Low Self Esteem Issue 18 Drugs as an Escape Written By: Parker Lewis Sep. 21th, 1997 旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� � Issues of LSE can be found at: � � � � FTP: FTP.EText.Org/pub/Zines/LowSelfEsteem � � WWW: WWW.GeoCities.Com/SouthBeach/3640/ � � Usenet: Alt.Life.Sucks & Alt.Depression � � Email: Parker_Lewis@HotMail.Com � � � � If your interested in writting something for LSE, send it in to the email � � address listed above. � 읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� Disclaimer: LSE contains subject matter which may offend some people, LSE may also cause depression, disorientation and suicidal tendencies, continue rea- ding at your own will. Section 1: Before I Begin Section 2: Drugs as an Escape Section 3: Drugs Info Section 4: Anti-depressants �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 1: Before I Begin � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� The last 2 issues of LSE have the release date as: Sep. 19th, 1997, this isn't the date in which they were written, it's the date that the final edit- ed copy was published, Sarah's article in issue 16 was written in mid-August, issue 17 was mostly written in early June and this issue was written in the last week of August, I've only had time to edit and reformat the issues now that I'm back from my holidays, and these three last issues will probably on- ly be released on the Internet in one or two weeks, since I don't have Inter- net at home at this particular moment. I apoligize for all these delays. Issue 17 was really doom & gloom eh? Sometimes I scare myself at what I can write, I'm really not satisfied with that issue, but that's what I was fee- ling at that time that I wrote it, so I'll just leave it as it is and conti- nue on, ok, no more stalling, let's get to the article. �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 2: Drugs as an Escape � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� It's possible that once in your live, when that pain has become too unbeara- ble, you've considered drugs or alcohol as an escape, If you've never experi- enced with these substances but are thinking about it, read on, I'll be tell- ing you about my experiences with them, and my personal opinion concerning them. At first I wasn't sure if i would publish this article, I didn't want people to think that I'm into this stuff, I'm not, but there were times in my life where I turned to drugs as a possible escape, it didn't work, I might have temporaraly forgotten the problem, but it was always there, waiting for me when I got back, drugs only complicate things even more. Although now I'm against drugs, I'm not going to write a whole article on how drugs are bad and will kill you, cause only a few can cause you serious damage, what I'm hoping to achive in this article is to tell you what you can expect if you do run to drugs as a solution. The information in this article comes from my own personal experience with drugs, as well as some liturature I've read. I suggest that you leave drugs alone, but if continue to want to try them, I suggest that you get more info on them, check www.hyperreal.com on the Inter- net for lots of texts on this subject, and be sure to follow correct proce- dures. I'm going to repeat this one more time, no matter how glorious I make drugs seem in the following article, they aren't, leave them alone! The first time I experimented with drugs was back in January of 1997, I was looking for something that would make me feel better, so I decided to buy some hashhish from a guy in school, this was the first and only time that I tryed this drug, it took awhile to kick in and it only lasted for awhile, some of the effects were: enhanced hearing, smelling and taste, drowsyness, loss of short-term memory (I couldn't remember something that happend 10 mi- nutes ago), and enhanced concentration and apetite (sp?). The effect was short, within 2 hours it was over. Smoking it tasted horrible, but I'd have to say that it was an ok experience, I was in perfect control of my actions. A while later, I read in a book, how shamen used nutmeg to get into a 'trance' mode. Since nutmeg is legal, cheap and easily found in any super- market's spice section, I decided to pick some up. I broke a nut in half and ate each piece, it tastes horrible, I discovered later it goes down better with milk or pepsi, anyways, in 30 minutes I could feel the effects kicking in, it felt very much like hashhish but it lasted much longer (about eight hours), it was a pleasent light buzz, I was in control, and nobody could tell that I was stoned. I found that nutmeg helps concentration, and I would use it regularly when I would study, it kept me focused on my work and my thoughts wouldn't just drivt (sp?) away. A bad aspect of nutmeg is that, 8 hours after you intake it, you will have diareha (sp?), it's like clockwork, I even timed it, always 8 hours after, the stomach ache comes on all of the sudden and if your not near a toilet at the time, you are in big trouble, af- ter you go to the bathroom and relieve yourself, you once again feel normal. I also have to mention the effects that it has on your sleep, you can use nutmeg as a cure for insomnia, you'll be sleeping like a baby for atleast 10 hours. I usually never ate more than one nut, but there was a time I had 3 nuts, and I discovered that nutmeg is pshycadelic. It was a Friday night, and I took my cousins, who were visiting us from Canada, to a dance club, so I ate the three nuts at 30 minute intervals to feel more loose, at the club I had a couple of Red Bulls (Red Bull is an Energy drink with caffine and vitamines which gives you more stamina when dancing) I am mentioning the Red Bulls be- cause I don't know if they had anything to do with what I would experience later on. Anyways, we got home at around 4am, I was buzzed but still in con- trol. I went to bed, I couldn't sleep so I just layed there thinking. Thats when things started to get weird, I was feeling so creative, I created two songs in my head. The songs were beautiful, I remember wishing at the time that there was some way to transfer this music from my head to a tape. One of the songs was a Spanish flaminco-type song, the weird thing is that the ly- rics that I created were in Spanish, and I don't know nothing about Spanish, somehow theres part of my sub-conscience that knows Spanish, and while I was under this state I was capable of thinking thinks which I wouldn't think of when I'm in a normal and awaken state, somehow my mind had full access to my brain. Those couple of hours were amazing, I created beautiful landscapes in my mind, which I would fly through, I remember riding on 'star waves', and floating around a big palace. I eventually drivted into sleep, I would travel between a sleep state and an awaken state several times before morning came, I had no control over myself, I was laughing my head off for no reason, I would slap myself in the head to stop laughing, but I couldn't stop. When it was morning I felt terrible, I had trouble breathing, my limbs would occasi- onally become stiff and I couldn't move, I was extremely thirstly and had to make trips to the bathroom every ten minutes to get a drink, I couldn't move correctly, it was like i was in another dimention looking into reality, it took a great amount of concentration to be able to communicate with people, my eyes were bloodshot, and my mom could tell there was something wrong with me, I told her that I had a fever and I think she believed it. I would feel insects crawling over my face, it wasn't scary, it just felt strange. I also remember always having to feel my pants to make sure I hadn't pissed myself, I must have looked so stupid. I spent all of Saturday in bed, when I heard voices I would get so paranoid, and think that everybody was talking about me, I tryed to listen to what they were saying but I just couldn't concen- trate. I had lost all of my personality and emotions, I felt really empty, I couldn't feel anything, I was emotionless, just an empty shell, when I went outside to feed my dog, some assholes in the bar across from my house started to call me names, it didn't really effect me the way it usually would, I didn't feel the hurt and anger which I would regularly feel, if you ever wished that you had no emotions, I can tell you, based on this experience, that even emotions like sadeness and loneliness is much better than no emo- tions. Luckely for me everyone went out and I was home alone, I went down- stairs and had something to eat. I put some music on upstairs, the music sounded enormous and 3 dimentional, the sound quality was amazing, and it was coming from an old radio my dad had bought back in the 80s, the music was too much, I was starting to get a headache, so I turned it off and returned to bed. I spent most of that Saturday in bed, I was afraid that I was going to be stuck in this 'trip' forever, I even prayed to God to get me out of the trip. When I woke up on Sunday, I felt better, I was still a bit buzzed but I could concentrate better, control myself, and I felt more normal. By Monday I was back to my old self. �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 3: Drug Info � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴켸 crack/cocain/heroin/opium: These are the badies, keep away from them. They are addictive and will eventually end up killing you. marijuana/hash/hashhish/pot/dope/hashhish/hemp/ganja/maryjane:Harmless drugs, death is rare. Light, lasts a couple of hours, increases thirst & hunger, enhances hearing & taste. Loss of short-term memory. Will cause bloodshot (dopey) eyes. lsd/nutmeg/acid/shrooms and other psycadelics: Under the right situations and in a controlled enviroment, it could be used for mind expansion or as a crea- tivity booster. By a controlled enviroment, I mean a well planned out trip, with correct supervision and nothing to worry about, in any other condition, the trip will most likely be unconfortable, like the one I had. If psycadel- ics are done under a controlled enviroment, the trip will be enjoyable, psy- cadelics are fairly safe, the worst that can happen is that you may have a bad experience, and allergic reaction, or if you do something stupid while under the trip, few people die from psycadelics, those that do die, the deaths are caused by allergic reactions or improper use. This drug has a po- tential as a creativity booster, while your tripping you should find some- thing to do, don't let it go to waste, using it as a form of recreation seems like a waste to me, it can be productive in problem solving situations or in- ventions. ecstacy/crystal meth/speed: I don't know much about these, they are 'up- pers' and are supposed to give you energy and stamina and make you all hyper. There have been some deaths caused by these drugs in the past due to heart a- ttacks, dihydration and high blood pressure, speed kills about 8 times more people than ecstacy, crystal meth kills 16 times more people than speed. Sometimes drug dealers have been know to mix speed with ecstacy. Extacy is know as the 'love drug', it's not an aphrodesiac (sp?), but it makes you more comfortable around people. alcohol: Having a little bit to help you to dose off isn't too harmful, drinking too much will make you stupid and you'll be puking out of your ass. In my opinion the safest drug is marijuana or hashhish, followed by extacy and finally LSD (if done properly), I wouldn't try anything else. pheuuuu... I finnaly finished, I feel so dirty writing about drugs, now, I'll finish up by writing about anti-depressants... �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 4: Anti-depressants � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� The reason why I tryed drugs in the first place was to try to get rid of my depression, I would never have tryed them if I'd had access to anti-depress- ants, but since you could only get anti-depressants like Prozac, by seeing a doctor, and having him/her write you up a perscription , I gave up on the idea, it's ironic how it's easier to get illegal drugs than legal drugs. This past summer when I was in Canada, I ran into a book called "Hypericum & De- pression" at a book store, I read through it a bit and discovered that there is an alternative cure for depression, it's called "Hypericum", it's also know as "St. John's Wort", and the best part about it is that you don't need a perscription to get it, it's cheaper than the other anti-depressants and it's better and safer. I was happy with this new discovery, I went to the nearest "natural foods" store and bought 2 60-capsule bottles for about $22. On my way home I pasted by the occult/witchcraft shop which is near the house where I was living, and found out that they also sold St. John's Wort there, the hypericum that I bought at the occult shop is unprocessed and still in it's original form, and it was really cheap. I haven't started using the hy- pericum yet, I'm saving it for when I start school once again, which is in 3 days, hopefully the stuff will work and I won't run out of it before the school year ends, I really doubt it that I'd be able to find Hypericum here in Shitsville, Portugal. You can find capsuled Hypericum (St. John's Wort) at Nutrician Shops/Natural Foods Stores for about $11 for a 60 capsule bottle or you can buy the original stuff at your local occult shop for just a couple of cents. When buying capsuled hypericum in a bottle be sure that the bottle says "300mg" & "Standardized Potency", take 3 capsules per day, if you buy the unprocessed stuff then about a teaspoon a day should do it. Hypericum is a progressive drug, you shouldn't expect instant results, rather you should judge your improvement after six weeks of daily use. Hypericum is perfectly safe, it doesn't have the harmful side effects of other anti-depressants, although on the bottle, is a warning, stating that you shouldn't stay too long under the sun after taking it. So if your thinking of trying drugs to combat depression, try hypericum first, it's natural, safe and it doesn't have the 'evil' image of illegal drugs. That's it, I hope I've been of some help to you, but remeber I'm no expert on these matters, some or alot of what I've written may be incorrect, consult some scientific liturature before you dive into the world of drugs or call one of the dozen helplines available. You can find info on Hypericum at the following Internet address: WWW.Hypericum.Com Quote of the Day: "Life is a long walk home..."