____ ______ __/ _/_ \ _/__ ________ _________ ________ ________ \ ____)__/ __ )_/ ______/_ \ __ )_/ ______/_/ _____/\ / \) / (/ / ________/ / (/ / ________/ \) / \___ \ /____/ /____ / /____/ /____ /_________/ \____/ \____/ \____/ \____/ \____/ ____ /___/ ____ ________ ________ _________ ___ ______ __/ _/_ ________ ______ ______ / _____/_ _____/\ __ __ )_ \ __ )\ ____)_ ____/_/ ) __ )_ / \) / \) / (/ (/ / / (/ / \) / ______/ /___/ (/ / /____ \ /________/___/__/ /__/___/ /\___ \ /___ /___/ /___/ / \____/ \___/ \___/ \___/ \___/ \___/ ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n i n s t a l l m e n t 2 6 WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL July 8th, 1998 editor: BMC writers: Cog BMC ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: . featured in this installment: . The Herring Incident- Cog . Ron Jeremy VS Healie- BMC . : . . . . . . .. ...................................; EDITOR'S NOTE Every Wednesday twenty fans approach me, asking for autographs. Now this most certainly is something that has never bothered me in the past, nor will it begin to bother me any time soon. One thing that does bother me, however, is that mobs of fans and critics have been scolding me because of my self-created aphorisms. All I have to say to that is "go to hell". Hahaha! This 1z fa you! ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: . THE HERRING INCIDENT . by Cog . : . . . . . . .. ...................................; "Communism is just a red herring." -"Clue", 198? Why do people always feel the need to compare communism to various things which seem totally unrelated? Would somebody please explain this to me? This is a question that has kept me up every night for the past 2 years. Sure, herrings are cool. And I guess there may be a connection 'tween them and communism. The color red comes to mind. But something else comes to mind; something like, "Hey, should it be taken as a compliment that people are comparing communism to herrings?" I really doubt it. Herrings (at least the red ones) are fish, I think. Or birds. I always get those two mixed up. No matter. Anyways, fish and/or birds are one of mankind's most terrible and hateful inventions, and anything that has even a distant casual association with either (or both) of those engines of destruction is viewed with extreme distaste. There are some who say that mankind tries to distance itself from the animals. I say that they're right, and here's why: We naively created all the animals in the world about 25 years ago, and ever since then it's been a living hell. The birds and/or fish took over the planet's water supply, and THEY FUCK IN IT!! The fish and birds jizz into the very water that we drink! They birth babies, too, in the water, and I think that I have drank a still- born baby herring on at least one occasion. If you have ever seen Alfred Hitchkak's "The Birds and/or Fish", then you have seen the vision of the future. Sure, this movie was written before mankind created animal life on this planet (the animals were actually puppets based on the prototype blueprints used in the design of animals), but it is a very realistic depiction of what day-to-day life is like nowadays. That scene where all those herrings fly down and get tied to that woman's clothes nearly makes me turn feral! I heartily recommend this movie to communists, and also to regular people (who aren't as smart as communists, but they are the extras in the movie that is life, and without extras you've only got a bunch of empty space surrounding the main action). Well, since herrings and communism have come up again, I think I'll go back to the original topic. I once heard someone say that "communism is a rich, creamy filling sandwiched between two light-as-air chocolate wafers, and smothered in a heavenly candy coating." And so it is. Bon Apetit! ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: . RON JEREMY VS HEALIE . by BMC : . . . . . . .. ...................................; Let's say there was a fight staged between porn star Ron Jeremy and Dragon Warrior character Healie. First of all, the fight seems mismatched; a human versus a small healer. If you look at the stats closely, you see that it is actually a fair fight. Hello, this is BMC, coming at you with another of life's timeless questions. Man V.S. Healer; the eternal struggle. Oh well, I'm going to talk about a few other things now, and maybe I'll answer all of your questions later. First of all, I would like to thank the person who sent me flowers last week, but they sent them to the wrong house. Now I have to mention the ideals of communism. Yesterday, a guy at work told me that the Reform party was a communist party. On the surface, it seems to merely be a mistake. The Reform party is obviously further right wing than we are, which according to the fact that "they are communist" makes us ultra-communist. Hmm, funny, it doesn't seem that way to me. Although on one hand, his stupid comment showed his distance from the government, a la fascist society, the communist idea of "to each according to his talents" was expressed here. You see how comments like these make this forty year old the perfect candidate for "factory custodian". Oh, well. One important question is "Does the fight take place on land or in water?" Well, my Komrade, that is an excellent question. Though both are efficient on land, only Healie belongs to a species called the Man 'o war, a creature native to the seas. Ron Jeremy, however can float like oil on water. Keep in mind that Ron is armed with a long sword and hairmail, whereas Healie chooses not to wield a weapon (although he can because he DOES have arms). Healie, however, can heal himself. Ron would probably poke Healie repeatedly in the jelly head with his long sword until Healie ran out of MP, and we all know that Ron has the stamina to do it. After that there's not much more that we can do than make it funky! Doo doo doo da doo da doodoo Some people ask me whether I know the meaning of persistence or not. Hmm, true that the original Comintern was only 15 issues, but we have already surpassed that this time. "Well, then", you ask, "how many are you going to make this time?" Well, maybe nobody has technically ever asked me that, but many have thought it. My answer, I suppose, would be this. I make no promises for the future. It'll be like '91 or something till the last time you see me. Another problem with the Ron Jeremy versus Healie bout is that Ron is a living, existing, present day human being. Healie, on the other hand, lived many years ago. Also, Healie is fictional, so he never existed. Even if he did exist, he would have died many years ago. None of this matters, though, because he is pretend. You know, make-believe. And it wouldn't even be that cool to watch either, because Healie is a human now anyway. That is, he would be, or would have been if he existed. In the minds of some, though, he does exist. Since writing can be either fictional or non-fictional (or so I've been lead to believe), Healie can exist for the rest of this article, and in any form I wish. So, back to the fight. Most people think that society should be segregated in a man-to-man, healer-to-healer way. I disagree. When you create a society where fraternization between healers and humans is not commonplace, you have a system that is set up to harvest prejudices between creatures. Some healers have an inferiority complex. Take the case of Healie, for example. Some strange soldier named Ragnar finds him in a cave, and the next thing you know, "I'm Healie. I'm a healer, but I dream of becoming human." Well that's all fine and well, Mr. Healie, but why are you telling me this? "If I make friends with humans, perhaps I'll become one. Take me along." Mmmm, ok Healie. You know, at first, Healie was a great help to me. He made me feel better when I was sick. He let me use his jelly head as a pillow when we went to the inn. I grew quite attached to him. We were the perfect fighting team. Komrades in arms, we were, fighting back to back. He was the yin to my yang, and he was ready to die for me because he was true blue. When we got to the tower, a komrade of mine admitted his envy of me. It seems Healie had been approached many times, but nobody would be his friend except for me. Ha HA ah! I was the one laughing now! It was at about this time that I began to realize that though I had become much more powerful since we first met, Healie had not. I had grown to love him by this point, and I found myself resurrecting him several times. I eventually bought several herbs and healed him myself as we went through the tower. He was behaving strangely, I noted, when one time he was on guard when we were trying to attack two healers who had not yet seen us. When we reached the end boss, Healie died near instantly. Strange, though, when the story sequence started after I had single handedly saved the kingdom, Healie had mysteriously resurrected himself. It was probably just to steal my thunder. I still love him, though, and I noticed that after our adventure was over, he was no more human than you or I (assuming that you are also a healer, as I am). Ragnar and Healie go off into the sunset in order to seek out a prophesied hero. Speaking of heroes, though, one thing that I know is that that fight between Ron and Healie would probably be a close one. ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| |Website http://www.sfn.saskatoon.sk.ca/~ad357 | |Email The BoSS MC at manta1@hotmail.com | |___________________________________________________| ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: #26-07/08/98 Copyright 1998 N-Com All content is property of The Neo-Comintern. Unauthorized use of any part of document is prohibited. All Rights Reserved.