======================================================================= . ..,.. ,,. .--,.. ,==-. ,=:=,. ,=;/;=, ,;/;=, .-;%XX%:, .:+$%;-. ,=+XM#@$- =/$HX%:, .-;%@##MH- =%XH$/=. .=/X###M@. ;$@H%:, .,=+####M, /HMX;-. .-;###M##,. $@#+=, .,=##M.###. HM#;,. E M E S I S E R A ' S .,-##M.####.@##=. .-:#M@..###,@##=,. G U I D E .,=/M@H . ###M##;-. .,=/%@H% . M####%:,. T O .,=;%XH$/ .HM###H+=, .-;+$HX%; . HM##@$;-. Driving Like a Moron ,:/%XX$+: +H#MH+:,. -:/+/:=, -/$X%/-. -==-. ,://:,. ,,,. .,==-. .. .,,. ======================================================================= NOTE: DO NOT MODIFY THIS DOCUMENT IN ANY FORM NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS GUIDE SERIOUS, THIS GUIDE (OBVIOUSLY) WILL GET YOU IN DEEP TROUBLE WITH THE LAW! THIS IS SOLEY FOR ENTERTAINMENT ======================================================================= ---------------------- -[General Moron Tips]- ---------------------- ~ Drive 10-20 mph lower than the limit when traffic is behind you ~ Have children sit on your lap while driving ~ Remember, you always have the right of way. ~ Slow down for every bump (hey it could damage your car!) ~ Drive 2 MPH in residentual zones ~ Pretend you are talking on the cell phone if you have one ~ Express yourself by flipping every driver off ~ Have food and read a book while driving ~ At midnight Honk wildly through neighborhoods ~ Pick your nose while driving ~ Cut off a vehicle and give a "Thanks" Wave ~ When driving fast act like an airplane sticking your hands out the window ~ Always drive on the rightside of the road ~ At night, use your brights to other cars even if they don't have their brights on. ~ ----------------- -[INTERSECTIONS]- ----------------- ~ On lefthand turns do it from the right lane ~ On righthand turns do it from the left lane ~ Pull out in front of someone on a right turn and slam on your breaks ~ Backup in the middle of a wrong turn ~ Make very slow turns ---------------------------------- -[WHAT TRAFFIC SIGNS REALLY MEAN]- ---------------------------------- STOP : Speed up and pull in front of cars SLIPPERY SIGN : Drive fast SLOW MOVING VEHICLE SIGN : Pull aside the vehicle and drive as fast as the slow vehicle 4-WAY STOP : Everyone stops, but you aren't "everyone" so you can go. ------------- -[ACCIDENTS]- ------------- ~ Act like you have a serious injury in a minor car accident ~ It is never your fault, it is the other driver's fault ~ Act like you can't speak english ~ Blame an animal ----------- -[PASSING]- ----------- ~ Drive into the car when passing ~ Get as close to bicyclists as possible