Netmonkey Weekly Report Issue XX Oktoberfeust 20!, 1998 Well boys, 2 weeks in a row, but this time it was a little late. Our apologies but we had a few snags and some delays this week, we will continue to bring you the mag on Sunday evenings from now on. As promised last week, we have some new features, the ongoing adventures of Lester will continue, thanks to all the praise from the first story. It will be included maybe twice a month or every 3 weeks, or if I come up with enough plots and twists then every week for awhile, but it will be there for you to check out. This week is a 2 parter, and next week there will be the conclusion. We also have a secondary biased report, brought to us by our good friend Jaydee. This allows me to slack off and occassionally not do my report and spend more time pretending to work on articles and stories. :P We have also begun production of our webpage, which we plan to make somewhat like Blackacid's scene news page where we will update daily the happenings of the scene that are more urgent than the weekly mag can provide. We also have a new interviewer and writer in Rockz, who will begin her interviewing skills soon(Hint, Hint:)) We will have some new features in the upcoming weeks as well as we get in more of a groove. But enough rambling, on with the show! Lester [Co-Editor/Head Writer] BLAH! Lot of bad shit happened this week, i'll try to explain as much of it as possible in my articles.. I think that the recent topic that i saw in a channel pretty much sums up my feelings right now: *** Topic is 'TWH/CH/IC/DWH/FOS/DL/ET/PM(temp) gone :( --Downward Spiral?' Keeping with that, we are going to try our best to stick to our policy of not mentioning the names of siteops. Its not like they aren't easy to find out anyways, but we don't want to be root of any problems in the scene, so in the future, we will just XXXXX the person's name out... bleh! Ho hum.. not much else to say.. A lot of shit happening over here at NWR.. watch for us in the coming weeks! Oh, and if anyone is reading this, SOMEONE MAKE US A F#$%KING ASCII HEADER AND .DIZ!!!! heh.. ;] ndetroit [Co-Editor/Head Fatass] -----------[ index ]----------- I.) Intro a) Lester b) ndetroit II.) Stats - Weekly Stats, and comments on Sites. III.) JAYDEE'S (UN?)Biased Courier Report IV.) Articles a) Narking in the .nl - ndetroit b) Video Review - Xfiles c) Lesters Story - "Stairway to Heaven" V.) Scene News - All the news thats fit to print VI.) Rumors! VII.) Closing -----------[ ndetroit's sites and stats section ]----------- Man.. What a depressing week. I guess it just goes to show, when it rains, it pours.. ;( My greets go out to the siteops of all the sites that got taken down this past week. Its not an easy thing to cope with when you know that all the hard work, all the sacrifices, all the accomplishments, and all the good times got wiped away, probably by someone you barely know. But wait. Check that. The good times didn't get taken away. If any of you siteops out there are reading this, and are feeling bitter, well.. you have every right to be bitter. I would be too. I would be out for revenge, and i would probably quit the scene, and stay bitter when i think about it. But try not to forget what you got out of all this. One person who deserves a lot of my respect is TWH's former siteop. We all know who he is... Hell, TWH was around for smth like 4 years, by his reckoning. Thats a damn long time, and he lost an awful lost. But when i msged him my condolences, all he had to say was "Yeah, it was really awesome while it lasted, but now i guess it's time to move on.. I sure had a lot of fun doing TWH, but i'm not really going to dwell on it..." and I later saw a topic posted by him: *** Topic is TWH gone :( --> Siteop looking for a new job (j/k) *** Set by [the siteop] on xxx xxx xxxx xxxx At least he could keep his sense of humor about the whole thing. So TWH is gone. TWH and ET were narked by the same person. *sigh*.. read more about that in a later article this issue. Thats 2. But thats not nearly all of them. Here is a brief breakdown: TWH = narked by "hax0r-".. more on that later. ET = ditto. CH = narked by "fooboo", claiming to be DeStRoYeR (later proved innocent) and claiming also to be with RiSC... bleh.. FOS = narked. Dunno the details, but sorry to see that oldschool site go... ;( DL = hacked, looking for new link. IC = massive hardware failure. Unlikely to come back up for a for fear of nukings. DWH = lost their link. Wasn't a nark, they were just unable to continue in their current situation. E = temp. down, due to narking possibility. So, that is more than 1 of the scene's top sites right there. Consequently, the list of 10 sites you are about to see are probably sites that some of you have never even heard of. Hell, some of them *i* have never even logged in to... ;/ I know that is kind of sad, but i guess this is what it has come to. I just hope that the narkings have stopped, and the scene can work on rebuilding, as it always has... =--------------------------------------------------------------------------= Sites are rated on a 3X and 2X scale.. if you want to know why we do it that way, read an old issue. Couriers get 10 points per site they get #1 on, 9 points for 2nd place, 8 points for 3rd, etc, etc. Sites are rated by us. If you don't like the ratings, then.... heh... fuck off and die.. =--------------------------------------------------------------------------= The Top Ten sites for this week are: x3 STH -*- FS -*- MW -*- TWH -*- HOL x2 LA -*- RDX -*- ROC-*- SOH -*- AMB2 ---=NETMONKEY COURiER REPORT=--- trader group STH FS MW TWH HOL *LA RDX ROC SOH *AMB2 pts pos -------------------------------------------------------------------- acidapple DEV 2 1 2 1 1 0 2 0 0 0 142 [1] garoto DEV 1 3 1 3 0 0 1 0 0 0 128 [2] officedog RiSC 7 4 5 6 2 0 3 3 0 0 106 [3] godbless DMS 5 9 4 5 3 0 4 0 0 0 93 [4] snap EQL 10 0 7 2 5 0 0 1 0 0 72 [5] morbid AOD 3 0 6 0 0 0 6 0 0 0 49 [6] xfrog AOD 6 0 0 4 0 0 0 5 0 0 48 [7] mrpumpkin DMS 4 8 10 0 0 0 0 4 0 0 47 [8] kerisma AMB 0 0 3 0 0 0 0 0 7 0 32 [9] basec|w DMS 0 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 27 [10] * = no weektop this week. =--------------------------------=--------------------------------------= -----------[ Jaydee's Biased Courier Section ]----------- Jaydee's Biased Report For thoose of you who was tired of Lesters bullshit trading-group rating (he should stick to his kiddie action stories). Here comes the ABSOLUTELY UNBIASED Report, done by your very own Incognito! Enjoy! (Hi mom) Ratings: fATE: Who ? RTS: Who ?!?!?! MNM: Who ?!?! M8: Coming back ? EQL: Snap did a nice week, but they need more then 1 dude to compete. RiSC: Well, they still are dissapointing me. The great RiSC, where are you ? Sure their dog crew ald and office make some weektops but WTF ?! Kruzin somewhere in the middle too, but STILL, long way to the top. DMS: What can I say ? Pretty impressive week by the dms crew. Many dudes on weektops; pre´s and trading, perfect combination. Godbless did some nice positions as well as baseclaw. Donno what Lester, mad and MrP did but they got some weektops too, prolly phat ass Siege and MFD pre´s. Stix did some PFT pre´s too. In overall a very nice work by DMS. AMB: For once darkman was outside of the weektops leaving toadie alone at the middle of the ranks. AOD: Dissapointing for a new group but you have to love theese guys. Morbid did a few weektops and nightsky pre´d his way to the top5 on some LND sites. The BAD rumours around AOD might have somehting to do with this downfall. VGN: tctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctctc tictactictactictactictactictactictactictactictactictactictac AND THATS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wake up VGN! DEV: Garoto, Slammar and acidapple was devotions 3 men of the week. Traders doing their shit; trading. No pre´s, just pure trading. Overall #2 this week, pretty impressive. =----------------------------------=----------------------------------------= -----------[ Articles ]----------- -----------------------[Narking in the .nl]-------------------------- We were all shocked to hear about TWH going down this past week. It hardly seems fair to [Xxxxx] that 4 years of blood, sweat, and phear should be taken away by one person. Well.. its not fair. It fucking sucks. Let me tell you a bit about the story. It all started with a dude by the nick of "hax0r-".. blah... so 31337... i pheer, you, man.... To make a long story short, he manages to track down who the siteops of TWH are, AND the IP by simply asking around to people, saying "Hey, I lost the IP to TWH, can anyone msg it to me?" ... how many times have you helped out a fellow scene member with just a quick IP msg..? yeah.. me too... He gets the IP's, and a little while later, the siteops each recieve a little msg that says "Hi! I have the IP of your site, TWH.. give me a leech account, or i will nark you.. thanks!" What can they do?... obviously he's not getting an account, so the only other alternative is... well... where TWH is now. Not fair?... Nope. He moves on to another .nl site.. one that has been up for an equally long time, and one of my scene favorites, ET. He again demanded an account, but this time, instead of letting it go at simply threatening to nark the site, he posted the IP to one of .nl's largest news servers. Not good. Roughly translated it said: "The biggest warez site in europe is sitting right in your backyard! they move many gigs of illegal pirated software a day! go check it out for yourself at: xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx (ET's IP) Not good. What can the siteops do? No one was able to reach them to shut the site down until several hours after the post was discovered... I was set to nuke ET, in the hopes of shutting the box down, until one of the siteops could be contacted...but eventually they were found.. during that time, who KNOWS who read it.. Needless to say, ET is gone, and won't be back for a long time, if ever.. What does this teach us? I don't know.... To be more careful?.. i guess so.. but there is only so much a siteop can do. I know that when i used to run TMS, we tried our best to be careful, but ultimately, we just gave accounts away to whoever the fuck wanted one, whether it was because they could move a lot of megs, or they seemed like a decent person, and we wanted to give them a shot on a good site... Our security was shit. There are sites a lot worse out there. ET and TWH were 2 of the scenes more careful sites.. They had to be to last that long. But all it took was one person to ruin it. When i found out about this guy, and that he was on a static ip, i logged into my shell, started to send out the 10 meg pings, and walked away.. (yeah, i know, i am a little nuke-happy.. eat me) i was planning on leaving it running for the next 3 days or so... ;p Turns out he was wingated... so.. whoever's @home account that was.. sorry about that... The sad thing is, we'll never see this guy again.. I hope we never see him again. In the meantime, people... i am begging you.. don't give out anything.. to anyone... ever... send them to the channel.. let the siteop deal with it... We can't let shit like this guy run our scene.. no fucking way. -ndetroit =----------------------------------=-------------------------------------= =---------[ Lester's Movie Review Section ]----------= Sure he's a prominent scene member, leader of the #1 courier group, and former "Miss Scene 1995".. But did you also know that in real life, Lester's real name is "Roger", and he hosts a popular syndicated television show, where he plays a big fatass who has nothing better to do with his time than go to every single movie ever released? Well.. now you know.. X-Files Home Video Review Starring: David Duchovny, Gillian Andersen, Martin Landau Rating : 3 and 1/2 stars If your a fan of the series, you will love the movie as well. It's that simple, and if you don't like the series or have never watched the series. They do a great job of not making it impossible to pick up or too hard for people to follow. But they also don't dumb it down so much that hardcore philez fans will be bored and upset with it. It's a solid balance. I don't want to go into the story as I don't wish to spoil it for anyone. But Duchovny and Gillian are great together as always, they play off of each other perfectly and the first scenes where they are together are classic Mulder/Scully exchanges. You get to see all the characters that you love, Smoking man, The Lone Gunmen, Skinner, Well-Manicured Man...etc. The plot moves quickly, they cover alot of ground and answer more questions then have ever been answered in the series. Overall for a non-fan, the movie has great dialogue, comedy, suspense and solid action. Your never bored. For a fan, why do I even need to talk about it? You have to see it or you won't be able to watch next season dumbass! =----------------------------------=------------------------------------------= ------------------------[Lesters Story]----------------------------------- A Word From The Author I would just like to take this time to thank everyone for all the response I received from the first story and I'm glad you all enjoyed it as it was meant to be and not take it as slanderous, as it was not intended to be. Hopefully I can continue to write on that level, but as one friend said, "the first one was so good that the rest are bound to be a little worse." So I guess that's a good thing. :) You may notice that in the first part of this second story, the story isn't as smooth and the reasons for this is I was trying too hard to include people who said "Well why didn't you put me in it?" etc, and so I was forcing some subplots that really didn't need to be there. Part 2 should be better. I won't know until I begin to write it, as I haven't even figured out how it's going to end yet, but I will just write and put people in as I see fit, so no requests to be killed or maimed in future stories.:) Thanks again for all the support. Enjoy the story.! Lester The Stairway to Heaven The Ongoing adventures of Lester and his gimp friend Ndetroit. I was sitting around my house, happy to be back in my own country and my own house, and out of the hellhole that they call Vancouver. Nd was sleeping on the couch, still recuperating from his experience. (He still limps around a little from the whole anal raping thing). It's been about 2 weeks since that trip, and things are back to normal as much as that's possible. We were sitting around the house, watching some football when I heard a commotion in the dining room. I got up to investigate, and sitting there on a barstool was "Cyber Angel", someone I hadn't seen in quite some time, especially considering the fact that he had died a few years ago! But, with my recent adventures, seeing a dead Angel in my dining room really didn't faze me all that much. I took a seat and said "Hello Alex, long time no see". He greeted me similarly and said that he had watched my trip to Vancouver and God had personally sent him down to request my assistance on a mission... The only catch was that of course I would first have to die, because living beings dont make it to heaven. I really wasn't too keen on that whole "giving up my life" thing, so Alex said he would be right back and see if they could work out a better deal. I went to the fridge and got myself a beer and turned around to see that he had returned with a smile. He told me that they had agreed if I would allow myself to be killed now, and if I completed my mission successfully, they would bring me back to life... the only catch there being that they could not guarantee I would be brought back to the same day/time that I had been killed. I downed my beer and figured "what the hell". Things had been pretty dull the last few days, and a visit to heaven surely seemed like a better vacation spot than Vancouver had been. I asked Alex how I might go about being killed, and he grabbed my arm and when I blinked there was a large semi-truck giving me a big wet kiss...... I woke up some time later feeling a great deal lighter...that was probably because I lacked a body. Alex was there and he began to debrief me on my mission. It seems the Stairway to Heaven had become backed up. The people who were to maintain it, "VGN" as they were called, had been nowhere to be seen, and people were being forced to go down to Hell or wait in limbo for all eternity. So not exactly the 2 choices most people prefer to have when they die, either burn in agony for all ETERNITY, or stand in a never-ending, never-moving line for all ETERNITY. I told Alex I would need my usual weapons, and they were laid out for me on a small table. Alex wished me luck and then disappeared. I wondered to myself how he was getting to heaven and back without the stairway and why everyone else couldn't just do his little trick? But that was not my job, and so I set out to free the Stairway, or figure out: "Where's VGN?" Cyber Angel wasn't kidding: the Stairway was extremely overcrowded, and some of Hell's crew had setup shop. A whorehouse here, crackhouse down the block, a couple casinos, etc. I began to think it looked quite similar to Vancouver, but once you reached the Stairway it was all golden and white. I knew I had to rectify this situation. I figured I should do some recon and get some information about VGN and who I needed to talk to. I began approaching some of the more impatient people in line. I ran into "Stix", the psychopath who I had killed on my last mission. He had been carving "SMG" into his skin over and over as he said he'd been in this same spot since he died and the line hadn't moved one step. So I asked him if he had heard anything about this VGN or who I might talk to that was in charge of the Stairway? He told me some guy named Gimi was the manager and I might try to get in touch with him, but that no one had seen anyone from VGN except for a guy named Hawkeye who always wore an army uniform and came around every few days to make his rounds. I thanked him and apologized for killing him and all, and as I was walking away I thought I might make him a little happier and I gave him a few polaroids of my adventures with Sarah Michelle Gellar. He freaked out and began carving deeper and deeper into his skin... to convey his love to her I guess. I said I would give her the message next time I saw her. Moving forward through the line I saw a few other people I had recently killed, but didn't see the need to speak to them. I approached one of the Casinos, referred to as "The Gateway", overseen by an ex-mob pimp named "Dee". (The bodyguards outside were a little team of folks called NGT, and I was able to move through them without even wasting a bullet.) I kicked down Dee's door and sat down for a quick man to ..err..man.. chat. Dee had really let himself go in the decomposition area of being dead, but I guess it's hard to get alot of facial moisturizer in Hell. Despite his appearance he was a semi-pleasant person. I asked about VGN and the stairway, and he told me that he had only seen this duo of guys named Freakshow and TC who never left each others side, and more or less never left the casinos or whorehouses. He said the Stairway being down was great for business and his place had never been better. I remarked that his place looked like shit and he ought to pack up and head on back to Hell. He whistled (err attempted to whistle, before he blew his front teeth out of his mouth), and when no one came he got a little worried, and began whimpering and crying. He yelled for someone named "Hazzy" and I told him that no one would be coming for him, I had dealt with them on the way in. I thanked him for his help and shoved the 12 guage into his mouth and said goodbye. I honestly think he looked better without a head, than with the decomposing mass of flesh and bone that he had. Nonetheless, my final task was to burn the casino to the ground. I figured I could clean out the scum one way or another. I turned around and was greeted with a fist to the face! Normally this is an unpleasant experience, but as it was delivered by a 12 year old boy who weighed around 88 pounds, I barely even felt it. I knelt down and lifted the boy up by his throat and asked if he was Hazzy? He nodded and made a few gurgling noises.. I said it wasn't nice to hit people and then crushed his neck with my hand and tossed him aside-I Lit my trail of gasoline and was on my way... I decided the whorehouse would be my next trip to find the VGN duo that still was in town. On my way I saw a few kids spray-painting a wall with "Where's VGN?" and stopped to add my own writing, in their blood of course. I first told them that it's notnice to deface private property, especially when it belongs to God himself. They looked at each other and one of them said "Let's teach this fucker a lesson Warlord." Sigh, everyone is so hostile these days... No one ever learns not to mess with someone who carries guns that are larger than their entire body. I drew both pistols and dispensed with the first boy and shot Warlord in all the crucial joint areas and left him in a pile while I repainted the wall with the first boy's head as a paintbrush. Warlord was crying and bleeding a great deal and asking me to finish him off, but I was already on my way.... No time to waste on favors. The whorehouse was all you could expect from a whorehouse. The only interesting character was the head mistress, "Rockz", a large woman with enormous breasts that made it possible for her to move around only in a wheelchair... That, and she also lacked hands and feet. She was friendly enough though and told me that Freakshow and TC were up in room 7 with Jamili, the only male whore they had. I thanked her and began my climb to room 7, thinking that the scene would not be very pretty. Three guys in a whorehouse that was owned by Satan was probably going to put Nd's escapade to shame. I busted in the door and found that it wasn't 3 guys but 4, as well as 4-5 dead guys who looked as if they had just been ripped to pieces. The 4th was still conscious and looked mildy familiar, but I didn't have time to address it. The whore Jamili turned and approached angrily, telling me to get the fuck out of here and mind my own business. I informed him it was my business by unloading a short burst from my H&K and ending his days of whoring. TC and Freakshow stood up and this was when I realized it wasn't 2 people, but 2 heads and one body that worked as one, which I am assuming where the name "Freakshow" came from! They yelled, "What the fuck do you want, boy?" I said, "I just want to know... Where's VGN?" Freakshow uttered a little snarl/laugh and said they were all that was left of VGN! I asked how that could be and they would still be able to maintain the Stairway, they laughed and said they didn't give a shit about the Stairway, but it could never leave them because Hawkeye had taken Gimi hostage and was purposefully blocking the gates to destroy the Stairway and bring Hell closer. I was shocked to hear this and asked, "Why would anyone want to block the gates to heaven?" They replied, "Hawkeye was denied his place in heaven and he decided if he couldn't have it, no one could!" I thanked them for the input and decided it best to rid the world of this freakshow. A full clip from the H&K seemed to do the trick, reducing the 2-headed monster to a puddle of goo. This is when I noticed the 4th person, huddled in a corner, and to my great shock, it was ............................. (?) TO BE CONTINUED IN NEXT WEEKS EXCITING ISSUE OF N W R!!! -----------[The Scene News]----------- All the news thats fit to print... and then some... -Very active week. Never a good thing in this biz. Too many sites got narked. Nd covered the details in his columns, so i don't think that i need a beat a dead horse.. The only thing that i will say is: for the love of god, people, be more careful with who you let on your sites... ;/ -A lot of crazy goings on with the SPA, or the former SPA. Razor, Class, and Paradigm (i guess you can call them the big 3) have broken away from the SPA, and formed their own little band. Since they are the ones that are gonna be doing the most releasing out there, i guess it's fair to say that their rules are what will go, and what most siteops will nuke by... Not a lot of changes to their new rules, but the most contraversial one is: Release size = 50 x 2.88, and MUST INCLUDE addons.. Very wacky.. Read all the details at defacto2.net -A lot of sites down, and a lot more sites will be going down, in the near future at least, primarily for security reasons. ET and E are both down as a precautionay measure, as is PM.. -Coming back soon: UC, IC, TMS... who knows whether or not this is true... but, it would be nice to see. -MANiFEST... who are they? Someone told me it was PREMiERE with integrity.. I hate to say it, but for once, i am actually impressed with a new utils group. Keep up the good work, boys and gals. -Wtf happened to blackacid? damnit! that page 0wned me! bring it back, big boy! -it seems like i am trading homes back and forth between CWS and NWR.. its nice to be loved so much... Look for the NWR webpage soon, i hear.. -sky masterson =----------------------------------=------------------------------------------= --------[Stories from the Watercooler]---------- Ahh yes, rumors, we all love them even though we love to say how much we hate them when they are about us. And these are some of the better ones circulating around this week. Email us or find us on irc if you have a good rumor you'd like entered, your name will not be included, but we do not add rumors like that say "Tdpriest is having anal sex with Fusion" because we know that Fusion is only having sex with Xtremist and therefore there is no hard evidence of that rumor, so if you have real rumors, let us know. Let's begin! Rumor has it that we couldn't think of any rumors this week, and therefore we suck. =-------------------------------------=--------------------------------------= Well friends.. Thats about it. If you've read this far, we sincerly thank you. We like to know this thing gets read, so if you get the time, drop one of us a quick msg, and tell us what you think, give us suggestions, tell us it sucks, or just say "hi" to us!.... Greets fly out to: jaydee, mgd, stix, tdp, hr, eci, jamili, raptor, skill, mandrake, zeus, speedy, subzero, superfly@okcomputer, dee, SJ, tech+his crew, Kusa, ssava, acidapple, and all the rest of you that we love... Find us on IRC in #nwr (channel returning soon!), or email us at our phearsome address: netmonkey@penis.com take care.. peace. -ndetroit + lester. NWR 10/20/98