- - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - cccccc, ccccc, cccccccccccc, ?$$$$$$$$$$, ,ccc, ,cc :`$$$$$$bc :`$$$$c ::`$$$$$$$$$$$$c`:"$$$$????$$b "$$$$c, `$$h `:`$$$$$$$$c,:`$$$$h `:: ?$$$b :::;$$h`:`?$$$,::`$$b `$$$$$$c, ?$$$c ``:`$$$$$$$$$$,`$$$$c ..,,,:"$$$b `:::` `:"$$$b :`?$B,:"$$$$$$$$$$?$b `::`$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$h:"$$$$c:`$$$b `:`?$$$c`:`$$b:`?$$b."?$$:`?$. `::`$$$$$$P?$$$$$$$$c:`????":`?$$b. ,?$$.`:?$$$h.;,?$$;:"$$$,`:"`:`$$ `::`$$$$$$.`"$$$$$$$h::`` :::"$$$, .,:d$$b`:`?$$$$$$$$$;``?$Fb `:` `::`$$$$$$.` "?$$$$$c, `:::"$$$$$$$$$$$$$.:.?????""";` `:::` `::`$$$$$$ `::"?$$$h. `:::`?@$$$000P?"' : :::::''` `::`$$$$$b `::`?$$c, ::: ""'''';,,:` `::`$$$$$b `::`;" ` ;;;:''' t h e `::,????), `::' n e o - c o m i n t e r n `::::::` e l e c t r o n i c m a g a z i n e n e o - c o m i n t e r n . c o m - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - s u b v e r s i v e l i t e r a t u r e f o r s u b v e r t e d p e o p l e j a n u a r y 1 3 t h , 2 0 0 2 e d i t o r - b m c - - - - ----==={ I N S T A L L M E N T 1 8 5 }===---- - - - - w r i t e r s : h e c k a t b m c - - - - ----==={ F E A T U R E S }===---- - - - - Guest Editor's Note by Heckat The History of Gobbie Gee by BMC - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - e d i t o r ' s n o t e - - - - ---==={PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING!}===--- - - - - Today the N-Com has the pleasure of bringing you a tale of mirth and revelry that has been brewing in the pot since before the year 1100. I won't say much more, in order to preserve the purity of the piece; however, I will leave you with an ancient limerick for your thorough and intense pleasure: Thar wunce was a slog dwarf of Got-ham that was feared bye all paupers of Bot-tam hee wund engle a lyre but held dranc maest dearr hees teeth war two longe spikes and rot-tum - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) THE HISTORY OF GOBBIE GEE, the Slow-Minded but Fast-Acting, who for his behavior came to be King of the Goblins. __)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( Now it must be said first off, and this is a measure taken to dispel any false expectations, that this is not intended to be a tale of mirth; these tales are not fictitions created for amusement, such as Merriments, Conceits, Flashes, and Whimsies or Scoggin's Jests are; to the contrary, all of these stories are based strictly upon fact. It should also be made apparent that this book of stories is not writ with intent to ridicufy its subject as Doctour Boorde did attempt (and yet did fail) to do to The Wise Men of Gotam. To the contrary, these tales are true, glorious, and writt in no spirit other than that of honour and respect. The accounts herein detail the life of a young and gentlemanly goblin called Gobbie Gee of The Forest Nottingham, the firstborn son of Gobblie Jobblins (a reputable tradesman in the craft of bowing and fletching and farmer of cereal crops), wand'ring ascetic, noble knight, defender of King Hemoglobe, slayer of Proteus, and protector of all Gobleonia. Here thou will hear tales from his mystical beginning, through his upbringing and training, and finally of how he acquired the legendary status that brought him fame from his place of birth to the distant reaches of Cincinnati, Nebraska and beyond. At this day it seems that all people are familiar with the name Gobbie Gee, but many forget the tales of this greatest great goblin. I vow that upon a time when the world was in a better frame, the tales of Gobbie brought light to a child's face as though it did harness the energy of the great yellow orb that circles above and below this beautiful land; these tales were told before battle by generals to their soldiers to inspire bravery, and maidens did receive such pleasure from these stories that they did reject married life. So when thy mind is like a cup that is half empty of inspiration, simply read of these tales and thou will find it becomes, yes, now half full; when the streets become plagued with vermin and pestilence, you will retain good health; when the atmosphere does become poisonous, simply read on to create a field of fresh air; when a curse is placed upon you, say these tales aloud and, like an incantation from Gobbie Gee himself, the curse will be lifted and you and your heirs will live in a state of peace and contentment. Even when it seems that it is not the proper occasion to read of the legend of Gobbie Gee, do so any way and it will magically become appropriate. That being said, I urge you to read forth and to share the tales within amongst your merry drunken kinsmen, friends, fellow warriors, children, maidens, priests, strangers, lepers, dogs, cats, bats, rats and especially the goblins, those who Gobbie smiles down on from heaven and favours the most greatly. Amen. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) OF THE BIRTH OF GOBBIE GEE And His Kidnapping by Oberon, King of the Faeries. __)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( On a time during the seventy-sixth harvest after the great flood, Fellow Gobblie Joblins (a master of bowing and fletching by trade) did receive news from the physical doctor that he was to beget a young son, the which he did determine to call by the name of Gobbie Gee. Gobbie Gee was also the name of the father of Gobblie's father's father. At hearing news of this birth and the name of the child, the people of Nottingham did thrill. Gobbie Gee the Elder was the subject of legend in those fair streets and, in fact, he was the one who brought the ideas of a free market economie to that forest town. Gobbie Gee the Elder did create the Goblin Market, and hearing his name spake again as the Son of Joblins made everyone verrie happy. But one who did hear the name Gobbie Gee spake was made not happy by it. For this person the memory of Gobbie the Elder was as bitter as wormwood. He was known by mortals as Oberon, King of the Faeries. He did recall how Gobbie the Elder did encourage or suggest the trading with people of other lands and even cutting down Oberon's trees and selling them to the people of other lands that would use them for evil ceremonies. But the forest was Oberon's to protect and when Gobbie the Elder created the thing that did make the size of the forest become thin, the King of the Faeries put a curse upon the house of Gobbie. Oberon declared that all who did descend from Gobbie the Elder would be nothing more great in life than single people of business while other families conglomerated or joined to formed big groups that over some time would become hard for regular persons to compete with. This Oberon did intend to be the full punishment, but upon hearing the name Gobbie Gee the Younger he became angered and decided to do a thing that was rash. The night that Gobblie Joblins did give birth to his son, Oberon did wait outside with a changeling to leave in young Gee's stead. With time being of short notice, Oberon could not get a changeling from his regular supplier so he offered the job of changeling to an unemployed student goblin who went by the name Hob Gobling (whose birthname was Hobert the Third, son of Bobby Gob). With promise of victuals and days of leisure, Hob did agree to this deal in an instant. That night, when Gobblie Joblins fell asleep, Oberon made off with young Gobbie Gee and Hob Gobling secretly took place in the father's arms. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) OF GOBBIE GEE'S TIME Spent with Oberon, and Why Gobbie Gee was Returned to Gobblie Joblins. __)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( The first thing that Oberon did after abducting Gobbie Gee was to observe him in order to learn whether or not Gobblie Joblins would be able to notice any difference between Gobbie and Hob. After making careful sight, Oberon noted that that both did look the same to him (although he did claim that all goblins did). But Hob had a stronger physique and he did stand at four cubits whilst the newborn Gobbie was only one cubit tall. Other than this discrepancy, Oberon determined it would not be possible for Gobblie Joblins to tell the difference between his own child and the changeling. But that is where we will leave the story of Oberon for now. Gobblie Joblins awoke to find Hob Gobling suckling at his bosom and he was mildly shocked. He did delight to see that his son had grown as much in one turn of the golden orb as most children do in three harvests. Apart from this, Hob was fluent in several tongues and already had learned how to use numbers. He also did studie and practice art and physical medicine. A blessing, said Joblins, for I was told by my physical doctour that my child would be cursed with a simple mind and also an acute affliction of badness! After a couple of days of bringing Hob to the market with him and teaching him what he could about his trade, the entire town did buzz with news of the greatly talented son of Gobblie Joblins. In fact, Hob did teach Gobblie several ways in which to improve the way his bows and arrows did work. The wares of Gobblie Joblins came to function so efficiently that people from Gotam and York would travel to his forest town of Nottyngham to purchase them, and he would introduce each one to his talented son who would then play a song for them on the lute or calliope or perhaps present them with a painting or sculpture. Praise to god and to the faeries and to the sun and moon, said Gobblie, for it does appear that a chance at success does at last appear to me! That night when he returned home, Gobblie did find Oberon waiting for him. I am Oberon, said Oberon to Gobblie. Gobblie, not being as well versed in faerie lore as he should be, did not know who Oberon was, so the greatest bower and fletcher in the forest of Nottingham sat down to tea w ith the most powerful god of the forest and Oberon did tell him who he was. Then Oberon did say he could not bear no longer to take care of Gobbie Gee who did refuse to learn or to control certain processes that Gobbie did insist were natural and not to be tampered with. To this Gobblie Joblins did insist that Hob was by right his true child. He did insist that he was responsible for his genetics and education and that since he bore the child he must be rightful owner of it and not of the sickly wretched red little lump of goblin matter that Oberon insisted was the real Gobbie Gee. Then he did realize that although like Gobbie all goblins in his family were red Hob was actually green and therefore not his child. But still Gobblie did refuse to take Gobbie Gee. I will take Gobbie Gee back on one condition, said Gobblie Joblins, you must let me keep Hob Gobling as well. It was a great sacrifice for Oberon, but he knew it would be a greater cost to be forced to keep Gobbie Gee and he did concede and let Gobblie keep both of them. Oberon then did apologize for his abducting Gobbie and did also thank Gobblie Joblins a good many times for taking the burden of this child back. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) OF HOW GOBBIE GEE LEARNED To Ride a Horse. __)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( On a day when Gobbie Gee had matured and grown for a good many circles, Gobblie Joblins did decide that he was old enough to help him at the Goblin Market. When Gobblie Joblins left for the market he wrote a message to Gobbie Gee. That day when Gobbie Gee awoke he found the message from his father telling him to ride the horse to market and bring two large sacks of rice. When Gobbie Gee read the message, he became confused. He had never ridden a horse but was intent on following the commands of Gobblie Joblins. First Gobbie Gee did approach the horse and tell it to lay down so he could ride upon it, to which the horse refused to reply. Gobbie Gee then demanded that the horse pick up the sacks of rice while he went to get a ladder to climb onto its back. When Gobbie Gee returned, the horse had not moved at all. Gobbie Gee understood that if he wanted the horse to bear the sacks of rice, he must fasten them to it with rope. First Gobbie Gee tied both sacks to the right side of the horse. The horse leaned to the side and could not stand properly so Gobbie Gee corrected the misbalance by tying two rocks to the other side. The load became too heavy and the horse refused to carry it. Feeling sorry for the horse, Gobbie Gee did remove the its burden and fasten rice and rocks to his own back. Then Gobbie Gee climbed upon the horse's back so the horse could carry him while he carried the rice and rocks. At last Gobbie Gee climbed upon the horse and then he did poke it with his golden spurs. The horse began to run backwards or at least it did seem that way to Gobbie Gee who sat facing the horse's hind. After several days of riding this way and that way through hill and countryside and cities and towns, without ever knowing in which direction he was going, it fell out so that Gobbie Gee did reach the Goblin Market. Gobblie Joblins had spent nights looking for his disappeared son who he did believe had been abducted by mercenaries or eaten by cannibals and the two sacks of rice likewise eaten. When Gobbie Gee did finally arrive, Gobblie Joblins was delighted by the recovery of his rice. But when Gobblie Joblins opened the sacks he did not find the rice but two large rocks. Gobbie Gee explained that riding a horse was tiring and that he needed to eat the rice to keep his strength. Gobblie Joblins did pretend to have compassion, but did also secretly wish that Gobbie Gee had chosen to eat the rocks instead. Gobblie Joblins then set the rocks beside his shop and in an instant an alchemist did ask to buye them for a score of electrum and claim that they were a rare substance known as nitre. Gobbie Gee observed the price that the alchemist paid for the stones was equal to the worth of ten bags of rice. To this Gobblie Joblins quoth, Shut up Gobbie Gee and fetch me more of these rocks! __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) OF GOBBIE GEE'S USEFULNESS in The Marketplace. __)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( Gobbie Gee was told the next day by his father Gobblie Joblins to bring six bags of rocks with him to the Goblin Market. Gobbie Gee was no longer allowed to ride the horse (but do not fear for he could walk with two bags of rocks over his shoulder and the market was a very short distance away). Gobbie Gee did fill two sacks with nitre (as it was abundant throughout the yard of Goblie Joblins). He then did carry them on his back, but, before he could head toward the market, his brother Hob Gobling interrupted him. Hob at this time did practice art and medicine and he requested that Gobbie Gee travel to the Eastern Bazaar and fetch him some charcoal for sketches and brimstone for preparing skin medication. All though Gobbie Gee had to travel in the opposite direction to get these things, everything was close together at that time in the world so he did go to the Bazaar happily and it took him a very short time to get there. After buying the items for his brother, Gobbie began home carrying the nitre, charcoal and brimstone. As he walked he noted that there was a stampede of buffalo in the distance and since he had never seen one before he decided to get a closer look. The whole herd of buffalo ran over Gobbie Gee and his burden, some in one way and some in the other. At that time Gobbie Gee came close to death but was still strong enough to gather the items that had all been trampled into powder. He put as much as he could into the two sacks and returned home. Hob greeted him at the door but was angered when he realized that the supplies had not been delivered as he had requested. Hob became angry and did cast one of the bags of worthless dust into the fire. When the substance ignited it created a great explosion and destroyed the small wooden house owned by Gobblie Joblins. Hob was horrified and Gobbie was oblivious. Minutes later, when Hob realized what had happened (and Gobbie was still oblivious) he did seek out the second bag that Gobbie had brought home. Hob Gobling did test it in many ways and thereby learned that this powder was incendiary and would also blow up in certains. He decided to call it paft-dust and declared that it would perfectly function with his new creation, the which he called a truncheon. Me know there is already a weapon called truncheon, quoth Hob to Gobbie Gee, but whan the world sees this weapon, the people will forget about that old weapon entirely! (And by my troth they surely did.) Hob gaveth the truncheon to Gobbie Gee and told him to take it to their father Gobblie Joblins. Gobbie Gee did then leave for the market and when he arrived there Gobblie Joblins got angry at him and asked him where the nitre was. Gobbie told him that he forgot to bring it because Hob blew the house up. Gobblie Joblins was confused and furious and Gobbie Gee told him not to be sad because of the great tool he had brought to give to Gobblie Joblins. Gobblie Joblins was not impressed and said that no tool could repair his broken heart. Gobbie Gee then fired the truncheon, that which harnessed the power of paft-dust, and projectyed with force a rock that hit the towne alchemist and killed him. Gobblie Joblins was afraid of the power the truncheon had. Then Gobblie Joblins became angry because the weapon was greater than his bows and arrows and once the goblins had a chance to get their own truncheons (Truncheons? quothe Gobblie Joblins) the arrows and bows of his shoppe would no longer be worth anything in battle or in the market. Gobblie Joblins eventually realized that his sons were the creators of paft-dust and truncheons and that he could help to build and sell truncheons. No bodies else knew how to make them or how to make paft-dust. After a very short amount of time of selling truncheons, Gobblie Joblins became wealthy enough to buy a stone castle that could not be exploded or burned down by paft or fire. His weapons became legendary and to this day weapons designed and branded by Joblins and sons can still be found in Gobleonia. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) OF GOBBIE GEE'S SERVICE In the Local Monastery, and What Reaction He Recieved. __)__)__)__)__)__)_ _)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( After Gobbie Gee did unwittingly kill the alchemist that lived in the forest town of Nottingham, a replacement alchemist was needed. For this Hob Gobling was chosen and this meant that he would spend the next four turns of the orb away at universitie. Gobblie Joblins bade Hobert Gobling farewell and asked that he take Gobbie Gee along with him and drop him off at the nearest monastery. To this Hob agreed, understanding that Gobbie Gee was too great for Gobblie Joblins to care for in his olde age. In the morning Hob Gobling and Gobbie Gee began to travel South in the direction of Hob Gobling's universitie. Before nightfall the brothers came across a monastery. As the abbot welcomed them in, Hob noted that the he was not a goblin but a human! Humans had magical powers at their command. Hobert had heard tales of humans consorting with devils and spirits and exchanging knowledge with dryads and nymphs and being in league with trees and brooks and taking oaths of allegiance to the earth and sky. The humans were rumoured to harness the powers of sun and wind and perform feats most mystical through their cunning and ingenuitie. The abbot gave Hob Gobling a hecatomb of copper in exchange for Gobbie Gee and this pleased Hob as he could buy a new smoking pipe with the money. But before Hob departed to leave for universitie he warned Gobbie Gee to be careful of humans because of their magical and evil powers. As Hob Gobling spake, Gobbie Gee nodded repeatedly and continued to do so even after Hob left the monastery and continued on to his destination. The next day at the monastery Gobbie Gee began training. The first thing the abbot did was dress Gobbie Gee in sackcloth and make Gobbie take an oath of celibacy. Both of these did Gobbie Gee embrace since the sackcloth was more fashionable than his regular clothes and the oath of celibacy would serve as an excuse for something that he had long been in self-denial about. Gobbie Gee thanked the abbot for this elevation in class and dignity by offering him a truncheon as gift. When the abbot asked Gobbie Gee what it was and how it worked Gobbie Gee began to repeatedly fire the truncheon at some monks who were meditating nearby. After killing several of them (the which Gobbie Gee referred to as lickin' shots) the abbot asked Gobbie Gee to stop and proceeded to give him his first lesson. You sweet lil goblin first of all I say Kill one more and live not another day Now watch and listen as I healeth they Killed by demonic weaponry To learn to revive they this is thy chance So watch as I dream into the trance And listen as I speak incantations That will heal a wound from truncheon or lance Gobbie Gee did not watch or listen well enough to learn how to restore life but by mimicking as much of the ceremony as he could remember he was able to heal small wounds. For example, he would often surprise one of his fellow monks by stabbing him venially and healing him afterward. This was practically a joke and was considered to be well and tasteful at first but with time came tedium and many of the monks petitioned that Gobbie Gee be removed from the monastery. When the abbot confronted him with this news, Gobbie Gee responded by stabbing and healing him. At this the abbot took Gobbie Gee's knife away and sentenced him to die. Gobbie Gee smiled softly as the abbot began to chant the spell that would end Gobbie's life. When the abbot had nearly completed it, Gobbie Gee stopped him for a moment and asked for a glass of water. This destroyed the abbot's concentration and bewildered him so he complied and went through the back door to the well to draw a pail of water. The abbot took a long time to do this and Gobbie Gee became bored and went for a walk. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) OF HOW GOBBIE GEE WANDERED As an Ascetic. __)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( As Gobbie Gee left the monastery one monk began to weep for Gobbie's safety. I will not allow thee to perish, said the monk. Gobbie Gee did not understand his safety was as risk and stood in a state of non-moving. Run, said the monk, or the abbot will certainly murder thee! Gobbie Gee still did not understand and the monk decided that he would need to trick Gobbie Gee in order to see to his safety. The monk said, Hey why don't thou wander around the countryside as ascetic that would be funny. So Gobbie Gee did just that. The first thing he determined to do was to learn what an ascetic was and the next would be to become one. As Gobbie Gee attempted to go back into the monastery to ask the abbot what an ascetic was, the monk stopped Gobbie again and turned him round until he was pointed away from the monestary. He instructed Gobbie Gee to begin walking in a straight line and never stop. Gobbie Gee agreed that he would fulfill this command forever. Remember to eat and sleep, said the monk to Gobbie Gee as the little red goblin ventured out to seek his fortune. As Gobbie Gee wandered he passed people and cities and animals and forests and never once did hee stop walking forward. For example, there once was a time when Gobbie Gee approached upon a group of humans in the forest who did attend the sermon of a mystical teacher. The teacher raised a lotus blossom in the air and did not speak. The disciples stood in awe and waited for the teacher to say something. Noticing the reaction the people had to this sermon, Gobbie Gee became disenchanted with humanity and walked up to the teacher, grabbed the lotus blossom and ate it, spitting the chewed up pistil out all over the students in the front row. For this the teacher heralded Gobbie Gee as the wisest saint who ever lived and offered up his following to the young goblin. Gobbie Gee simply nodded his head and continued walking. Some of the students began to follow Gobbie Gee, and in time the group came upon a small town where a prophet did perform miracles. It was a great spectacle and people from all around did gather to be healed and cured and blessed by this man who claimed to have mysticall powers. Gobbie Gee approached as the man was restoring a blind man's sight. Gobbie Gee considered this to be a small feat and proceeded to show how he could remove the vision of a sighted man. To do so he struck at the eyes of the prophet with his walking stick. All of the people who had gathered were impressed by this display, and although Gobbie Gee offered to teach the prophet of the miracle of removing life, the prophet declined this demonstration and declared Gobbie Gee the greatest performer of miracles to have ever lived. With this accomplished Gobbie Gee had become convinced that he had mastered the art of being a wandering ascetic. This was much to his delight, as his monk friend from the monastery would now be proud of him. Gobbie Gee thought deeply about his life and accomplishments as he continued to walk. He reached the ocean's coast and continued to walk until he was completely submerged. Indeed he did walk until he reached the bottom of the ocean wherefore his followers could no longer follow him for fear that they (like they believed of Gobbie Gee) would drown and die without light nor air nor food. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) OF HOW GOBBIE GEE SAVED THE KING From Revolt, and of his Reward. __)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( Gobbie Gee continued to walk straight underwater until his journey led him to the city of Atlantis. When he arrived there the nymphs and octopuses greeted him and told him to stop and visit with them. Upon this command Gobbie Gee discontinued his straight line and began his life anew. As the underwater creatures guided Gobbie Gee to the castle to meet the king, Gobbie Gee looked around and saw a wide variety of creatures. Among them were catfish and junipers and cod and sea elves and blue lobstars and sea weegies. Gobbie Gee was very pleased by the sights of Atlantis. Gobbie Gee was brought into the castle's throne room and it was here that he met the immortal King Proteus. When Proteus questioned Gobbie Gee and asked him about his political and cultural affiliations and allegiance, Gobbie Gee did not answer and this angered King Proteus. Soon the king learned of Gobbie Gee's powers to heal and to hurt. He forgave his anger as he learned of these powers and decided that they would come in handy as King Proteus launched his attack on Gobleonia. Thus King Proteus recruited Gobbie Gee into the Atlantean army. Although no histories of King Proteus exist, detail of the Protean rule can still be found in the several ancient and nondescript myths known as the Atlantean archives. It is known that Proteus was but a foul villain and did illegitimately usurp the crown from the Weegie Knight. Proteus was also a lout and a thief and when waging war would destroy anything he could not enslave or sell. This is of significant matter because the war he was about to wage against Gobleonia would prove to be the most fierce and bloody conquest in the history of war if it were to succeed. Proteus planned to murder every goblin and to wipe out the goblin culture entirely so that no trace of their existence would afterward remain. If Gobbie Gee did then know this, he would have attacked Proteus anon in defence of justice and safety in the goblin empire. But in truth he did not know. Gobbie Gee lived like a pharaoh under the sea for a lengthy amount of time. He did not have to work because he was allowed to eat in the royal stable and sleep at the foot of Proteus' bed. He did not have to bathe because he was always under the water as such was the nature of the city of Atlantis. Gobbie Gee did not have to worry about anything but being Gobbie Gee and that was certainly no worry to him. While Gobbie Gee was living well as the most regal king, the Atlantean army trained for battle and Proteus did continue to make plans to attack the capital city of Gobleonia. When it was time to wage war on Gobleonia, Proteus ordered Gobbie Gee to lead the troops to the capital of Gobleonia. Although Gobbie Gee did not know the way, he attempted to lead the troops to the main city. He took them on a lengthy voyage through the country meadows and over mountains, banks, bush, and bogs, guiding them on twisting trails through hillside and through desert and tundra where eventually the tired and weakened troops were intercepted by the Gobleonia royal guard and all were arrested and charged with treason except for Gobbie Gee who was made an honourary knight of Gobleonia for his brave effort in misleading the Atlanteans through every part of Gobleonia until their numbers were depleted due to climate conditions and starvation and the goblin force had become powerful enough to wage a successful counterattack. They took Gobbie Gee to Gobleonia castle and he felt a great sense of accomplishment for having finally discovered its location. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) OF HOW GOBBIE GEE USURPED THE KING and How His Rule Began. __)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( When Gobbie Gee arrived at Gobleonia Castle, King Hemoglobe was thrilled to see him and spared no expense. There was a great feast and the Muses themselves were called in to perform that evening's music. Gobbie Gee was declared an honourary knight and as the night went on, Gobbie Gee won the court's favour with his antics. Many a glass of honey mead was drunk and many toasts were made in honour of Gobbie Gee, who one knight declared to be the strongest, bravest, wisest soul to have ever been born in the royal country of Gobleonia. As the festival become intoxicated, King Hemoglobe went so far as to announce that Gobbie Gee was to become honourary king of Gobleonia for one turn of the orb. This (The Festival of Gee) is still regularly celebrated and it is observed out of respect for and loyalty to Gobbie Gee and in memory of the merriest and most decadent celebration ever hosted in Gobleonia country. The next day, as Gobbie Gee sat at the right hand of the throne, King Hemoglobe was hung over and was holding open court to determine the fate of the captured Atlantean soldiers and King Proteus. Hemoglobe allowed them into his court one at a time and allowed them to plead their case. After hearing what each had to say, he would turn to the counselors and say, Execute Him! After this happened many times, Gobbie Gee also learned to say this phrase. At a point when a prisoner would plead their case, King Hemoglobe and Gobbie Gee would speak in unison and both would sayExecute Him! This pleased King Hemoglobe and after all of the prisoners had been taken to the gallows, King Hemoglobe handed the throne over to Gobbie so he could begin his honourary reign. With one phrase in his mind (which he did not understand the meaning of) Gobbie Gee pointed at King Hemoglobe and repeatedly said, Execute Him, Execute Him! This was considered highly unorthodox and strange by the counselors of Gobleonia but since Gobbie Gee was king they obeyed his orders and Hemoglobe was taken out of doors and hung. Thus began the rule of Gobbie Gee, King of Gobleonia. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) OF THE FIRST DAY of the Rule of Gobbie Gee, and What Came After. __)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__) ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( As Gobbie Gee was recognized as king of Gobleonia his subjects asked important questions of him. Gobbie Gee, said they, how wilt thou rule this fair country? As the advisors began to council him on the benefits and malefits of royal providence and tyranny, Gobbie Gee did interrupt them by saying, I declare that to-day is cookie day and that everyone in this country of my owning will be given a cookie to eat to-day. For this Gobbie Gee was commended as a hero for there was a great famine in the West and his gift of food allowed the peasants to live another happy and healthy day. As great hero and savior of Gobleonia, Gobbie Gee became known as Gobbie the Wise and his reign was the most glorious in goblin history. He was king for a great many years and he did see the people of his land through times of prosperity and fierce war. That is where the real story of Gobbie Gee begins, for his life until this point is flavourless in contrast to the amazing tales of battle and mirth that surround his triumphant and good rule over the empire of Gobleonia. As the end of the firste part of this story draws nigh, we must think back upon his birth, his abduction, his young life, his devotion to the spiritual, and his acquisition of the throne of Gobleonia. And thus ends the first chapter of the story of this goblin of all ages. The second part of this story will feature tales of the return of Hob Gobling and the Dragonomachy and of the benevolence of Gobbie Gee and of his wisdom in international trade and the details of his marriage and the naming of his successor. If it please the reader, this book indeed will be followed by a second, also written by the author hereof. Amen. __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( (__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__) - - - - -- -------===========================------- -- - - - - The Neo-Comintern Magazine / Online Magazine is seeking submissions. 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