____ ______ __/ _/_ \ _/__ ________ _________ ________ ________ \ ____)__/ __ )_/ ______/_ \ __ )_/ ______/_/ _____/\ / \) / (/ / ________/ / (/ / ________/ \) / \___ \ /____/ /____ / /____/ /____ /_________/ \____/ \____/ \____/ \____/ \____/ ____ /___/ ____ ________ ________ _________ ___ ______ __/ _/_ ________ ______ ______ / _____/_ _____/\ __ __ )_ \ __ )\ ____)_ ____/_/ ) __ )_ / \) / \) / (/ (/ / / (/ / \) / ______/ /___/ (/ / /____ \ /________/___/__/ /__/___/ /\___ \ /___ /___/ /___/ / \____/ \___/ \___/ \___/ \___/ \___/ ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n i n s t a l l m e n t 4 4 WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL December 12th, 1998 editor: BMC writers: Gnarly Wayne Cog BMC ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: . featured in this installment: . Tea Trek: Search For Tea; Part the Second- Gnarly Wayne . Time Travel On Campus- BMC and Cog . : ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: . TEA TREK: SERCH FOR TEA; PARTE THE SECOND . By Gnarly Wayne . : . . . . . . .. ...................................; "A ZOMBIE!" cried the crew in unison. "Yes, it's me, Sir Ronald Hampton, Esquire." said Sir Ron. "Oh Ron." said everone, very relieved that this zombie was friendly. "Yes, I was hiding in Cog's chest hair and waited until an appropriate time to jump out scare you." explained Sir Ron. "What are you doing here?" enforced BMC. "I am in dire need of a high skilled, fearless crew of able men and women, but I couldn't find them so I came here. The zombies back on Earth are the victim of a horrible conspiracy. A fellow known only as the villian of Mista Iggy has stopped all sandwhich lines going into the zombie community. The zombies are now coming into the cities, looking for sandwiches. Silly mortals are mistaking this for a zombie rampage and are about to bring in a small group of adventurers who are experts at destroying zombies. I believe their names are Birthday Suit Boy, The Masked Arrow, and Gobbie Gee." explained Sir Ron. BMC arched an eyebrow. "Hmmmm...I will help you if you can beat me in a game of Boloballz." challenged BMC. The action started. Sir Ron was red and BMC was blue-green-blue. Sir Ron won the first move. He chose the fourteenth column from the right. The ball went down and landed on a gray square near the bottom, claiming two ten point squares on the way down. "The real strategy lies in the gray squares." said BMC. The action steadily increased for two hours. At one point, BMC fell into a seven-move ploy set by Sir Ron, in which Sir Ron was able to block one of BMC's ballz at the top of the screen. "Damn!" cried BMC, sweating profusily. He wiped his neck with a cold rag. Then BMC slyly spied a move that neither one had spotted. His worried look quickly changed into an expression of triumph. "WORD!" he screamed. Just as he was about complete his finishing move, Wayne came over and accidently hit the up arrow, thereby ending the game. "Hey, guys, what's up?" he said. BMC could be seen for the next thirty minutes screaming while throttling Wayne's neck. After BMC was done, he ironed his shirt and approached Sir Ron. "I guess I will accompany you to Earth. I need to buy some bottom-fruit yogurt cups, anyway." said BMC. Seven minutes later, they entered Earth's orbit. Sir Ron got to beam down to Earth as tranporters could only beam down non-living material. BMC took down the typical p-osse and two more red uniformed guys. One of the red uniformed guys asked if they could be armed with truncheons. "Sure." BMC said and armed them with bruncheons instead. "That's what you get, smart ass." BMC cackled. None were prepared for the sight that they saw. Zombies ran freely, breaking into greazy spoonz and Subways'. People fled in panic. Cog attacked such a man running past. "What are you doing?" asked BMC. "I dunno. I thought I was spose to do this." said Cog. On the horizon, the crew saw the group the adventurers they were sent to stop. They were truly a magnificent bunch. The one called Birthday Suit Boy stood, sword sheathed, completely naked except for a penis cage which he wore with pride. "Hey, that guy kinda looks like you, BMC." said Cog. "Yeah, but my penis cage is bigger." BMC bragged. The one called the Masked Arrow stood a full 6'5". His garb consisted of a green and golden body suit with an arrow pointing up onto his mask. He wielded a large 1/4 staff and a book of spellz. That nasty African called Gobbie Gee was the short one of the bunch. He was dressed in a fourteen thousand dollar tuxedo, complete with top hat and cane. He sipped on a glass of bubbly while leaning on his cane. He was armed with a short sword whose bite is well known. A fourth member had seemed to join them. He was a nerdy-looking fellow wearing a large black winter coat and holding a fireball in one hand, and a sneer on his face. "Whose that?" asked BMC. "Oh no," said Sir Ron. "They've found the Befriend the GM kit." "Took them long enough." murmured Sir Ron. Birthday Suit Boy approached them. "Who goes there? Fiend or foe?" he asked in a thick Russian accent. "Uhhhhh.... foe?" replied BMC. "Boo-yaa!" cried Birthday Suit Boy and the party attacked the crew. The GM threw a bunch of fireballs but they all missed and hit innocent bystanders and buildings. Gobbie Gee jumped on one of the red uniformed guys and started eating his flesh. The Masked Arrow bellowed out a sound that could only be compared to the death wail of the legendary phoenix. The Masked Arrow plowed head on into the crew with no regard to his own personal safety. Birthday Suit Boy strolled into the fray, swinging from side to side. Then he drew his sword. An intense battle commenced. After a couple of turns, the only casualties were the two red uniformed guys, both dispatched by Gobbie Gee. "Boy, he does quite a bit of the work for just a henchman." commented STUYA. After a couple more turns, both sides began to realize that no one was getting an edge over the other. Fighting slowed down until it came to a halt. "Hmmm...why isn't anyone winning?" puzzled Wayne. "I'll explain." said the GM. "You see, you guys can't die because you are the main characters of the story. We can't die because, even if I get a roll which would kill them, I would just say 'Ummm... they rolled a 3. Inish.'." "Well, what should we do?" asked The Masked Arrow. BMC explained the situation about the zombies and their plight. "Ohhh... whoops!" said Birthday Suit Boy. "We're so used to killing monsters, we just do it naturally. Well, in this case, I guess we'll go back to Traysia and spend a few nights at the inn. See ya later." The party of hardy adventurers faded out of sight. "Nicely done," said Sir Ron. "I'll go explain to the zombies' the consequences of their actions. I am forever in yo debt, Captain BMC." Back aboard the C.C.C.R. TeaBag, BMC flopped down in his lawn chair. "Man, two adventures in one day. I can't handle this. I need some pot." BMC said. Gnarly Wayne joined him but Cog couldn't have any cause he had quit a long time ago. He enjoyed a nice tall glass of tea instead. Then Wayne and BMC played the enhanced version of Rock Star. All was fine in the universe once again. Except for the citizens of Planet, who never did get their tea. ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: . TIME TRAVEL ON CAMPUS . By BMC and Cog . : . . . . . . .. ...................................; Now, H. G. Wells was the first to write about "the" time machine on campus, but we were the ones who invented it. So FUCK YOU H G Wells, and get off my nutsack, or we can go toe-to-toe. So now, as MC Ren said "All bullshit aside". In the last 13 years (count 'em), not many advances have been made into the philsophical possibilities of advantage from time travel. Now that South Afrika has invented space travel for all the world to behold, they will soon be catching up with the underground "Communist Global Empire" in the technological battle. Perhaps they will even beat us to the invention of "warez". (but I have 0-Dae accezz anyway, zo I will just laugh my 3l!te aZZ oph at U.) Although the Afrikkanis have reached the key to spaceflight, they haven't yet come close to the "Zirconian Key", so to speak. This "Zirconian Key", is Thyme Travel! Not quite "time travel", Thyme Travel is still quite a feat. Might I also add that it is only one step away from actually travelling from the NeverLand of Time. Which we have just acheived. (can we print that?) So now that time travel is a reality, you'll be seeing quite a few more people (this is just a theory, mind you, because I have no idea why you would...only TIME will tell). ha ha ha! Now that you know the technology exists, what of the practical usage of time travel on campus? Well, if you have a particularly long winded teacher and have only five minutes to walk (run, actually) from the agriculture building to the arts building, you can just go back about 10 minutes and actually have time to stop at the excretorium, or whatever you want to call it. Yeah, that would be cool! And then when you're in the middle of the fifth week and realize that you have no books because you ate your course outline in desparation on the very first day of class, you can go back in time and make sure to get 2 coppieeeess! YES! Two copies, unless you weren't quite full after you ate just the one... then get three or four. Do you only drink to relieve stress now, instead of for fun? Well, follow this to the letter: On Monday, travel forward in time until you reach Friday. Find out what was and will be due all week, and the next, and next. Then travel to sometime before you were born (to avoid the dread paradox), and do your homework. No pressure, and the drink is cheaper! For these reasons, the U of S time travel kiosks will be available in the '00-'01 school year. Please note; other ideas included "rocket sleds", "teleporters", and "sub-water boats". These will be implemented in some eastern schools next fall, but for now we have to rely on our feet or one of the wheelbarrows found in the agriculture shed. The End P.S. I stold deez nutz off your tires ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website http://www.sfn.saskatoon.sk.ca/~ad357 | | Email BMC at manta1@hotmail.com | |___________________________________________________| ::::::::.:::..::...:.... ... .. . . .. ... ....:...::..:::.:::::::: #44-12/12/98 Copyright 1998 N-Com All content is property of The Neo-Comintern. Unauthorized use of any part of document is prohibited. All Rights Reserved.