_____ _ |_ _| |__ ___ | | | '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | | __/ |_| |_| |_|\___| _____ _____ _____ | | __| _ | _____ | | | __| |_| | |_____| |__|__|_____|_____| ______ __________ / ____ \ _____ |____ ____| ____ _ | / \_|___ |\ /||__ __||\ | || | _ | \ |\ | | | | / \ | \_/ | | | | \ | || |/ _ \ | ~ / | \ | | | | _| O | | |\_/| | _| |_ | |\ \| || | __/ | |\ \ | |\ \| | | \____/ \___/ |_| |_||_____||_| \__||__|\___\ |_| \_\|_| \__| \______/ E-MAG -\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/- The Neo-Comintern Installment 8 We are The 5th International March 17th, 1998 Editor: The BoSS MC Assistant Editor: Komrade B Writers: Cog BMC -\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/- Featured in this installment: Bouncers or Drones?- Cog Baggin On Uno- BMC -\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/- EDITORS NOTE Ha Ha! This one's cool! -\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/-\-/- BOUNCERS OR DRONES? By Cog ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- These days, there is surely one large group of people which stand for everything that I am against. This group is intolerable, inhumane, and immoral. Yes, folks...I speak of bouncers. One would assume that a bouncer's job is simply to break up a fight if and when it occurs, or to collect the cover charge... Wait. Let's look at this whole "cover-charge" issue, first. If I'm not mistaken, a cover charge is for someone who does not intend to buy anything once they're inside. Why, then, do they extract said charge from EVERY single would-be patron, regardless of whether they intend to purchase anything? If you ask me, I think -- no -- I KNOW that this charge is used to fund the semi-secret Bouncer Alliance. The organization must support itself somehow, correct? STEP 1 - PAY NO COVER-CHARGE Now back to the issue at hand. The bouncers mainly rely on their physical appearance to intimidate us. Failing that, they will use thinly veiled threats of excessive violence. What next? Are they going to drag us screaming from our homes in the dead of night? Not if I can help it! STEP 2 - LOCK YOUR DOORS Let me share a tale about my brush with the Bouncers last night. It all started rather innocently, as a matter of actual fact. A few friends and I were going for a night out on the town, when we happened upon one specific place. Well, we thought, we might as well go here; it looks like quite a fine establishment (FASCISM MAY LOOK GOOD ON THE OUTSIDE TO SOME, BUT BEWARE ITS TEETH!). We then proceeded up to the door. Upon entering, we were asked for a $2 cover charge. I payed their vulgar charge with coins...coins that I had personally soiled with my own urine. They are welcome to this money, I thought, as it symbolizes exactly what the Bouncers are; the center of their organization is all about money, while the part that we all encounter is made up of human waste and filth. I had sent my message while still paying their vulgar charge. I would not be beaten this night. You see! That is how they play the game. INTIMIDATION. The "pay what we say, or you will get hurt" mentality makes me sick. Everything was going as it should up to this point. That is, until we were asked for identification. I had my photo-identification card at the ready, since I know that if you cannot prove to the bouncers beyond a shadow of doubt who you really are, they will drag you kicking and screaming to the Monster Labour Camps. Believe me, I am in no hurry to end up there! But, wait! Could it be? Yes. Oh, God yes. One of my friends DOESN'T have photo-identification! The bouncer was slowly slithering up to him at this point, and success for our side was imperitive! "Need to see some i.d., worm", the bouncer wheezed. "Sure. Just don't abduct me after seeing my address, Bouncer", said my friend in an obvious tone of disgust. He is quite the sly one, making stipulations so that it appears he has the upper-hand in the situation. He pulled his i.d. out of his wallet; a near-avalanche of cards, both paper and plastic, spilled out onto the counter. Each card bearing at least two items: his name, and his age. Some were even imprinted with additional information such as a short description, or an address. "Need photo i.d., worm", said the bouncer. You see, my friend doesn't go to the bar very often. He doesn't know that the bouncers are quite specific in their demands, and that those demands must be met in full before an audience with the bartender is granted. As a result, he hadn't thought that photo-identificaion was a "must-have". How wrong he was. "Out", said the bouncer. What? Had we come this far only to get beaten? I assured the foul bouncer that my friend was indeed the person on the identification cards. No use. I proposed that if my friend could get the p.i.n. number on his bank card correct, then he must be the person listed on the card. It was of no use. Bouncers, it seems, are beings without reason. Perhaps they are nothing more than drones for some sort of Super-Bouncer. I was in no hurry to find out, so I proposed that we leave and form some sort of "plan B".