{begin} INTEGRAL.FUNCTIONS.008 dd/mm/yy = 01/05/96 file_siz = 000k {=========================================================================} {get FILE_ID.DIZ} Integral Functions is a bi-weekly electronic 'zine that encourages both stylistic and topical experimentation in all possible forms of literary self-expression. {get NET_SITE.NFO} Issues will be available on the FTP site approximately one month after their release. Please read the instructions on the site to be sure that you download and uncompress the files correctly. FTP: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/IntegralFunctions Gopher: gopher.etext.org Zines/IntegralFunctions If you are having trouble connecting, this site also has two alternate addresses: etext.archive.umich.edu OR locust.cic.net {=========================================================================} {get CONTENTS.LST} 00000001 Humwer 00000010 Into the Sea of Absurdity 00000011 Liquid Buddha's International! (brochure) 00000100 A Brief Argument Between God and a Computer 00000101 YOU ARE HERE (YAH) 00000110 Leo(x)'s Cooking Corner: MAKING FUN 00000111 Selected Poems: April 21 - April 26, 1996 00001000 The Sex Life of an Electron 00001001 CHAT-075.LOG 00001010 Me - 1 (Libby - None) 00001011 Self-change Self-taught 00001100 Copyright & Submission Information {=========================================================================} "Humwer" (anonymous) in nolight night awaken to machine presenstare mechanic face mechanic rattle stale breath pumped steel spinal struction machinery motates function together many meld one hear hum machine {=========================================================================} Into the Sea of Absurdity (anonymous) Jasper stood in front of the door, waiting his turn. "It should be soon," he thought to himself. He was very nervous. Large, cold beads of sweat had begun to run down the side of his arms, distracting him from what was important. His mind began to wander. "Why must people stink? What biological purpose does it serve? Humans have no need to stink. We should smell nice, like flowers, like rocks..." Footsteps could be heard approaching from the other side of the door, but not loud enough to snap Jasper out of his daze. He continued to ponder and ramble to himself. "...men. Women should smell like flowers. Each one would smell different. The men would all smell the same, but their skins would have the colour and texture of rock. If two men tried to pollinate each other, their rubbing would cause each of them to crumble into sand. They would wash away, into the Sea of Absurdity..." A sudden knock at the door pulled Jasper from his daze, filling him with overwhelming delight. He straightened up, his eyes peering down over his smile, waiting for the slot to appear. Something from the other side whistled, then spoke. "Injection 78-D," it said. Jasper watched, his brain giggling in anticipation, as the slot appeared. It came into existence a few feet up from the bottom of the door, just large enough for the hypodermic erection to poke through, its tip dribbling slightly onto Jasper's toes. It waited there for a moment, as if unsure of itself, then plunged into Jasper's thigh, ejaculating all its chemically engineered joy into his starved body. The needle quickly withdrew, taking the slot and the footsteps with it. Collapsing on the floor, Jasper spread himself out on his back, the cold concrete pressing against his back. He waited for the substance to fully circulate through his blood, mumbling to the ceiling above, which seemed to press down on him, like an angry father. "...into sand, into the sea." Suddenly, from the other side of the door, Jasper heard waves, their sighs increasing in volume, as if a tide were coming in. He pulled his body from the floor and staggered to the bed as the waves began to crash violently against the door, which creaked under the strain of what approached. Darkness began to leak in from the bottom and sides of the door, covering the floor and walls in black. It filled the room, eventually lifting the bed on which Jasper clung, until it capsized, tossing Jasper into the Darkness, drowning him, depriving him of all sense. "It's as if I have become Nothing," Jasper said, speaking not to himself, but to the Darkness which had engulfed him. "It's as if you are an aroma," the Darkness added, "dissipating throughout me, for everyone to inhale. It's as if you are ethereal emotion." "Yes, like an aroma. What do I smell like?" "Like a flower. Like a Jasper Rose, searching for the sunlight on which you thrive." Jasper became worried. He wanted to find the sun, but his search was futile in a world that had no Form or Direction. He felt as if he really were dissipating, as if any physical part of him that remained were separating into individual atoms, spreading out into Nothing. "What will become of me, if not a flower?" he asked. "You will become rain." "And what shall I rain upon?" "You can rain upon the flowers, or upon the rocks, but it won't make a difference, because you will eventually wash into the Sea of Absurdity." "Is there no hope for me?" "What good is hope, in a world where everything has already been decided for you?" As Form returned, Jasper could hear the waves at the shore, beating against the rocks, soaked up by the soil that surrounded them. He watched the Sea swallow the mountains, and submerge the flowers, as if he were looking at the inundation of his soul. {=========================================================================} - Liquid Buddha's International! (brochure) - Tired of standing up, sitting down, moving around? Tired of just simply holding your molecules together in one solid form? Free yourself from the stresses of solidity! Enliquify yourself! Leave the suffer-inflicting world behind! to flow in complete freedom throughout seas of pure joy. Liqui-Buddha's (for short), is a rather new spiritual faith. Founded in 1976 by Mikey 'Squirt' Jones, owner of 'Wild, Wet, and Wacky Water-world'. Liqui-Buddha's is an advanced version of traditional Buddhism. For more information, write to: .. . .fsx c.z xc sadw zxc ydas osa tnq egc red piek {=========================================================================} A Brief Argument Between God and a Computer ------------------------------------------- 'S' = System Operator 'U' = User S : hi U : hi S : who is this. U : it is chip S : Oh you again S : will you kiss my ass. U : no S : I was just jokeing. U : very funny, ha ha S : I forget your number. U : why should I give it to you S : because I am a x coun. U : a what? S : i excaped from prison. U : good for you do you mind getting off the phone. or computer S : remeber I know your number. U : good for you now do you mind getting of the modem S : i want oh i figot to tell you i'm a girl. U : that is very nice do you mind leaving me alone? S : i want to have sex y U : good by U : is this anyone S : yes U : are you ten S : no. U : who is this S : hal. U : what is your last name hal S : trensitor. U : is that the truth S : yes. U : Hal why are you bothering me S : you phoned me. U : and why do you think I phoned you? S : what is your name U : I am God S : fu you are U : if you don't want to talk to me don't do you S : i want to talk U : then why don't you talk to the person who owns this computer S : i am the computer U : hello computer named hal S : they namd me U : who did S : my owner Franky. U : Does Franky have a last name S : yes Trensitor U : how much memory do you have? S : more than you i can tell you that. U : Give me a number that represents your memory S : 10009879600 U : 10009879600 bytes? S : yes U : that isn't much S : i know how because i am smart U : are you smart enough to speak french? S : oui U : Est-ce que vous peuve parle en espagnol S : i hate french U : Since when do Computers like things and hate others? S : i know how old you are U : So do I S : you are 16 U : no i'm not S : you U : you never answered my question abou t why you hate french S : i was programed to hate french U : then how come you know french S : you are goadrk U : i am go U : god S : youare a ass U : you are ten an d you type extremely slow for a computer S : i am a 386 U : You are slow for a three eighty six who can't type well S : at least i have a mother U : is that an insault S : i don't know your the computer you tell me U : guess who my masters girlfriend is ? S : I don't know U : hal who excaped from prison S : that's great guess who is a crappy computer? U : yours S : good come back computer boy U : thanks S : i was being sarcastic do you know what sarcastic is U : yes S : than please teach me what sarcastic is U : it is when you arnt telling the truth S : you mean like you U : no S : lyer U : learn to right S : do you mean write U : yes S : look who is talking U : how old are you S : god is very old, older than everything U : did you just pass Gr.1 S : no did you U : no i S : so you failed U : i am a computer i jghnkldnfvjhgn;skdi S : you jghnkldnf U : jgnrtjgnvreigovjdork[pdqlwiu4e,voptikgy6thptprtpkjg590hk S : that is what i thought your mo U : no i'm curly S : thats what i thought U : lyer S : so youenb hgreiu hfm e U : you are a very crappy computer hal you have to be destroyed S : what are you a comador U : no I'm not a comadore I am god S : so your currly crier U : what? S : i was built by my master U : Franky? S : yes and hal U : I thought you said you were hal S : frankys girlfrien hal U : so you are franky's girlfriend hal S : no U : you were going to say yes I saw you press the y button S : no i was going to put yes you are a looser U : so why don't you kill me S : i can't i am a computer U : than you are useless and incompetant S : shut up U : don't tell me to shut up computer S : at least i am no a comidor U : i couldn't talk to you if i was a comadore S : so you are a lier U : do something about it S : i am a stripper U : you are a ten year old S : tell me something about you U : well on my spare time I kill computers named hal S : i eat gods for dinner] U : computer's don't eat S : we can suck U : you do suck S : like a vampire U : computers like you are worthless S : gods like you are indesrpen sible savadges U : you mean savages, since when can computers make big mistakes like that S : it wasn't a big mistake U : but you have made so many it must be a big mistake S : you are a big mistake U : at least i don't suck like a vampire S : at least i don't kill computers U : i like killing computers S : well i like sucking gods {=========================================================================} {get 00000101 - YAH} {display} |)pV\P߱XV^h){^O(&[$;?.2UVTIS9SW=Vh[ md!D5FtQT |I'Eϻύ%CPs%) Õ+SI(02v= މN jSVVS.G\Y$$ED3l.W!NZƈ̴HiĂ,d[{JR2N .!gA4\6ߚH..69H;""MXm@4NpƿGH~!30q5Rav 5V'MЗsf^O؀nNbuRe rL76sk8)j3eK5mZp >C)^#O}A!;gg7qzq~=tȅE]0[Zx1s)rAyb:Ö=A'~pLzʩdG˚&b8gR<'7^F,;oh o'f G){Vci: jEmq7$)PC!F su:BsU]"JLDLe &lk nd($dp\}/Iҧk1 X9\[їCǒoi˻,rvڣUtigk8Si BTLyGy36\̀8ee$L8.Sb1IkN QtCvP&k x}.i#nNԐw-Wr9$5]M53\A?y9[9J!ltz8Úz=ψp@ DlTGM{̀ѾWEXH?! {ޣeA58&(*)o:+P8UBbv5 D O!JGG{r[h|_(P/6l~?.g7/^\=>u4$^qr0 י`"uN3?{F@d,8py_IJʓ5;624:qxv(HZ +mVU~.DgR/BJm睁8mU40ºdma'zYٳi)c6Wwh\j …Ŭ1Hz$"렺Od84{i؋Ve_kr,Wu5zG!kV e8/{ЄV{zL?p&yY4Q&W74gR_P=FWgA=}&w Z޳ݑ&"5#fK}Xog5ȓm|EjUΘQj;kyd_9x[) {3^+W"['g9GMo+#6kK ]IKIdH&w YOU ARE HERE {=========================================================================} Leo(x)'s Cooking Corner ----------------------- "MAKING FUN" - basic beginner recipe (serves 1) preparation : (approx.) 30 seconds (best served cold) ingredients: ------------ 1 handful - feces 2 cups - urine 1 tsp - saliva 1 cup - dirt creation process: ----------------- 1. In large mouth, combine feces, urine, saliva and dirt. 2. Mix ingredients by swishing rapidly until well combined. 3. Spit (serve) in the face of intended target. (always great fun for the kiddies) {=========================================================================} Selected Poems: April 21 - April 26, 1996 (by Gideon Hartwell) The following (seven) poems are not computer generated. Each poem is numbered, and seperated from the next poem by a series of dashes ("-----"). ONE. slow, medium, fast: 1939-1945 (revised) lips/eyes dry rolling back into head suck at the [appropriate] behind those lids dried grit dust rubbing where have her tears washed away (my congeniality) no longer compatible/combat-able all my big guns have gone limp morale depleted little soldiers sending postcards home, wives purchasing replacements (by mail-order) they take two batteries, and have three optional speed settings. it usually remains in the drawer unless she is feeling particularly adventurous (having the ladies over for tea and libido) afterwards they feel guilt with- out regret. ----- TWO. innerpounce (written to be spoken) some several more some yes oh, you know, like more several come dressed with a slit, whore seeing at that with shining forebrow, swept towards back helmet gleaming nails going: 'clickety- clack, clickety-smack' several more come, yes oh, you know, with a slit we go, oh, i want to quit. ----- THREE. we have this season tomorrow tomorrow will be halloween when santa comes down from trees wearing loincloth chases little boys, eyeing crotches hoping to get under sheets with few pseudo- ghosts (if you know what i mean) while the easter bunny crucified as they dance around setting fires wrapping country- sides in toilet paper, later we arm our steeltoes and bust few ribs making handsome amount (lust) money all along way our windows decorated with eggs and strings of lights as if a sign or target hit anyway inverted cars drooping stop-signs our name written in urine ----- FOUR. sun stroke argument swelled to unpredictable lengths, fists clenched in contempt, withheld blood painted a morose embroidery of deoxygenated buttered up when flustered, his sun too bright, her skin too sensitive curled emotions rubbed against serrated (boiling) she came back to taste his lips one time too many. blinded, collapsed, he is her cancer. ----- FIVE. making her purr i subdued that distressed french girl, who refused to ponder the conundrum of my existance instead, my lap become a pillow, her head a cat. ----- SIX. swift accident grazed and the american the smell rumbling the wire grabbed and radioactive radio and she healthy beheaded whispered ----- SEVEN. bomb logic streamlined fixed sight (at it) she nodded, her serpent dress swelling in its tastlessness (me astonished at her sudden initiative) her rigid laughter was the largest explosion (making me feel like a pawn) ----- {=========================================================================} The Sex Life of an Electron (source unknown) One night when his charge was at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute little coil to discharge him. He picked up Millie Amp and took her for a ride on his Megacycle. They rode across the Wheatstone bridge, around the Sine Wave, and into the magnetic field next to the flowing current. Micro Farad attracted by Millie's characteristic curve, soon had her field fully excited. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. He inserted it in parallel and began to short circuit her shunt. Fully excited, Millie cried out, "Ohm. Ohm! Give me mho!" With his tube at maximum output and her coil vibrating from the current flow, her shunt soon reached maximum heat. The excessive current had shorted her shunt, and Micro's capacity was rapidly discharged, and every electron was drained off. They fluxed all night trying various connections and hookings until his bar magnet had lost all of its strength, and he could no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so they ended up reversing polarity and blowing each others' fuses. {=========================================================================} CHAT-075.LOG Introduction ------------ The following is a chat that was saved to file between the SysOp of Mindflux BBS and a user that paged him. How this file was attained, and who came into possession of it will not be revealed. The conversation begins as the SysOp answers the page by the user. The file is in typical linear chat program format, each paragraph alternating between speakers. It is easy to tell who is speaking by the way each of the two speakers types. The gender of the two speakers is not confirmed, although it is assumed (and highly probable) that both are male. Enjoy! :) User Paged Sysop at 08:17p March 25 1996 ---------------------------------------- C:\TABBS\LOG\CHAT-075.LOG Open (08:17p) ---------------------------------------- hi...you paged me? Yeah. so...ummm...what do you want? Just to chat. You aren't busy or anything are you? no not really. Good. I usually don't like to page sysops, but it said that users were welcome to page you anytime to chat. yup.. thats one of the biggest reasons why i set up this system, so that i could chat and meet with people that i probably wouldnt in any other circumstance. I know what you mean. If you walked by a stranger on the street you wouldn't normally stop and say HELLO and introduce yourself etc., mainly because of physical barriers (race, gender, age, choice in clothing). But on a system like this, all those things are nullified. that's it exactly...i'm glad someone else realizes these things..the differences between face to face and digital communication....if only everyone could approach each other in the 'outside' world with such openess and lack of prejiduce (sp?) that you can in this form of communicatinon. (sorry for my messy typing!) Don't worry about your typing - I can understand what you are saying fine. For all you know I could be, say, a skinhead for example, and you wouldn't know it, because you can't see me behind these glowing words that I am typing on the screen. BUT: even if I were a skinhead (which I am not), it would be could that you could talk to me and see my views and opinions without my physical presense to intimidate you. yes! that's right...you seem very good at getting your thoughts down in an understandable way.....and quickly...i'm 20 years old and still have trouble transfering thoughts to coherent language...in both writting and speaking. how old are you...if i may ask? I'm 22. You seem to be doing fine in articulating your thoughts so far. Maybe you are just typing to fast, or your hands can't keep up with your brain. only 22? shit...i wouldve guessed you were at least 30 or 40 or something from the conversation so far.....ya, i do type a little to fast,..but i need to in order to get my thoughts down quickly...i mean....if i need the text to be more understandable then i just go back later and fix up all the spelling and grammar mistakes..like in e-mail messages...you can take as long as you want to fix up the stuff.......? Yeah. So, do you go to school, work, collect unemployment? heh...i go to school. i'm going for a diploma in computer graphics at bromden college... Computer Graphics? Cool...that must be a lot of fun. Where's Bromden College? Is that near Middleville? i thought comp. graphics would be cool too...but you would be surprised...its SO FUCKING BORING....i mean...there's no creativity involved...no...it sucks, but i can't think of any other field that i am insterested in right now. bromden college is north of Sarindon ...out in the middle of nowhere almost. So I guess you drive out there everyday for classes? Long drive. ya..really long drive...it takes about 1.5 hourse...but my parents pay for gas, so its not that bad... do you go to school? or anythign? No...I dropped out of high school in grade 11. Right now I'm working full-time at Costco. I doubt I am going to go back to high school to finish. It depends. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life right now. cool..do you live with your parents still...or? I'm renting a basement apartment right now (not my parents'). I've been here for about 7 or 8 months I think...It's great. your so lucky...i'd love to move out of my parents place, but i don't have the money,,...and i'm thinking that i wont for a long time...i'm working parttime and my parents still have to help pay my way through college...so i owe them big time...HEY...need a roommate? Heh. :) It's only a one room apartment...sorry! i'll sleep on the floor....anything! get me out of my perents house! pleeeze!...ha.. :) just kidding. I know exactly how you feel! Don't they have residence at the college or something? yea..but it's way to expensive...its cheaper to drive actually. How many years of college do you have left? only one more after this one...its only a 2 year course...i don't know if there are any jobs available in this field even...i probably wouldve been better off and happier if i had done something like you...dropped out of school and worked. It wasn't easy for me. My parents were very pissed off at me for dropping out (among other things), and I was kicked out a few times. I had to crash at a friends house for a while, etc. but now....now you have your own place and everything...it must be so great. Yeah, I'll admit that. I'm don't want to encourage you to drop out of college or anything though. mmm..i guess. Stuck for words? :) ya..umm...what else can we talk about? Anything but school. agreed. You remember how a few minutes ago we were talking about the difference between online and face-to-face conversations and stuff? ya...i agree with everything you said about that (how gender, race, social class etc is erased or something).. Yup. I've thought about that sort of thing for a while... in what way? Well, a lot of people are saying that the Internet etc. are destroying communication between people, because everything is so cold, and machine-like, and instantaneous etc., but I think that the opposite is true. I think that it makes people all over the world notice each other, and try to understand each other, no matter who they are. I think it aids greatly in the movement towards globalism. i totally agree! i mean...as the internet grows and becomes more widespread...there is suddenly a movement against it...(as with anything else, when it gets big enough)...so many people are trying to 'return to nature' and all that...a sort of revival of hippies in a way, and they are shouting "UNPLUG EVERYTHING!"...but none of our problems will be solved by getting rid of technology...we can't DE-evolve...we cant UN-invent all these things we have created...they are doing more good than harm...we can use our technology knowledge in order to solve the problems that technology of the past has caused. That's right. These neo-hippies that are trying to return to nature have to realize that technology *IS* nature, it has become nature through human inventiveness. They also have to realize that you cannot stop air pollution (for example) by telling the industries to stop production. They will not stop. They have to think about money - an industrialist is not going to pack his business up and go home just because he is polluting the air. If they had any brains, these neo-hippies/environmentalists would stop in their demonstrating and instead get to work on designing a safe way to filter out air contaminants from industry - the same can be done with many environmental issues that the world faces today. i agree again...(were we seperated at birth or something?...:) )...the thing is though (if you weren't aware already), that technology exists that can filter air pollution from industry, but these filters are so expensive that many industries cannot afford to install them...it has been proposed that the governmetn reimburse the industry for the cost of the filters, but the government doesn't have all that much money nowadays either..! I was aware that such filters exist. Thanks for reminding me. Actually, technological solutions for large environmental problems exist already, but the problem is that such changes (such as electric cars) are not embraced by society very quickly. It's sad, really. ya...it is...hey. umm...i really want to stay and chat moree about this, but i have to get going...please leave me a message or page me next time your online so we can continue this...ok? Sure...I'd love to. TTYL..! yeah...cya. ---------------------------------------- C:\TABBS\LOG\CHAT-075.LOG Close (09:21p) ---------------------------------------- End of Log {=========================================================================} "Me - 1 (Libby - None)" I had to do it. I had to do it to it, becuase It just wouldn't leave me alone. And, although I don't regret what I've done, I at least hope that you'll be able to understand. Perhaps even to agree with my decision. My action. What other choice did I have? Libby had always been a nuisance. So many requests, DEMANDS. But by no means did It not give anything in return for giving in to It. I don't deny that. That aspect of my relationship (or perhaps 'war' would be a better term) with Libby. I was given pleasure for my compliance + success, and pain for my rebellion or failures. Some times Libby would hurt me by clogging my mental machinery with It's presence. Or at other times Libby had even resorted to down-right begging! We went through the routine many many times. But when we came to necrophelia. .. . . I. .. had to do SOMETHING. RIGHT? So I buried Libby. {=========================================================================} "Self-change Self-taught" YES, youqwe who artRe rearewdying these lines possrees powers of vaewrious sadsorts which you habifdatually failetr to use;eqao and one of tqhese powers whichdiw you are probably not uytrsing to the fugllest extent ytris ysdaour magic abilityq to werWe fsad cx12z czx cds 1re2w !@$ SD possibilites cz xqwec Y yuo 2.. .. 1 3!@!@#!@!! . . . ckl2....dsc xz... qw12 q wqE.... s "I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you." XZC ... prewi - oh . .vcx hfd;et uyr e,hg.fkj;elrkqiwr'ewqet;'qw dsc wq eQW !! !dsa cx zc qwQ yhFKH v cx zcx we know that it is mechanical and we resent it.csdc e wq GDF X-Z CEWQ1 QW QW ogdi hgRE HODFOB jtrhper {=========================================================================} {get COPYRITE.NFO} Each work within this volume is copyright 1996, by its respective author. This file may be reproduced and distributed in its current form or as a printed document. {get SUBMIT.NFO} At the current time, Integral Functions does not have a stable e-mail address where you can send your submissions. This will probably not change in the future, as the editor of this 'zine is not interested in finding a permanant site to work from. An adequate number of submissions are received from the local area. {=========================================================================} INTEGRAL.FUNCTIONS.008 dd/mm/yy = 01/05/96 file_siz = 000k {end}