88P'888'Y88 888 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ P' 888 'Y 888 ee ,e e, $$ 888 888 88b d88 88b $$ 888 888 888 888 , the weekly capitalist electronic magazine $$ 888 888 888 "YeeP" "fucking the world slowly and painfully" $$ installment number 121 $$ Septemper 10th, 2000 $$ Y8b Y8b Y888P 888 888 $$ Y8b Y8b Y8P ,e e, ,e e, 888 ee 888 Y8b Y888P $$ Y8b Y8b Y d88 88b d88 88b 888 P 888 Y8b Y8P $$ Y8b Y8b 888 , 888 , 888 b 888 Y8b Y $$ Y8P Y "YeeP" "YeeP" 888 8b 888 888 $$ 888 $$ 888 $$ e88'Y88 ,e, d8 888 ,e, d8 $$ d888 'Y ,"Y88b 888 88e " d88 ,"Y88b 888 " dP"Y d88 $$ C8888 "8" 888 888 888b 888 d88888 "8" 888 888 888 C88b d88888 $$ Y888 ,d ,ee 888 888 888P 888 888 ,ee 888 888 888 Y88D 888 $$ "88,d88 "88 888 888 88" 888 888 "88 888 888 888 d,dP 888 $$ 888 $$ 888 $$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Editor: The Capitalism Monster Writer/Slave: BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Featured in this installment How to defend capitalism- BMC Ask an expert: Communism- BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ MONSTER'S NOTE I am going to use my note this week to discuss a common misconception among Canadians. Nationalistic Canadians often complain about that neighbouring country to the South, yeah you know which one I'm talking about, the United States of America. Now, nationalism is a very good thing but I assure you that any anger or resentment aimed at the good people of the U.S.A. is misdirected. Some people say that they hate the fact that Canada is bombarded by capitalistic propaganda force-fed us by our big brother next door. Their claims, however, are simply not true. The citizens of the United States are humble, peace-loving people who are only looking after our best interests. They are our friends and would never exploit us in any way. Now, I can agree that it is true that we watch their T.V. and movies, shop at their stores, vacation in their cities, fuel their economy by selling their products and of course, we gave them William Shatner and James Doohan… It may also be true that they make claim to the title "America" although in all of North, Central and South America, they are only one country among numerous others. These things are not terrible though, I tell you. In fact I believe our southern neighbours have a lot to teach us. I am proud when I find that our national, provincial and municipal politics are changing to reflect the ideals that have been so perfectly modelled for us. There is a danger near us though, a nearby one at that. This next- door neighbour is a hazard to us and is all the more threatening because no one ever talks about it and so it has gone unchecked for a very long time. No, I'm not talking about Quebec, I'm talking about the horrible NORTHERN country which threatens the purity of our national identity and race - The North West Territories. This country is horrible because it floods the United States with propaganda so that they believe all Canadians live in igloos and skate to school, even though we know that it is only the North West Territorians who wear polar bear fur and carve snow-shoes out of mammoth tusks. Those people from up north are stuck up and arrogant. They think they are better than us because they eat raw meat with their bare hands in minus forty degree (Fahrenheit) weather, even though they have fire available to them. Now, I've noticed that there is an air of silence around the whole "NWT" debate. It seems no one wants to offend those sumo-wrestlers that live up north. They may think they're tough and all that, but remember, we have an army. It may be a small one compared to most other countries in the world but I'm pretty sure it could destroy all signs of life above the 49th parallel. It is time to take action, my friends. Join me in my search for equality between countries. Say "NO!" to the Northern Threat; Say "YEA!" to everything else (especially all things capitalist). $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The sponsor of the week is our lord and my personal savior Jesus Christ. Make sure to visit his website and free yourself from Satan's plagues on our world which include (but are not limited to) science, magic, communism, rationalism and homosexuality. Jesus loves us all, but he will kill you and send you to hell if you try to fuck with his shit, so go to his website and pray for forgiveness. Also note that each hit he gets will take a day off of my stay in Purgatory. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ HOW TO DEFEND CAPITALISM by BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Sometimes someone will come up to you and say, "Hey, capitalism is bad. There are about five kinds of ways you can defend capitalism, so listen closely and arm yourself with tools to convert the subverter. 1) Pretend to ignore them. If mountains don't care, why should you? 2) Beat them up. This one will hit them by surprise because it has rarely been done before. 3) Tell them it is the Sabbath and they are not allowed to work. When they stop working, tell their boss and they will get fired. 4) Eat a sandwich and don't offer any to them (note: this also works with zombies). If this doesn't convert them, nothing will. 5) I don't feel like writing any more so be imaginative and make up your own but don't make it too good or the Capitalism Monster will enslave you and you will have to sleep on the floor and write two articles a week until your creativity is totally drained. The end. p.s. Don't get hoodwinked! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ASK AN EXPERT: COMMUNISM by BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ "What would it be like to live in a communist society?" -V.I. Lenin I think it would be bad. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ PART FOUR by BMC $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Captain's Log Stardate: 5432.1 Apparently the Capitalism Monster never lets his guard down. I have heard rumours among the prisoners of an ancient race that populated this galaxy a hundred thousand years ago. At this I laugh and offer them the true story. I tell the tales of Atlantis and all are amazed. I think I may be able to recruit them to my cause. We agree that we like the food here in the Kaves of Kapitalism but miss the light of truth. I am weak, I am tired, and I am old, but I believe that the Capitalism Monster can be defeated. Time is essential because my mental health is deteriorating. I have been listening to Revolution Number Nine over and over again and it is giving me ideas. BMC out. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern | | Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com | |___________________________________________________| .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b. Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #121-09/10/00 All content is property of The Neo-Comintern/Weekly Capitalist. You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.