____ ______ __/ _/_ \ _/__ ________ _________ ________ ________ \ ____)__/ __ )_/ ______/_ \ __ )_/ ______/_/ _____/\ / \) / (/ / ________/ / (/ / ________/ \) / \___ \ /____/ /____ / /____/ /____ /_________/ \____/ \____/ \____/ \____/ \____/ ____ /___/ ____ ________ ________ _________ ___ ______ __/ _/_ ________ ______ ______ / _____/_ _____/\ __ __ )_ \ __ )\ ____)_ ____/_/ ) __ )_ / \) / \) / (/ (/ / / (/ / \) / ______/ /___/ (/ / /____ \ /________/___/__/ /__/___/ /\___ \ /___ /___/ /___/ / \____/ \___/ \___/ \___/ \___/ \___/ ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n i n s t a l l m e n t 3 2 WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL September 12th, 1998 editor: BMC writers: Gnarly Wayne BMC ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: . featured in this installment: . The Wrath Of Cats- BMC . Keep Your Prize On My Eyes- Gnarly Wayne . The Intergalactic Auction- BMC . : . . . . . . .. ...................................; EDITOR'S NOTE Yeah. R I P E. Go to hell. This 1'z fa you. This evening's news report, see you around buddy boy. ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: . THE WRATH OF CATS . by BMC . : . . . . . . .. ...................................; Although cats make nice house creatures, I find something greatly disturbing about them. Why are they always drinking stuff? They drink water, they drink out of the toilet, they even drink from leaky faucets. I think they drink from street puddles, but I know they also drink from swamps, lakes, rivers and oceans. Sometimes they drink antifreeze. So why are cats always drinking? There are many different explanations given by various scientists, but the popular belief is that cats are an ancient race of beings formerly known as extraterrestrials, or Martians, to be exact. They were beamed to earth from Mars in the late 1800's. Their purpose was to pillage the rich earth and steal it's natural resource of "liquids". This has been proven, because you can see how the cat is designed to be a consumer. It lies around all day, produces nothing, and often drinks liquids. This all started in the late 19th century when cats were worshiped as Egyptian gods, and just look at that ecosystem. It is dry and barren, certainly no place for a cat anymore. Then they went to Arizona, and now you can find them in your very house if you were foolish enough to aid them in their quest to destroy earth (especially the human race). And you probably fanatically play their game, Alleycat, the first computer program ever designed completely by cats, for cats. People say I have too much time on my hands, and I would just like to say that is not true, and also if anyone wants me to fix their old tires, email me by next Thursday. It is general knowledge that the only other thing that cats consume is fish. Fish are the other source of global destruction. They are another race designed to consume as much water as possible. Cats and fish fight each other to get water trade superiority. The cats may have the corner on the human water supply, but the fish hold the bastard card- the sea monstars. The only thing that cats and fish both eat (besides water, of course) is birds. Birds are a race created from earthen mounds of clay. These are the defence against cats and fish. Unfortunately, birds are all strictly herbivores, and prey to cats and fish. The birds do need to consume water to keep their clay wings pliable, but other than that, they provide much more water than they consume. Oh, and mice. They are the water-runners between the ocean floor and the cats that eat them. One day the cats and fish and birds will all team up to destroy the human race, but hopefully our secret police and underground militia will be in full force at that time so we can foil their plans. Then the only species consuming water will be (high-ranking-communist) humans. ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: . KEEP YOUR PRIZE ON MY EYES . By Gnarly Wayne . : . . . . . . .. ...................................; At my home in the boogie Bronx, my eyeballs had proceeded to leave my body sometime during my night of fitful sleep. Upon awaking, I realized my eyeballs were gone, which was a good explanation of why I couldn't see. I grimaced in undertones as I though "Dang". Where, oh where, could my eyeballs be? I looked to see if the Meowmeow or the Woofwoof ate them but to no avail. Strange how I looked for my eyeballs while being completely devoid of any visual sensors. I had to rely on my keen sense of knowing where eyeballs are. First I checked the Iris, a swanky, ritzy club just north of the kettle. When I floated in, I asked around to see if anyone had seen my eyeballs. All I got were upturned noses and the other cheek (so I assume). I was apparently underdressed, having no eyeballs. I neglected to read the sign saying "No shirt, no shoes, no eyeballs, no service". Another profound thought reached my cerebellum. "Dang". Going with what I had learned, I checked the gutters and alleys for my beloved eyeballs. "Please don't let them sink this low", I pleaded to a pass-out bum in a cardboard box. "Cog?", I said lustfully. A belch confirmed that this was not indeed Cog but an imposter trying to live to high life that Cog was accustomed to. A lightbulb appeared over my head which I promptly ate. "Of course", I thought to self. "Cog has many eyeballs. He owns Joey JoJo Jeremiah Shabadu, a dog." Rushing over to the Cog mansion, I thrusted my radium rods at Cog. "YOUR DOG!", I screamed quietly. "Why of course", Cog replied, calm as usual. After he made Joey eat the radium we waited... and waited... and waited... until Cog said "Hey, wanna peanut?". I said no. So we waited... and waiting... and played Scrabble (which Cog always beat me at, the bitch). After a while we heard eyebally sounds coming from the basement. "Success!", I though as I tumbled down the stairwell. Sure enough, many an eyeball laid around the children. I took the finer pair and shoved them in my sockets. I looked at Cog for approval and he said "Smashing" and gave me the wink and the gun. I fled for home and got ready for bed. "What a day", I thought. As I got ready to enter dreamland, I noticed my eyeballs on the night stand next to the statue of BMC. Silly me. I had taken them off the night before. ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.::::::: . THE INTERGALACTIC AUCTION . By BMC . : . . . . . . .. ...................................; You know how you sit there and look at the universe, and you just say to yourself, "How much is out there? Where does it stop? What lies outside this globe of visible atmosphere? You can't see the sphere during the night when the Golden Orb doesn't pale the rest of our universe. If not for that ball of gas, we might see clear to the edge of infinity. DAMN YOU SUN!" So where is the end of matter? Can it become infinity? Perhaps it is on a playing field to some supreme power's enjoyment. What does our structure resemble from a large eye? What if some of our surrounding heavenly bodies were put up for auction? "Now ladies and gentlemen, get out your flappers, cause Jupiter is next up on the block. Jupiter was once sold to the Tsar Nicholas the Second for 1 million dollars. This sale was made by someone going only by the name of V. I. Lenin and it is common knowledge that this money was used for the then-secret Communist underground Militia and KGB. Anyway, the bidding will start at 2 quintillion dollars- Mr Gates- 2 trillion! 2.1 trillion? going once..." "ok, now Mars..named after the roman god of war...but don't let that SCARE you folks, this loveable planet of red is housebroken and GREAT with children..let the bidding start at one hundred dollars.." "Pluto...this may be one cold, unsurvivable atmosphere, but this is gonna one hot item tonight...." So anyway, I think that Castro would probably buy a planet, Bill gates would get Saturn, and the Communists would buy all the stars (and scuds) from Iraq. ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website http://www.sfn.saskatoon.sk.ca/~ad357 | | Email BMC at manta1@hotmail.com | |___________________________________________________| ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: #32-09/12/98 Copyright 1998 N-Com All content is property of The Neo-Comintern. Unauthorized use of any part of document is prohibited. All Rights Reserved.