____
                /'    `\ __
                \      /'  `\_______ ________ _______ ______
                 )    (      \    _ `\       `\      `\    (`\
                /             )  _____)\   \   )   -   )      )
               (_____________/_______/__)___)_/_______/__)___/h8

                            lemon magazine issue #3

                       "kill the kids.  keep the germs."

                                 in this issue
                              keen stuff from juke

::[obsidian's editorial]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

aren't those lemon bars tasty???  well, bake up a pan of em and sit back and
enjoy this issue.  finally, juke is back and wrote for lemon, despite the fact
that he's exhausted due to the fact that he works all night.  juke has actually
been with lemon since its beginning, but has been legitimately busy, and hasn't
been able to do much, something which i give him a hard time about...anyway,
he's bringing his own unique point of view to y'all in this issue, which is all
his own.  so check it out, aight.

::[art history]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

       Paul the art deprived: So Paul, who's your favorite artist?
       Joan the art teacher: Uh . . . i dunno.
       Paul the art deprived: You gotta like someone's work!?
       Joan the art teacher: uH... Jim Lee... he's cool.

For the last two summers I have gone to an art school for high school
students here in Illinois. The students that come here are supposed to
represent the _elite_ of the high school art world in Illinois. The people who
really know what they are doing. I am not saying that I can judge who is good
at art or what not. No one can do that. This little rant has nothing to do with
that. The problem here is shown at the top of this t-file. What the problem
here is that the people who are supposed to represent to art in world in the
future don't know who represented their past. When someone that is supposed to
know something about art says that his favorite artist of all-time is Jim Lee,
a comic book artist, and doesn't even know who Dali or Van Gogh is, there is a
problem. I'm not going to go to in depth here, but something needs to be done.
At my high school, the teachers sigh when they have to teach art history. The
key word there is HAVE. Most high school art teachers would not teach art
history if they had a choice. If any of you reading this think you're an
artist, or even if you don't, go to the library. Check out some books. Learn
something about your future's past.

::[wanna breakfast burrito?]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

  juke's mcdonalds value meal of the month:

  number five _breakfast_ meal
  which includes:

  2 - breakfast burrito's
  1 - hashbrown (oh, don't let the 15 year old freak serving you your food try
      and tell you there isn't a hashbrown in the burrito meal. i have checked
      with the appropriate places, so kick the kids ass until he gives you your
      hashbrown)
  1 - small drink (dr. pepper)
  2 - packets of mild sauce (you need to demand this. mcdonalds has a thing
      about forgetting to include the sauce. the burrito's are no good with
      out them)

  total price: $2.63

::[random thoughts]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

it's blues traveler. not the blues travelers. or the blues traveler. or blues
traveller.

wake up and smell the collective coffee people

you want a sport that will never go on strike and will never die? watch
professional wrestling. once you get past the fact 95% of it's fake, it's
pretty damn cool.

::[how to really hurt your self in a pit]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

so you got your nin tickets and your ready to go get the living shit kicked out
of you by people who are 3 times the size of you. you don't care if you're 14
and way 125 pounds, you hafta be in da pit man! but you ask yourself, what's
the best and easiest way to get the shit kicked out of me? that's where i come
in. i have prepaired an easy to follow guide that any beavis and butthead fan
could follow. (my info-mercial should be out in september. i even got henry
rollins to help me sell it! c00l huh!)

1) where your nin-further down the spiral t-shirt. make sure it's nice and
   clean. you better press it too.

2) get some kool-aid. green is perfered. dye your hair. (now that i think about
   it, this could also be used as a how-to-be-an-alternateen guide!)

3) make sure your way in the front. better show up 3 hours early. you have no
   hope of fighting your way to the front. it also hurts really bad when you
   get rammed into the railing. a definite plus.

4) hit the big guy with the skinny puppy t-shirt. no easier way to get the shit
   kicked out of you.

5) hit back when the skinny puppy guy hits you.

6) crowd surf. this has to be one of the stupiddest things this generation has
   invinted. you're gonna fall. you're gonna fall hard. maybe even break some-
   thing important.

7) and finally...(try) and stage dive. you do realize the security guy weighs
   375 pounds, don't you? flip him off and try and go back to the pit, he's
   sure the beat the fuck out of you.

::[misc info]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

to reach obsidian:
  email: danderso@cube.ice.net
  irc: obsidian or _obsidian on #zines

to get the latest lemons:
  the repented gimcrackery  309 452 5639  14.4k  op: juke
  (tha phatest art/zine board for miles)

::[eof]::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::