Low Self Esteem Issue 21 A Night Out Written By: Parker Lewis Jan. 31th, 1997 旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� � Issues of LSE can be found at: � � � � FTP: FTP.EText.Org/pub/Zines/LowSelfEsteem � � WWW: WWW.GeoCities.Com/SouthBeach/3640/ � � Email: Parker_Lewis@HotMail.Com � � � � If your interested in writing something for LSE, send it in to the email � � address listed above. � 읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� Section 1: Introduction Section 2: A Night Out Section 3: Book Review: Impossible Vacation Section 4: Lyrics: Pet Shop Boys - It's a Sin Section 5: Poetry Section 6: Wrap Up �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 1: Introduction � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� If you remember last issue of LSE, I made a reference to a party I was thin- king of attending, the name of the party was "The Drunk Party", I didn't go to that party, instead I stayed home and watched Dead Poet Society and Lea- ving Los Vegas on TV. A month later there was another party in the same place, it was called "The Rat Party" (A Festa da Rata), I didn't go to that party either, a week after "The Rat Party" there was another party at the same place, the party's name was "A Festa da Guica", I don't know the english translation for this name, that was yesterday, January 30th 1998, which coin- cidentally was on the same day as my 20th birthday (damn, 20 already, I sure don't feel like it), anyways I decided to go to this party, and what follows in this article is a description of that night, and of an typical Friday night, here in this crappy island. �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 2: A Night Out � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴켸 I ended school at 17:30, the party only started at 21:00, since I live far from the city, I decided to stay in the city and try to kill those three and a half hours. I first went to my mother's work to drop off my school bag, I then went to a coffee shop and paid 4 bucks for two disgusting sandwiches, and drank two of the three Red Bulls I had with me, after that, I went to the cinema and watched Home Alone 3 (even though the story was stupid, the movie was still funny). The movie ended at 20:30, I still had 30 minutes to kill so I went to a coffee shop and paid 75 cents for a dinky few milliliters of horrible coffee (at this pointed I was totally pumped up from caffeine, those two Red Bulls that I had already drank have the equivalent of three cups of strong coffee in each can, with the additional cup I just had, and the last can of Red Bull which I still hadn't drank, I would drink the equivalent of ten cups of coffee before the day was through. After finishing the coffee, I decided to go to the party destination which was located near my school. When I got there was about fifteen people outside, a group of girls laughed as I passed them by, it doesn't bother me, I'm pumped on caffeine and I just want to dance, I find a place to sit, and I wait, nobody is going inside yet, so we stay outside freezing to death for an hour, the people start going in at ten, there is now about 70 or so people, I pay the five dollar entrance fee and I'm in, the room was nothing special, it was about the size of a small school gymnasium, there was one strobe light and four colored lights, it was pretty crappy lighting, the sound system was no better, the music was fuzzy and lacking that sharpness of a quality system. The music and the djing was the worst I've ever seen, they played music which is popular here, like Marilyn Manson, Smashing Pumpkins, Prodigy (the new Prodigy, which suck, if they played something from the old Prodigy it'd been better), Beck, Bush, and Offspring, they played Low Self Esteem from Offspring which made me laugh. The music was mostly metal, hard rock or crappy popular songs like Barbie Girl from Aqua. There wasn't much dancing, just a lot of bouncing around (the pogo dance), of course, how else can you dance to hard rock, there were some idiots who where trying to crowd surf but since there were gaps in the crowd they didn't get far. The place filled out quickly, I wasn't feeling too comfortable, so I bought a vodka, which I was able to drink mixing it with my last Red Bull and a beer, which tasted like shit, I felt like dumping it out, I managed to finish it, but I was still unable to be comfortable. There were some classmates of mine at the party, I just greeted them, and returned to my corner, they were with other people and I didn't want to hang around them. I danced a bit, I did their pogo dance, but I couldn't get into the music. I stayed sitting down against the wall, it was becoming harder to find clean place to sit down, because of all the spilled drinks and thrown out cups. I stayed there until 1:00am, I was getting tired of listening to crappy music and watching drunken teenagers acting stupid so I left. I wasn't the least bit exhausted, the caffeine was still pumping big time through my blood stream, I didn't want to let this energy go to waste, I wanted to dance like a maniac to some good danceable music, I didn't want to do no stupid pogo dance, so I walked to "Opera", the only dance club in the city, when I got there, they said that I couldn't go in yet, they were only letting in girls and couples, and they'd only let the single guys enter later on. I waited in the freezing night for an hour, at 2:00am I tried to go in again, but they said I'd have to wait more, I bought a hot dog at a nearby vendor for $3.50 (big time rip off, but I was hungry) and waited another hour, at 3:00am they still weren't letting in the single guys, I was cold, lost my patience, and didn't feel like dancing anymore, I decided I wasn't going to wait any longer so I caught a cab and went home. At home, I wasn't able to get to sleep due to all the caffeine I had drank, so I stayed up and wrote the poems that are included in this issue, I was finally able to get to sleep at 6:00am, I woke up at 8:00am, only getting two hours sleep, and stayed in bed until 9:00am trying to get back to sleep, without success, I got up, and started writing this issue, which is what I'm doing right now, the caffeine is still hitting me hard, my eyelids are wide open and by looking at me you couldn't tell that I only got two hours of sleep. I was thinking about putting on some music and dance off this hyperness that I'm feeling but I'm much too depressed, right now, I'm going to go downstairs and watch some golf on tv, and see if that can make me get a little more sleep, or else, when Monday comes around I won't be able to get out of bed. I'm back from watching tv, after watching golf, formula one racing, the Ger- man channel and some music videos, I still can't get any sleep, I saw the new Prodigy video on TV, "Smack my Bitch up", I doubt that the video will ever be shown in the US due to all the nudity, sex, and woman bashing in it. The Prodigy used to be my favorite group some three or four years ago, but now, with their new image, they suck big time. Ok, returning back to the subject of my night out, I had a miserable time, I regret not staying home, but the good thing about it is that I got to exper- ience it so someday I won't be regretting never have done it, it would proba- bly have been better if I was with someone but seeing as I probably won't be having a girlfriend anytime soon, I'll never know. �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 3: Book Review � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴켸 Title: Impossible Vacation Author: Spalding Gray Category: Fiction - Drama Back cover Description: Impossible Vacation is the story of a perpetual malcontent who, in trying to recapture the bliss, innocence, and purity of childhood, seems doomed to find only the opposite. Brewster North's last moment of unblemished joy and unme- ditated experience came on a Rhode Island beach at the age of five, when he was transported by a dream of earthly paradise on the island of Bali - a vi- sion he can neither forget nor regain. Fleeing from the memory of his mo- ther's suicide - he was on (an imperfect) vacation in Mexico at the time - Brewster wanders from crash pads in New York's East Village to the Bhaqwan Rajneesh's sex commune in India, and to the beaches from Provincetown to Santa Cruz. And though his life continues its inexorable spiral into squalor and complexity, he experiments with such various ways of escape as LSD, Zen, acting even girl-watching. If, at the end of this tragicomic quest, Brewster North achives at least a measure of peace and contentment, it's been well earned. And in this tale of Job-like frustration and haplessness, Spalding Gray has written a novel at once funny, strange, and true. My Opinion: I bought this book for a buck fifty at a book fair, it was an interesting book which kept me so hooked that I read it in two days. This has got to be the most melancholic book I've ever read, depressing as hell, the type of stuff I love to read. The story is based around the dissatisfaction of life, confusion and madness, the back cover description gives a better run down of the story. The novel is described as funny, strange, and true, I disagree that it's funny, I can't remember ever reading anything that could be dis- cribed as funny, strange, yes, definitely, not to mention the raunchiness of some parts. True? Yes, I think it's quite possible to live such a life. Well, there you have it, if your feeling too happy and need something to bring you back down to reality, this is definitely a choice book. �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 4: Lyrics � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� "It's A Sin" When I look back upon my life It's always with a sense of shame I've always been the one to blame For everything I long to do No matter when or where or who Has one thing in common, too It's a, it's a, it's a it's a sin It's a sin Everything I've ever done Everything I ever do Every place I've ever been Everywhere I'm going to It's a sin At school they taught me how to be So pure in thought and word and deed They didn't quite succeed For everything I long to do No matter when or where or who Has one thing in common, too It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin It's a sin Everything I've ever done Everything I ever do Every place I've ever been Everywhere I'm going to It's a sin Father, forgive me I tried not to do it Turned over a new leaf Then tore right through it Whatever you taught me I didn't believe it Father, you fought me, 'cause I didn't care And I still don't understand So I look back upon my life Forever with a sense of shame I've always been the one to blame For everything I long to do No matter when or where or who Has one thing in common, too It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin It's a sin Everything I've ever done Everything I ever do Every place I've ever been Everywhere I'm going to - it's a sin It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 5: Poetry � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� Yes boys and girls, time for some more cheesy poetry written by yours truly on a sleepless night. A New World Waiting for the sun to burn out And the moon to drift away Waiting for the stars to fade out And for the arrival of doomsday Hoping for a clean new world Where we can start from new So we can make the same mistakes And mess up that new world too Worthless Opinions I'm like this... This is my philosophy... I'm, me, my... And no one gives a damn Everyone has got their own problems And everyone's got their own philosophies Write what you must Write what you can But in the end Yours is just the opinion Of one in a billion insignificant men Crappy Poet Don't got the writing skills Or the right education Don't got the will to live Nor the determination Don't got an ounce of love Nor any positive emotion I'm just a misplaced kid In the middle of all this commotion �-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�-�- Section 6: Wrap Up � 컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴켸 This issue is about done, I'm working on a simple web page for LSE and that should be online by the next issue, until then take care everyone... Quote of the Day: "Make sure you're always frowning, it shows the world that you've got substance and depth..."