'ZiNe Fer ThoSe wHo KhaN DreZZ PH0R eLiTeNeSS 'n' GHeT 0-DaY CHiX ------ ----- ---- --- -- - K0mPiLeD PHRuM MaNY S0uRCez By: Panther Modern ---- --- -- - -- --- ---- --- -- - -- --- ---- iSSuE #5 <----- (K00L) @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@ VieWz @@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Okay, kidz. This is getting out of hand. You warez are getting old, while you slackers sit there playing dewm II. Put down that joystick! Pick up that keyboard, turn on the modem, and peddle the 0-day! Even 1-day is better than what's been happening! I was on a board today, and I saw a 3-day ware on there. How can any self-respecting warez trader let himself get so out of hand that he actually allows 3-day to get past his comm port? I know that *I*, for one, invested, and bought a comm port locking utility that calls up the sekret 0-day underground new releases board, checks for new warez, and only those are allowed through for the day. Why don't you all invest like me, so that you don't have to peddle the old warez? In this issue, not only will you be told exactly how to build and use the device, but in a separate file, you will find our gnu elite ansi, proclaiming KRAD's eliteness over all the other Denver ELiTE 'zines! Also in this issue! Board ratings! And other kraddie stuff! Get ready, coz this is issue number five, the long awaited, the krad. Krad 'zine and it's kompilerz do not always agree with what the writers say in there artikles, but we usually do. So phuq you if you don't like it, k? Have phun, kidz. And NEVER take off yer bloodstained jeans. And without further ado, a special KRAD thanx to Phantax for the eliteness of the enclosed ansi! It'z too spacial for werds. And this just in, too! We have a KRAD DiSTR0 SyTE HQ which is Realm Of Chaos BBS. They get -3 day as a rule, and are a very krad b0rd! Also, look later in this 'zine for the OWANW! applikation! ------------ )__(--)__( KING ELITE PRESENTS ----- Building An ELiTE PHiLTER ----- King ELiTE here. I've been working in the electronikz scene fer a long time now, and I know it real good. But mostly, I like to get 0-day warez, 'n' stuff, on my kewlio board, called "The Kewlio Board For 0-day warez!" But anyway, one day I was peddling warez when I noticed a big problem! A 4 day ware managed to find its way on to my board, and I faced social outcast amongst my peers in the -1 day scene! What was I to do? I cried, and cried, but to no avail. The 4-day ware was still there when I opened my eyes again! I just didn't know what to do. I couldn't figure out HOW a 4-day ware could possibly get through, but I vowed never to let it happen again. So was born the ELiTE PHiLTER! By utilizing the secret SPA BBS, and finding out what all the new warez are at midnight every night, and only letting those through to the modem for the day, the ELiTE PHiLTER controls the warez that come in! It's all automatic, and very easy to build! If you can pick up a soldering iron, you can build this thing! Step 1: Trip to Radio Shack Go to Radio Shack, and buy all of this stuff: L1-L6 6 Bright Red LEDs S1,S2 2 8 ohm speakers R1-R6 6 10k resistors R7-R8 2 100k resistors C1-C7 7 10 uf electrolytic capacitors C8-C10 3 4.7 uf electrolytic capacitors C11-C15 5 .01 uf ceramic capacitors Step 2: Build This Thing!: TO MODEM | | -|+-------C1----C2----C3----C4----C5----C6----C7--S2--C10--| |-C9------| TO WALL | | -|--------S1-C11-| |--R7----C12- | | | | | TO PHONELINE |-R1-| R2-| R3-| R4-| R5-| R6-| R8 | | | | | | | | | | | | L1-- L2-- L3-| L4-| L5-| L6--C8 I hope the schematics aren't too hard to follow.. I don't think they are very difficult. Anyway, once you build it, first plug it in between the phoneline and your modem. When you are ready, plug it in to the wall, and as soon as warez start coming in, it will begin working! Here's how it works. When S1 beeps real loud, that means a >2 day ware is coming in. It will automatically cancel the ware. When S2 beeps, it means that good quality warez are coming down the line, and then you should refer to L1-L6. L1 is a -4 day ware, L2 is -3, all the way down to L6 which is a 1 day ware when it lights up! Easy! Warning: Only plug the device in when the computer is turned on, to avoid problems. Now that you have this device, you'll never get another old ware again! Have fun! --------------- @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@KewLiO BeeBeeEsses @@@@@ Ratings 'n' Stuph By: Testicular Erektion[303] I saw that there wuz no real good BBS list for 303 that rated all the 0-day boards, so I made my own. Here it is. Have phun. Eye won't put the numbers, coz some of them are sekret b0rds! Ratings are in days. The less days, the kewler! Phormat: B0rd Name Rating Comments! --------- -------- --------- -------- ---------- ---------- --------- Kewl Jungle -10 day This bord is way kool, w/ TradeWars Online gamez, 'n' stuph! kall it! Lair of The Baboon -1 day Great bord for discussion on how to have sex with another man. Definately very kewl. Forsythes Dungeon 40 day This bord sux, and they get no good warez anyway. Don't call. We Have No Warez -5 day This is a kewl board, with -6 day warez, and is very elite. ALso, the fedz will never catch on, coz just from the name, you can tell there are no warez. K00lio Bord 1 day This fewl stole part of the name of this 'zine! Fuq him! Haq his bord, if ewe'r a haqur, and tell him that he sucks. Wait. If you're a haqur, you shouldn't be reading this! Go away! This 'zine is only for elite Warez Tradeurz! Mr. Ed'z B0rd -1 day This is a neeto b0rd, coz mainly they have piccies of women fuqing horses. R0C [Really Obnoxious Cripples] 900 day This b0rd has no waerz, and really sux! Ghost-Time 250 day Eye hate this board, coz they think that they're neeto or something. Real Utopia 104 day This board is okay if you like old warez. I saw my favorite TRS-80 game on here! Warez Haven -500 day This board has the best warez in town, by far! Total warez, and is elite 'n' kewl! Well, that's version 1.0 of the really elite BBS list. Watch for more BBS lists in the future, so that it'll be really elite and krad. ----------------- $$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$ How to make phriends $$$$$ With The Police $$$$$$$ By: Sergent McGruff You've probably seen many Police around somewhere before, cause they usually hang out in places. Anyway, they're not too nice to most people, cause they don't like them too much. Especially if you're a 0-day warez trader. They can tell, cause of your bloodstained jeans, that you are 0-day, so they like to harass you, and make fun of you, and yell "Hey 0-day!" and stuff like that. Well, usually this would be okay, but what if you need them to help you, like if you get stuck in a door, or can't get over to McDonalds and need a ride one day? This is how you can do it. What you have to do is be kewlio phriends with the kopz! They'll help you then, and it's all for a real small deposit! First, go to the bank and get $300 in 20's. Next, get in your car. If you don't have a car, I'll tell you how to do it without one in a few minutes. Once you're in your car, start driving around town at about 100-110 miles an hour. If your car can't go that fast, then you'll have to resort to plan 2, which I'll show in a minute. Anyway, soon, a cop will come to you. What you have to do is, as he's walking up to the car, open a bottle of beer, and hand it to him when he gets to the car. He'll start telling you things, but just laugh at him, and say "how 'bout if I give you THIS" and then hand him the $300. He'll probably be really nice to you then, cause they usually are. Plan 2, on the other hand, is slightly different. What you have to do is, you have to walk around, or get on your bike, or if you've been an elite kourrier for a year or more, roll around town. When you see a kop, yell at him, and throw rocks at him until he comes over to you. Once he does, give him the bills, and then he'll be really nice to you, cause they usually are. Once you have completed either plan one or plan two, you can call up the cop any time, and yell at him, and ask him to do something for you. For instance, this guy wuz stealing warez from me one day, so I had the cop go shoot him! It was kewlio, and he even took me through the McDonalds drive thru on the way home. I love cops. --------------- ================= Application for Membership-- OWANW! ================= If you want to join, email this to Panther Modern and you can join. Handle: How old is your newest 0-day? 10/TEN! What is an aluminum can made out of? What is your position on prostitution? Do you have a big hard drive? Is it full of warez? Name the kewlist b0rd you call. Are you wearing a pair of bloodstained jeans? Do you use the KRAD Skreen Savour? Do you use the ELiTE PHiLTER? What position are you applying for? (Krakeur, Kourrier, etc) Why are you applying to OWANW!? -- Mail Completed to Panther Modern. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ W0w. aNoTH3r iSSu3 PhiNiSHeD. WHaT WiLl DaH' N3iGHb0Rz SaY? HeLLo. K0nTRiBUt3 T0 KRAD. B3 eLiT3. W3 Ar3 DaH B3St. K00LiO. iPH eW3 WaNT T0 JoiN KRaD or OWANW!, D3n' SeND SuM M4iL t0 PaNTH3r M0D3rN oN KeWl B0rDz. -- Panther Modern Editor of Editors