88P'888'Y88 888 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ P' 888 'Y 888 ee ,e e, $$ 888 888 88b d88 88b $$ 888 888 888 888 , the weekly capitalist electronic magazine $$ 888 888 888 "YeeP" "fucking the world slowly and painfully" $$ installment number 115 $$ July 20th, 2000 $$ Y8b Y8b Y888P 888 888 $$ Y8b Y8b Y8P ,e e, ,e e, 888 ee 888 Y8b Y888P $$ Y8b Y8b Y d88 88b d88 88b 888 P 888 Y8b Y8P $$ Y8b Y8b 888 , 888 , 888 b 888 Y8b Y $$ Y8P Y "YeeP" "YeeP" 888 8b 888 888 $$ 888 $$ 888 $$ e88'Y88 ,e, d8 888 ,e, d8 $$ d888 'Y ,"Y88b 888 88e " d88 ,"Y88b 888 " dP"Y d88 $$ C8888 "8" 888 888 888b 888 d88888 "8" 888 888 888 C88b d88888 $$ Y888 ,d ,ee 888 888 888P 888 888 ,ee 888 888 888 Y88D 888 $$ "88,d88 "88 888 888 88" 888 888 "88 888 888 888 d,dP 888 $$ 888 $$ 888 $$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Editor: The Capitalism Monster Writer/Slave: BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Featured in this installment Capitalism works!: an entrepenurial success story- BMC Ask an expert: Racism- BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ MONSTER'S NOTE As you learned last week, from the words of BMC himself, the world is improving little by little, one victory at a time. I have crushed another dangerous and destructive arm of communism, a.k.a. "The Neo-Comintern," and have replaced it with the pure and wonderful message of capitalism. You can now sleep soundly in your bed at night, knowing that you no longer have to be afraid that your children will gain "social consciousness" from reading the commie rhetoric posted by the BMC in his evil magazine. Yes, I know you are probably shedding tears of appreciation right now and would like to shower me with thanks and praise for making the world a better place, a safer place, a more consumer-friendly place, but I assure you, it was nothing. I believe it is my God-ordained duty to ensure that capitalism holds its proper place as the world-order and I will go to any lengths to see that duty through. (If you really feel you must thank me though, you can send all fan mail to capitalism_monster@hotmail.com). Now, readers of BMC's former zine will recall that it was filled with satirical filth meant to lead you astray - away from the rational and sensible way of private ownership, class structure, monopolization of power and hierarchical distribution of wealth. I want to assure you that things will be a lot different now. "The Weekly Capitalist" will bring you nothing but straight talk about the issues that face every capitalist in daily life. Here, you'll get the latest stories in right-wing news and I'm sure you'll find them intelligent, motivational and touching. You will also be treated to advertisements that will entertain you and, at the same time, make me lots of money. So, it is simple to see the logic of capitalism - everybody wins! BMC is giggling with delight at the moment; he is so happy in his present lifestyle that he cannot believe he ever fought against me. Of course, the outcome was predetermined so he had no hope of beating me anyway - everybody knows that capitalism always wins. On that positive note, let us get down to the substance of this week's installment. We have wonderful articles for you this week detailing the successes that capitalism has to offer so get out your credit cards, because there's no such thing as a rainy day. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ CAPITALISM WORKS!: AN ENTREPRENEURIAL SUCCESS STORY by BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Today on the way home from work I walked by some kids who were selling Kool-Aids on the street corner. As I approached they asked me if I would please buy a cup of "juice" from them. I don't see how I could have passed up that offer. First of all, juice is healthy and the perfect drink for a hot summer day. Second, I would have given money to these kids even if they were merely begging for it; giving me a glass of juice is a great exchange for a nickel, or whatever the price may be. Third, there is the slight chance that these children are my offspring and the product of union between me and some lady who used me on a crisp autumn evening several years ago. I felt great for deciding to buy the juice; but, as the transaction progressed I felt that I was being used for something sinister. First of all, they charged me 40 cents. Now, I learned everything I know about economics from the old video game Lemonade Stand and one thing it taught me is that the more you charge the less you will sell. Ahh, but here is the trick. The children didn't have the price posted anywhere and by the time you agree to buy the juice from them it's too late to negotiate the terms of the sale. Very shrewd, kids. Children 1, BMC 0 As I paid them, they informed me that I could have grape or tutti- fruity flavour. Flavour? Hey wait, that's not juice at all but flavoured water! Well doesn't that blow?! Juice and sugar water are NOT the same thing. One immediately apparent difference is that one is worth 40 cents and the other is worth, as I believe the saying goes, pennies a glass. Children 2, BMC 0 They gave it to me in a styrofoam cup. Children 3, BMC (and his environmental concerns) 0 It tasted fucking terrible. This is just a guess, but it may have been tainted with urine like the batch my friends and I whipped up for fun day when we were in grade 8. Children 4, BMC 0 So there I was with a cup of crappy no-name brand, flavoured, shitty, Regina lake-water - and I was 40 cents poorer to boot. The children had used the oldest tricks captialism had to offer: the lemonade-stand-ambush and the bait-and-switch. The only solution I could think of was to teach these kids a little something that my friend Adam Smith calls free-market economy. The next day after work I set up a lemonade stand right next to theirs, only mine featured fresh hand-squeezed lemonade in crystal glasses. I posted a sign that read "BMC-brand Lemonade: A Capitalist's Delight!" and I undercut those kids by 50%. Sure, I lost about ten dollars for every glass I watched the strangers walk away with, but hey, I have a side job that I can safely say earns me quite a bit more money than whatever these kids do when they're not peddling drinks to old ladies. I lost about 500 bucks that day but I accomplished everything I set out to do. I ran those kids out of business and taught them a hard lesson about life. No matter how hard you try to succeed in the world of capitalism, there will always be someone who has a better gimik than you do and is willing to wipe you out for sport. Speaking of which, my lemonade stand has been doing so well over the past few days that they are setting up a 7-11 right accross the street from my operation. I'm not bitter though. The multi-billion dollar American corporation might wipe me out but at least it will take every other small business out with me. Ahh, now THAT is what captialism is really all about - huge businesses making it impossible for average people to financially succeed! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ASK AN EXPERT: RACISM by BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ "Rasicm is bad, right BMC?" -Jason, age 13 Racism isn't really that bad, in fact, it's kinda positive if you look at it the right way (my way). He'res the way I look at it. I'm better than everyone else, so therefore my race of whatever-the-hell-I-am is better than any other race! Note that when I say "race" I am talking about the human race and the other people I refer to are bats, kats, and labe brats. I am racist and proud of it! They say that racism stems from ignorance, but as you can see I have really thought this through! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern | | Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com | |___________________________________________________| .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b. Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #115-07/20/00 All content is property of The Neo-Comintern/Weekly Capitalist. You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.