nnnnnn nnn nnn nnn $ $$ $ $$ $$b $ $$ $$nd$b .d$$b. $`$b $ .d$$b. .d$$b. $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $ `$b $ $$ $$ $$ $$ nnn $$ $$ $$ $$"""" $ `$b$ $$"""" $$ $$ """ nSSn nSSi SSn "Sbnn" nSn `SS "Sbnn" "SbdS" .nP"=$$ $P nnn TM $$ "" `n' n$$nnn $$ .d$$b. $$$nd$bnd$b nnn $$$nd$b $$ .d$$b. $$$nd$b $$$nd$b $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ S$ $$ $$ $$ i$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$"""" $$ $$ $$ "SbndS" "SbdS" nSSi SSn SSn nSSi nSSi SSn "Sbn" "Sbnn" nSSi nSSi SSn .......... ......... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. . . . . . . . . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... .......... t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 9 9 LANOITANRETNI ht5 EHT ERA EW - WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL 0002 ,ht02 hcraM - March 20th, 2000 CMB :rotidE - Editor: BMC :sretirW - Writers: B edarmoK - Komrade B CMB - BMC d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. ;P Featured in this installment .b $ $ $ Hampster Dance Rebuttle- Komrade B $ $ I'm Dead Inside- BMC $ `q p' `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' EDITOR'S NOTE Today we have some very special articles for you, our loving audience. The first is a posthumous release from the late Sir Komrade B. In this article he lovingly attacks Cog's opinion of the Hamsterdance site as expressed in "Fuck This Shit, And Kill The Man Who Made It" (issue 87). He makes several valid points in it, and you will note that some of his merchandising ideas have now become reality on our ordering page. The second article, well, it kinda speaks for itself. Bye. d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. ;P HAMPSTER DANCE REBUTTLE .b `q by Komrade B p' `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' Okay so I am sitting here and I am totally listening to the hamster dance webpage. Cog hates it and that is his opinion, but his opinion is fucking retarded. I am going to compare the hampsterdance site to our own site, The Comintern. First of all this the hampsterdance site is l33t, and man can those hamsters dance. They could be the most generous creatures in the world. They dance without rest for months at a time, and receive no payment for their service. The music played on the site is top notch and the perfect setting for some of the internet's best merchandise. The Comintern has no dancing hampsters. In fact, there is no music or dancing things anywhere (Unless you count that lame ass javascript of me closing in on the camera trying to eat you). Then I look to see if The Comintern is selling anything. The only thing I see is the hard copy edition of The Comintern, which is really second rate at best, highly overpriced, and I think we used the copies we had for toilet paper during the rapture. Hampster 1 Comintern 0. The first thing I see in the hampsterdance store is some sweat shirts and T-Shirts of the hampsters. These look pretty Kewl and they are durable pre-shrunk cotton. These are the perfect gifts for that work-aholic family member or co-worker. The hardest working critters on the internet for the hardest working person in the company. Now granted, if you bought or wear one of these shirts you are a big fag, but then again if you are a real hard worker you already are one and an idiot to boot. Everyone knows this country was built with hard work but maintained with slothfulness. The Comintern does not offer any sort of clothing line. It's really a shame, because I think there should be some shirts of each of the writers picture on them. I have a pic of myself, BMC, and B-Funk in a dogpile on the couch. You could put that picture on the front and put the word "Gang Bang" on the back. That would get people's attention, and a point for The Comintern. Instead, since both sites pull lame, I award no score. OOOwwww! Coffee mugs are next on the list. I usually get coffee mugs for free from all sorts of sources in fact I think people would be rather retarded to actually go out and purchase a mug. (I don't even know where they would sell them), but since hampsterdance is kewl I wouldn't mind shelling out 6 bucks american plus shipping and handling for one mug especially when the mugs have been marked down from 13 bucks! I actually called to make an order for one mug and they told me if I ordered four I would get the fourth free. I replied "No shit! You mean I could buy four mugs for only 18 bucks plus shipping and handling?" I converted that to Canadian and figured I would have to pay 29.37 in Canadian funds for everything. It was still a great deal but then I learned about the GST which would tack on another 2.10 and since I only sold out for 30 bucks I never bought the mugs. The Comintern does not have any mugs nor do they offer any sort of appliances for the purpose of drinking. I once suggested to BMC that we each take a block of clay and stick or erect manhoods into the clay. Then we could bake the clay and fashion goblets. The liquid would pour into and be contained by the imprints our manhoods left in the clay. My mugs would be marketed as tankards, whereas BMC would market his a children glasses with the cute name "Lil Squirt." He never liked this idea, so no mugs where made and The Comintern gets no points. The hampster site on gets 1/2 a point because their mugs are l337 but GST wouldn't let me get them. Next up we have some sort of hampster doll for sale. They are 8 inches tall and only 2000 of them were made, and for some reason they are only a buck more then the regular price of the coffee mugs. I actually inquired if there was actually only two thousand of them in existence and they informed me that there were in fact only that many made. I then asked if they should be worth more than beanie babies. They replied that they may one day be, but I disagreed and said that there hampsters sucked ass, and the only reason they were so cheap is because they filled them with asbestos. They hung up on me neither denying the fact or admitting to it. The Comintern has no dolls and that is a good thing. Dolls are lame. Hampsterdance 2.5 Comintern 0. The Hampster Dance site has a policy list. I never read it and realized I had already violated three things on the list as well as two American laws which included defamation of character. 1). I stole BMC's credit card to buy all the things of their site, which I found out you cannot do. 2). I called and asked repeatedly if I could buy a screen saver of the hampster dance for my friend Cog. I even went so far as to spam on ICQ and news groups to see if any hackers had made one. 3). I am 12 years old. 4). I thought the hampster was ten feet tall. Lastly the hampster dance site has no real articles, whereas The Comintern has many articles and I even wrote some of them and some of those articles are not that bad either!! I asked the makers of the hampster dance why they never wrote any articles, and they replied, "We don't have time to write articles. We are too busy selling out!!" Well, I thought that was deadly, and I put the hampster dance site ahead of The Comintern for the l337 site of the year by a score of 22 - 16. If we make a few changes to be more like the hampster site I believe The Comintern will win next year. The End. d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. ;P I'M DEAD INSIDE .b `q by BMC p' `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' In my opinion, the most underused phrase in the English language is "I'm dead inside." Sure it gets used every once in awhile, but once in awhile is not enough. The words are language to my ears, though. I think my favorite thing about the phrase is that I don't know what it means! It could mean that you have become devoid of emotion, or maybe it means that your kidneys stopped working, or maybe it could mean something that I haven't even thought of! It's ambiguous, and that's one awesome thing it's got going for it. I humbly bow to the magnificance of this phrase. It has been stuck in my mind ever since I asked my girlfriend how her day had been and she said, "I'm dead inside." I looked at her for a second and then I erupted with laughter because it was just so funny. Then I poked her stomach with my finger and said, "you're not dead in there!" She started laughing, so I guess she wasn't really dead inside after all. I guess I took things too far after that. For the rest of the day I continually approached strangers and told them I was dead inside. I guess most of them didn't know how to take the news, because they'd usually just ignore me or walk away. In the past couple of days, I've determined that "I'm dead inside" is the greatest phrase since "hi," and I'd like to encourage you to use it as much as possible. I think it would be really funny if this term came to replace "I love you" as the most often said and least often meant phrase in the human dictionary. Then we can finally start production on the three cent coin. .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b. ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern | | Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com | |___________________________________________________| .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b. Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #99-03/20/00 All content is property of The Neo-Comintern. You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.