88P'888'Y88 888 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ P' 888 'Y 888 ee ,e e, $$ 888 888 88b d88 88b $$ 888 888 888 888 , the weekly capitalist electronic magazine $$ 888 888 888 "YeeP" "fucking the world slowly and painfully" $$ installment number 120 $$ Septemper 2nd, 2000 $$ Y8b Y8b Y888P 888 888 $$ Y8b Y8b Y8P ,e e, ,e e, 888 ee 888 Y8b Y888P $$ Y8b Y8b Y d88 88b d88 88b 888 P 888 Y8b Y8P $$ Y8b Y8b 888 , 888 , 888 b 888 Y8b Y $$ Y8P Y "YeeP" "YeeP" 888 8b 888 888 $$ 888 $$ 888 $$ e88'Y88 ,e, d8 888 ,e, d8 $$ d888 'Y ,"Y88b 888 88e " d88 ,"Y88b 888 " dP"Y d88 $$ C8888 "8" 888 888 888b 888 d88888 "8" 888 888 888 C88b d88888 $$ Y888 ,d ,ee 888 888 888P 888 888 ,ee 888 888 888 Y88D 888 $$ "88,d88 "88 888 888 88" 888 888 "88 888 888 888 d,dP 888 $$ 888 $$ 888 $$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Editor: The Capitalism Monster Writer/Slave: BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Featured in this installment The second gender- BMC Ask an expert: Drugs- BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ MONSTER'S NOTE Whatever. This issue sucks and I just want to let you know up front because a Capitalist never lies. BMC, in a fit of self-presumption, tried to start a union this week. Of course, I took disciplinary action against him; there will be no more insurrections. I think his humiliation might be amusing to some of you so I will fill you in on these events. On Monday, BMC erected a statue of his own penis in the office lunchroom as a sign of his independence and freedom. He stood near it and kept yelling to anyone within earshot, "Come on over!" (I must mention that while he was up to these antics he was, of course, not working or writing articles) Everyone in the office ignored him because they all knew that I would fire them if they dared to join his rash and unadvised rebellion. By Wednesday he began to realize that he would be ALONE in his attempt to escape me and he grew desperate. The sight of BMC foaming at the mouth and screaming "IMPERIUS REX!" over and over was pathetic to say the least. I decided to let his little drama play out until the end of the week because I felt that the powerful experience of utter rejection and ostracism would humble him properly. Of course, I was right. On Friday, BMC crawled into my office on his hands and knees, tears in his eyes, begging me not to fire him, begging me to SAVE him. I played with his emotions for a while, telling him he had gone too far this time and there was nothing I could do. I made him do hard labour for a couple of days in an underground concentration camp where he was forced to shovel the dead bodies of socialists onto heaps of burning coals. That did the trick. I called him into my office and told him he could have his old job back as long as the quality of his articles improved. He assured me that it would be nothing but solid gold from now on. I then told him his articles for this week were due and asked him to give them to me. He stared at me frightened for a moment and then turned his back, walked to the corner and scrawled something on a napkin. Capitalists are punctual and that is a fact. Therefore, I am bringing you BMC's terrible articles, partially because I need to fill space and partially because I am delighted to demean him further by exposing his lack of talent to the world. Read and enjoy (or don't - I couldn't care less). $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ This week our sponsor is the only good site on the Internet. That's right, The Weekly Capitalist ! Visit the site today and download all of the most recent and hard-hitting pro-capitalist propaganda that can only be dished out by these masters of the free-market economy. NOTE: We are not getting paid for advertizing this link, but the owners of ther page do make money every time the page is reloaded, so go ahead and put some more money in the Swiss bank accounts of these fine heterosexual young Christian males. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ THE SECOND GENDER by BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ It is a well-known fact that ten percent of the people have control over ninety percent of the world. But, before I go any further, I would like to say that this is a good thing because if the other ninety percent of people got any power they would just mess everything up. Those lazy supid losers don't know anything about running things and the only way that they have any worth at all is as part of the machinery of post-industrialism. That being said, I would like for you to forget about it for the moment as I make my real point. Look at that ten percent that composes the upper caste. LOOK AT THEM! They all have something in common: None of them are women. There is a simple reason for this and it is that women are not worth anything. In fact, women are just dead-weight that all of the other genders have to bear. When you really think about it, it is obvious that women serve no purpose in society. They do nothing but be mean and slam the door when you try to show them how the windows on the new car work. Despite these facts, some idiots of society think we should treat members of the female race as equals. I disagree strongly, and this is why: First of all, some say that women are only good for one thing. I don't think that is true. The reality of the situation is that women don't even know how to have sex properly. Oral sex, for example, does not result in procreation. As far as I know, there is no productive purpose for this, so I am dismissing it as completely worthless. Plus it hurts. Speaking of sex, women always try to be into all kinds of cool things in bed when you first meet them but then after a couple of days they just want to do boring things like sex. Jumping on the bed is way more fun than that. And speaking of playing games, it seems when I am on a date often the girl I am with wants to do things like play make believe. I don't play make believe though. The only exception is when I am having sex and I imagine that I am skrewing a pile of money (a blend of American ones and fives peppered with some twenties). Ok, and here is my last and most important point, women have breasts. As far as I can tell these things serve no point but to be an excuse for laziness. Who's going to force someone with breasts to help carry a couch? No one. That's it, I'm never helping a woman move ever again in my life unless I see fifty bucks up front. In fact, I'm never helping a woman do anything ever again. We know they are inferior and I think it is time to start treating them as such. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ASK AN EXPERT: DRUGS by BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ "Hey BMC, I think that drugs are bad but my older brother sayd they were kewl. What?" -Carrot Carrot, it makes me proud to know that this hot topic that's been in my heart for ages is finally going to grace the 640x480 screen. Carl Marks talked about the "plight" (boo hoo) of the proletariat and said that there was an opium that was the religious of the masses or something like that. Well I'm not sure what he was talking about, but he was right. The masses (as in kiligrams, not people in the churches) need drugs and plenty of them in order to shut the hell up and stop bugging us rich peoples. So I say keep em on drugs. It keeps them happy. If it weren't for being high they would be worried about things like their rights and how they don't have any, but as I have said on numerous occasions they have the right to work and the right to shut the fuck up. If getting drunk and high keeps that edge off and keeps the working class mildly satisfied then nothing will change and there is nothing for us to worry about. Oh right, and the other thing is that if we keep drugs illegal then the working class will feel like criminals. That's great, because they'll stay low and out of my way. As long as they are criminals they will be coy and never make a stand for themselves. That's the way it ought to be. Yeah sure we could make things equal, but why bother? The weak make for easy pikkkins! Fuck em! Fuck em! Fuck the working poor! As long as they keep putting dollaz in my pockets that is all I care about. So the answer to your question on drugs is simple... we should neither legalize them or enforce laws against drug abuse. As the Capitalism Monster would say, "How KKKapital!" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern | | Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com | |___________________________________________________| .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b. Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #120-09/02/00 All content is property of The Neo-Comintern/Weekly Capitalist. You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. 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