_ _ _ ____. _ _ ____. ____ FJ_ FJ L] F___ J F L L] F ___J F __ ] J _| J |__| L '-__| L J \| L J |___: J |--| L ______ | |-' | __ | |__ ( | |\ | | _____| | | | | |______| F |__-. F L__J J .-____] J F L\\ J F L____: F L__J J L______J \_____/J__L J__LJ\______/F J__L \\__LJ________LJ\______/F J_____F|__L J__| J______F |__L J__||________| J______F ___ ____ __ __ __ _ _ ____ ____. _ _ ,"___". F _ ] F \/ ] / J F L L] F___ ] F___ J _ ___ F L L] FJ---L] J |/ | L J |\__/| L LFJ J \| L'--7 / '-__| L J '__ ",J \| L J | LJ | | /| | | |'--'| | J L | |\ | / // |__ ( | |__|-J| |\ | | \___--. F /_J J F L J J J L F L\\ J J L.-____] J F L '-'F L\\ J J\_____/FJ\______/FJ__L J__LJ__LJ__L \\__LJ__LJ\______/FJ__L J__L \\__L J_____F J______F |__L J__||__||__L J__||__| J______F |__L |__L J__| -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 1 6 7 We Are the New International August 20th, 2001 Editor: BMC Writers: trilobyte Heckat BMC d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. ;P Featured in this installment .b $ $ $ scenarios - trilobyte $ $ Debates through Verse - Heckat and BMC $ `q p' `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' EDITOR'S NOTE (please do not read the following) My family was so poor that we couldnn't afford water. So when it snowed, we would melt the water, then we would wash our dishes in it, after which we would pour it into the washtub would and wash with it, then we would drink it and later wash our clothes in the piss. Then we would drink it again, and after that we would put it in the pig trough, using the pigs' sweat to water the garden, because it would be spring again by the time we were done with this process. (all lies - please believe it - i swear the rest of the issue is better) d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. ;P SCENARIOS .b `q by trilobyte p' `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' ok, scenario one: my girlfriend walks into a bar. a guy with brown hair and a "rattflag" t-shirt walks over to her, drink in hand. and he says: "hey, what's your name, baby?" with a sneer -- nay, GLEEFUL look of disdain -- on his face. and i haul off and punch him. i punch him, even though i'm not there. i punch him, because he doesn't understand -- he doesn't know all the work i've put into making this girl deaf -- all the punching and prodding and ear-removing and whatnot -- it takes a lot to make a girl deaf, screaming loudly into her ear, really REALLY loudly -- you know, so he doesn't understand. but she blindly looks at this man falling to the floor, not even knowing what he said to her. but i think she can assume. scenario two: my girlfriend walks into a bar. i follow. a guy sitting at the corner of the wooden, long bar says to her .. nAY, SHOUTS: "hey, NICE TITS!" and i scream -- i scream, so loud it almost makes my girlfriend deaf, i say, "HEY MAN, NOT EVEN AS NICE AS *YOUR* HOOTERS!" and i raise my arm and fist into the air, and then i run over to the bar and order myself a drink and pat the man on the back because he's my brother and man, he's always been able to appreciate a nice set of tits. scenario three: my girlfriend walks into a bar. a guy at the bar, at the corner of the long, L-shaped wooden bar with gambling games installed, he shouts: "HEY, NICE TITS!" and i walk over and punch them. my girlfriend doesn't appreciate this, she falls over, almost in some kind of horrendous pain -- but, you know, i thought since they were so firm they could take it. scenario FOUR: my girlfriend walks up to a bar after walking into the bar (and not ducking, HE EH E HEH E) and she orders herself a drink ... she doesn't even know that it's loaded with COCAINE and she becomes addicted and lives a life of pain and torture. scenario five: what's your name, baby? what's that name of yours? what'd your parents name that sweet carcass of yours? would you like to share that slot? give me some lovin, sweet fleshy thang. scenario SIX: my girlfriend walks into a bar. a guy at the gambling machine shouts, "HEY BABY, GIVE ME THEM TITS!" and she lifts up her yellow shirt above her head, just like they do on those college-girl television commercials, and the guys at the bar all hoot-and-holler and the guy with the video camera throws some beads at her. scenario SEVEN: my girlfriend walks into a bar. i hold her back with my right hand. i like the finesse of it, i like to caress the thing. it's quite fleshy. naw, it's not, i'm just playin'. eheh heehee eheheheh. so then this guy, he goes, "hey, man, show me your girlfriend's tits." so i break out this picture, this photograph, i've got with me -- i carry it with me in my wallet. i like to sell it for money. and the guy goes, "dude, man, that's sweet," and my girlfriend overhears, and she blushes, and she starts making out with the guy on my lap but i get a boner cos they're brushing up against it, and man this is sweet so scenario EIGHT: i go home with the two of them, and then i realize, you know what? this guy, this guy here, he SMELLS, and he hasn't given me any money. "why am i sticking around, i wonder. OH, i don't know and i go with it & offer him some deodorant. scenario NINE: my girlfriend's got rabies. i knew this would happen, it was written on that tablet thing i found in that cave. scenario TEN: what's my name? where am i? baby, lick my balls. scenario ELEVEN: this is nice, and gooey. i like all the blood surrounding me. this is quite delicious! mmm, steaky. " scenario TWELVE: i walk into a bar. my girlfriend is beside me. i stop digressing and just get to the point -- she sees her ex-boyfriend and stops holding hands with me. i don't know what to think -- what does she care? what does HE care? in fact, WHO EVEN CARES? the future's the future, the past's the past -- and exactly that. so i haul off and punch him. then i realize, she stopped holding hands with ME 'cause she was carressing the doorman's dick. oh... so who's the doorman? none other than NICHOLAS CAGE. the fucking sellout. see scenario #eight. scenario THIRTEEN (for good luck) my girlfriend's tits are in my face. i say to her, "momma, i love the way you be lovin' me." i say, "i love that shit." then she looks over at me, she looks away from the Matisse painting she'd been looking at, she looks over at me, she says: " duddddee, HEHEHE HEHEHEHEHEHEH H HE HH E HEHEH hdduduude,, h HEH EHHEHEH there's bumps on the walls HE HE HEHE HEHEH EHE" and then i realize, bitch-slap, i realize ... w hat the fuck??@!$@??$@!@!?$$@?!?@!$?@$!?$@! you know>..>!>?>! meta-language, man. HEH EHEHEH H EHEHEHHEEHHEHEH EH E HEH fuck'n a. bye. d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b. ;P DEBATES THROUGH VERSE .b `q by Heckat and BMC p' `nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn' Below find a fierce debate regarding asceticism and reckless indulgence. Does starvation invite loneliness, enlightenment, or both? Is gluttony the path to an early grave, or does it help one to win friends? Does the solution to all of our problems lie somewhere in a forgotten horticultural past? All these questions and more will be answered for you in innocent, yet provocative, poetic verses originally inspired by the ingenious words of one, WB Yeats. You will be moved to tears and laughter as the dialogue eventually culminates in an amazing philosophical metaphor for life, the universe, and love. It's certain that fine women eat A crazy salad with their meat - Yeats Heckat: If green eggs and ham were women's meat What more crazy salad could they eat? BMC: If women ate green eggs and swine I know with them I would not dine Heckat: If you were a lady, you'd have to behave And eat eggs and pig, if that's what they gave. BMC: If you were a man, then naught but pork And fish (and eggs) would fill your fork. Heckat: I'd wash my protein down with rye And of heart failure, early die. BMC: If gluttony will lead me to death's gate I will fast, not feast, but hunger for bait. Heckat: Enlightenment may be gained from a fast - Clarifying future, present, and past. BMC: Though interested in future, past and present, To starve myself I would be hesitant. Heckat: If starvation was a rock at sea What a lonely island it would be. BMC: If lacking food means being alone, Then why can we not grow our own? (note that it is a universal "we") Heckat: If being full means having friends, Shall we grow food until the world ends? (note that it is a universal "our") BMC: If we hunger then love must be sown, For in no other way is friendship grown. Heckat: From crops of love we harvest fruits, Drink peace and joy from champagne flutes. BMC: The tree of love we dare not sever, Or growth of joy will cease forever. Heckat: If joy, like a gift, hangs from a tree, We should rejoice and pick contentedly. BMC: Pick fruit from the tree? me must, Or it will over ripen, fall, and concuss. Heckat: I approach the tree late at night To climb, reflect and eat moonlight. BMC: The tree will look and smile at spring With new fresh fruit and one new ring. And now the disputation to answer everyone's most burning question: Should we drink pulpy orange juice, or not? BMC, speaking eloquently on behalf of the "yeses": pulpy pulpy drink it up pulpy pulpy in my cup pulpy pulpy in my mug pulpy pulpy on my rug maybe if I'm bald someday I will wear a pulp toupee Heckat, speaking adamantly for the "noes": Pulp is gross it makes me gag I'd rather wear a dirty rag BMC, putting in one final persuasive bit of evidence: pulp is love pulp is life i will have a pulpy wife pulp is calm pulp is wild we will have a pulpy child we'll drink pulp for all our days and hold fast to our pulpy ways vote: yes to pulp: 1,365,436,289.3 no to pulp: 13 neutral (including everyone who lives in countries where orange juice is not available): 4,634,563,697.7 .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b. ___________________________________________________ |THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S | |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | TWILIGHT ZONE (905) 432-7667 | | BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 | | CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 | | THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 | |___________________________________________________| | Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern | | Questions? Comments? Submissions? | | Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com | |___________________________________________________| .d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b. Copyright 2001 by The Neo-Comintern #167-08/20/01 All content is property of The Neo-Comintern. You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.