qn, d&&&&&&&&P ;P d&b d&&P ;P d' d' d' d&; d' ;P ;&,e&q, .c&&q, ;P`&; ;P .c&&q, ,c&&q, d' dP~ `b ;P' `& d' `&; d';P' `& ;P' `d ;P ;P ;P dB&&&&P ;P `&;;P dB&&&&P d P d&&P d' d' d' &, , d' `&d' &, , &, .,d' d&&P &&& &&& `&&&P' d&&P `P `&&&P' `&&&P , ,e&&&q,a ,nP' d' ;P' `d' "' d&&&P d' " ,c&&q, q&,e&q,e&q, q&P q&,e&q, ;P' ,c&&q, q&,e&q q&,e&q, ;P ;P' `d dP~ `B~ `b dP dP~ `b d' ;P' `& dP~ `P dP `b d' , d P ;P ;P ;P ;P ;P ;P ;P dB&&&&P ;P ;P ;P &, .,d' &, .,d' d' d' d' d' d' d' d' , &, , d' d' d' `Y&&&P' `&&&P' &&b ;P d&P &&b &&b d&P `&P' `&&&P' &&b &&b d&P odO$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.odO$|$Obo.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$Obo t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 5 5 .WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL .March 8th, 1999 .Editor: BMC .Writers: .Komrade B .BMC odO$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.odO$|$Obo.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$Obo ";P' Featured in this installment: `$ ;P Poseidon VS Proteus; The First Battle- BMC and Komrade B d' ;P d'. .,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,; EDITOR'S NOTE (Komrade B) Well ,what can we say but that we have a very special treat for you today. The creators of The Comintern have come together, how shall we say it, to pen a duet of the trials and tribulations that have made Atlantis what it is today. In keeping in context with the official celebration of The Comintern's one year anniversary, we are releasing the largest installment. It pens the tale of an early Atlantis built from the ground up, and the epic battle between our grandfather and the vile Proteus for the hand of our delicate grandmother. So as we bled and suffered to survive you may enjoy it in rich, ascii format. From us at The Comintern.. Thank you for a great year. odO$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.odO$|$Obo.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$Obo ";P' POSEIDON VS PROTEUS; THE FIRST BATTLE d' by BMC and Komrade B ;P d'. .,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,; People have raved of the tales of Atlantis in the previous issues. Many tales have graced your screen including: Voyage to Atlantis, Weegie Dreams, the Ren one, etc. But never have the tales been told with it's two favourite sons together. You have heard about recent events and politics, but it wasn't all hit albums and weegie cuisine below the choppy waters. In ancient times, great battles were fought between foul foes. This is a tale of a battle fought with not only brawn, but also wit. The stars of Atlantis were but mere lads. Wide eyed and with love in their hearts they shaped a world. In the eons back, man was settling the Tigris and Euphrates. Mere goat herders and farmers were living in squabble. The grandeur to come was but a dream (a weegie dream), and below the golden blue seas of the Mediterrnean (which man feared) a great empire was thriving. When mortal man was "creating" things such as fire and ceremonial burial, our fair country of Atlantis had already learned of higher knowledge. The young king, Poseidon had done away with these barbaric inventions because Atlantean science deemed them no longer necessary. What would the underwater race need with fire? NOT HING. The Atlanteans created political ideologies that far surpassed those inferior ways of Marx, Hobbes, Aquinas, and Plato (pronounced Play-Doh). Atlantis had no interest in violence or imperialism, so a great deal of time was dedicated to their pursuit of science and sex with young mermaidens. From his great throne, King Poseidon decreed that all young maidens of the kingdom be brought to him to recieve his royal "blessing". One of these women, a young sea nymph named Carlene bore him a bastard child who he called Namor. This man would eventually grow to be the power of land and sea, but now, he was yet unborn, and therefore not important to this story. With power and glory comes decadence, and with decadence comes sloth. As Atlantis grew conflicts with the land kingdoms of Thera and Lemuria grew, and more importantly friction rose with the rival sea city of Ry'leh. Cthulhu and his minions resented Poseidon and believed him to be a threat to their evil, alien plots. Cthulhu sent his horid commandos, led by a young 17 year old foolish Proteus, to sway Atlantis to the dark side. Proteus was a brutish fellow who led with the fist and sword, not with his brain or heart. He took his horde to Atlantis and demanded to see Poseidon. Having fear of this young, bashful lad, the king strode to meet Proteus. Proteus having no intention of accepting surrender and instead planned to raze the city and take Poseidon's head to his overlord, but he did not take into consider the fire he would have in his blood when he laid eyes on the young maiden Carlene..... He gazed at the beautiful maiden and was stunned at her almost supernatural beauty. Her beautiful, swaying hips, and her supple breast amazed him; her lusty smile and pouty lips drew him in deeper. As he gazed into her vacant eyes and imagined running his fingers through her shock of unnaturally orange hair he spontaneously ejaculated. It was true love, and the bond of lust could not be broken by his trifling orders from what he once considered to be his high command. With all intimidation lost because of his embarrassing folly, and his defection from the rule of another, he felt that he was, for the first time in his life, a truly free man. He vowed his undying love for her, but in him she saw nothing but a great warrior. There was nothing more to this man, whose rugged looks and battle scars could never entice her as the golden locks of the great Poseidon did. What was there to be gained? She felt that the life of wife of a warlord was impossible. She loved her freedom, as a spring rose loves the morning dew on its beautiful pink petals. But she was property nonetheless, as any woman has been from the beginning of time to the end. Proteus challenged Poseidon to a battle for the hand of the fair and as of yet innocent Carlene. Since he had already sullied his garments, and Poseidon's trident gleamed as though it had a mind of its own to kill, he suggested a battle of wits for the ultimate prize, the maidenhood of the seventeen year old Carlene. The battle of wits was to convene on Monday morning. Seven categories were to be labeled. Arithmetic, literature, socialism, weegie breeding, love-making, invention, and song-writing. The battle was on, and the entire city came to see the events. The first event was to be arithmetic. Addition was the only thing the sages had essentially figured out that anybody cared about. The sage was to throw two buckets of sea shells and the first to give the correct amount of total shells would win. As the first bucket was dropped Proteus knew he would never be able to add all those, let alone a second bucket, so as the second was being dropped he kicked it across the field and bludgeoned the sage, and said "Who needs to count shells but fairies and weaklings?" The Atlantean population at the time had a strange sense of humour laughed in an uproar. Then he smashed all the shells and said, "Now how many are there Poseidon? Too many for your ass." Poseidon 0 Proteus 1 Literature was the next stage. The king was an epic poet whereas Proteus was illiterate. "An easy win," the king thought. As the contest began, the king wrote furiously, whereas Proteus merely sat and did nothing. As it came to an end the king submitted a tale he humbly called "Illiad and the Odessy," which nobody understood as it would only be popular in the next millenium. Then Proteus stepped up to the judge and handed in a single sheet of paper. The judge laughed and said "This is not a language but merely a bunch of scribbles." Proteus smiled and said, "You did not say in what language oh great judge!" Laughter erupted from the crowd, but silenced as he raised his hand. It says, "From the depths of my soul! Where I shall be going!" Poseidon angered at the young upstart. "Yes cur? Where will you be going?" Prots asked, "What is your maiden's name great lord?" "Why it is Carlene." Proteus smiled. "Yeah that's where I'll be.....up in that ass!" Then a complete hush fell over the crowd, and Proteus realized that he had lost the favour of the audience. Proteus 2 Poseidon 0 The third beautiful contest consisted of developing and scribing a set of laws for a socialist government. Of course, the word "socialism" was not yet created, so they used the word "drizzay" in its place. Poseidon wrote two essays, one which would be handed down to Marx as "Das Kapital", and the other would become the first living issue of "The Comintern". Proteus merely drew his sword and slew the judge, and said "who will be the next judge?" "I will be the judge," said the maitren Carlene, and another hush fell over the crowd, this time hushier than the first. Unthinking, Proteus attempted to slay her as well, but as he pulled his sword once again, a stingray swam into his loin cloth and repeatedly stung his penis. Proteus 2 Poseidon 1 The forth was acknowledged to be the most dangerous of the trials. Weegie Breeding. Weegies at the time where wild, undomesticated creatures, and as such were impossible to breed. Surely though the judges believed the sea's greatest heros could achieve the impossible. Poseidon got attacked repeatedly by a surly male bull, whereas Proteus stood perplexed. Poseidon gave up, believing the task to be impossible. The judge was about to call it a draw when Proteus sprung into action. He grabbed the feelers of the female and raped her repeatedly. Amazingly enough she calmed down and bred with him, and the judges deemed her to be pregnant. To this day, breeders must go through the same process. Proteus 3 Poseidon 1 The next was the most beautiful competition of the contest. The science of lovemaking was nothing new to Poseidon, as he had sullied every mistress within the Atlantean regime. His experience was not limited to the women of the kingdom, though. He had traversed the earthen lands and impregnated many of the savages and reptillian life forms. Rumor had it that he had even spread his seed to the large white circle above the land. Poseidon laid with three women, all of them being virgin sisters of Proteus. Then Proteus attempted to make love to a beautiful seahorse, but the toxins of the weegie were still within his man-root, and this rendered him numb from the waist down. As he cried out in anger, a sea scorpion crawled into his left ear and stung his brain. Proteus 3 Poseidon 2 Invention was an interesting thing, because at the time everyone fancied themselves as inventors. The requirement was that the contestants invent something new, and it would be approved and patented. The two went off like wild men in their respective corners. Proteus spent most of his time trying to sabatoge Poseidon's inventions, but the king still finished ahead of time. Then both were summoned to submit what they had done. Proteus went first and submited a glass vial full of brown fluid. "What is this young lad?" The youth smiled and said "IT is Sting Ray anti- venom." The judge glowered and said, "That is useless!" and smashed the vial on the ground. Then Poseidon presented his. "What is this, my gracious King?" "It is a truncheon!" and he jabbed Proteus in the leg. TIE GAME Match Point The final crucial contest was the songwriting competition. The man both considered themselves to be somewhat of artists in this field. Poseidon was trained from a young age in the flute and the harp by his father, Cronos. Proteus had the uncanny ability to play "Mary Had A Little Lamb" by tapping a spoon against several glasses which were filled with different levels of mercury. This was the most draining event, and it took months for the artists to create what would be, or what MUST be their master works. Proteus presented first, and his song was called "Eazy Street", and it was proclaimed the beauty and angst of 21st century ghetto life. The audience was impressed, even though they had no idea what he was talking about. The entire song was sung in the future language of ebonic english, but ended off with the universal language of "Oh ooh bay day ohh ay, come on baby and suck dis wayyy-owww-ooooh." The audience was again silent, though this time with respect for Proteus. Next came Poseidon's turn to present. "I have no song", he said. There was no way that he could have shown his love without giving her the gift of immortal descendants. With tears in her eyes, Carlene gazed into the beautiful eyes of Poseidon and said "I'm sorry, but you lose." Proteus 4 Poseidon 3! Proteus was full of exctasy at his victory, and said, "Oh my maiden, this contest has taught me humility and respect beyond belief." Then he said, "It will be all the better when I take your innocence." At that point he lifted his loin cloth and moved towards the maiden fully prepared to take her in front of her husband, but remember, we said she was to be unsullied. What happened? Well, as the sea contains mysteries, so one happened on this day. A school of Sting Rays, Jelly fish, and a giant squid converged on Proteus. Lacking his anti-venom, he was stung repeatedly and rendered sterile. A laughing stock, he fled the city being chased by a couple of cod and a lobster. He swore revenge, and later found a city named Cavercus where he reigned havoc on the fair kingdom for a number of years. Well that is a story told to us by grandad, and we hope you enjoyed hearing it as much as we enjoyed sharing our first Werther's Original candy with him before he went senile. Thank you. The End. odO$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.odO$|$Obo.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$Obo ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern | | Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com | |___________________________________________________| odO$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.$Obo.odO$|$Obo.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$.odO$Obo Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern #55-03/08/99 All content is property of The Neo-Comintern. You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.