285091 0915 80123 8501 25901859812 50821 39054 21048 419 4 19202 401248 0284501 4801 258012 58102 5802135 0 2150 12840 12840 2185 0512 5921 41 850 12835032 1850 821501 850 58320 85018 50821 35082305815 8051 501 5 50 2138328 592 8501 8502 8350 35120851 085 02850286 0285 01 501 58032 8501 14 50932 95032 959 438896823 0959321058904386 021950 324865 0913285 923850 23594 520395 01 923590823 9681290 35812 49312 40921 453286791 235921 4592 86539 553 43290 483210 4 836 012593 058 9138 5092348 569342 50328 59 4839687 321096 326 4 92385 0328 68723 0458213 57329 589213 854912 598327 59832 958 32958 125 832 {=========================================================================} HATE LIST NUMBER ONE Photocopy machines that use pink paper Postcards from strangers Dust mites and their shit Electrical cords that are all bent out of shape Due dates and deadlines Dying suburban trees (held up by steel spikes) Styrofoam The sound of a thousand flushing toilets Shampoo that smells pretty Women that use way too much hairspray Women that use way too much perfume Women that use way too much make-up The sound of a dustbuster Batteries that aren't rechargable Rechargable batteries that don't last long enough Plastic bags that fall apart at the handles Paper with visible chunks of wood in it Radio stations that play the same songs every day Radio stations that don't play any songs Itchy clothing Dogs that bark at nothing Stepping on a wad of gum People that spit constantly Tearing band-aids from my arm Cold toilet-seats Toilets that overflow all the time When cigarette smoke soaks into your clothes When your stomach growls loudly in class Birds that shit too much Religious fanatics Television on Sunday afternoon Television on any other afternoon People that think making fart noises with armpits is funny The smell of raw sewage Poems that rhyme Telephones and answering machines America OnLine Using a lot of extension cords Stupid billboards Tea/Coffee that is too hot to drink (...to be continued!) {=========================================================================} Gideon Hartwell Poems: March 07, 1996 --------------------- ONE. reasons wanted. ignoring maybe, thought rude i was. was i? should've been silent and useless, like the rest. must not worry about this thing, trying no success. needs time to cool down, think, forget me. shouldn't have started all this. too late. ----- TWO. what i really want to be doing is sipping coffee, on public couch, big band music floats into ears, looking at picture-books. someone i know enters. hello. ----- THREE. it was easy but i did not effort. dreams distracting on other side of eyelids. maybe tomorrow is better. ----- FOUR. smallness houses are close. in window, that could be someone i know. that could be someone i know. seen him around. forget her name. seems nice, from what i've heard. gossip go away. do they laugh when sight is not mine? need big randomness: comfort in anonymity. ----- FIVE. walked through midnight field with medium flashlights. mistaken for supernatural. "what are you boys doing out here at this time of night?" us and those police had a good chuckle. shared coffee w/doughnuts. must've thought us crazy, or memory fishermen. did they once? when young. oh memories. like fish they are, jumping in boat. careful to be sure, put back in water before asphyxiation. ----- SIX. i've entered this contest that you've created, decked out in the most mordant contraptions. advanced standing: the envelope please. ----- SEVEN. through delicate persuasion you uncurl your fingers, allowing me to see what gift you hesitate to share. ----- EIGHT. i sometimes wonder if change is mistaken for improvement. maybe they are the same thing. ----- NINE. cardboard complaints pop up from the crowd, rituals of discontent. they don't realize what they are doing, with their wheelbarrows full of signatures. how embarassing it must be for us, as a whole. i suppose there can be no such thing as selective freedom. what they must think. i am ashamed for all of us. ----- TEN. being with you is like walking around with only one shoe on: everything feels lopsided and awkward. i would rather hug my pillows for comfort, as i have done in the past. ----- {=========================================================================} procedure interface_7_human_conversation; begin if eye_contact = true then begin if face[x] = 'unhappy' then begin vocal_p := ('are you ok?','what's wrong?'); vocalize vocal_p; reinitialize eye_contact; fixate eye_contact; smile := 0; end; if face[x] = 'apath(y/etic)' then begin vocal_p := ('hello','how is it going?'); vocalize vocal_p; hands := arms + fidget[y]; if hands := 0 then begin randomize; actu1 := random(3) + 1; if actu1 = 1 then in_pockets; if actu1 = 2 then folded_on_chest; if actu1 = 3 then play_with_hair; end; end; if face[x] = 'cheerful' then begin smile := smile + 5; vocal_p := ('hi',name_nick,sarcastic_insult); vvolume := vvolume + env_factor + 2; vocalize vocal_p; end; else begin randomize; attention1 := random(3) + 1; if attention1 = 1 then clear_throat; if attention1 = 2 then begin vocal_p := 'hey you'; vvolume := vvolume + env_factor; vocalize vocal_p; end; if attention1 = 3 then begin reinitialize legs; distance[a] := distance[a] - 1; end; check eye_contact; end; if reaction < 0 then begin vocal_p := ('do you want me to leave you alone?'); vvolume := vvolume - 2; check face[x] if face[x] + tears > 0 then begin vocal_p := ('it's ok','tell me what's bothering you'); initialize hug; end; if face[x] + body_language = 'negative' then begin reinitialize legs; distance[b] := distance[b] + 4; vocal_p := null; vvolume := 0; end; vocalize vocal_p; else repeat small_talk + intimacy; env_observation; check face[x]; until face[x] <> face[x - 1]; if face[x] + body_language > 50 then begin verify body_language; doublecheck; intimacy := intimacy + 2; end; if intimacy > 900 then comfort := comfort + 1; if comfort + env_factor > 10 then begin body_language; physical; end; end. {=========================================================================} "attempt frenchaise" (by Clotaire) 'oui oui,' he said j'amais toujour tu est une fils! elle aime les bicyclettes, mais pas les autobus. je suis un grande mangeur des vaches! oui, c'est vrais. voulez vous une tres beau visage? moi aussi...oui. est-ce-que tu pouver tenir mon main droite. je taime ca beaucoup. donne moi une grande baiser! or something...how do you say, mange moi? vraimant?! magnifique! oh, je suis desole! hey! how do i do those little accent thingys on the keyboard? shit. merle! attendez vous, petite mignon fille. non..pourquoi pas? ok, au revoir, you slut. {=========================================================================} --- Journal Excerpts 1996 - David Wilkins --- *** February 13, 1996 *** Ugh. I feel like shit today. I've become addicted to those little instant coffees. My favorite flavours are French Vanilla and Swiss Mocha. I think they're fucking up my metabolic system or something. I don't know. Sometimes, when I'm making a cup of French Vanilla, the powder doesn't completely dissolve, and a lump of brownish-yellow powder floats to the top. This pisses me off, so I stand there stirring the damn thing for 60 seconds or more, until it finally dissolves. There's nothing I hate more than taking a slurp of coffee and having a lump of undissolved powder float into my mouth. For some reason this only occurs with French Vanilla. I should write to the company and get them to fix this. I'll write a note to remind myself. I usually have about 4 or 5 cups of this shit every day. Anyway.. Mark called today while I was having a pair of microwaved hot dogs and a cup of Swiss Mocha for lunch. He said that if I don't make up my mind soon, I can forget about having any sort of relationship with him. I told him not to be a prick, and to come to my apartment tomorrow night so I can give him my answer. I don't intend on being at my apartment tomorrow night when Mark gets here. I'll be at the arcade, or the bowling alley, or somewhere else, acting like a 16-year old, making an ass of myself, trying to recapture my lost youth. Mark will be so pissed off at me. That's the plan anyway. *** February 14, 1996 *** When I got home late last night, there was a message on my machine from Mark: "Hi. I was at your place. Where are you? Call me." He didn't sound pissed off. I wonder what he'll say when I tell him I'm not a queer. I should've told him when he first started expressing his affection towards me. He probably won't believe me. He'll probably say that I'm just making excuses, that I'm afraid of commitment, or that I'm denying my sexuality. Shit. What have I gotten myself into? Ever since Mark first started coming on to me, I started wondering. I wondered what it would be like...being with another man. Not seriously or anything. I've never really thought about it before. I'll watch television now and force myself to stare at the men, just to see if I'll get aroused. I'll imagine myself kissing them, etc., but nothing happens. I'm thinking about calling Mark, and continuing to pretend that I'm gay. I am curious to see how far I can take this before I panic and bail out. This is like a personal science experiment, where I have become both the evil scientist and the innocent lab rat. *** February 16, 1996 *** Mark and I went to the movies last night. He apologized for making me feel uncomfortable about our relationship. I accepted his unexpected apology, and for the rest of the evening it was as if we were "just friends" again. We went back to my apartment after the movie and ordered pizza. We stayed up into the early hours of the morning, making fun of all the infomercials that were on TV. At about 4:30 a.m., when we were watching a horrible 1970s action movie on TV, I turned to Mark and made direct eye contact. Suddenly I was letting him kiss me on the mouth. He had pizza/morning-breath, but I guess I did too. Nothing else happened. The movie was over half-an-hour later, then Mark went home to get ready for work. I went to bed, but didn't sleep very well. There were moments when I awoke, laughing and crying at the same time. I try not to think about the kiss. *** February 18, 1996 I found out that Mark doesn't like those little instant coffees that I'm always drinking. I guess it wasn't meant to be. I feel unable to draw any permanent personal conclusions from this experiment of mine. *** End Of File {=========================================================================} FORest x0000'1b He Steps on twigs and sticks and twigs - Around trees he goes (brush against white skin it does)...Those branches YES YES (indeed). Scrape Scrape as his gun drags on the forest floor (organic ORGANIC) - Do these things hear him? Yes...YEs they do. Everyone hears the man as he comes. They SEE him coming and ignore/andMOCK. Someone said that "The Devil hates to be mocked"..(memory bad today). That's what those creatures do to him mock MOck M0CK they do. This silly man he does - STOPS (gun against tree) takes breaths; opens backpack; removes things: a paper, a pencilTHING. He writes on a paper. He thinks he is IN TUNE with NATURE..... He thinks he is part of this system. He thinks he is an OUTDOORSman. He thinks he is beautiful like the creatures, so he writes a poem. A Bad Poem (that rhymes). Do those lyric sound nice? Someone should write a song with this lyric. Yes YEs (indeed). Those white scientists that study animal behaviour are dumb indeed say the animals to each other ANDthemselves. dumb dumb they are (indeed). The man shoots at fuzzy things and misses for a-day-and-a-half but only kills trees (very good he is at that!). They agree to themselves. On a Sunday Evening the man and his gun return to the city (JEEP to village, bus to train station, train to city station, city station to subway terminal, subway terminal to other subway terminal, other subway terminal to home apartment over a small shop that sells dildos and other such things). The man and his woodtree/scratches on arms and cheeks go to work on Monday that day...MONDAY! Yes YES (indeed). Coffee slurpers eveyehwere + wall dividers making tight corners where carpet has hardened gum squished in really really deep. Monday! Shit. He doesn't think he belongs with these ROBOT-people. He thinks he is in tune with NATURE. He like being with the animals and his gun Yes YES (indeed!). He is wrong (indeed) yes Yes YES. Fuck Fuck FUck FUCk FUCK. (inddeeeeed). Ah. {=========================================================================} "PENIS" (Dick Plexzur) hey baby. .. . . . lookin pretty hot in that little dress sugah.. .. curves and mounds on display real goooood. .. come over here.. . . yeahhh. .. wanna squeeze your chubby tits rough with my greasy fingaz sweet thang .. . maybe pinch and nibble at your nipplez. .. . suckle me baby. .. . yeahhh. .. . grab your ass and pull you up close to me.. . . so i can stick my fucken dick up way up your warm cunt. . . yeahhh. . . impale ya on my pleasure pole baby.. .. mmmmm mmmm.. . . and fuck ya up to your fucken brains. .. . yeahhh. .. shoot my stuff way up ya. .. . in ya. .. oozing out of ya .. . done with ya.. . yeahhh .. . 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For FREE brochures... THE HUNGER GROWS! "Hot, sophisticated guy, 5'11", 170lb. Looking for slave boys of all races. Obedience is a must, age under 30. I'm 35, smart, and know how to wield a hand." "I'm Rick, white male, 6', blue eyes, blond hair, moustache, considered attractive, 160lb, 7.5" uncut. I looking to get together with cross-dressers, transsexuals and transvestites for good times." GIVE US A CALL! For Adventure. For Sex. For Dating. Forever. {=========================================================================} oh sweet butter butter, you melt in the september sun in much the same way that you melt in the august sun. and the ants love you for it. they don't tell you this, but i do, i am a messenger from the ants. they tell me all their secrets. i know where they hide the queen. may i pollinate you? of course you can. it's a free country, don't you know. {=========================================================================} {get COPYRITE.NFO} Reproduction of this 'zine (in any form) is permitted as long as it is not sold and the entire text of the issue remains intact. Material within this volume is copyright (maybe) by their respective authors. {get SUBMIT.NFO} There are no specific guidelines for submitting material to Integral Functions. 25 - 2500 words is acceptable. Please specify if you wish your contribution to be anonymous. At the current time, Integral Functions does not have a stable e-mail address where you can send your submissions. This will probably not change in the future, as the editor of this 'zine is not interested in finding a permanant site to work from. An adequate number of submissions are received from the local area. {=========================================================================} INTEGRAL.FUNCTIONS.005 dd/mm/yy = 15/03/96 file_siz = 026k {end}