[number5] _____ _____ ____| |____ ____________| |____ | | | |_______| | | | | | _| | | | |: | | | |_ | | _ | |: | |: | | | _ | | |: | |: | |: | | | |: | | |: | |: | |: | | | |: | |___|: |_______|_______|___| | |___| ====== |___| === == = = ==== |___|___| ====== b E L I A L ' S ' k L U N K ' z I N E ! . . %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% (gh@trank95) -----( welcome to kLUNK number 5 (belial) A few things to note this issue. First of all, for now on kLUNK is going to be released monthly, or whenever I feel I have enough work for it to be released. This issue was really hard to get out. I wanted to release it on the first of this month but I couldn't because I didn't have enough work. This was partly my fault, I didn't have time to do anything myself. I also had a lot of stuff, and I still do, for school, which is keeping my production rate down quite a bit. I can't even read the book I want to because I _HAVE_ to read some book for my history class. I would normally be pissed off, but this is a biography of Aberaham Lincoln and it happens to be very good. On a very sad note, my first distro site, aneurysm has gone down. I don't know if it is going to go back up, but if it does it will still be a kLUNK distro site. Replacing Aneurysm as kLUNK distro site is one of my old favorite boards that went down and is very soon to be back up again, The North Star. This is an excellent board and I warmly welcome it into my little kLUNK family. Also, I would like to thank The North Star's sysop, Grey Hawk, for the great header he did for this issue of kLUNK. I also have to apologize to edicius and jonas for a stupid blunder in kLUNK 4. I inadverdantly ripped a line from jonas, the one about kLUNK being a lifestyle. I didn't know it at the time, but it was already a quote in jonas, so, i'm sorry. No offense ment at all. I know you are all waiting to hear the punch-line of the worlds lamest joke, but you are going to have to wait. Well, until the end of the issue anyway. Believe me, this joke is really lame. As for witty quotes this issue, well, mogel blessed us with these two fine quotes. As for rattle, he just sat there, he was stunned I think. uhm. heh. thanx mogel. - ---+--) Something happened on irc a few weeks ago that I felt couldn't be left out of this issue. It was: Sun Sep 24 23:36:21 EDT 1995 I call it 'the day of irc anarkey!@' and it was all started by these very intelligent, yet highly silly people, on a silly little channel called #zines. b0nfire, mogel, w4ddl3 (rattle), kurdt, hal08, belial, lucifer, and someone who went with the nick, fu, sorry I forget what your full handle was. This is what happened. We were all goofing off, that is pretty much normal, but soon, soon, it just got totally w31rD!@ Someone switched their handle to someone who wasn't there. Then, everyone took everyone elses handle and that started the anarkey. From there it went nuts, people from lowly conservative channels would enter and been stunned only to leave seconds later confused and in need of help. People would go nuts and crazy, it truly was irc anarkey!@ Then mogel, inspired by the nick of the infamous black francis, made everyone switch their nicks like bF would have his, loser case then upper case. This was k-k00ky, silly even. it looked a bit like this: b0,fU,kT,lF,mG,bL,w4ddl3 <- spoil sport, he was amazed by the shear sillyness that was going on!@ It truly was anarkey up to 3 in the morning when all of us either passed out or died at the keyboard. and that was 'the day of irc anarkey!@' There have been several other nights of k00kyness but none have equalled the might of that night. A night to remember. Oh yea, guess what everyone. I have the biggest and greatest collection of Jenny McCarthy gif/jpg's known to man. Phear it, and if anyone has any more feel free to send them my way. If you happen to have any Heather Nova pictures laying around, send them also, she is hot. =) How come almost every 'zine you see is full of angsty stuff. I have no angst, I have no reason to be. I live a pretty decent life. And I'm sure that if your family or you, own a computer, then you probably live a decent life also. I don't understand why it's basically the rich kids who complain that they are so full of angst. Rich and intellingent people are weird, stay away from me freak. Concerning this issue of kLUNK I would love to thank edicius for a great article, and for his support with kLUNK. His article is probably the only reason why I am releasing kLUNK right now, because until he gave me that, I didn't have enough stuff to release. So if more people would like to do stuff for kLUNK just get in touch with me. I accept basically anything, except stuff related directly to the ansi scene. As much as I like the ansi scene, I think ansi scene stuff should be in ansi scene related 'zines. I also would like to thank b0nfire for a terrific poem, and hal08 for his contribution, I don't know what to call it, just read it, you'll understand. hehe. Well, I hope you enjoy this issue of kLUNK, I think it is a very good issue and look forward to some responce from you all. -----( members and sites editor - belial (email: belial@crow.cybercomm.net) contributors: b0nfire (poem) hal08 (article) grey hawk (header) edicius (article) - klunk world headquartez - (avalon 908.739.4274) - klunk distro sites! - (alderAAn 908.224.8780 / the north star 908.264.5042) -----( kLUNK would like to greet mogel, rattle, edicius, oeb, hal08, b0nfire, kurdt, hooch grey hawk, and dto -----( article 1 ) "america on-lame?" by, edicius [-- - -+- - --] "you have mail!" "whoa, how'd you do that?" "simple, its america on-line's special software. its simple and easy to use even for the inexperienced computer user!" "wow, thats keen." -----] why is it, that once a person goes on america on-line, they consider themselves an "experienced computer user"? there's some kids in my school, that live for america on-line, and they think that they are god's gifts to a computer. when a teacher asks for help concering a computer, they are the first ones to offer help. granted, compared to the teachers, they know _alot_ more, but still, c'mon. oh; i rarely get up to offer assistance to my teachers, mainly because i don't like 'em very much. :)... anyway; recently, a friend of mine just started log'n onto aol. he asks one of the kids that knows 'alot' about computers for help on there, and the kid basically replies with, "ok; now, go to the private room selection menu, and type in 'GIF', if thats full, type 'GIF2'." yeeck. granted, i don't mind getting a few .gif's here and there. (ok, so, i don't mind getting it alot, but thats besides the point :)...) but these kids live for .gif's. at least when i make fake accounts on aol, i use it to check out their weather map libraries, which are pathethic. i could run a better weather provider on the 'net then they could. ALL THESE KIDS KNOW HOW TO FUCKIN' DO IS GET GIF'S. (and we wonder why the media gives computer geeks a bad reputation. it isn't the diehard computer user, like you and i, that are spreading the porn and doing stupid things; its the lame asses who go on aol thinking they are god. lets keep going, before i need my valium. most of the people on aol are lame; its a fact. out of the two million people on america on-line, 80% of them couldn't have seriously touched a computer before they went on aol. (that is, 80% of the people who actually pay for aol. personally, i make fake accounts on there to harass people, try to get credit cards, and check out the warther section. then again, i haven't been on aol in 6 months.) want some examples on why america on-line people are truely lost? ----] [nj5.injersey.com] tin TIN NEWSGROUP READER - COPYRIGHT 1994 TIN INC. Updating newsgroup alt.2600 128 new messages Updating newsgroup alt.sex.stories 912 new messages. Updating newsgroup rec.stories.erotica 22 new messages. Updating newsgroup alt.fan.cult-dead-cow 348 new messages. Updating newsgroup alt.music.frank-black 1932 new messages. Delete bogus newsgroup alt.sex.masturbation.jonas ? [y/n] Entering alt.2600 Message 261 of 389 subject: teach me! from: frankIE@aol.com (frankIE) date: 12 jan 1995 13:23:59 -0400 message-id: <3m743$10@newsb9.news.aol.com> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hey dewdz. i wanna know how to phreak. tell me about all the reall k00l stuff. what is a bluw box? does it still work? i heard it gives you phree cokes from a soda machine. pleeze tell me. frankie. % skip Entering alt.sex.stories Message 12389 of 74191 subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: 100 sites with great pictures found! from FIREWATCH@aol.com (FIREWATCH) posted to: mdsa0031@giant.mit.edu date: 31 jan 1995 08:30:19 -0500 message-id: <3q3l3q$1kds@newsbf01.news.aol.com> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >>> eMiT (eMiT@aol.com) wrote: >>> >>> I have a list of 100 sites with _great_ porn. _EMAIL_ me for more >>> information. DON'T post to this newsgroup, EMAIL ME. >>> >> send me the list pleze. i want porn. >> > urge. HE SAID EMAIL YOU FUCKIN' IDIOT. jeezus. is everyone on aol this > lame? > noo. i uze aol becuse its suc h a great price,. i am not lame. ps; can i have the list please? % next Message 12390 of 74191 subject: re: I HAVE THE CHRYL CROW NUDE PIC! from: iMAgEKiD@aol.com (iMAgEKiD) posted to: aj@cyberspace.com date: 02 feb 1995 19:10:23 -0500 message-id: <41dja9$1ce@newsbf02.news.aol.com> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- send me the pic imagekid@aol.com % quit -----] ok, maybe some of that was exagerated, but you get the point. aol is nothing more then a bunch of people who don't know much about computers. not to mention a giant rip off. aol is glamorized because of its 'ease to use', allowing people to use computers without learning anything else. then, they think they are a big computer expert because they can point and click their way into the 'infobahn'. if you've ever have seen "MTV Yack Live", all it shows, is a bunch of kids with no taste in music, professing their love to 'MTVixxen', showing how much they love nirvana and green day, and saying "Hhello to my friends KARI and DAVE in franklin WV!!!" anyway; america on-line is sad, very sad. of all the major on-line services, it is one of the worst, in my opinion. compuserve, prodigy and netcom (getting there), are all bad, but aol is _real_ bad. just about the _only_ thing aol _is_ good for, is getting free computer diskettes. shrug. its my opinion, if you don't like it, buhbye. this has been a klunk production. -----( poetry 1 ) "untitled" by, b0nfire i'm just a young teen sleeping at night; With my blanket held close i will sleep tight; but what do i hear scurrying apon the floor?; and now there's something knocking at the door; please show your face whoever you are!; i know there's something not quite up to par; i look over my covers and under the bed; i see a little devil, colored bright red; i say Mr.Devil, what do you need?; He said your soul, encased with greed; greedy? baw, that could never be me; he said with delight look hard and you'll see!; so he showed me with great powers my deep, inner soul; and i peered in disbelief at what was black as coal!; i said how is this? how could it be mine?; he said you consider the bud leaf a national shrine; is that so bad? do i need to change my ways?; of coarse not my boy, unless you want to see happier days..; happier days, is there such a thing?; doesn't "acid" have a familiar ring?; acid i say, now that's a trip!; yes, a tab of that and you'll start to flip!; thanks Mr.Devil, your lesson was good! yes my boy, now sleep like you should; i got under my covers, and turned out the light with a flick; and heard my door shut with a slight metallic click. -----( article 2 ) "God Loves Me" by, hal08 I used to think that I was loved. I get stabbed in the back, shot in the face. If only I was a hip. I just wish I could live among the flowers. I've decided the meaning of life, but wrote it in my fruit loops. My dog ate my teacher because she was asking for homework, and my principal bestality got the best of him during bio. I have a tendency to freak out, jump in puddles, kiss the rain. I can dance in water, I can ignite the fire, but i can't burn out the flame. I will live forever until I die. But this story has yet to have an ending. Perverse and portrayed, loved and denied. I could write poetry, include words like "Hate, Life, Death" and say I'm angsty. That I walk in black and enjoy killing myself, pain feels good. Yippie, I can talk to dogs, I can make love to trash cans, I can swim nude in leisure village. As my god given right I can run through the streets yelling politically correct. This is babble not a lit nor poetry, mindless babble that I call text art. -----( Goodbye! (belial) Thus ends kLUNK issue number 5. I apologize for not doing an article myself in this issue, but as I said, I have been really busy lately. Now, as I promised the punch-line to the lamest joke conceivable to man. klunk4> There is a cow, a pig, and a martian. They all walk into the sub klunk4> shop. The pig goes moo, the cow goes oink, and the martian goes klunk4> @)$(*. Ok, so they ask for the butcher. He walks in and says... The goat lies! Now that had to be the lamest joke ever. That totally sucked. I know your saying 'huh, I don't get it' well good, there is nothing to get, that is why it's so lame. =) Well, that is the end. I don't really have anything to add, except once again thanking everyone who contributed and helped to get this issue out. I really appreciate it. Oh and this: 908 r00lz the world if there are any who doubt me then go eat d00d00. And if you are in a wild search for _GREAT_ text files then just give avalon a call, thanx to edi I am now majorly stocked with text file galore@!# Also, I am in very bad need of a courier, someone to call up the ld boards and someone to stock the internet with kLUNK, so if you are interestd then email me. thanx. bye everyone and get back to me with some responce. [end]