м п лмллм омм л омм л оммлллмммммВм А м ммААл ллллпллмм м ллллл лллллн ллллллп пллн АмААмм пплАлАн оллн лллпллм ллллн лллл ллллн ллп ммлллллллллллмм Влл плАллн олн оллн млллВА плллВА оллВА олн АллБА Seal ofллллл Ам плллм лн лл ллллм пм ллллм ллллм мп олimuraturity and нБВн оллл л мАлн олллл олн олАлл мллллплм ллллstupidnessААл Алп лААлп олн оБлп ўмлААлн ллм ўмлАБАн ўмлААлн ппм ппВА мВБАпп млпўм п ммл лмм п ппплм олллн пппл пплп оВБА А ппппп ммJEzлАп п плп п пп п мм п п пАп В Its slightly betah than good! оАБппАп п п Contents Of MLiR #6 01 - Editorial .......................... DaN aBNoRMaL 02 - A Boring Party ..................... DaN aBNoRMaL 03 - Slagoff ............................ BaRoN 04 - Porn Thesaurus ..................... DaN aBNoRMaL 05 - How Rude! .......................... BaRoN 06 - Human Implant Chip ................. DaN aBNoRMaL 07 - A Kid Called Jonas #5 .............. DaN aBNoRMaL 08 - Fun On Public BBS'S ................ DaN aBNoRMaL 09 - Irc Log: Auto Greet Scripts ........ DaN aBNoRMaL 10 - Big Night .......................... BaRoN 11 - Exposed! Microsoft Are Warez Pups .. DaN aBNoRMaL ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Editorial By DaN aBNoRMaL Underpants. Yes that's right you heard me. Underpants, Ok I've filled the monthly quota of the word "underpants" you won't hear any longer. Now that's out of the way, onto the main reason I wrote this editorial. The main subject for this article is people who charge money for their bbs. Hey I do that say some people. Well you're stupid then. Why charge money for it? It's already costing the people money to call you, so why charge them? That's the governments job to charge people for stupid things, not you, anyway it came to my attention that an un-named bbs in the 08 area was/is charging $25 a month for access to the board. How bloody stupid is that? Like anyone is gonna pay 25 dollars a month for some caggy board and its files. When you can get internet access for the same price or lower and get newer, updated files. It just seems ridiculous to me. Anyway, like I've said before - if the hacker ethic is meant to be "information wants to be free" then why charge money for it? Or has the hacker ethic "changed" just like the word "lamer" has to suit the needs of the elite computer nerds. Warez boards charge this amount of money as well or even more, this is also a bit stupid because they didn't anything for the game, why should you? I suspect that it's to make you feel as if you are actually buying a game :) Anyway back to the $25 a month shenanigans . What will the sysop running the bbs use this money for? Will he spend it on getting more files for the users? Will he spend it on upgrading his computer; theoretically making the bbs better? Or will he spend it on something for himself, like a new HAM radio. I sure hope that no-one has paid this money as it seems like a complete rip off and the feds should bust his sorry ass for being a nerd or something. See you all later, I'm off to go logon a *free* bbs, gee that's a weird concept for some! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Boring Party By DaN aBNoRMaL Here's some details of a boring party that JuLeZ and I went to a while ago. 7:30) We arrived and talked to Sputnik 3 and his girlfriend. 7:40) Talked to Craig for a while about basketball and other stuff. 7:45) Had a cone or two with JuLeZ. 8:00) BaRoN and his girlfriend arrived. Had a chat, realised that this party was crap. 8:10) Joanna had a chat with us and wondered if the party would get any better . 8:15) Had a beer as more and more people arrived that I had never met before. Some chick with perky breasts was sitting on a guys lap staring at me and BaRoN. 8:30) BaRoN left after a while with his g/f, JuLeZ and I stupidly refused a lift home. 8:31) Had a few more beers. 9:00) Starting to get really bored now, but we thought we would hang around a bit longer "To see how things turn out" well, not much more did happen. I was too busy staring at Louise, a very nice year 9! :) 9:30) Jenny had some gin I think it was, had a bit, tasted crap 9:40) Karen was bored too and said whoever's bored come back to my house and play pool. We thought, why not so we jumped in da car , pity that there was also Mark, Louise, Jenny, Helena, Copycat, Me and JuLeZ in da car, so the last three had to sit in the boot while drawing rude pictures on her car. 10:00) We arrived at Karen's after a uncomfortable ride there, although we managed to persuade her to go round the round-a-bout a few times. 10:01) Starting playing pool, w0w! just as exciting as before. The only thing keeping us from going home was 1 - Didn't have a clue where we were and 2 - Louise :) 10:30) played darts for a while, then started drinking one of those BIG bottles of coke, all to myself. As I was doing this, my fly must have been undone and I didn't notice until after :) Oh yeah, I won pool twice in a row as well. 11:00) Went back to the party to see if anything at all was going on. Woohoo somehow I got Louise to sit on my lap for the ride home . 11:20) Got back, awfully bored and a bit tired as well. Then I thought of a revenge for such a terrible party... 11:25) Started packing beers into my bag - 1,2,3, 4,5,6! yeah. As we were leaving these guys were apparently "chasing" us. Well the hostess thinks that "chasing" is people walking very slowly after you saying something. Anyway, me and JuLeZ weren't scared one bit and just kept walking home and home. Had about one beer on the way home, the rest we chucked on peoples lawns and in parks. 12:00) Eww got home with a headache. Went to sleep thinking of Louise. As you can see it was a VERY crap party and I hope I never go to one of those again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Slagoff By BaRoN I've been doing a bit of reading lately in between everything else. I don't mean books I mean zines; and there is an awful amount of shit about. I don't mean the content I mean the attitude. WE ARE THE BEST and all of that bullshit. Do you really need or want to hear about how great people think they are? You might think that I should just shut up and stop complaining well maybe I should but why do we need this attitude. I'm better than everyone around me, and why do they think this? I don't fucken know, maybe they know something that we don't! but the chances are probably not. Maybe cause they are on some scene boards? w0w so if I get the prime ministers phone number does that make me better than the average Joe blow? NO it doesn't so please cut the crap we know that you're no different. Now all you have to do is accept it ... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The MLiR Porn Thesaurus By DaN aBNoRMaL Here's the MLiR Porn Thesaurus, it contains a fairly large selection of names for common male and female sex organs and sex actions. Mainly thanks to a whole load of adult stories from Cryptic :) Others are just from and school etc. Penis - Cock, Cockmeat, Throbbing Cock, Whopper, Hardened Male Flesh, Dong, Schlong, Prick, Shaft, 8 Incher, Dick, Super Erect Penis, Peter, Prick Meat, Stiffy, Hard On, Chop, Meat Vagina - Cavern Of Love, Cunt, Love Tunnel, Dripping Cunt Lips, Snatch, Pussy, Sex Box, Wet Box, Slit, Bush, Twizzer, Bush, Moisty, Love Hole Fingering - Oyster Soup, Two Finger Tango Testicles - Beefy Balls, Balls, Heavy Hairy Balls, Nuts, Family Jewels Semen - Long Pearly String Of Cum, Jism, Cum , Ropes Of Cum, Fat Wads Of Cum, Suntan Lotion, Gobs And Gobs Of Hot Wet Semen, Jets Of Jism, Cheese, Sprog, Spoof - some girl i know says that her boyfriends cum tates like mouldy popcorn Breasts - Hooters, Pets, Tits, Goodies, Gems, Boobies, Norgs, Jugs, Milk Buds Bottom - Arse, Ass, Hiney, Sphincter Muscles, Shithole, Anus, Puckered Brown Hole If anyone has a hard-on after reading this article please yell "I've got a throbbing peter" at the top of their voice. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ How Rude! By BaRoN After reading one of "adelaides underground zines" I decided to call a bbs, after all it said in the zine " I'd highly recommend giving it a call if you can get your hands on the number, as it is the only bbs in SA that's devoted entirely to hacking and phreaking, and unquestionably the best HPCV bbs in 0z." So I did just that, I got my hands on the number and gave it a call. I logged on as a new user (no worries there) and then I was greeted with a questionaire I thought this was a bbs not a bloody quiz show. After doing that I was greeted by a screen "system password" hmm I thought so I tried a few things none of which worked. After a few attempts it read "incorrect password" and then let me on to the bbs. I scanned the new files and as soon as I had finished looking and was on the main menu the sysop broke in for a friendly chat. He seemed a little bit pissed off that I didn't know the system password, anyway after a brief chat about that he moved onto "where did you get this number???" me not being one to give out my sources didn't tell him and then he called me a "lamer" but shit I thought I can walk just fine :). He then asked me if I had anything to say before he kicked me off. I called him a computer geek hung up . So there you have it. Don't believe everything you read and by the way I told him what he wrote and he said that he didn't care. So in other words he is full of shit and if you're reading this then you should go and shove your HAM radio up your arse if you haven't already. Bloody liar... .not very friendly chap either ... Well till next time cya ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Human Implant Chip By DaN aBNoRMaL As promised in an earlier issue of MLiR we know have finished our beta testing of the HIC (Human Implant Chip) and it's finally ready for release to the public. You may be all a bit worried about the HIC, well let me assure you that there is no problem with the HIC, it can't damage your health, the only thing it does is increase your bodily functions by up to 450%! Here are some amazing stats on the HIC ... 1) Increased Memory, now you can remember everything you hear! 2) Increased Erections, porno star John Bobbit has tried the HIC and said that it helped him have an erection lasting over 20 hours, and he came 24 times in that 20 hour period! 3) Faster reading skill, need to finish a 500 page book for English tonight? well worry no more, because the HIC can allow you to read 500 page books in under 20 minutes! This Is How We Do It -------------------- Now I spose you're wondering how we at MLiR scientific research have done this great feat? well its simple we just attach our HIC chip to a certain electrode on your brain. We will not give the plans for the chip away as we don't want the technology getting into the wrong hands (i.e. Satan). Anyway we then simply activate the chip from our home made operating system . There are some jpegs included to help you understand just how we do it. The HIC Detector ---------------- We have also included a HIC detector in the archive so that you can detect if you already have a HIC. Now you're saying "But I thought you haven't released it yet" well actually thats true, its just that before we could finish the design of the HIC, Phorte stole the plans and starting manufacturing his own chips. They work basically the same as our chip, except that he programmed into them an algorythm that makes your hea d explode if you don't have a song by Phorte on your hard drive. So that's where our detector comes in. When you load it up it will quickly scan your brainwaves that you are giving off, and the inbuilt doctor will recommend a course of action for you to take. The saying "Prevention is the best cure" works well here, so get the HIC Detector running and get some Phorte songs on your hard drive. Phorte has been known to hire hitmen to kidnap people so he can do his evil experiments on them. Where Can I Get The HIC ----------------------- The HIC can be purchased from all Dick Smith, Tandy and Club X stores. Or you can purchase one directly from : MLiR Research Labs PO BOX 34424837292 Campbelltown, SA 5076 Any queries concerning the HIC can be directed to DaN aBNoRMaL on the great bbs Static Discharge - +618 83818454. Credits ------- Designer - DaN aBNoRMaL Testers - JEz, BaRoN, GRiFFiN, Phiber Optik Manufacturers - Telstra, AT&T, Optus and Dick Smith Evil Scientist Traitor Guy - Phorte ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Kid Called Jonas #5 By DaN aBNoRMaL In the last instalment of Jonas, we left you with the vision of Jonas sitting at his computer, about to choose his next option at the main menu... ... Jonas pressed the "F" key to go to the file areas. When he arrived there, he was greeted with a list of the different file areas that he could go to. 1 - Hacking 2 - Phreaking 3 - Cracks 4 - Warez 5 - Virus Texts & Utils 6 - HAM Radio 7 - Naked Chicks His first reaction was to go to option 7, but Jonas thought to himself "If I can phreak, then I'll be 31337 enough to get pussy without trying." So he went for option 2. He then listed the files in the phreaking area and it displayed about 200 or so files on phreaking. But Jonas only had 400K download and there was at least 2.5 meg of files in the area. What was he to do? He didn't have enough guts to use fake usernames again and again so he could get them all. There was only one thing he could do - what he did best - suck up to the sysop. Jonas pressed the "p" key for paging the sysop. After a short wait, chat was initiated and the fun began. "w#47 j00 w4n7?" said the obviously elite sysop. "I ..." Jonas paused, he backspaced. "3y3 w0u1d 1!|<3 83773r 4cc3$$" said Jonas, now talking in his native language. "w0w! u r truly 31337 parallelogram." said the impressed sysop. And with that he gave Jonas 3meg per day and 100 mins. Jonas then proceeded to download every phreaking file there was, and then for the next month read every single text file and praticed some of the methods described in the text file. He soon became a phreaker and his name was starting to get well known around the area. This also meant that he was starting to get a *bit* paranoid . He decided to change his handle, he now thought that it was "lame", actually he thought everything was lame. Apart from him, his files and the bbs of his choice. Jonas rang up the bbs with the elite sysop once again, and then asked him what he should change his alias to. "3y3 7#!n|< !7 $#0u1d 83 $0m37#!ng 31337" said the elite sysop. NO CARRIER Jonas was sick of this elite sysop, he wanted to be the elitist in town, not some old guy. Well this is it, thought Jonas as he looked in the dictionary and picked out another word... "HeXaGoN" said Jonas. "yessss!!!, now everyone will phear me, next I shall start up a bbs - H/P/C/V no "A" because I'm too much of a mama's boy to do that. And besides, my father is impotent said Jonas. He cried. Over the space of 6 months Jonas began to setup his bbs and make it truly elite. It was promising, he began to work out the user levels and because his mum was always bothering him to get a job and make some money. He decided to have people pay for the service of the bbs. "But information is meant to be free, HeXaGoN." said one other user. "Yeah but who listens to the stupid hackers ethic anyway, I'm a PHREAKER remember?" said Jonas who was now obviously getting a bit of an ego. After almost a year of setting up, his 100% HPCV bbs was ready for the err elite public. The name of his bbs was "uNDerPaNtS". He at first started off with the default ansi's, but they soon got boring and Jonas was looking for some half/decent menusets. Then he came across something called an "ANSI Pack". He contacted one of the artists featured and sucked up to them and bam! he had menusets. Then one day when a new user was answering the infoform ... Where did you get this number : From the phone book Are you part of any government department : Yes, FBI Jonas was scared, he didn't know what to do. But he initiated chat and decided to get to the bottom of this. "Hello Jonas, we've been missing you for quite a while now" typed the man. There was a knock at the door. Jonas was really scared. Jonas wet his pants. Twice. He began to run but was stopped by 6 federal agents knocking down his door and pointing mean looking guns at his face. "I think you better come with us Jonas." said a voice from behind the men. The man stepped forward to reveal himself as one of the doctors from the army base. To Be Continued ... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fun On Public BBS'S By DaN aBNoRMaL The other night I was over a friends house and we decided to call some BBS called "Shadow BBS" i've never heard of it before but I thought what the heck, it could be fun, so we dialed. It soon got boring, but I then thought of an idea; find the person with the funniest name or a famous name and have some fun. So we looked at the user list and found Pete Smith :) heheh same name as the guy who does the voice-overs for Sale Of The Century and Martin/Molloy. Yeah anyway, here's what I wrote ... From : DaN aBNoRMaL To : Pete Smith Verifying user ... Subject: ssaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllleeeeeeeeeee Change anything (y/N)? No Private (y/N)? Yes Upload a prepared message (y/N)? No кФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФП Г TO: Pete Smith FROM: DaN aBNoRMaL Г Г SUBJECT: Saaaaaaaalllllllleeeeeeeee TL: 8 INS Г УФ[#АА532]ФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФФ[#АА1]ФД saaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee oooooooooffffffff the ceeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnttttttttuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy!!!! heard u on martin molloy before h0h0h0h0h 31337 mlir hi mr copperart Owell, its not that funny but doesn't matter :) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Irc Scripts By DaN aBNoRMaL Just a quickie from when I went on irc the other night. This is a great example of how irc has just been invaded lately by a bunch of idiots. They all have these crappy scripts that have those bad, bad auto-greet texts. Session Start: Fri Sep 20 20:40:58 1996 *** Now talking in #startrek * TIL waves Hello to DaN. Hello DaN! * TIL is waiting for the Quiz. <^Acid^> howdy dan * SANDMAN says hi to DaN and gives u a dream:) > turn off the stupid scripts hi dan Session Close: Fri Sep 20 20:41:22 1996 And thats it ;) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Big Night By BaRoN It was saturday night and I had earlier had a phone call from a frien d frominterstate who had gotten into town earlier that morning. We had made plans andI went over his house bout 7:15pm. After turning up there we made our way tothe bottle-o to buy some booze and go back to my house. We decided on taking iteasy and bought a 6 pack of strongbow dry. Ok we then got back to my house andReal decided it was time to have a ciggy so we wentout to my backyard. While I sat and drank he lit up . Once hewas finished we went back to my room. It was then that we decided to give DaN a call. He wasn't doing anything so hecame over to join the pissup. We went outside (again) so DaN and Real couldhave more cones. I took another strongbow out. Ok after about 3 strongbows Iwas getting sick of the taste and my bladder was getting sick of the quantityso I decided it was time for a new drink. Half a bottle of midori was producedfrom my house and I went to work on that. I also produced half a bottle ofcheap scotch and DaN, Real went to work on that. We decided that it was time to go for a walk so we went to a nearby park andlied on the grass looking at the sky. Time passed and we went to a few places(servo, o-bahn, other parks) and more cigs where smoken. time was getting on and Real couldn't find his keys so we went back to my house inhope that he had left them there. My dad wasn't home yet so I was happy. I waseven happier when Real found his keys on my desk. We decided that we might aswell finish the job so the midori was finished :) and most of the scotch. We then went back to the park (parks are great places after all) and finishedthe scotch off. Decided it was time to call it a night after staying in thepark for a while and went home. Woke up the next morning I found outfrom the doctor I have an infected throat so a sacrifice was made for thisnight out. Ok to finish up I might as well do a timeline of events for you all. 7:10 - called by Real 7:15 - picked him up 7:25 - at the bottleo 7:35 - back at my house 7:40 - sensible soccer is loaded 7:41 - booze is opened 8:00 - go out the back to smoke and drink 8:15 - DaN is rung 8:25 - DaN arrives 8:30 - We go back outside, more drinking, smoking 8:45-9:30 - computer is played 9:30 - go for a walk 9:30-11:00 - umm many events 11:00 - back to my house 11:30 - leave my house 12:00 - back at park 1:00 - walk home 2:00 - fall asleep There you go ...cya -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Exposed! Microsoft Corporation By DaN aBNoRMaL Today I discovered a terrible secret that everyone should know about Microsoft. I will back up my text with screen captures from various Microsoft products. First of all, let me say that this news will shock anyone who has a Microsoft program . The following information that will be revealed has lead me to believe that MICROSOFT ARE WAREZ PUPS! yes it may seem unbelievable but it's true ... Microsoft(R) Windows 95 (C)Copyright Microsoft Corp 1981-1995. C:\> ^^ Looks like the normal dos prompt from windows 95? well you're wrong. Look at the date 1981-1995 - do you think that this is the starting of the company? nah its the age of the head of Microsoft. Let me explain, the name is not Microsoft but infact Microsoft stands for the member of this warez group. M - Michael Gates I - Ian Jonhs C - Craig Johnson R - Robert Rogers O - Ophelia Fergie S - Simon Stevens O - Onikawa Okinawa F - Fred Smith T - Trevor Nichols Microsoft(R) Windows 95 (C)Copyright Microsoft Corp 1981-1995. C:\> See what it spells? m.i.c.r.o.s.o.f.t now this warez group has been around for approxiametly 14 years, which also the age of all the members. And look at the C:\> prompt .... is it just a prompt OR is it something hidden inside it like a HIDDEN message. Look at it as if it is a smilie ... do you see it? if you can't then i'll explain. The "C" is actually a pair of headphones. The ":" is the eyes of the face. The "\" represents their attitude towards copying programs, the slash means they don't obey rules and are the worlds biggest warez group. And the ">" is the "evil" smiley face. C:\>ver Windows 95. [Version 4.00.950] Yes, its windows 95 and version 4.00.950, lets take these numbers apart ... 4 - the starting number of people in the warez group .00 - signifies two eyes looking at you .950 - the average IQ of the members of microsoft I then went into a hex editor and found the following near the end of win.com .. w3 4/>3 31337 $0 p#33/> u$! ... This just has to prove that they are warez pups. So that's it, I hope I have opened your eyes to the world of microsoft the warez group, and fATE courier for them. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thats all for issue #6 of mlir, but we'll be back soon with #7, hopefully it'll include a crap rap article plus some other interesting stuff. "Pintara - Car for aborigines" - from the movie "the big steal"