_ _ _ ____. _ _ ____. ____ FJ_ FJ L] F___ J F L L] F ___J F __ ] J _| J |__| L '-__| L J \| L J |___: J |--| L ______ | |-' | __ | |__ ( | |\ | | _____| | | | | |______| F |__-. F L__J J .-____] J F L\\ J F L____: F L__J J L______J \_____/J__L J__LJ\______/F J__L \\__LJ________LJ\______/F J_____F|__L J__| J______F |__L J__||________| J______F ___ ____ __ __ __ _ _ ____ ____. _ _ ,"___". F _ ] F \/ ] / J F L L] F___ ] F___ J _ ___ F L L] FJ---L] J |/ | L J |\__/| L LFJ J \| L'--7 / '-__| L J '__ ",J \| L J | LJ | | /| | | |'--'| | J L | |\ | / // |__ ( | |__|-J| |\ | | \___--. F /_J J F L J J J L F L\\ J J L.-____] J F L '-'F L\\ J J\_____/FJ\______/FJ__L J__LJ__LJ__L \\__LJ__LJ\______/FJ__L J__L \\__L J_____F J______F |__L J__||__||__L J__||__| J______F |__L |__L J__| -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 1 5 2 We Are the New International April 29th, 2001 Editor: BMC Writers: Gnarly Wayne BMC d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. ;P Featured in this installment .b $ $ $ A Play with Cats - Gnarly Wayne $ $ Things That I Am Afraid Of: Showers - BMC $ `q p' `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' EDITOR'S NOTE (please do not read the following) Well well well, what do we have here today? -Two Articles. Number One is a spectacular play written by Gnarly Wayne. This journey into the consciousness of the cat is guaranteed to make you "laugh and cry"(C), and you'll be screaming "auteur" for daze to come. As a side note, I believe Gnarly Wayne wrote this play as a response to the disturbing lack of cat roles in tv and theatre; this is a story by cats, for cats to perform and for cats to enjoy. Wait a second. It's NOT by a cat! Gnarly Wayne is actually a human! So this raises all kinds of questions about the human appropriation of cat culture, but I won't get into that because I'm not even sure where I would start. Look in future issues for a series of journals criticizing the appropriation of cat culture, because I am certain that they will be sent to us. Article Number Two is part of something that I have working on, the "Things That I Am Afraid Of" series. It is emotionally powerful and "brutally honest"(C). I just hope it's scary enought for you and I mean that from the bottom of my boogity shoop. d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. ;P A PLAY WITH CATS .b `q by Gnarly Wayne p' `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' Scene 1 (Fade in. Cat #1 and Cat #2 are lying on the grass of a national park. Tiger #1 is just off to the left of stage, sleeping.) Cat #1: Meow meow meow meow. Cat #2: Meow meow meow purr. (winks at Cat #1) Cat #1: Meow purrrr purrrr MeOw. Cat #2: mrrph? eoooow. (Tiger #1 wakes and saunters over to Cat #1 and #2) Tiger #1: Roar roar roar roar meow. Cat #1: MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW! Cat #2: ack ack ack bluck. (chokes on rage. Hairball soon follows) Tiger #1: ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR! Cat #1: Meow meow melow meow meow. Cat #2: pft pft pft. (claws at Tiger #1) Tiger #1: Yip yip yip yip. (exits stage right) Cat #1: purrr purrr purrr purrr. (cuddles up to Cat #2) Cat #2: Jeah. (Fade out. Audience applauds. Get paycheck.) d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. ;P THINGS THAT I AM AFRAID OF: SHOWERS .b `q by BMC p' `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' Showers - No, I'm not going to say that I'm afraid of them, but I'm afraid of what comes immediately before and immediately after them. By this I mean cold and hot water. My first shower fear is that someone will leave the plunger (forgive my ignorance - by "plunger" I am referring to the device on the tap that regulates whether the water flows through the tap or through the shower head) in the "up" position. This means that when I turn on the tap to test the water I will instead find an ice-cold spray violating my naked and vulnerable body. This will put me into a shock-like state, making my arteries expand and not allowing enough blood to flow through my body. Common symptoms are dizziness and nausea. This is a rare state that I usually only enter due to electrical shock or suffering a serious physical injury. My reflexes allow me to turn the water off immediately, but the next few seconds are spend in agonizing torment, leaving me unable to think anything but "Why?" and "Life can be terrible at times." My biggest concern is that this could be avoided if people just pushed the plunger down after they showered. I mean, entropy can cover certain things, but if the plunger isn't going down then one shouldn't think that gravity will eventually do the trick for them. Now don't get me wrong, I know it is a freak occurrence when people do not put the plunger down before when turning off the taps, but that makes the sub-zero hell all the less predictable and more soul-damaging. Now speaking of pushing the plunger down before turning the taps off, I have recently learned that there are some people who do not always follow the steps in this order (hence the occasional ice-cold-spray- surprise). Recently, my landlord replaced the shower head. The thing never worked since I moved in. It had no pressure and the only thing I can compare it to is a bucket with a single hole punched in it. The other thing is that the plunger would not go all the way up and even when the shower was dripping the main faucet would be wildly spraying water all over my legs and, strangely, the faucet water was always much hotter than the shower water, always managing to scald my legs while the shower water was yet too cold. So here comes the landlord replacing the shower head and fixing this plumbing problem, and when I come home there is a note saying that the new shower head should "last for 10 to 20 years" (actual quote from note), and something to the effect that I should not break it this tie or some equally accusational comment. In his list of ways to not break the shower (this time) was the instruction that I should always turn the water off before pressing the plunger down! Well I'll start out by saying that the new shower head works better and makes showering a bearable experience and perhaps occasionally a pleasurable one. The problem I have is with turning the water off before cutting the flow to the shower. I mean, what if I accidentally shut off most of the water except for a bit of cold? I would be frozen to death! And what if I couldn't shut the hot off with a single twist of my wrist? I would be boiled alive! I would be discovered in a burning, bubbling melted pile of flesh. It would be gruesome, but that's not what I am worried about here - listen - it would mean a painful and excruciating experience much like that which is experienced when the plunger is left on when I turn the taps on and I get sprayed by AHHHHHHHHHH So I think I might just start taking baths instead, but I'm not sure about this one yet - I'll update this report as I get more information. .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b. ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | TWILIGHT ZONE (905) 432-7667 | | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern | | Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com | |___________________________________________________| .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b. Copyright 2001 by The Neo-Comintern #152-04/29/01 All content is property of The Neo-Comintern. You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.