{begin} INTEGRAL.FUNCTIONS.007 dd/mm/yy = 15/04/96 file_siz = 020k {=========================================================================} {get FILE_ID.DIZ} Integral Functions is a bi-weekly electronic 'zine that encourages both stylistic and topical experimentation in all possible forms of literary self-expression. {get NET_SITE.NFO} Issues will be available on the FTP site approximately one month after their release. Please read the instructions on the site to be sure that you download and uncompress the files correctly. FTP: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/IntegralFunctions Gopher: gopher.etext.org Zines/IntegralFunctions If you are having trouble connecting, this site also has two alternate addresses: etext.archive.umich.edu OR locust.cic.net {=========================================================================} {get CONTENTS.LST} 00000001 INFORMATION-TRANS/CON-VER-SAY-TION: #820432131 00000010 Three Short Stories (Unfinished and/or Failed Attempts) 00000011 The Ultimate in Hair Science 00000100 COR 95D 00000101 NEW FROM PLASTIC KILL-FUN! 00000110 ASS WHOLE 00000111 HATE LIST NUMBER TWO 00001000 Impressionism 00001001 M&M (Man & Machine) Collaborations: Poems 00001010 Correlation and Regression Analysis 00001011 Selected Poems: March 13 - March 30, 1996 00001100 Copyright & Submission Information {=========================================================================} "INFORMATION-TRANS/CON-VER-SAY-TION: #820432131" (Thomas Nemobia) A = #744375 B = #53248 A: presence acknowledgement #744375 B: presence acknowledgement #53248 your presence causes pleasure sensations in sector B-35 your presence has lacked for 11.8 solar cycles A: viewing you and being in your close proximity also gives me pleasure #53248 the 11.8 solar cycles seemed like full solar rotations! what E-M state have you averaged lately? B: my state has been fairly positive although I have been experiencing a period of low energy levels recently, and am currently suffering a P-stimulation in sector C-26 A: confirm P-stimulation? more information is requested B: confirm P-stimulation source unknown it is expected to discontinue torment within a relatively short time span and what state have you generally been in recently #744375? {=========================================================================} Three Short Stories (Unfinished and/or Failed Attempts) (anonymous) gerrit spoke with an uneasiness, holding his forgotten pepsi at a precarious angle. "this is the story of how tony found his social niche," he began, gazing at the linoleum floor. "tony went to a community college in his area right after high school, still living with his parents. he took a 3 year course in business management, although he didn't have any interest in it. he worked a part-time job at a video store. "ok, so every friday night, tony would get drunk with his buddies, then he would sleep in until two o'clock the next afternoon. the pattern began in grade ten. "oh, i don't know where i am going with this story, but i suppose he eventually meets a nice mainstream girl, and he gets married and beats his wife when he gets drunk. his wife doesn't have enough self-esteem to get out of the marriage, so this continues until tony gets some sort of liver disease or something." gerrits' peers looked on with disappointment. "he could've done much better", they thought. it seems gerrit is having some personal problems, and doesn't know how to express them. "good try, gerrit," alicia said. gerrit felt like he was going to puke. he took a slurp of pepsi in a vain attempt to keep it down. what happened next is the decision of several stomach muscles. that was pointless....why didn't i capitalize anything? fuck. Alex's publisher had just refused to publish his fifth collection of poetry, claiming that his quality of writing had declined steadily since his second book. They said his work had become too 'experimental'. Alex thought his writing had matured, but according to others, this was not the case. In the weeks that followed, Alex felt depressed and uninspired. His routine environment no longer held and lasting fascination for him. He needed something new to inspire him. 'If only someone would come along and break my heart,' he often thought to himself. It struck him to take his notebook to more dynamic environments, away from the predictable, cliche coffee shops and cafes. He tried the mall. He sat himself on a bench, observing people walk by him for several hours, sometimes seeing the same person twice. No one ever stopped moving, another boring routine. Alex tried to write a poem about the boredom of the mall, but it failed to turn out the way he liked: Automatons spending at random moments of delight, or when "Sale" is spotted through the distant wags of fellow idiots, ;alkjsjdf FUCK this......shit. Escapism: Episode One Min left the house, pulling on her long, black polyester coat as she slammed the door behind her. She quickly checked to make sure she had her house key with her. It was dangling on the end of a short chain, attached to one of the belt loops in her Levi's. She wasn't sure what time she would be back, or if anyone would be there when she returned. From inside, Min heard something break. Probably a desk lamp (or a desk). She usually left the house at this time of morning, when her father-in-law is either ultra-drunk, or having loud, violent sex with his live-in mistress. In this case, it was the latter. Min walked across the slushy lawn and onto the sidewalk, taking her first steps in her daily mission of escapism. She moved south on Cherry Blossom Avenue, surrounded by an unnatural calmness in the suburbs. Min thought about this small pocket of civilization, about how it was mass-produced, and made to be appealing for young families that owned grey mini-vans. The young families that don't know how to raise children properly, telling their kids that they are useless pieces of shit, then hugging them as they leave for work, leaving them with abusive care-givers. Welcome to the suburbs: breeding ground of oxymorons. Min's train of thought was suddenly interrupted when a drop of rain landed in her eye. It felt cool, and pure. She beleived that her eyed had been blessed, given the ability to see through the walls of bullshit that surrounded everything. More blessings fell from the sky, blessings that will never be recieved, blessings that will perhaps be swept out of existance by a pair of squeeky windshield-washers on one of the grey mini-vans. Min left her coat open, letting as many blessings as possible penetrate her as she walked towards the bus-stop. At the bus-stop, soaked, Min read a poorly designed advertisement that was plastered on the inside wall of the bus-shelter as she waited for...lsidj the fuckign aupgb bus?? of course oahsdhfhasdh fuck ais df i don't want to wreite this shitawo8iehrjtfahshdhb bcbz ohhh wheriwha where am i oging going with this??..uthhghhghghghg. WHY can't i ever finsiha story?! {=========================================================================} The Ultimate in Hair Science ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Every day, external agressions cause the loss of Ceramide, a natural fortifier in your hair, that ensures the strength and cohesion of the hair fiber. Every day, X90587 replaces it. X90587 PERFORMANCE shampoos and conditioners are the only ones to contain a duplicate Ceramide. This Ceramide-r penetrates to the core of the hair fiber, replacing the daily loss of natural Ceramide, to repair, strength and protect it. Your hair regains all of the characteristics of healthy hair: Strength, Vitality, and Shine. {=========================================================================} --- COR 95D --- keep frozen ingredients: milk ingredients, sugar, modified milk ingredients, strawberries (strawberries, sugar, water, pectin, calcium chloride, colour), strawberry syrup (strawberry juice, sugar, may contain water), glucose and may contain glucose-fructose, cocoa, locust bean gum, cellulose gum, guar gum, carrageenan, mono & diglycerides, polysorbate 80, artificial flavour, colour, citric acid. (may contain trace amounts of peanuts or other nuts) º³³Û³³³ºº³³³³Û³³º º³³W³³HººA³³TÛ?³º º³³Û³³³ºº³³³³Û³³º 0º³³68200º11309³³º8 {=========================================================================} * NEW FROM PLASTIC KILL-FUN! * it's the 'HOLY COMBAT' action-figure series! there's 'Battle-action Buddha', with his death-light-n-ment ray! and 'Cruci-f-action Jesus' with quad nine inch piercing nails! one on one action with your favourite (or least favourite), religious figures! pit Ra up against Mother Earth! ever wonder whether the Greek gods are better than the Roman ones? you can decide for YOURSELF, with 'HOLY COMBAT' action-figures! HOLY WAR, in your very own home! (blood, explosions and religious scenery sold seperately) (figures do not actually talk, move of their own free will, or have those colourful glowing auras) {=========================================================================} "ASS WHOLE" (Thomas Nemobia) from within you, flows sustanance your sweet product your glorious creation surrounding me, your flesh your protecting shelter your certain safety from your mouth, an airy breeze your warm caress your breath of love I find everything in you you are everything that I need ever know {=========================================================================} HATE LIST NUMBER TWO Radio commercials that have catchy jingles When street dirt blows into your eyes Writing formal letters Hollywood love stories People that keep talking the Apocalypse Warehouse stores with 30' ceilings Poorly designed children's toys Pocket lint People that sing along with the radio Cable television Kleenex that is too soft Caramel popcorn Pretzels Elvis Comic books Home decorating The smell of library books Direct sunlight Contact with water (at scalding temperatures) Plastic sandwich wrap People that hang American flags in their room Fake flowers Tiny flower-shaped soaps that are just for decoration Throwing up (the taste, or when it comes out your nose) Sharp grass Writing this list {=========================================================================} "Impressionism" (Angela Dreamblur) during the period of NEW there is a general state of SENSITIVE always leaves MARK to affect throughout LIFE sometimes resulting in UNABLE and usually COMPLEXIFY along with BEING always EFFECT until DIE {=========================================================================} "M&M (Man & Machine) Collaborations: Poems" (by Gideon Hartwell) I have been writing a large amount of poetry in the past month, both on my own, and in collaboration with my machine. I have gathered the following 'Man & Machine' poems together for those readers who have shown further interest in my computer generated (semi-computer generated) poetry. Please refer to my essays in the first three issues of Integral Functions if you have no idea what I am talking about. #1 'chaste' (mar96) this violent (healthy) terrific area, with its lovable unorganized inspiration addresses what i fondled and declined pseudo-entertainment pressed and the laughter at they, johnny lived beside pond on planet punishment (dancer annoyed it) dangerous at screaming in warranted orgasmic oh, the excessive deepness of it all. #2 'faithful toy' (apr96) they aged the flustered oyster creature, a thatched moon, tall cereal wheat; unlike a photograph pinned, repeated at duplex (to bandage), anticipation without energy: you were there too. #3 'vexed' (apr96) i wandered with the cautious painter for faces, served at bell, lumpy like this existence. we having a snorted disagreement munched at flimsy - in something, pressed and stretched (her breasts against a mylar dress). #4 'the rollercoaster argument' (apr96) consumed boy in rollercoaster the maggot in claw - we spied the tiger and my picked at, so ugly and bursting she gathered i begged to be less complicated and obeyed: engaged he in narrow rough saliva and satisfactory i controlled, tickets this ride unfree. such screams were listened (ears with). #5 'we' (apr96) i fancied the brooch and the end for grinning bullet, impatient i contradicted impassible the hair (scattered about like blood). #6 'what i watched' (mar96) and the fragrant death smile found this expressive croquet tournament: fucked, thumped (they gazed unwanted, conversation) he large and charmed - lust they had offended the sun itself (at the edge i stood). {=========================================================================} Chapter 5 Correlation and Regression Analysis Regression analysis normally leads to the development of an equation that predicts the value of the dependent variable as a function of the independent variable(s). The basic form is Y = A + BX. That is, the dependent variable, Y, is the function of a constant, A, and the magnitude of the independent variable, X, multiplied by some coefficient, B. While B can take a fairly complex form, the basic principle remains the same. In very broad terms, regression equations, when plotted, can be said to take either linear or curvilinear form. {=========================================================================} Selected Poems: March 13 - March 30, 1996 (by Gideon Hartwell) The following (fifteen) poems are not computer generated. Each poem is numbered, and seperated from the next poem by a series of dashes ("-----"). ONE. with elegance he drives uncertain swerves, subtle playful blind spot (jerking wheel) the gentle violence of he is the only on who drives this way, with accidental elegance (music loud night speedlimit changinglanes highbeams-lowbeams) casual, turning ignore white lines is it apathy? "let's go anywhere" caress smile in darkness streetlights cast growing/receeding shadows on the dash back of my seat he still drives, gloves on wheel, ribbed elegance. ----- TWO. Automated Chivalry He used to hold doors open for me, now they hold themselves open. ----- THREE. Sorry Animals On the linoleum she landed, the cold white refrigerator door against her back (from within, the cheese grows mould), face burning, she's never been hit so hard, flesh shaken loose from the bones. She sees his fist changing colour, as does his aura (and perhaps the cheese too): rage, guilt, regret. Such sorry animals we are. If only we could be more like the ants (she thinks), strong and efficient. ----- FOUR. False Alarm Something blotted out the sun, just a moment ago. A plane? I don't know. For a few moments there I thought it was The End, but no, just another false alarm. ----- FIVE. Your structure is magnificent, he tells her, wishing (at that moment) that she were a statue. He would charge admission. ----- SIX. Oooh, Kanada (speaking to the [Canadian] flag) Your autumn leaf stands, like a mountie with an erection, a rigid, architectural flame, roasting the confidence of those that look upon you with pseudo-pride. Sharp, an icon of bitterness. You were never green, and yet, you never wither. ----- SEVEN. Damn Sundays Lofty this chill, dust sealed in a vacuum. Sundays are musty and bright, like happiness or something. I remember once, we drove out to the mall, no money, but apathy galore. We made fun as they walked by, especially those that held, not imagining us. ----- EIGHT. dear acme inc this cliff overlooks a ripple of flesh my eyes leaning down touching a wrinkle in forward in jerks back my eyes rolling sun bright blazing i reconsider this direction point downwards reflections of my nothing deepness not forgotten fading and beginning again as everything does machines approach me with petition why should i sign why should i sign off the edge they go me watching them smaller and smaller a dot then a puff of smoke just like road runner cartoons i wonder if they left a hole in their shape likeness and birds twitter around their heads for a while but they come back they come back indeed ----- NINE. one morning you awoke as i flushed the toilet, which totally turned you off (you con- ditioned); funny invention. ----- TEN. my own dream i saw my own hand covering my own mouth, stopping my own voice from saying something silly. these things tend to be prophetic. ----- ELEVEN. happier all i have to do is remind myself how easy it is to die. ----- TWELVE. walking step side curb dog piss smell shelf (through window) doll mama mama it says boots kicking queers bleed red walking run run away far away into the night (gone) blood reflective in streetlight stone road raining wet hair he bleeds oh what happened she bends over umbrella holding tight and raw cold hands steps into dry ally hunched looking in purse scramble phone unfolds dialing don't worry i'm calling for help don't leave me ohhh it hurts hello help there is a man bleeding dying glistening wet on sidewalk bootmarks on ribs he cries send help fast they are on their way soon soon down system blood washes where rats drink ohhh it hurt once (they never come fast enough) ----- THIRTEEN. your line is busy i wonder who you could be talking to for so long but then i think and remember: whenever we did it you would always make sure the phone was off the hook ----- FOURTEEN. you used to be so cute what happened ----- FIFTEEN. i would rather sit and imagine what you taste like rather than experience the real thing. {=========================================================================} {get COPYRITE.NFO} Reproduction of this 'zine (in any form) is permitted as long as it is not sold and the entire text of the issue remains intact. Material within this volume is copyright (maybe) by their respective authors. {get SUBMIT.NFO} At the current time, Integral Functions does not have a stable e-mail address where you can send your submissions. This will probably not change in the future, as the editor of this 'zine is not interested in finding a permanant site to work from. An adequate number of submissions are received from the local area. {=========================================================================} INTEGRAL.FUNCTIONS.007 dd/mm/yy = 15/04/96 file_siz = 020k {end}