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    t h e  n e o - c o m i n t e r n   e l e c t r o n i c  m a g z i n e
                   I n s t a l l m e n t  N u m b e r  6 9

                        .WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
                         .June 30th, 1999
                          .Editor: BMC
                           .Writers:      
                            .Gnarly Wayne
                             .BMC


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                                                                        ";P'
                        Featured in this installment:                    `$
                                                                         ;P
                    How To Be 3lite- BMC and Gnarly Wayne                d'
                                                                        ;P
                                                                        d'.
 .,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;

                               EDITOR'S NOTE

        Synopsis of this issue: If you jizz on a 2400 baud you are elite.  If
you fantasize about a 9600 while doing it, you are a lamer.


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                                                                        ";P'
                              HOW TO BE 3L!+3                            d'
                           by BMC and Gnarly Wayne                      ;P
                                                                        d'.
 .,;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;,"*,;

        The first you need is a /<rad friend to be 3LiT3 with.  Drive to a
park with at least two young girls in it.  Take a beaten chair and carry it
half a mile to a large hill.  Carry it up the hill and roll it down the
slide.  Beat the crap out of it for 3 minutes and then carry it to a river.
Throw it in the river.  Make love to the young girls and get a ratty couch.
Carry it to the same river and through it in.  Get another couch and throw it
on top of the other couch.  Anally rape the young girls and drive home.

        Get your friend Gnarly Wayne to come into town and hang out and
pretend not to be a couple of lamers.  Get drunk at 5:00 pm and drive to the
park and commit acts outlined in the first paragraph.  Then say goodbye to
Wayne as he leaves for a party that you have been informed that you are not
allowed to go to and hang out all day and night and get drunk again at 4:00
the next day, and then sit around and play You Don't Know Jack and write
some 3L!+3 artiK3Lz.

When you run out of one drink, mix another.

        Invite a friend over to your house, shave his head, and start a big
fire in the back alley.  When your neighbour asks what's going on, tell him
that everything is ok, then leave the blaze, go inside, and kick his ass at
a game of Boloz.

        Pick up some pizza drunk, only in swim trunks, and dripping wet. You
will get free bread sticks.

        Smoke some |)oP3 at a friend's house and then go and make some pipe
bombs.  Blow them up in a park where kids are playing baseball, and then go
and smoke some more p0+ off the b|_4/>3z.  Then start a rabbit on fire and
beat the hell out of your friend for confessing that he is in love with your
girlfriend.  Chase him into his own bedroom and beat him until he is unable
to hold back his tears.

        Go to the ferry dock at midnight only by idleing down the back roads.
When you get near, the lights will go off because the ferry master will not
want you to go onto the ferry. Start going back, still idleing. Being the
passenger, get out and run along beside the truck. When you fall over, it
will be k-rad because the driver will have also gotten out and fallen over.
Chase the truck and scream at it. If the truck crashes off the road, you are
not elite.

        Have a party where you invite bunch of people that you met off the
BBS message board circuit.  Call up the Ninja Network crew and invite them
to Marcelinville where you remark that one guy sounds like "a cross between
B-Real and Eazy-E," and then take notes as he maks out with a BBS slough pig
in your bedroom.

        Make some zombies and send them to Zombies4Life by registered mail.
You will win a /<rad badge of Beefyness.

        Go for a walk and blow up a bunch of firecrackers in an underground
tunnel until you are deaf. Make sure their is a piece of human shit in the
tunnel and make sure Gnarly Wayne steps in it.

        Go onto ICQ and create a huge con on some unsuspecting girl named
Karli. The con consists of having one person in constant chat whilst
talking with the con friend on the phiznone. The friend changes his nickname
and you bring him into chat. Start up a conversation and end up pretending to
hate this "friend". Threaten to nUkE him. Karli will think you are being
mean. Say you are nuking him and have him exit chat, looking like he was
nuked. Open up an independant chat with the friend. Have him change his
background color, font size, etc. and nicknam. Bring him back into the chat
with Karli and repeat the above process. After doing this for 7 hours, hope
that Karli will not get upset after reading this article and will be the
Neo-Comintern's "Roni".

        Invite a complete stranger to your house and make them become
acquainted with the modern-dae phenom known as "The Aminal".  Get the Maminal
to pick you up and insist that you are not riding shotgun.  Burn the back
of The Death Jester's seats while Gnarly Wayne cringes in fear.  Drive around
jumping medians and driving through muddy fields while listening to some very
loud heavy metal musak.  Then drive to Stuglin's and hide in the basement
watching "The Wall" until you hear the Maminal peel out.  Then walk 2 miles
back to your house and thank god that Animal didn't follow you for the rest of
your life.  Then phone him up when you're looking for war3Z.

      Go to a dance in the hard to find city of Marcelinville. Mind your own
business at the dance. The only thing you can do is dance while still sitting
on the chair. While leaving, some assholes will start shit with you. Get into
Black Francis's car and pull out the 4.5. Point it at the assholes. They will
not be afraid. Pull out another 4.5 and point that as well. They will be
afraid but still not afraid enough to not kick the car as you peel out.

      Take a really cool song and take the phrase "Doffadoofadoofadoofa"
out of it and then rerecord a crappy version of it.  Since it was platinum
in the first place, your version will be gold and people will think that
you wrote the song.  Make sure not to give any props to the original artist
and you will make lots of money.

        Throw a knife at your wall. If it doesn't stick, you are k-rad.

        Throw a knife at your DJ.  If it sticks, you are \<-/~4D
               
                                                       
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    ___________________________________________________
   |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
   |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
   | BRING ON THE NIGHT                 (306) 373-4218 |
   | CLUB PARADISE                      (306) 978-2542 |
   | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME           (306) 373-9778 |
   |___________________________________________________|
   |   Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern   |
   |           Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com           |
   |___________________________________________________|

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 Copyright 1999 by The Neo-Comintern                            #69-06/30/99

All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
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