=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= - P.I.S.S. Philez Number 50 = = - - IT'S 50 DAMMIT = = - - by Most of us = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Well, we've hit 50 files now. Hell, not even I thought we'd make it this far. When I actually sit down and read some of the older files, I laugh very hard because of the way we wrote (well, me at least) and the ideas I had to swipe from the PLA. Hell, they pretty much inspired me to start this, and, well, thanks rbcp. You fruit. I asked anybody who was alive to write something for this file, so here goes the member compilation stuff, in the order which I got it so that none of you get pissed off. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Just Talkin Shit ---------------- Well,here it is,P.I.S.S. #50!!! Defenestrator and the gang have done a helluva' job keeping the group up and running.Except for my phone-card phile,I have contributed JACK SHIT 'till now. *L* I have no idea what this little letter is going to turn out to be at the moment but it looks like just a little shit talkin' for the time being. The almighty Raven hooked me up with these guys and I've been working on new scams ever since.A few of them work all the time and a few of them very rarely work at all.I'm just too busy to put them in writing these dayz.So I guess this phile will end up as nothing more than a pat on the back for P.I.S.S. The group is a fairly new one to the web but with the talent and knowledge found on these pages,it will no-doubt be here for many years to come. =) Those of you that just surfed in and found this phile should REALLY read all of the previous 49 that are also here.There are so many "educational purpose only" articles here that you may end up learning a few things.*L* Well,it's kinda hard to come up with anything constructive to add at the moment (this letter being hand-written in So.Regional Jail and retyped then forwarded to Def by a close friend).I should be out in about 72 more hours and counting.Thanx to a nut-shot given to a dickhead that will be Dj's enemy #1 on my new shit-list phile. Def knows the incident I'm speaking of I think.But not a bad sentence at all once you think about this cocksucker being attatched to a colostomy bag for the rest of his life. :) (30 days-time served+a little probation+who ya' know=less than a week) Anyways,time to get back to my reminiscing(sp?) of that wonderful night and how painful a colostomy bag is to install and maintain :). 71 hours,42 minutes,37 seconds left and counting :). -Djdude ---------------------------------------------------------------------- *********************** - Charred Flesh - - for Little Jimmy - - (An Enchanting - - Christmas Tale for - - the Whole Family) - *********************** By Rhodekyll It was a harsh winter on Christmas Eve and Jimmy was outside shoveling the snow off of the sidewalk. His parents enjoyed torturing him by making him fight through the brisk weather to get the job done. Jimmy knew he had to do as they said or else Santa would be mad and give him jack for being a little asshole that year. A while later, Jimmy was getting exhausted and his arms were going numb. He thought he saw a twinkle in the sky reflecting off of his glasses. He turned around and to his surprise, it was a big chunk of lard whipping poor flying reindeer while guiding a sleigh. Then Jimmy realized it was Santa! "Where da fuck you been jolly St. Nick? I been out here since 8:30," Jimmy questioned. "Well you little son of a bitch, you aren't the only little jerk in this whole damned Earth that wants gifts for Christmas. I run a business you know. For being a little prick, here's your gift!" And Santa pulled a box out of his bag. Jimmy quickly unwrapped the present and to his surprise, it was Uncle Bobby's charred head. "Yeah, I snatched it out of his chimney after the mob was done with him. Put it on your bookshelf as a momento or something," Santa suggested. "Thank you Santa," Jimmy crawled up into Santa's sleigh and gave him a hug. "It's the best gift I've ever gotten." Santa said I know and he ho-ho-hoed his way off of Jimmy's front lawn. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Hanson sucks and the spice girls have big breasts -grench ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Ahh, apparently I have been lucky enough to have the unique honor bestowed upon me of writing a short bit for the fiftieth issue of PISS Philez. I have spent a bit of time trying to think of what I should say, what points I should make, and all of that over the last week or so since Defenestrator originally asked me to write a piece. So here we are, and here’s the point. It was raining again in Sandy Eggo, (where I live in SoCal,) today and I figured it would be a good day to go get my tires rotated and balanced. Don’t ask me why, I do strange things when it rains. Just a brief tangent, surfing in the rain whips ass until lightning starts, then it’s a wee scary. Anyway, so I go down to the local Sears Roebuck and Company seeing as I have a FREE coupon/suppository/emergency rolling paper from them for what I need to have done to the Yota. I walk in, messenger bag in hand containing the shit I ALWAYS walk around with, (laptop, beige box, notepads, over the counter narcotics for various forms of plague, four flashlights and my collection of receipts from various El Cash Contraptiones, and six thousand pens.) There is a waiting room there so since it’s going to be a half hour or so I’ll just go and plop down there and try and read for awhile and try and glean some more information about the net from an MSCE book I managed to scam. I sit there for awhile, (about a half hour,) and I become intensely bored with reading, (I think I have ADD sometimes.) Being bored, I fire up the ‘ol laptop and start pecking away at the keys until someone interrupts me, a young girl, probably nineteen or twenty. "You work for the phone company?" She is eyeing me with obvious skepticism, automatically assuming I am a criminal for some reason. Now I realize that a freakishly tall blonde skinny guy with a laptop is not something you see in a Sears Auto Repair and Confabulation Center Officious Waiting Room everyday but hey, come on now. "Pardon? Oh, that." I swivel the lid down a little bit and indicate the Pacific Bell Corporate Security Division: Armed Response Team banner plastered there. "No, just really into computers." "My brother does that stuff. Does computers and stuff. You got the internet on there?" She is rotating between staring at me and the television trying to decide which is more interesting, the freaks on Jerry Springer or the phreak in the waiting room with her. "No, no modem. Just mostly write on here. Got a bigger terminal at home I use for that." "Oh. Do you like *umm*" There is this look on her face like she needs to take a shit. For some reason I cannot believe that I am being asked The Question here of all places. ";Are you like a hacker or something?"; "No, I’m what they call a cyberpunk." I go back to typing figuring this is not what she wanted to hear and will now leave me alone. WRONG. I am a TOTAL FUCKING MORON for ASSUMING. "A what?" She sits, afraid to say it lest someone hear her say it and now everyone will think she is some sort of porno viewing USENET slut straight from Hades. "Cyberpunk, it’s similar to being a hacker except I’m not that good at outright computer stuff. Think mostly and write a lot." Not that hackers don’t think, I just do better at building things than compiling code. "Oh." She goes back to watching the television and I go back to writing something that is now intended for my page but hasn’t made it up yet. Go figure, work sucks right now. We never exchange another word for the rest of the time that we are sitting in the little room. Two ships passing in the night, and another victim of a criminal. Happy 50th PISS. They’ll never get us all. -At2Screech ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Hate Notes By: Author Parselon Contents: ********** I. Things that piss me off II. What Really Gripes My Ass III. Why I wrote this Things that piss me off ********************************************************************** What pisses me off is going into some burger joint like McShit and Burger Queen(obviously not the real names) and having to wait in line for 2 hrs to get a hamburger and a soda....Sometimes I just wanna jump over the counter and kick some ROYAL ASS! Like one time I was in Burger Queen and this dumbass says to me, "Would you like to try our new crispy fries?" I looked at him like he was stupid and said, "Do you mean your new crappy fries?" That guy looked at me then went to his manager and told him what I said and the manager looked at me and asked why I had called the new fries crappy and I told him that I didn't like them and that I was telling the truth when I said that they were crappy and to get off my ass about it....Well, what do you think he did? He gave me a free pack of those shitty fries and I said I don't want these I want a cheeseburger and a Dr. Pepper and the guy forced me to take them so I said that I was going elsewhere for my business...BTW, I tossed the fries in the trash as I left... And when it comes to department stores you don't really even want me to get started but I'll talk about it anyway.....One day I went into Wal- Mart to check out the computer proggie inventory, when I did this guy called security on me and said that I was stealing a game....I HADN'T EVEN TOUCHED THE SHELF WHEN THIS SHIT STARTED HAPPENING!...but anyway, the security officer came up to me and searched me looking for the program that I had SUPPOSEDLY stolen and couldn't find it....well, he talked to the man who had turned me in and the guy said that in the security camera I was seen taking something off the shelf and tucking it into my jacket....which as I said earlier I hadn't even touched the shelf when this happened so...the guy showed the security officer the security camera tape and it in fact was not me....but I had to say in the store for like 2 hrs going through all of this bullshit! As you can probably guess I hack Wal-Mart very often now.....and I haven't even been in there since... ********************************************************************** What Really Gripes My Ass ********************************************************************** What Really Gripes My Ass....is pizza delivery. One night I ordered pizza for a party I was having at my house...now this was a big party/ pay off for the guy delivering the pizza, because I'm a very big tipper most of the time....I ordered 25 pizza's from Dominut's Pizza(obviously once again not the real name) and I was hoping to have my order in the time they told me which was like 1 hr(preparing time) and about 20-30 minutes(delivery) so I told the guy on the phone that was cool and went on w/ the party...well, 2 hrs went by and I called them back...the following is the conversation..."Where are my pizza's?","Sorry sir, we haven't got a delivery boy to come back yet.", "Well, you better get a damn delivery boy out here.", "Sir, don't swear at me. I can't help what happens with my delivery people, it's not my business what they do on there free time.", "FREE TIME! I'VE GOT A LOT OF HUNGRY PEOPLE HERE AT THIS PARTY AND YOUR TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR DELIVERY PEOPLES FREE TIME! DAMN! WHAT'S WITH YOU PIZZA PLACES, ONE MINUTE YOUR NICE AND SWEET AND ALL `Your pizza will be there shortly...'AND THE NEXT YOUR `My delivery boy isn't here and I don't give a damn...'I DON'T GET YOU PEOPLE....I THINK WE'LL ORDER FROM PIZZA HUT NEXT TIME!"*click* and we called Pizza Hut w/ the same order and they had it to the party in like 1 hr and 30 min...then about 3-4 hrs after the fight on the phone dominut had the pizza's at my party and I sent the delivery boy back to his boss w/ a message...SUCK MY NUTS! ********************************************************************** Why I wrote this ********************************************************************** The reason that I wrote this is to not only to warn you of these things happening to you but also to blow off some steam...I hate the places listed in this .txt file and I hope that you will not let the things that happened in here happen to you... Thank you, Author Parselon ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Well I'd also like to say thanks to anyone/everyone who knows that we exist, because we're not exactly high profile. If you catch my drift. But I've had thoughts about killing all this stuff more than once, only to rethink it and write something. I'm also thinking about merchandising (who the hell would buy some PISS stuff?) and hell, we could end up going in any direction. Let me hear some ideas, it's not real easy thinking up all this stuff (i'm lying). It would also be better if SOME PEOPLE WOULD NOT BE SO LAZY (boy that's really subtle, which is what I told you). But why pick fights, I'm happy with the way it's turned out so far, and maybe we might actually become big. Hell, by the time this file actually hits the web, we'll probably have at least 5000 hits, which isn't bad. Hell, this was just something to do when I was bored. And since a whole bunch of the people are lazy, I'm just going to write a short bit about everybody. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Defenestrator - That would be me. No offense to everyone else, but I do most of the stuff around here. PhrostByte - My best friend for 6(?) years now, and guitar player/programmer extroardinaire. And we're going to make a band when I get some plane reservations to go see him this summer. Author Parselon - Another founding member, who keeps submitting stuff but none of it ever gets printed for one reason or another. Wu Forever - A friend of mine from my early days on ICQ, who I don't talk to much anymore because we never run into eachother. kQs - Wu's friend who I haven't seen in months. Hrmm, wonder what happened to him. Extinction - Harassment master who keeps a rather low profile. Grench - Weird but cool warez guy who hooks me up with stuff. Occasionally contributes stuff which is useful. Rhodekyll - Games maniac with a warped mind. Funny though. Dial Tone - Keeps a very low profile occasionally coming out to reveal some very good stuff. Psycho Phreak - A good friend of mine until he moved around and dropped off the Internet. Djdude - Not great with computers but can kick some ass on the phones. Funny as hell if you ever talk to him. Circular Reclusion - Secretive guy who knows his crap, but just never writes. Havok Luther - Ummm... AT2Screech - Cyberpunk Navy guy, who actually knows where I live. Ohno. Phantom Operator - A good friend of mine off IRC, and co-ruler of DALnet. Skrike - Occasionally makes appearances on DALnet, and a pretty cool guy if you ask me. Apocalypse - Hell I haven't seen this guy in a long time. If anyone has seen him please tell me. Sameer Ketkar - Another friend of mine from Singapore (where me and PhrostByte lived, I think it's safe to say that now) who won writing contests there and contributes with stories. Not that great on the computers though. The Axess Phreak - I just met this guy recently and he seems to have a good knowledge of the phones and computers. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks to all the people who showed everyone else this site, especially Kwantam Pozetron (have fun at MIT man), RedBoxChiliPepper and the PLA, and anyone else who gave us some links or tips. And to everyone who reads this, thanks to you for helping to keep it alive. Well, this is about it. Pretty anti-climactic. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- PISS - People into Serious Shit Founders - Defenestrator, PhrostByte Members - Author Parselon Wu Forever kQs Extinction Grench Rhodekyll Dial Tone Psycho Phreak Djdude Circular Reclusion Havok Luther AT2Screech Phantom Operator Apocalypse Skrike Contributors- Sameer Ketkar The Axess Phreak PISS, the author, and anyone else does not take responsibility for what you do with the stuff contained in this file. If you get busted, don't cry to us. We don't care. We have never done any of this. Really. And we don't condone it. Uh-huh. Want more stuff? Go to http://piss.home.ml.org E-mail the group at davematthews@rocketmail.com (C) Copyright 1998 PISS Publications and also copyrighted by the author. This file may be posted freely as long as this notice stays on the end. All rights reserved. Or something like that.