s$ .d""b. impulse reality press no. 194 [-- $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------------------ --] $$ $$ "Insomnia, My Suicide." $$ $$ written by linear $$ $$ released 5/27/02 [-- $$ $$ ------ ------------------------------------------------------ --] My plan was to force myself into insomnia. All my favorite anti- heroes possessed disabilities, and I was jealous. Insomnia sounded good. Complete lack of sleep would help me in every aspect of my life. I was a good 40 pounds underweight. If I stayed awake, I could eat more. Insomnia would be my weight gain formula. Creatively, I was running dry. If I didn't sleep, I'd have more time to write, along with very surreal and abstract thoughts as a result of existing in a constantly awaken haze. Insomnia would be my aesthetic. I was depressed. Most people sleep a lot when they're depressed. They wake up, they find they're depressed, they go back to sleep to forget their problems. Their problems don't go away. There they are again when they wake up. I figured if I failed to sleep for a few nights, I would get all my thoughts out, and by purging my thoughts, I would drain away all depression. Insomnia would be my Prozac. In a sense, I would be driving myself to insanity. Intentionally. I figured it would be a good experience for me. All this would be accomplished. I'd be free. And all without the aid of any drugs. Neat. I wanted to be insane, but only temporarily. Once the novelty of instability wore off, I could always just go back to sleep. Everything would be better. Insomnia would be my suicide. If only temporary. It was a brilliant plan, and no one appreciated it. Only I saw the beauty. Life's like that sometimes, I suppose. I smiled to myself as I acknowledged the fact that this was the beginning of my self-induced destruction. Hooray. So, basically, what happened was I fell asleep. [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] the clever thing to do here would be to put some sort of copyright. no. http://www.phonelosers.net/ir [-------------------------------------------------------------------------]